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RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/30/2008 8:18:14 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

This thread was supposed to be about tolerance, accepting others and the choices they make.
I must apologize to the OP for having hijacked this thread. It was not my intent, only that I reacted because certain posts managed to get under my skin.
It is always by the same individuals that I believe would have the greatest amount of insight and would be helpful.
I should have asked to begin with rather than rely upon them to actually perceive my internalized hardship. Having not inquired properly they replied with criticism and negativity and I reacted emotionally as I always do.
This is not the place for such realizations.
However, I do not agree with the dismissive tendency others are known to have done after provocation.

If it isn't your thing--so what?

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 141

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/30/2008 8:24:00 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

People who are dismissive are dimissive to everyone. I take it with a grain of salt. I tolerate everyone and am accepting of everyone and their failings. This hopefully will help others and maybe they will be understanding of my weaknesses too.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 142

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/30/2008 10:25:27 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

First, I was joking, though not entirely... I simply meant that those words are overused, and rules of courtesy and consideration for one's fellow human being are supposedly unnecessary, if one simply utters that phrase.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Interesting view. I must copy this post and send it to a number of Therapists, Counsellor and Psychologists I confer with weekly and who mostly not just agree with what I have said but teach patients/clients this very thing . .

I've got a better idea... Copy it and send it to all the people who've read and heard the psychobabble before, and still get upset when their sensibilities are affected by an insensitive, unkind jerk. I didn't disagree that all of us must choose whom/what we respond/react to, and even whether we do.

quote:

NO ONE CAN UPSET YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO DO SO! Permission is granted by letting words on the screen upset you.

I'm not even a little bit upset. I am saying however, that there is a human being behind mine or Aszhrae's typed words, and as a matter of habit, I assume there is one behind every typist out there. Some of you I read and value, some I don't.

quote:

People give all sorts of permission daily by simply doing nothing. There is a great deal of liberties taken in the commercial world from those not aware of their rights for example. Sometimes people are aware but don't want to cause a fuss or rock the boat and thus they, by remaining silent, allow (give permission) others to take advantage or to belittle them because they feel they can't fight someone with a degree or a business with a large legal budget. No it is not bullshit because daily people from all walks of life allow someone to hurt or take advantage of their passiveness and thus receive "Permission" to continue taking advantage of them

If words are meaningless, so be it. We would have to begin with some basic rules of propriety, and assume some boundaries. If I walked by you on the street, I don't have to tell you not to kiss or punch me, because that liberty might get you hurt, which was my point. Permission is routinely taken, and yes reactions are also about removing that permission, but how does the negative consequence explain the permission you took in the first place?

quote:

Just because, in your own words, "I've never heard of anyone (not in a kinky scene), give another permission to upset him/her." doesn't mean a thing unless you set yourtself up as a Godling

A Goddling? Goddess maybe? To a few people lmao.
That part was a joke about the permission given, which is the only appropriate time to deliberately be hurtful to someone. Uninformed, I suppose I am about a great many things, but you have never taught me anything of value, though I imagine you're informed to someone... M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 12/30/2008 10:45:06 PM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 143

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/30/2008 11:56:14 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

You need to relax...this is just the internet....I am not reading through this entire thread to find out what went down but just chill out ...stop typing ...and then come back when you are calm...otherwise you may say things you will not be able to repair.
and in general all Dominants deserve respect (at last to me) so if you are being disrespectful to them I would stop that too.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 144

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 1:23:42 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Aszhrae, My post meant that if you block people that evoke certain responses in you rather than read what they have to say which gets you all riled up, then 'you' can have some fun on the threads instead of constantly feeling as if you have to be in defensive mode. That's to your benefit .. that's for 'your' fun (or education or entertainment etc.) and it need not be at anyone else's expense. I'm just saying that if you start going on a witch hunt, that has the potential to seriously curtail what you can get out of the forums rather than have an opportunity to enhance the time you spend here. The choices are yours .. I was merely pointing out a tool which is available for your use. I really don't see how blocking someone is going to have an associated cost to it.. so as to having fun at someone else's expense via use of the block button.. I'm not quite getting that one. I'm a glass half-full kinda girl, though .. and an optimist so I spend my very limited time enjoying those posters who enhance my stay (and I hope I enhance theirs as well!) .. and there are a whole lot of them. In the end, this place and, really, any place will give to you what you feed it. I tend to starve drama and feed fun.. so the drama dies and the fun thrives. I'm not perfect at that.. but.. I'm pretty damn good.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Post #: 145

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 2:37:11 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Why is it when we see someone write about a practice, fetish that we do not practice, use, believe in--we feel the need to crap on it and the person who does?

Why is it when we post something to a general audience on a message board we are so surprised when the opinions don't meet up with our expectations?

This is a website dealing with first and foremost fairly intimate human interaction, whether it be BDSM, D/s, M/s, WIITWD or whatever you want to call it. We are dealing with different people with different preferences, different characteristics and different cultures. Not everybody is going to have the same mindset, or even one of a similar mindset.

I don't mind the people who post negative stuff, I accept that it happens, and besides, it provides me with so much material for song parodies. I write the song parodies not to offend anyone, but to make people laugh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Aren't we here to have the freedom to be different?

No we're not. That's what society is for. Here it's to interact with people who are interested in WIITWD.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Can't an opinion be expressed with out trashing the person who expressed it?

Here the way I see it we differ in our perceptions I guess, as you see it as something which mainly happens, whereas I see it is a minority thing. But why do people do this? I don't know, you would have to ask them, but for me it's part and parcel of being on the message boards.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Just how tolerant are we?

Good question. Is starting a thread on how some people express their opinions showing tolerance? Expecting everybody to be like-minded to me is about as intolerant as you can get. To me tolerance is accepting the rough with the smooth, the negative with the positive, and accepting things as they stand.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 146

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 2:38:46 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

If it isn't your thing--so what?

seems to me it is not so much "so what".

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 147

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 3:06:27 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

I can always trust you susie to having a reply contrary to everyone else. In some cases your posts invoke thought. In other cases I have found its best I just skim over.

If we all agreed with each other over everything discussed here what a boring place this would be and how little each of us would gain from the experience of coming here.

You did suggest that people post to alleviate their boredom by provoking others. If they didn't, they would continue being bored.

I am interested in the bolded part of your statement. I don't believe that what I said was contrary to everyone else. Please explain or perhaps you need to go back and read some of the other posts here.

You have totally misread my post. I did not suggest people alleviate their boredom by provoking others. I said it would be a boring place if everyone agreed with everyone else and no option to state their own opinions. You must understand that this is a forum which is here for people to DISCUSS views. Discussion brings alternate views which can be taken on board or ignored. Nobody is forcing anyone to agree with their views but life can often be enriched by opening yourself up to those other views and learning from others. I am sure there people here that do not agree with all that you have posted but I bet there are a whole lot that have learnt things from your posts.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 148

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 11:08:26 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I feel that if the OP asks for opinions about a topic, then that topic is fair game, and people can say just about anything they want about it.

However if the OP is precisely focused on a specific question or issue, then responses should address that question or issue, and not give opinions on other topics. This might seem obvious, but sometimes it's not; examples might help make my point a little clearer:

Example 1: The OP asks where to find videos that include scat play. Although I find scat play gross, unhealthy, etc., etc., etc., I have no business stating those opinions on this thread. Replies should be limited to the request for videos. Opinions regarding the OP's kink are out of line, and people inclined to comment on it should keep their big mouths shut. No matter how politely I state my distaste of the OP's kink, such a post does not belong here. If I'm such a jackass that I can't help stating my feelings where they don't belong, then I deserve to be treated as a jackass.

Example 2: The OP asks for technical help with making a chastity device more secure. This is not an invitation for me to comment that a sub shouldn't want to escape the device, nor that mental chastity is much more exciting. The OP clearly doesn't share that opinion, and didn't ask for mine, but just wants technical advice. If I'm not going to answer the OP's question, I need to keep my mouth shut here. If my negative opinion about the OP's kink is so important that I need to comment on it, then I should start a separate thread instead of crapping on this one.

Example 3: The OP asks about inescapable bondage, what makes it exciting, what it does for others. Acceptable replies are a little more open here. Although the OP appears to be more interested in responses from people who like inescapable bondage, negative responses (such as those that advocate mental bondage instead) aren't completely off base, and should be tolerated if they're not too dismissive of the OP's kink. On the other hand, if the OP clearly asks for replies ONLY from people who LIKE inescapable bondage, then we should honor that request.

That's my two cents. And everyone knows you can't get much for two cents any more.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 149

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 11:15:31 AM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I can always trust you susie to having a reply contrary to everyone else.

I am interested in the bolded part of your statement. I don't believe that what I said was contrary to everyone else. Please explain or perhaps you need to go back and read some of the other posts here.

What is meant by this observation is that your posts almost always are offered in opposition to a frame of thought or a reaction.
The reply was because of your statement about boredom being the result if other people actually accepted a post. Instead they make statement in their posts such as you do at times to get a reaction. Thus, if they get an emotional response it alleviates the boredom that they are currently experiencing.

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 150

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 11:26:31 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

-------

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/31/2008 11:38:43 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 151

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 12:18:34 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

quote:

I can always trust you susie to having a reply contrary to everyone else.

I am interested in the bolded part of your statement. I don't believe that what I said was contrary to everyone else. Please explain or perhaps you need to go back and read some of the other posts here.

What is meant by this observation is that your posts almost always are offered in opposition to a frame of thought or a reaction.
The reply was because of your statement about boredom being the result if other people actually accepted a post. Instead they make statement in their posts such as you do at times to get a reaction. Thus, if they get an emotional response it alleviates the boredom that they are currently experiencing.

Perhaps you should go back and give me the details of all the posts I have made where they have been in opposition to all other posters on that thread as that is what you have stated here that I do.

You have still misunderstood. Boredom is the result if everyone here thought in exactly the same way. I post my opinion as a response to a post just as you do yours. Why then is it ok for you to have an opinion on something and not for me to have the same. If you really think that everyone should agree with you on everything and never offer their thoughts or "criticism" as you see then I really think you should consider some therapy. The world and CM is not all about you but is here for everyone to use and learn from.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 152

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 12:33:33 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

It may not be appropriate reaction by a pet, sub or slave, but in the suggestion of therapy, 'You know what you can do with your favorite dildo.'
My entire childhood was spent in therapy and being medicated to near catatonia....think about what you're suggesting since if you actually read my posts you would have actually known that and would not be suggesting it.
Being empty at the moment can be translated as I really do not give a flying f***, what you think at the moment as I am in that frame of mind to flay someone alive without remorse or a session of intense pain until I lose consciousness take your pick.

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 153

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 1:19:03 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

It may not be appropriate reaction by a pet, sub or slave, but in the suggestion of therapy, 'You know what you can do with your favorite dildo.'
My entire childhood was spent in therapy and being medicated to near catatonia....think about what you're suggesting since if you actually read my posts you would have actually known that and would not be suggesting it.
Being empty at the moment can be translated as I really do not give a flying f***, what you think at the moment as I am in that frame of mind to flay someone alive without remorse or a session of intense pain until I lose consciousness take your pick.

I am leaving this thread now as your constant "poor me" attitude is getting tired. Please remember that you are not the only one that has had trials and difficulties in their lives. I can think of many posters here that have had amazingly difficult things happen in their lives but they have used those as things to make them grow stronger.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 154

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 1:54:04 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

You should have known better than to suggest therapy if you didn't want the reaction that you received.
As for 'poor me' [sc*** u], you really don't get it do you?
Round and round we go because you have not offered anything new, only echoes of what others have posted for advice.
I really do think that some people are incapable of speaking from their heart as they're too busy being clinical in their reaction to others.
You are more a shell than I am.

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 155

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? - 12/31/2008 4:19:31 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

You should have known better than to suggest therapy if you didn't want the reaction that you received.
As for 'poor me' [sc*** u], you really don't get it do you?
Round and round we go because you have not offered anything new, only echoes of what others have posted for advice.
I really do think that some people are incapable of speaking from their heart as they're too busy being clinical in their reaction to others.
You are more a shell than I am.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

If you cant stand the heat then get out of the kitchen.

Or maybe you are a masochist seeking and looking for a sadist?

As long as people follow TOS they can speak their mind.

I deleted my previous post but i will now say.

Susie,

Dont bother. It aint worth the go around and around and around.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 156

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