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Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:18:38 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		I have long noticed the unfortunate confusion by those new to BDSM about certain words in BDSM that tend to be meant very differently than what the world outside BDSM means by them. Principal among such words is the word "slave." There have been many discussions about what "slave" (or "submissive" etc) mean in the BDSM community; this is NOT meant to be that discussion.

Understanding that most of the larger world sees the term "slave" as meaning human trafficking of a person who has been forced into servitude and is exploited and sold, that "slave" is not the "slave" meant in the BDSM community; the "slave" in the BDSM community involves a consensual aspect that is key. People will argue about the rest of the description and details of a "slave" in BDSM, but suffice to say, newbies hear the word "slave" and most often immediately think of the conventional human trafficking notion, until they learn more.

So I wonder if we as BDSM people who see themselves as "slave" (however that is understood) or who are Dominant with one who is seen as "slave," have instead embraced a substitute name for "slave" and what that substitute name might be. In doing so, it would seem to not invite the comparison to the human trafficking term of "slave."

For example, embracing some of the expressions of fantasy with BDSM, it seems to me that "maiden" might be a good substitute for "slave" as is maiden lissa instead of slave lissa.

Do you have a substitute term for "slave"?
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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:20:40 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I like "girl" others like "it", "pet" "toy"

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:28:02 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Walmart employee.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:28:18 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*snort*

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:28:50 AM   
JustDarkness


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Walmart employee.



lol


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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:31:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Maiden doesn't work for male submissives. And doesn't pet connote different things than slave?

Mainly I see no reason to use BDSM terms to non-kinkaware people. Instead of going around proudly proclaiming he's the boss, I just allow them to judge our relationship for themselves. He says "time to go" and I don't respond in front of my elderly father "Yes oh Uberlord". I just go "eek, look at the time" and get my stuff and say goodbye.

None of my friends have ever asked what we call each other. They just remark enviously that our relationship is free of strife in comparison to theirs. If they asked the secret, I wouldn't say that he has the right to make all decisions. I would say that we discussed who is better at what, and the person who is better at that task makes those decisions. So I'm doing laundry and he's trying to figure out how to fix a broken snow shovel, having listened to my suggestion of duct tape and ignored it in favor of buying a new handle.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 10:41:27 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I agree that the term slave is not a good term. I still don't think anyone understands it.
Submissive is ok though.
What about 'the one who obeys.' ? 
Just as I don't mind being called 'she who must be obeyed.'

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:01:45 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		The ever ubiquitous "doormat" is somehow suddenly not acceptable?

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:07:12 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Ego booster.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:07:51 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		she who shall not be named....

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:08:24 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		thingamajig?

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:08:55 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		But but but... that's sexist!!!

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:10:35 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		xhe who shall not be named.....

better, love??

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

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Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:24:57 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

People will argue about the rest of the description and details of a "slave" in BDSM, but suffice to say, newbies hear the word "slave" and most often immediately think of the conventional human trafficking notion, until they learn more.


I disagree.  I don't think that the majority of people new to BDSM assume that slave trafficking in the purest definition is common place in WIITWD.   I think newbies hear the words slave and submissive and either think "oh well, slave sounds so much more extreme, that's ME"  or "I am NOT a slave I am NO ONE's slave" and in either case don't bother to find out what that term would mean to them.
 
I would like to have a more extreme word than slave so that we can really define those who are MORE submissive and subservient than anyone else. 


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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:28:12 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

Do you have a substitute term for "slave"?


There are those of us who don't want to apply the term slave to our happy relationships for reasons including what you mentioned and others. For me and mine, we haven't found a term that fits perfectly other than I am his girl. For sake of communication, submissive suits well enough to convay the general outline for those who need it but aren't interested/don't need to know the specifics.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/11/2009 11:29:33 AM >

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 11:35:06 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
I don’t need a substitute for the label of slave. I have a very defined definition in my own mind of what it means and what it entails.

However, that definition is mine and mine alone; there is no need for me to force it on anyone else. Nor is there a need for me to force them to come up with a different term so that I can feel better.
Fuck that.

I know how to ask a simple question “ you say you are a slave, can you please explain to me what that means to you?”

What’s more, I know how to accept and be happy/content with their answer.

Substitute a new word?
Why the fuck would I mess with an already good system that I have.

No thanks.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 12:07:15 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

 I think newbies hear the words slave and submissive and either think "oh well, slave sounds so much more extreme, that's ME"  or "I am NOT a slave I am NO ONE's slave" and in either case don't bother to find out what that term would mean to them.

 
This is exactly how I felt (highlighted portion) when I discovered BDSM related websites. I didn't understand the terms submissive or slave sufficiently when I first came into this "lifestyle". But now, approximately 9 years later, this is exactly what I find myself to be (at least with MasterK).


 


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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 12:21:11 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Maiden doesn't work for male submissives. And doesn't pet connote different things than slave?


True.

Perhaps a new term for "slave" would be useful to find, to advance better communication between the people who think they may be into BDSM but dare not go there (because of the conventional servitude notion of slave) and those of us who are already here.

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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 12:51:56 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Some how, 'pet' to me is something totally different than being a submissive or slave
'Submissive' is very different than being a slave. I think submission as being that of being totally loyal, faithful to your dominant.
'Slave' however, since it has to do with relinquishing one's will to another, being the dominant. Perhaps being a thrall would be generally more acceptable.

Which would you prefer a vanilla to hear:

I am in thralled by such and such (dominant). It is a play on words, but most would hear enthralled and thus thrall would be perceived as being in love and/or infatuated towards the dominant.
I am in slaved by such and such. Just means what is states, that the slave is a slave, which of course leads to nonacceptance, scrutiny and criticism.

I personally, if I were collared by another dominant. I would prefer to use 'thrall' as it seems to be a word of larger acceptance than 'slave'.


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RE: Substitute term for "slave" - 1/11/2009 1:15:56 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Which would you prefer a vanilla to hear:

I am in thralled by such and such (dominant). It is a play on words, but most would hear enthralled and thus thrall would be perceived as being in love and/or infatuated towards the dominant.
I am in slaved by such and such. Just means what is states, that the slave is a slave, which of course leads to nonacceptance, scrutiny and criticism.

I personally, if I were collared by another dominant. I would prefer to use 'thrall' as it seems to be a word of larger acceptance than 'slave'.



You may be on to something.

en·thrall (n-thrôl)
tr.v. en·thralled, en·thrall·ing, en·thralls
1. To hold spellbound; captivate: The magic show enthralled the audience.
2. To enslave.
[Middle English, to put in bondage : en-, causative pref.; see en-1 + thrall, slave; see thrall.]

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