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Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:07:36 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
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So I've read enough of the threads that other's have posted to know that I should expect all variety of responses. I promise this wont be the typical "what should i do?" thread...

In a nutshell, several months ago I betrayed my Master's trust and then because I knew what I had done carried serious consequences, I kept it a secret for months. Recent conversations with others about the importance of open communication and honesty prompted me to realize that I needed to tell my Master what I had done and deal with whatever the consequences of my actions were going to be.

Part of my punishment was that I was supposed to tell our friends/acquaintances at our local dungeon what I had done when we were there this weekend. I didn't accomplish that task, and while I had reasons that made perfect sense in my head, I also know, the simple fact is, I was told to do something and I didn't do that. I'm left feeling that I need to make an attempt to complete the task he gave me, and at the same time, make up for not doing it the first time.

My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? I'm just seeking opinions... I am well aware that what one person thinks is sufficient isn't another's... just trying to get some kind of consensus...

Post #: 1

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:14:12 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better?

If I were to offer this suggestion to him, he would think I lost my mind. He would not see it as being serious about doing what he wants; he would see it as me wanting to create drama.

That suggestion would not be looked favorably upon by him.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 2

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:18:12 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? I'm just seeking opinions...

I would think that my sub had a public humiliation kink. And like Kyra said, a possible need for creating drama.
The issue isn't punishment, the issue is why you continue to not do what you are told.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 3

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:22:00 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
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I don't know your situation or the intention of your Master's plan, but I think that actually telling people would be a lot more difficult than simply wearing a sign that says, "I was a naughty girl." If the point of the punishment was simply informing your friends at the local club, then a sign would do the trick, but if the point was going up to a friend, telling them about your transgression, and apologize or simply face thier judgment, then wearing the sign is kind of cheating.

If actually telling them was your punishment, and you've already failed once, then I think taking the easy way out and cheating is hardly the way to make amends now.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 4

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:23:38 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

So the others in the play space should be part of your Drama and it is yours since this is your idea. I would consider that topping from the bottom. You need to own up to your Master and let him choose how he wants to handle this. If it is a 'controlled' environment and it's your Masters idea that is one thing, but frankly I don't want to see your drama in a place that I am at enjoying myself. I assume you where to tell people that knew about your transgression, and the impact of it on your Master.

Mike

< Message edited by SirMIkeSD -- 11/30/2008 5:25:42 PM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:26:42 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
......I was supposed to tell our friends/acquaintances at our local dungeon what I had done when we were there this weekend. I didn't accomplish that task....

.......if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? .......

If you were supposed to “tell friends/acquaintances” and you failed to do it verbally or have some issue about doing it verbally, it would seem to me that overcoming that by “telling” with the use of a sign would be an acceptable alternative.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 6

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:33:02 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

So the others in the play space should be part of your Drama and it is yours since this is your idea. I would consider that topping from the bottom. You need to own up to your Master and let him choose how he wants to handle this. If it is a 'controlled' environment and it's your Masters idea that is one thing, but frankly I don't want to see your drama in a place that I am at enjoying myself. I assume you where to tell people that knew about your transgression, and the impact of it on your Master.

Mike

Good point, I see what you are saying. Most likely everyone in the dungeon doesn’t meet the criteria of friends or acquaintances. Her idea takes it out of the realm her Master intended and makes it completely public.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 7

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:34:05 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

It was his idea for me to tell people and I hear what you're saying about involving other people in my "drama" and that was part of my issue with not telling people last night... because I didn't want to be the buzz kill in the room by infusing my drama into a fun night out.

It was why I thought that perhaps offering to wear a sign would provide the public confession that I believe he is seeking without being as intrusive. You can choose to read a sign and ask more questions if you want to know or ignore it if you don't.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 8

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:35:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I would see that as trying to take the easy way out since it would be easier to wear the sign than to actually obey a direct order and verbally telling those at the space what you did wrong.

You have now disobeyed not once but twice. Have you told your Master about this second transgression? If not then you may want to take a step back and ask yourself why you continually keep disobeying. There are deeper problems here it seems.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 9

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:38:53 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

He knows about the second because he was there with me last night...

His issue with me at this point is that he feels like my "inability" to do what he told me to do is an ego thing... me worrying about what other people think of me more than i'm worried about what he thinks of me...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:39:16 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
It was why I thought that perhaps offering to wear a sign would provide the public confession that I believe he is seeking without being as intrusive. You can choose to read a sign and ask more questions if you want to know or ignore it if you don't.

Personally, I'm a chronic reader.. I'll stop guests at my hotel so that I can read their tshirts...
Given your suggestion, it would be pulling me into the drama....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 11

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:43:09 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

It was why I thought that perhaps offering to wear a sign would provide the public confession that I believe he is seeking without being as intrusive. You can choose to read a sign and ask more questions if you want to know or ignore it if you don't.

Had he wanted you to wear a sign he would have told you that. Had we wanted people to question you about it, he would not have told you to tell them. Own up to it and talk with him.

Mike

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 12

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:47:44 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Not that hes really in any position to do this, but i was informed once...and it stuck in my mind....that if i were to be in a position to be punished, i would be taken to the dungeon and cornered for the night while he beat everyone and their gramma and NOT me....no sign, no explanation...just me being punished. And, let me tell you, that would be a bad day for persephonee.

i personally get uncomfortable when couples bring me into their shit....and i deal with couples alot...i dont want to know that you and she are having this and that issue...its not my place to know...so i would be uncomfortable if i were to have to read a sign or discuss with you what you did or didnt do...and even if this were to somehow help you in your relationship, i would fail to see what my role in that would be as im just a member of the dungeon, coming out to play....an innocent bystander.
Kind of reeks of the issues surrounding public play and non consentual involvement in others kinks....thats just my gut reaction to this post.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 13

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:48:07 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
......I was supposed to tell our friends/acquaintances at our local dungeon what I had done when we were there this weekend. I didn't accomplish that task....

.......if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? .......

If you were supposed to “tell friends/acquaintances” and you failed to do it verbally or have some issue about doing it verbally, it would seem to me that overcoming that by “telling” with the use of a sign would be an acceptable alternative.

It may also be possible that she doesn't want to verbalize it and finds it easier to do this instead. I'd make her do it while I was standing right there. Of course for me it would depend on what the error is.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 14

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:53:15 PM

Rover

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Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Personally, the best way for someone I own to demonstrate that she's sorry is to make sure it doesn't happen again. Saying "I'm sorry" is just words. Demonstrations of penitence do not alter the fact that some offense has occured. Fulfilling my wishes consistently, completely and quickly time and again is the kind of action that surpasses any apology (ie: do not tell me that you're going to obey... obey).

There's no need to call attention to that better behavior. Or to assign it towards righting some wrong. I'll notice, and appreciate it.

Having said that, I'm not a ogre (contrary to popular opinion) and account for the fact that we're all human, and humans make mistakes. I'm less concerned with mistakes than I am with patterns.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 11/30/2008 5:54:41 PM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 15

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:55:40 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

His issue with me at this point is that he feels like my "inability" to do what he told me to do is an ego thing... me worrying about what other people think of me more than i'm worried about what he thinks of me...

That's what crossed my mind when I read your OP - are you submitting to him or to your friends and acquaintances? Sure I'd feel totally uncomfortable with that task, but I'm doing what my Master wants and those who know me would know that. If they had an issue with that, they'd take it up with him.

I wouldn't make any suggestions at this point. I would ask him what I could do to make things right, and when he told me, I'd do it, period.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 16

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 5:59:27 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

There is a great deal of the submissive position that is all about checking your ego, reputation, and judgements at the door. That being said, it can only happen in the confines of a strong and trusting relationship. You have given reason for him not to trust you. Do you trust him? Do you value his ego, reputation, and judgement over your own because you know that what he wants is best for you?

If you care about him and trust him it is time to do the hard part and follow through. Sometimes it really is as simple as just obey. Simply trust. Simply obey. Easy for me to say as I am not in your position. There seems a very deep healing needed here. To begin, get back to the basics. If you can overcome this, then you both can sit and talk about how to continue on.

As for your idea, no. He said tell them. This is what he requires and it is what you should do. Anything else just is not a replacement for doing as you were told. There is a value in speaking to these people that he wants from you that you will not get from wearing a sign. I would encourage you to simply do what he has demanded and allow him to hand down the justice for this latest offense. When it is revealed, take it with all the grace you can and fill it immediately. Best wishes!

lovingpet

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 17

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 6:06:05 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, the best way for someone I own to demonstrate that she's sorry is to make sure it doesn't happen again. Saying "I'm sorry" is just words. Demonstrations of penitence do not alter the fact that some offense has occured. Fulfilling my wishes consistently, completely and quickly time and again is the kind of action that surpasses any apology (ie: do not tell me that you're going to obey... obey).

There's no need to call attention to that better behavior. Or to assign it towards righting some wrong. I'll notice, and appreciate it.

Having said that, I'm not a ogre (contrary to popular opinion) and account for the fact that we're all human, and humans make mistakes. I'm less concerned with mistakes than I am with patterns.

John

Youre not an ogre???
*stomps off to stalk Shrek*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 18

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:08:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Actually I got a few snarks a little while ago for outright saying I thought such things were inappropriate and rude. Seriously, why the desire to foist that onto others and what on earth makes them feel they are so important that others CARE and want it to be part of their night out?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 19

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:10:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Is it that you worry about losing friends? Or is it that you feel it is inappropriate to throw your dirty laundry at them? Because they may not want to know about problems in your relationship.

If however you feel you will lose all friends and support system by telling them, and this is his intention, to isolate you - then I'd think you have greater problems than a sign would cure.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 20

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