quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Why is it when we see someone write about a practice, fetish that we do not practice, use, believe in--we feel the need to crap on it and the person who does? 

quote:

Aren't we here to have the freedom to be different?

 
Some people are.  Personally, Master and I aren't.

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Can't an opinion be expressed with out trashing the person who expressed it?

 
Again, some people do it.  It's a minority, not the majority.  The best question you can ask yourself is why do you allow it to get to you?

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Just how tolerant are we?

 
No more tolerant than the next man.  Don't be under the impression that just because we(generic) are here that we(generic) are any more tolerant - including yourself.

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What the Op originally posted at the beginning of the thread. It seems it is easier to be critical of others than to offer advice.

 
Don't offer advice nor expect it.  Honestly, CM isn't an advice column with people who have degrees or professionals in mental behaviours, or relationship counsellors.   People might claim it and be it in actuality, but don;t rely on this as factual.  It's not a BDSM advice forum, it's a discussion forum.  Much of the time, this is forgotton.
 

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When opinion becomes hurtful and negative, the recipient is labeled and dismissed.

 
Then don't let that touch or impact you.  You the only one who can give anyone that contol over your feelings.
 

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It is always the same individuals that are so highly critical and being a well of negative opinion.

 
Then, recognise the pattern and chalk it up to them being that way.  And move on.  Let it go.  Otherwise you are simply giving them the authority over your reactions.

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Then of course there are those that defend them which just rubs salt in the wound.
When people react they get dismissed.

 
Again, stand back, consider the source and ignore the rest.  Your the only person who can allow your feelings to be negative.

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Because there is little accountability to how a thread is replied to, they can be critical of others as the perception is just text in a thread.

 
The accountability is the moderators.  But regardless of them, you are accountable to yourself.  You really want to play the same game as a minority?

quote:

There is good criticism that is helpful and perhaps you (mc1234) have been privy to receiving helpful criticism and positive opinion. As to others, they have not been so fortunate.

eg: I used to type 'dominant' as a generalization of those served by their 'sub/slaves', now its D or M so that certain individuals will not find offense and continue with their criticisms of my use of generalizations.

 
I wouldn't change my writings for anyone unless I felt it made communication easier.  You have responsibility over your own behaviour and actions, including written ones.  If someone gets pissed - their issue.  Unless they impact your life in some way... bugger them(god I am so british).

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As for pushing back.
Pick me apart with your criticisms and negative opinion, just be prepared to be picked apart also. I would rather not this, but it would seem their are handful of individuals that enjoy specifics, facts, references, links and sources for every single post in a thread. If they are not satisfied with a post in a thread they become critical and thus opens the door to their negative opinion.
Not of the subject matter but of the individual posting.
Snakes in the thicket, that are almost always Rattlers.

 
Maybe you will take this as a criticism, but why act in the way that makes you feel horrible when someone does it to you?  Why not try to be a 'better' person?  Why not learn patience instead?  You began the post here, promoting tolerance - why not be the change and the example?

I do trust you take my words in good spirit.
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aszhrae)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

You were the one that made this all about you...

 
Not suggesting a campfire of kumbaya, but I'm sure the OP might welcome less of a hijack.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aileen1968)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

The point that I am trying to make.
Think carefully about the words chosen or be prepared to get what you dish out.
Initially my posts were of good intent when I first offered my opinion. Instead of being added to and improved upon. They were met with criticism and negative opinion. It just seems to me that is all anyone seems to want is to instill negativity in others and make others feel bad about themselves just so they can feel all the more superior.
Being a submissive my self, I would have expected constructive advice and helpful opinion. Instead like so many others, I am sure, its just the opposite.

If others are only going to instill negativity by destructive criticism and opinion.

I am drawing the line in the sand.

People come here for insight and advice because they are new to the lifestyle.
Instead they get shot down before they even get off the ground.

I am quite sure if I go back far enough in the threads that those that are so critical of others and are quick with negative opinion. Do not have that right as they are above no one to be in a position of judgment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Can't we all just get along????
Kumbaya M'lord Kumbaya......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Can't we all just get along????
Kumbaya M'lord Kumbaya......

That drinkings not until tomorrow lushy.... or ya starting early?
 
the.dark.

They dont call me Lushy for nuttin. Besides, I don't think the .dark could sing Kumbaya without a little nip either!



_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to RCdc)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

This is Darcy

There's nothing little about the.dark.'s nips Lushy.

quote:

My personal take on this is that I can't control what other people say. I can't control their behaviour, attitudes or words. But I can control how it will affect me, how much I'm gonna let it get to me. If I post something, the nature of the beast is going to be that more than likely someone will trash it, heck even make personal accusations against me without a foundation for it. Very well, let them do it if it makes them feel better...... what I know is that nothing of those nasty words written or said will have any affect on me what so ever. By communicating in that negative way they automatically made their point a moot one to me. So as much as I agree with you that a line in the sand has to be drawn at some point, I believe that that line should be drawn with yourself, i.e. how much you're gonna let it get to you rather than making the goal to be arguing with those people or try to dictate how they communicate..... because quite frankly that is a battle you can't win.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

It was in reference to the quote of something IronBear stated in his post about improving methodology and correcting issues.
Others have criticized, given their negative opinion, so instead of just continuing to do what I wanted, I changed my profile to what others expected to find within a profile.
But I will be damned before I change it again.

Now I can not name names of those that never have good thing to say about anyone except of those that have been here forever that seem to be so above the rest of us and can do no wrong.
But GreedyTop, you already know who they are.
I am tired of getting pushed, so I am pushing back.
They started it and by damn I don't think I should have to take it any longer.
If someone does not have something nice to say about me or any of my friends because that is how they get their jollies then I will defend my self and my friends.
As it would seem its always the same people with the negativity and its always the same people that post in their defense.
Constructive criticism is always welcome, but that is not the criticism that I read. Or shall I quote from elsewhere in this thread about how others take it upon themselves to take people apart. Are they so unhappy with their lives that they have to make other peoples lives miserable, instill others with self-doubt, just so they can get that feeling of fulfillment?
If you can't see it, why even comment?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

quote:

My personal take on this is that I can't control what other people say. I can't control their behaviour, attitudes or words. But I can control how it will affect me, how much I'm gonna let it get to me. If I post something, the nature of the beast is going to be that more than likely someone will trash it, heck even make personal accusations against me without a foundation for it. Very well, let them do it if it makes them feel better...... what I know is that nothing of those nasty words written or said will have any affect on me what so ever. By communicating in that negative way they automatically made their point a moot one to me. So as much as I agree with you that a line in the sand has to be drawn at some point, I believe that that line should be drawn with yourself, i.e. how much you're gonna let it get to you rather than making the goal to be arguing with those people or try to dictate how they communicate..... because quite frankly that is a battle you can't win.

Thank you for your perception.
Your advice as well as Dark's has given me a thought as to my approach to destructive criticism and negative opinion.
Since there are those like IronBear that are so set in their ways in their clinical means of thought. Facts are required and an obvious post-secondary education is required, just do what I do best.
Research their backgrounds.
No one is so squeaky clean to be so sanctimonious to judge others, their kinks or their fetishes.
They made mistakes here in the forum and I will find them. They are not without fault and thus have no right to find fault with others.

I was tolerant when I first started posting here in the forum. They want to play this game with me, then I will play as they have established the rules of engagement.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

They made mistakes here in the forum and I will find them. They are not without fault and thus have no right to find fault with others.

I was tolerant when I first started posting here in the forum. They want to play this game with me, then I will play as they have established the rules of engagement.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Why is it when we see someone write about a practice, fetish that we do not practice, use, believe in--we feel the need to crap on it and the person who does?  Aren't we here to have the freedom to be different? Can't an opinion be expressed with out trashing the person who expressed it? Just how tolerant are we?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
Thank you for your perception.
Your advice as well as Dark's has given me a thought as to my approach to destructive criticism and negative opinion.
Since there are those like IronBear that are so set in their ways in their clinical means of thought. Facts are required and an obvious post-secondary education is required, just do what I do best.
Research their backgrounds.
No one is so squeaky clean to be so sanctimonious to judge others, their kinks or their fetishes.
They made mistakes here in the forum and I will find them. They are not without fault and thus have no right to find fault with others.

I was tolerant when I first started posting here in the forum. They want to play this game with me, then I will play as they have established the rules of engagement.

quote:

Aszhrae
Why not talk to the people you have issues with in private? You're only hurting yourself and only going to have sleepless and overwhelming thoughts. Honestly, you will find that talking to people can clear up any misunderstandings. The only person you hurt taking this route is yourself.

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

quote:

Aszhrae
Why not talk to the people you have issues with in private? You're only hurting yourself and only going to have sleepless and overwhelming thoughts. Honestly, you will find that talking to people can clear up any misunderstandings. The only person you hurt taking this route is yourself.

the.dark.

I tried that approach before Dark, and was never taken up on the offer.
Except by Orion which eventually resulted in understanding and my apology for not having drawn similarities sooner.
It could not have happened if discussion did not continue privately.
There are just some that would rather post in public forum and continue the scene.
I still welcome anyone that would speak privately with me but they will not.