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RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 2:02:42 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

it's right to give up your marriage for whatever reason you feel is valid and important to you and not right for anyone else to judge whether someone who chooses to do so is right or wrong.

I'm not entirely sure I agree wholeheartedly... After all, if the two people stand in front of their friends and families and say "in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part...." don't each of the two owe it to the other to tow the line, and follow though just as promised? Isn't it at least sometimes morally 'wrong' to jump ship with regard to marriage?

Just my general thoughts here on the matter, I'm not meaning to poke anyone with a stick and whatnot.... and it should be mentioned I'm not and never have been married...

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Post #: 41

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 3:40:50 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
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quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

it's right to give up your marriage for whatever reason you feel is valid and important to you and not right for anyone else to judge whether someone who chooses to do so is right or wrong.

I'm not entirely sure I agree wholeheartedly... After all, if the two people stand in front of their friends and families and say "in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part...." don't each of the two owe it to the other to tow the line, and follow though just as promised? Isn't it at least sometimes morally 'wrong' to jump ship with regard to marriage?

Just my general thoughts here on the matter, I'm not meaning to poke anyone with a stick and whatnot.... and it should be mentioned I'm not and never have been married...

Hi, E2Sweet--
I can absolutely say that I meant it when I said "Until death do us part" but one can't make another keep their commitments and that's not the only part of the vows. I don't really care so much that there were family and friends present related to that point, though I appreciated their presence overall. For me, my ex- (I still have a hard time with saying ex- and husband together after nearly 16 months separated) broke the "love, honor, and cherish" part of things and that necessitated the marginalization of the "until death do us part" piece. It took a long time but I came to realize that I love myself more and that the marriage and what it had become was destroying me and that my best friend and partner wasn't that anymore, he was a parasitic stranger who didn't care to change or to work together.
I don't know if folks tossing their marriages for bdsm is right or wrong. If a relatinship is destructive and the people involved aren't willing to keep their commitments to each other and aren't willing to work together to fix it, probably best to let it go. Hard but best. Maybe.
Davan

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(in reply to E2Sweet)

Post #: 42

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 4:59:25 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Kink and kinky ness for me is something that permeates my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

Can I ask a question about the scenario? Is the desire for kink just a bedroom thing or is it something that person A wants to have permeate their lives? I think it makes a difference, at least from the answers so far.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 43

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 5:05:25 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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I certainly don't think so. I'd say that any one who said you have a duty to stay with him, no matter what are just going to have to keep shut about my decision, or not be considered a friend or a family member, if it was me.

If things are continually bad and breaking down further and no amount of professional help or trying is going to make it better I AM going to jump ship.

But of course that's why I'll never have traditional vows, because I don't believe in prommising shit, that I can't forsee, like till death do us part.

And hey, death do us part, could be emotional death too, depending on your interpertations of the words.

If being with you any longer is continuing to make me die emotionallyand wilt and change who I am and my happyness, and has been for a long time and nothing is helping then again hell yes I WILL jump ship.

quote:

d in health, 'til death do us part...." don't each of the two owe it to the other to tow the line, and follow though just as promised? Isn't it at least sometimes morally 'wrong' to jump ship wit

quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

it's right to give up your marriage for whatever reason you feel is valid and important to you and not right for anyone else to judge whether someone who chooses to do so is right or wrong.

I'm not entirely sure I agree wholeheartedly... After all, if the two people stand in front of their friends and families and say "in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part...." don't each of the two owe it to the other to tow the line, and follow though just as promised? Isn't it at least sometimes morally 'wrong' to jump ship with regard to marriage?

Just my general thoughts here on the matter, I'm not meaning to poke anyone with a stick and whatnot.... and it should be mentioned I'm not and never have been married...

(in reply to E2Sweet)

Post #: 44

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 5:20:10 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

Sorry. It's over" I'd flip out. He's leaving me because he's not sexually satisfied? All the love in the world and his dick doesn't think I'm good enough?How would 1 justify this kind of thing?

I've believe that, sometimes, love just isn't enough. Abusers can love those they abuse whole-heartedly. If a partner isn't getting his needs meet in a relationship with me, if I love him, why would I want him to stay where his needs aren't being met?

If I love him enough to meet his needs, then I will do what I can despite hating it. If I couldn't stomach it, I'd point out other ways - letting him see other people (something we do anyway) or seeing a pro-domme.

If I'm not willing to do those things and make all the effort I can to make him happy and fill his needs... why should he stay with me? If the love and desire to make things work is really there, then I believe things will usually work out.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/22/2009 5:22:16 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 5:59:31 PM

Maya2001

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From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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I know for many men the sexual acts are not really the draw, it is the emotional and sensation play that is draw and that is what gets them off ...not the actually penetrative sex.....and many to most dommes do not have sexual intercourse with their male submissives.... so for many men that wish to be dominated, sissified, made into painslut and their wives can't dominate them like they wish

enter into negotiated agreements with the wives knowledge and consent where they can go play as long there is penetrative sex other than a dildo and they seek out away from home ..using discretion ..they are fulfilled kink wise and they continue in the happy loving marriages.. There was one wife locally that took her hubby to a pro domme and started out by just sitting around there while he was having his session, thru watching a pro dom at work over several sessions she was eventually able to get into a mode where she felt comfortable topping and to wheree it did not feel silly and unncomfortable for her

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Post #: 46

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 6:55:45 PM

MasterLark

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Joined: 5/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

The question is is it right to end a marriage to pursue another partner who is into the lifestyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there. The love and The fun. Just not the sex/kinkies. So that means that a person would end a marriage for sex basically. But, is that right?

quote:

festyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there. The love and The fun. Just not the sex/kinkies. So that means that a person would end a marriage for sex basically. But, is that right?

Short answer: probably not right, but everything depends on the people involved. Life is unfair and not right sometimes. Love gets tested as to how deep the love goes.

you touch upon a major central tragedy in our time -- the vanilla-(hidden)Dominant/submissive relationship, wherein the BDSM spouse discovers who he/she really is and his/her BDSM desires over time but cannot get his/her needs met by the vanilla spouse. I strongly suspect it is far more common than we know, and it is very painful for both spouses, since neither gets what each genuinely needs.

Others have amply pointed out how marriages rarely end for one reason, let alone just for sex, or specificly kink. Agreed.

Since I believe in marriage as a forever bond, no one gets to leave (except for violence or criminal acts), but I know in the real world, divorce happens anyway, for midlife crises, for financial stress, for whatever. Studies of long term marriages show the resilience of couples, even when major issues live inside the marriage. (See "Couples: A Celebration of Commitment").

So to re-phrase the question: should the kink spouse stay in a marriage with a vanilla spouse?

Answer: My own take on this is thus -- If you love each other, yes, because, for the kink spouse, that is the sacrifice of love, that is the loyalty and discipline that getting married demands of them, which is the similar loyalty and discipline you would bring to a BDSM relationship if you could have one. The courage required of both is to be able to honestly communicate about each other's BDSM/vanilla needs which cannot be met by the other because each is "wired" differently. Out of that perhaps other ways of meeting needs will work. My hunch is that eventually the vanilla spouse will want to end it, because the true identities of both kink spouse and vanilla spouse cannot be expressed fully with each other and be reinforced and expanded over time.

< Message edited by MasterLark -- 1/22/2009 6:59:43 PM >

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 47

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/22/2009 7:41:25 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
The question is is it right to end a marriage to pursue another partner who is into the lifestyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there.

Well, look at it this way ... imagine a relationship where there is very little sex, if any at all; where sharing your innermost desires would be frowned upon; where intimate discussions and teasing and communication don't take place because the spouse wouldn't understand you, would turn away from your kinky fantasies, wouild never take you up on your offer of being more adventurous in bed. Imagine this going on for years ... feeling the void physical between the couple as they sleep in bed at night - each one being afraid to touch the other, even if by accident, because it's been so long since they *have* touched. Then imagine this physical void eventually becoming an emotional one. Both parties feeling empty and alone, though they are still committed to the other. Neither one being able to reach across and cross the void - actually, each trying in their own way but it benig seemingly impossible. The loneliness is deadening to all senses and emotions.

Now .. imagine this being the couple who is out with the neighbors laughing, chatting, seemingly the perfect couple to outsiders. Yet that void exists.

It rarely has anything to do with sex ... and everything to do with communication, our own personal inner failings and incompatability and all the other outside influences which wear on a relationship. Yet there is a basis of friendship and some sort of love and, often times, habit, and fear, which keeps them in the marriage.

It's a slow erosion of being, and after having experienced it, I'd never judge another for their decisions in life - I may not relate to them, but I'd never presume to know how they felt inside. That's just the point ... EVERYTHING isn't there but the sex - far from it. Kinkiness, I'd think, would be a minor issue in such a relationship. Is it right? Not for me to say ........

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Post #: 48

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 12:59:29 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

After all, if the two people stand in front of their friends and families and say "in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part...." don't each of the two owe it to the other to tow the line, and follow though just as promised? Isn't it at least sometimes morally 'wrong' to jump ship with regard to marriage?

Hi, E2Sweet- I'll add my opinion to Davan's, as I suspect we may have been married to twins separated at birth. I most certainly meant it when I made those vows, but I wasn't the only one making them. Over the next 9 years, he violated "love, honor, cherish" and all the rest in more ways than I can count, eventually becoming someone I didn't even know. He refused to even try to make our marriage work, making it clear that the fact that I was unhappy in our relationship was my problem, not his. It ended when my sense of self-preservation kicked in and I made it clear that I would no longer put up with being in an emotionally dead marriage.

As many have said, "the kink" is rarely the real reason that kink/nilla marriages fail. It is merely an excuse to cover the fact that the relationship, no matter how "perfect" (kink aside), is no longer meeting some very real needs.

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Post #: 49

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 2:24:03 AM

nafakcha

Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RayvenGoddess

There are ways to satisfy a need for kink without breaking up a sexually incompatible marriage or cheating you know. While many people do associate BDSM activities and sex, there are people out there who are play partners who never have sex before/during/after a scene. Many pros out there (both Dom and sub), lay down the law that there will be no insertion of any sort by any party during a scene to avoid any taint of the prostitution. I don't see why, with the vanilla spouse's knowledge and understanding, that a kinky and faithful spouse can't form a platonic and non-sexual "play" realtionship with someone in the lifestyle and then go home after a meeting with them and bring their turned on state into the marriage bed.

While I agree that a turned on state could be brought into the marriage bed this entire statement assumes that the spouse a) doesn't file this under a difference in their marriage that can't be overcome and b) doesn't consider this cheating. The only thing this does is provide for sexual monogamy in the technical sense.

Keiko

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Post #: 50

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 2:30:02 AM

nafakcha

Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Some people, when stressed or unhappy, get kinkier and kinkier fantasies. So they develop a tremendous "unmet need." It's like starting to smoke (or any other addictive pattern) when you're under stress.

By itself, beating someone's ass -- or getting your own ass raped -- won't make you happier. Buying a red sports car won't make you any younger, either. But not a lot of logic goes into these decisions.

Its more then this in some cases. Stress, particularly caused by life altering events can change people, from the music they like to religious and sexual preferences. The fact these changes were caused as a result of stress or a life altering event doesn't make them any less valid of changes and it doesn't make them temporary changes in one's personality. Should someone after years of considering the changes they have undergone and why they underwent them live the rest of their life unhappy because they have unmet needs.

Keiko

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Post #: 51

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 3:19:58 AM

nafakcha

Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

I've heard of older people who knew they were kinky but didn't know how to find a kinky lover (because of the times). They were married in vanilla relationships. So fast forward 15 years and they discovered the internet, and realized that there were whole bdsm communities. And now that hole that was always there is now gaping because now that person realizes how much they've been missing. So then they introduce a few kinky things to their partner. but they aren't really interested. The couple try things but the person realizes that her partner is simply tolerating the acts but not enjoying them/dreading them. So now the person is sexually unfulfilled. The person is not a cheater and never will be. She or He still loves his/her mate with all of their hearts. The sexual satisfaction just isn't there.

The question is is it right to end a marriage to pursue another partner who is into the lifestyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there. The love and The fun. Just not the sex/kinkies. So that means that a person would end a marriage for sex basically. But, is that right? I've heart of marriages ending on here because their partner was vanilla. And, at first, I'm like "Good for you! Get what you want and deserve." But then I think about how I'd feel if I were 24 years (my parents have been married 24 years) and my husband comes out and says "Sweetheart I love you soooo so much...but you really don't do it for me. I want submit to a Dominant woman and walk around on all fours. I know we tried that 2 months ago and I know you hated it. I need a woman who is Dominant. Sorry. It's over" I'd flip out. He's leaving me because he's not sexually satisfied? All the love in the world and his dick doesn't think I'm good enough?How would 1 justify this kind of thing?

rednicky,

For the purposes of this discussion are you taking the position that the lifestyle is just about kink and kinky sex?

I am asking because in my opinion there is a distinction between individuals who enjoy kinky sex and kinky play and those who consider it part of their lifestyle, part of who they are as a person. How someone answers your question can vary widely depending one whether they consider kink one of sex and kink or one of fundamentally who someone is and their ability to live openly with the person they love.

I will not dispute that sexual satisfaction plays a very important role in long term successful marriages in the majority of cases. I would be worried that no matter how much someone tried to be satisfied sexually and not let these desires affect their marriage, being sexually dissatisfied not only affects your personality but it affects your ability to hold platonic relationships eventually.

However, if a person considers their sexual fantasies to be part of a larger part of who they are and the needs they have both platonically and sexually then I don't think many people would advocate that they live the rest of their lives denying part of themselves. Perhaps this is a minority opinion but being able to be yourself is incredibly important to leading a fulfilling life.

Keiko

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Post #: 52

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 4:11:20 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
The question is is it right to end a marriage to pursue another partner who is into the lifestyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there.

Well, look at it this way ... imagine a relationship where there is very little sex, if any at all; where sharing your innermost desires would be frowned upon; where intimate discussions and teasing and communication don't take place because the spouse wouldn't understand you, would turn away from your kinky fantasies, wouild never take you up on your offer of being more adventurous in bed. Imagine this going on for years ... feeling the void physical between the couple as they sleep in bed at night - each one being afraid to touch the other, even if by accident, because it's been so long since they *have* touched. Then imagine this physical void eventually becoming an emotional one. Both parties feeling empty and alone, though they are still committed to the other. Neither one being able to reach across and cross the void - actually, each trying in their own way but it benig seemingly impossible. The loneliness is deadening to all senses and emotions.

Now .. imagine this being the couple who is out with the neighbors laughing, chatting, seemingly the perfect couple to outsiders. Yet that void exists.

It rarely has anything to do with sex ... and everything to do with communication, our own personal inner failings and incompatability and all the other outside influences which wear on a relationship. Yet there is a basis of friendship and some sort of love and, often times, habit, and fear, which keeps them in the marriage.

It's a slow erosion of being, and after having experienced it, I'd never judge another for their decisions in life - I may not relate to them, but I'd never presume to know how they felt inside. That's just the point ... EVERYTHING isn't there but the sex - far from it. Kinkiness, I'd think, would be a minor issue in such a relationship. Is it right? Not for me to say ........

Brilliantly said.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 53

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 4:22:54 AM

RedMagic1

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You're riding quite the drama llama, Ms. Keiko. Good luck.

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(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 54

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 4:29:00 AM

StrangerThan

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The greatest love story I ever witnessed was not one invented by Hollywood, nor one that spilled out from the pages of some book. I used to coach basketball for my local elementary school. It wasn't my job, just something I got drafted into one year and kept doing for a while. One set of parents were... typical young parents I guess, mid 20's. She had that tired, pretty look about her of a mom that had too much to do. He had that tired, I work a lot look about him. Pretty obvious though they cared alot about each other.

I got to know the families well since I usually had their youngsters for 3 years. We all lived basketball. My running comment with the team was that basketball was the only sport. Everything else was just something to do in the off season. Off seasons... the mom above was hit head-on in a car crash. The car burst into flames. She was burned horribly. When I say horribly, I mean horribly. She was completely unrecognizable, burned top to bottom. There was no visible area left that wasn't scar tissue. Much of her face had to be rebuilt.. and it was in the functional sense, not the elective, I want to look better sense. Sort of a tabula rasa for the surgeons, you know, put a nose on that blank face, lips, etc.

That's not the love story. The love story is what happened after it. You can look inside relationships sometimes just by how the people involved treat each other. How he treated her was the same as I'd always seen him treat her... like she was his princess. What you can't see when you look at things that way is how hard it must have been to convince her to go back to a normal life.... meaning let's go to the park, come to the store with me, walk with me, hold my hand, let's have a baby kind of life. I saw them years later with more additions to the family and the same sense of she's my princess that had always been.

So my perspective on this kind of question is simple. Marriages end all the time for one reason or another. People rationalize the reasons away, forget their own complicity and duplicity in what evolved, and generally find ways to come to terms with whatever the reason or reasons it ended. But there is more to life than sex, than Dominating or submitting, than having your own needs met and I personally, would not want to be involved with anyone who would end a relationship on the single issue you asked about - because I wouldn't. Then again, I don't play casually and I want more out of my relationship than someone who will do what I tell them to do.

Right? Wrong? There are only two people to whom that question will ever really matter and that's the two people who go separate ways. From my personal perspective, the answer is no. If my girl could not engage in anything even remotely related to kink, could not have sex, there would be no ending of anything for those reasons.

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 55

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 5:15:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nafakcha

While I agree that a turned on state could be brought into the marriage bed this entire statement assumes that the spouse a) doesn't file this under a difference in their marriage that can't be overcome and b) doesn't consider this cheating. The only thing this does is provide for sexual monogamy in the technical sense.

Keiko

Who are you to determine what sexual monogamy is? If someone needs to be spanked hard to hit a catharsis and cry out stress, is that automatically sexual simply because spanking is sexual to you?

And what about tennis? Since it is well known that one of the best ways to improve your sex life is to have regular exercise, are you therefore stating that anyone who plays tennis with someone other than a spouse is cheating?

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Post #: 56

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 5:27:24 AM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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I know someone who gave up THREE marriages. The first marriage was vanilla, she wanted to be a submissive. She tried to teach her husband to be dominant, it didn't work so she met someone on the internet and left hubby #1. Hubby #2 after 10 years of marriage was "too laid back" and did not keep her submissive side engaged, besides he wanted her to work and help towards the household income and frankly she just wanted to stay home. She met a man on the internet and divorced hubby #2. Master #3 was Gorean and she thought she finally found what she was seeking. When she discovered that she was thought of as "property" and not some rare precious jewel and he refused to allow her to have her way in the relationship, she divorced him to once again find the "perfect" Master. So yes to answer your question people do it all the time, you just have to decide is it really what you want and is it worth it?

Good luck,
~Lashra

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Post #: 57

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 8:14:47 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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What is right is a matter of prespective. It just might be right for an individual to leave a given relationship who feels there sexual desires are not compatiable with their partner. However, it just might be that the partner is rather fine with the way things as they are and sees it wrong for the person to leave the relationship that is so good.

In the end... I think a relationship needs to be right! for everyone! But how to make it right is going to be the question. In my world with my two girls and I.. we all look to do what is the best for the relationship. This does mean that sometimes one or two will engage into activities that are not so enjoyable for them. But they don't engage in these activities with their feet dragging either. They might not get alot of personal enjoyment but their commitment to the relationship is to try to bring enjoyment for those that do enjoy those activities. Of course it is also a balance in that we all get to enjoy things we like to do.

But.. what happens when there is something that you deeply desire that you don't get and maybe never get. It's a tough choice.. but it just might mean you have to leave the relationship. Hopefully the person was being wise about the decision.. that they where not just looking at the green grass on the other side and forgeting about the weeds that are there too. I think when people get to focused on one aspect they loose sight of the big picture... I believe that in a relationship... we need to take a good look at the bigger picture. It still might mean that one needs to move on... but at least they can appreciate all that they give up.. becuase truthfully what they give up is not nearly as important as they are seeking to have and are missing in the given relationship.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/23/2009 8:23:40 AM >

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(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 58

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 10:13:21 AM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

I've heard of older people who knew they were kinky but didn't know how to find a kinky lover (because of the times). They were married in vanilla relationships. So fast forward 15 years and they discovered the internet, and realized that there were whole bdsm communities. And now that hole that was always there is now gaping because now that person realizes how much they've been missing. So then they introduce a few kinky things to their partner. but they aren't really interested. The couple try things but the person realizes that her partner is simply tolerating the acts but not enjoying them/dreading them. So now the person is sexually unfulfilled. The person is not a cheater and never will be. She or He still loves his/her mate with all of their hearts. The sexual satisfaction just isn't there.

The question is is it right to end a marriage to pursue another partner who is into the lifestyle? keep in mind that EVERYTHING else in the marriage is there. The love and The fun. Just not the sex/kinkies. So that means that a person would end a marriage for sex basically. But, is that right? I've heart of marriages ending on here because their partner was vanilla. And, at first, I'm like "Good for you! Get what you want and deserve." But then I think about how I'd feel if I were 24 years (my parents have been married 24 years) and my husband comes out and says "Sweetheart I love you soooo so much...but you really don't do it for me. I want submit to a Dominant woman and walk around on all fours. I know we tried that 2 months ago and I know you hated it. I need a woman who is Dominant. Sorry. It's over" I'd flip out. He's leaving me because he's not sexually satisfied? All the love in the world and his dick doesn't think I'm good enough?How would 1 justify this kind of thing?

It's probably wrong for me to be commenting on this, as it's quite far removed from my life experience, but taking the question on a hypothetical basis.

If I was happily married, satisfied romantically and doing well in life and love, would I drop someone because of a sexual fetish? No. Not at all. I have a host of eclectic kinks - I'm not going to leave a guy because he doesn't cater to a whim or two.

The problem here, though, is that D/s is about so much more to me than kink, and even considering sex alone, I can be totally satisfied with 100% vanilla if it's within a D/s framework.

I've also found that those in BDSM community seeking a ltr where it's entirely egalitarian and vanilla outside of the bedroom are not rare, but probably in the minority. I'd be willing to take a stab in the dark and say that for most people who consciously engage in them, D/s acts tend to extend to more than sex, though how much more varies person to person.

< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 1/23/2009 10:15:22 AM >

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 59

RE: Is it right to give up on your marriage for a BDSM ... - 1/23/2009 11:35:25 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

Thank you, MasterLark.

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(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 60

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