hair

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

hair

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> hair

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

hair - 12/30/2008 6:08:00 PM

newleafintx

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

I am new to BDSM. I answered an ad on craigslist, not for a sub or a slave but in answer to a question. The question was for a one word answer to sadist. I answered masochist. In the ensuing conversation I offered to be a slave pretty quickly. Though I am new to this, I have "played" master/ sub before. I am a masochist, a martial artist who is not new to pain. I lived through a 10 year abusive marriage. I have served in the Army. All my life something has been missing. At age 54, I get introduced to cragslist and suddenly find I am not alone in my thoughts of BDSM. I identify myself as a switch but , I WANT to be a slave
I have been corresponding with the man I call Master for two months. We have talked on the phone some. We have not met.
He wants me to cut my hair VERY short at our first meeting. It is his requirement for his slave. It has taken me a lot of soul searching and conversations with my family to decide that I will do this. In fact at this point I want to cut my hair.
My assignment has been to find someone to do the cut, which I have been largely been unsucessful at. My profile at newleafintx explains more what I am seeking.
Recently , on another site, a man claiming to be a domm contacted me. At first he wanted to observe but when my Master said no he began to email me that he thought my master was dangerous, using only the haircut requirement as proof.
So my question to other Masters is two fold. First, is this an unusual or out of line request? Second , what is the consenses about my Master being dangerous based on this request? Any thoughts would be appreciated. A New Slave

Post #: 1

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:33:22 PM

scottishjason

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline

Ok I have a two part answer for you. First off it is not unusual for a master to ask you to do something like cut your hair, get a tattoo or a piercing for him. This is pretty normal.

As to your second problem, every dom who calls himself a master knows that you do not talk so someone else’s sub or slave with out his or her direct permission. So this guy who you are talking too is most likely not who he says he is.

The reality of your situation is that all masters are dangerous in some way shape or form. Most do drive some pleasure from giving pain to someone else. If you are willing to become a slave to a master you should trust that he is both of your best interests in mind. If you do trust your new master you should do as he wishes and have no contact with this other man.

Good luck in your decision.

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 2

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:34:11 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Well, it's your head, if you are comfortable cutting it off, then more power to you...dangerous, not as much as a permanent body modification, because hair does grow back, but silly? Retarded? Living in fantasy? Perhaps.

But what if it turns out that you don't click with this guy? There can be all kinds of online sparks that fly, but when the real-life meeting takes place, they are kaput. I would consider this before deciding to hack off all your hair. For me personally, there is no way in hell that I would do this for someone that I haven't even met. Even if I had, even if we are in a relationship. I would still have a hard time with this. (the hair part, not a tatoo or piercing so much, go figure huh?) It's akin to getting a piercing or tatoo because someone told me to. What if you say no? Will he refuse to meet with you? Therein lies your answer, methinks.

< Message edited by monywildcat -- 12/30/2008 6:35:48 PM >

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 3

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:42:35 PM

AmbrosialWench

Posts: 50
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

I am with Wildcat on this. I would not cut my hair before I knew their was chemistry in person and you knew you were going to be his. Perhaps it would be a wonderful sign of full ownership. I love my hair long and I would not cut it for something which may not last. Now if you are saying you were thinking about cutting it before hand then cut it. However, you should let the Master know you are cutting it because you desire to and not because of what he has stated. By hiding this fact, you will be lying to your potential Master. Not a good way to start a relationship.

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 4

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:45:08 PM

Timesamyth

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/23/2008
Status: offline

I highly doubt any emotional or physical damage could come about from chopping off some hair. Though I suppose some close-minded people may not approve of a woman cutting her hair super short, if that's the direction it's going. Seems like the 'dude' is more concerned with an immediate sign of a commitment... more than anything else.

(in reply to AmbrosialWench)

Post #: 5

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:45:28 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

While you will find the occasional success story of permanence coming before a first meet, it is the exception, not the rule.

Why would you want to be a slave to someone you've never met? What if he doesn't show up? What if he does show up and there's no chemistry? What if he shows up and he is not who he represented himself to be?

All of these scenarios are common.

Let's throw common sense into this. What if a friend set you up on a blind date, and after some phone conversations, he told you that you had to cut off all your hair for the first date? Does this sound like a good idea to you? How does it sound when you say it out loud? "I've been talking to a guy for a couple of months, we've never met, and he wants me just this side of bald for our first meeting, and I'm going to do it."

Now if he had said to wear a skirt and no panties, that would be a bit higher on the harmless scale.

***************************

Those were my initial thoughts, up above. Now I went and read your profile, and it sounds like he is just looking for wank material. Your hair is halfway down your back. He wants to watch you get shaved and then "beaten" by the person who shaves you. How does THAT sound when you say it out loud??

Edited to add: My hair is super short. SUPER short. I have zero attachment to long hair, so my opinion is not based on what I think of women having short hair or long hair.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 12/30/2008 6:47:41 PM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 6

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:46:28 PM

newleafintx

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for the fast replies. In all honesty the first reply is the one I was looking for, just did not know it till I read it. That is how I feel so I will stop obsessing about this and get on with it. As for the second reply , thank you, it seems a lot of people have strong opinions about hair length. He does not want me to cut it BEFORE we meet, but our first scene together is to go get it cut. I know deep in my heart that even if this does not work out my hair will grow back. Thanks loads. I feel much better. A new slave.

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 7

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:49:00 PM

newleafintx

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

As far as the "beating " goes, I am an a masochist. I look forward to it :)

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 8

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:50:05 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottishjason

Ok I have a two part answer for you. First off it is not unusual for a master to ask you to do something like cut your hair, get a tattoo or a piercing for him. This is pretty normal.

I find it unusual for the request to come before a guy has even met the girl. A piercing or tattoo with no face time? Seriously?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to scottishjason)

Post #: 9

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:50:53 PM

newleafintx

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

Well I should have proofed that better, but you get it. I just do not want to die, but that is only because I have afamily who depend on me, I do not fear death, or pain.

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 10

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 6:54:32 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

OP, have you ever been involved in a scene, or served a dominant, or is this to be your first time? Will this scene take place the very first time you meet him?

Forget about the second dom ... it sounds like you've got enough to worry about with the first, for all the reasons Cali spelled out above.

Edited to add: is death is your only limit?

< Message edited by mc1234 -- 12/30/2008 6:55:52 PM >

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 11

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 7:37:05 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I am with mc on this one. I think your desire to be a slave may be so overwhelming you at this point that is outweighing all the other factors that you really should consider. It is true that hair can grow back and you may love being beaten but to do this without ever meeting in person before any serious session seems a bit much to me. You will find most Master/Doms want to meet in person before they require them to do anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

OP, have you ever been involved in a scene, or served a dominant, or is this to be your first time? Will this scene take place the very first time you meet him?

Forget about the second dom ... it sounds like you've got enough to worry about with the first, for all the reasons Cali spelled out above.

Edited to add: is death is your only limit?

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 12

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 7:58:30 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

There is something called sub frenzy that affects new submissives. It is the overwhelming desire to do it all NOW...to experience it all NOW...and to leave common sense at the door if it interfers with that NOW. During sub frenzy a submissive will become connected to the first Dominant who appears to know what she needs. I have mentored several newbie submissives and they all have been through sub frenzy, even those who are in their 50s and should know better than to believe everything a stranger says.

Please use the Search function at the top right hand side of this page and research sub frenzy. Make very very certain that sub frenzy is not overwhelming your common sense.

As to your question. Yes, it is very unusual for a Dominant or Master to make such a request of you before even meeting with you. That is something one might do for a Dominant one has known for several months and is collared to that Dominant.

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 13

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:01:06 PM

oSinfullySweeto

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Wow ... I cannot even imagine cutting my hair off for a man/Dominant/Master I have only conversed with via phone/email. I understand it is only hair, but for a first scene together, it is rather extreme. Not only do you not know your Master in person, but the person wielding the straight razor is someone you do not know either! The only good part is the hair will grow back. (oh & there is most definitely more to fear than just death ... in my opinion)

I have heard of other Dominants/Masters ordering their submissives to cut their hair as a form of punishment, but this was well into their established relationship and the punishment certainly fit the crime. My Master had his (previous) submissive cut her own hair short for her disobedience. It was her infidelity on a vacation and for lying about it when confronted. It was extremely inexcusable and utterly irresponsible and she accepted the punishment gracefully. Again, this was well into their relationship and there were rules and expectations to be followed meticulously.

I wish you the best of luck, I hope this Master is all you envisioned he would be. Follow your instincts and most definitely, take into consideration all of the feedback you are receiving. We are sharing with you our unbiased opinions and hopefully helping you to form a logical judgement.

**blonde moment ... brain fart** =o) grammar correction on my part!

< Message edited by oSinfullySweeto -- 12/30/2008 8:04:14 PM >

_____________________________

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 14

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:08:04 PM

SunnyTawse

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

There is something called sub frenzy that affects new submissives. It is the overwhelming desire to do it all NOW...to experience it all NOW...and to leave common sense at the door if it interfers with that NOW. During sub frenzy a submissive will become connected to the first Dominant who appears to know what she needs. I have mentored several newbie submissives and they all have been through sub frenzy, even those who are in their 50s and should know better than to believe everything a stranger says.

Please use the Search function at the top right hand side of this page and research sub frenzy. Make very very certain that sub frenzy is not overwhelming your common sense.

As to your question. Yes, it is very unusual for a Dominant or Master to make such a request of you before even meeting with you. That is something one might do for a Dominant one has known for several months and is collared to that Dominant.

I agree... completely and totally.

Edited to add:
I've been corresponding over the last few days with a submissive who KNEW the man she had been corresponding with for eight months without ever having met WAS the ONE for HER.

He wasn't.

I've met some wonderful people over the Internet; I'm not saying it can't happen. But based on personal experience, I'd say if you meet someone over the Internet you're interested in, arrange to meet her or him in person as soon as you can manage it... and certainly before making any kind of committment.

Cyber is fun, sure. But it is N O T reality. Why is that so hard for some people to understand?

< Message edited by SunnyTawse -- 12/30/2008 8:34:09 PM >

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 15

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:12:53 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newleafintx

I have been corresponding with the man I call Master for two months. We have talked on the phone some. We have not met.
He wants me to cut my hair VERY short at our first meeting.

My advice: don't do it, unless you are 100% ok with having a short cut should he cancel your meeting or stand you up.

quote:

It is his requirement for his slave.

That's all well and good but you're not his slave yet and won't be upon meeting him for the first time so politely tell him that you'll cut your hair after you've gotten to know him, gone through negotiations, and have decided to commit as an informed participant in this.

quote:

Recently , on another site, a man claiming to be a domm contacted me. At first he wanted to observe but when my Master said no he began to email me that he thought my master was dangerous, using only the haircut requirement as proof.

Sounds like he's just being a pissed off baby, however, dom #2 could be correct about master #1. I'm not saying he's dangerous in the sense he's going to stab you when you meet or abduct you or whatnot (though one never knows...) But people who make crazy demands of those they've not yet met, as well as those who believe that one is their slave after nothing more than 2 months of online/phone conversations tend to not be the most stable sorts.

quote:

So my question to other Masters is two fold. First, is this an unusual or out of line request?

YES. Unusual from anyone who's ever set foot into the real world of a D/s relationship and not merely played around online. And yes, out of line by any standards I've ever encountered.

quote:

Second , what is the consenses about my Master being dangerous based on this request? Any thoughts would be appreciated. A New Slave

I haven't read through this thread yet but I bet others will say the same as me. Also, I think by posting this here you already have an inkling of what the answers may be.

If you want to be someone's slave, it takes time, trust, and work on both sides. I have known people ("friends") for periods of 1-2 years before finding out I was being lied to the entire time. I know people who have been misled for much longer. How much easier do you think it is to lie to someone online? From everything I've experienced and seen, I would put money on him never even showing up for the supposed first meeting. It's sad to say that there are many like him to whom this whole thing is a game and there is never a real intention to move beyond the online screwing with people, no matter how sincere they may seem. It happens from both sides, dom and sub.

Best of luck to you...and if you do end up meeting him, ask someone to be your safe-call. If you don't now what that is many folks here are happy to explain.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 16

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:18:01 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newleafintx

Thank you for the fast replies. In all honesty the first reply is the one I was looking for, just did not know it till I read it. That is how I feel so I will stop obsessing about this and get on with it. As for the second reply , thank you, it seems a lot of people have strong opinions about hair length. He does not want me to cut it BEFORE we meet, but our first scene together is to go get it cut. I know deep in my heart that even if this does not work out my hair will grow back. Thanks loads. I feel much better. A new slave.

Oh please woman! The first reply was idiotic and didn't take into consideration the fact that YOU'VE NEVER MET THIS MAN!! Whatever, it's your own life...I'm just tired of people doing stupid shit and then coming back and whining about how hurt they are. There are a lot of us out here trying to tell you that this is a major red flag of sketchiness. Your best case scenario, in my opinion, is going to be that you cut off all your hair and he stands you up. BEST case. Think about that.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 17

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:20:58 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

Great posts, DominaSmartass.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 18

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:27:19 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newleafintx

So my question to other Masters is two fold. First, is this an unusual or out of line request?

1a. No, specific dress and grooming standards of one's slave are normal and commonplace.

1b. Yes, your particular "Master's" request is waaaaay out of line considering you've never even met...!

quote:

Second , what is the consenses about my Master being dangerous based on this request? Any thoughts would be appreciated. A New Slave

2. I'd certainly view his request as a major red flag (warning sign) but there's nothing here to suggest he's actually dangerous - beyond his outrageous presumptuousness of his rights over what is a stranger (you) afterall.

You're my age and, taking BDSM right out of the equation, a mature woman really orta know what to make of such a request and the person making it in your own right. Warning, Will Robinson, Warning; Warning.... etc

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 19

RE: hair - 12/30/2008 8:33:20 PM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

eh... i just hope you happen to meet reality before you meet him, it's not fun to meet them both at once.

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to newleafintx)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> hair

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094