How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain?

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How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:36:09 PM

bandofthehawk176

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So i have a Sub girl who is a sissy
when it comes to pain. Any ideas how to make her a bit
more able to handle it?

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:43:53 PM

T1981

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I hate to tell you, but there's not much you can do to increase one's pain level unless she wants it, for whatever reason. A person likes pain or they don't - you may be able to test her a bit with some light stingy whipping from one of those "tickle whips", and she may take it because she wants to please you - but a person is generally wired to like pain or they aren't. You could also try talking her GENTLY through it, reassuring her that you think she's bueatiful through the pain, telling her what a good job she is doing, that sort of thing.

Don't suddenly go all bad ass Dom with a paddle on her and DON'T tell her she is a sissy. That defeats the entire purpose of sharing pain and pleasure - it's a mutual thing. If you enjoy giving pain but she doesn't enjoy recieving it, then find some other way to work out the D/s aspect. Pain doesn't HAVE to be a part of submission, it really, really doesn't.

Be careful with this. Very, very, very careful - hurting someone who doesn't want to be hurt will make them run away, and for good reason. I'm a huge, huge painslut and yet I would never ever dream of pushing someone's pain limit, because it's the fastest way to turn someone off of BDSM forever. Just because I like pain doesn't mean everyone does, and that's something to keep in mind. After all, we're here to have fun, and pushing someone's pain limits past what they are willing to go is NOT fun.

Respect her, respect her limits, and above all, respect what you are doing not only to her body but to her mind. A respectful Dom is the one that gets me willing to try and push my limits, not ones who tell me I'm a sissy.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/27/2009 6:46:35 PM >

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:44:27 PM

MissAnimus

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Allow her to do to you whatever you do to her. Retribution always improves my tolerance. In fact, it works miracles.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:45:59 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Get her a new dom, who doesn't belittle her by calling her a Sissy and a wimp for how she feels in regards to pain and stuff.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

So i have a Sub girl who is a sissy
when it comes to pain. Any ideas how to make her a bit
more able to handle it?

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:48:17 PM

T1981

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAnimus

Allow her to do to you whatever you do to her. Retribution always improves my tolerance. In fact, it works miracles.

LMAO - too true! My husband is a true sissy when it comes to pain (no pain tolerance whatsoever!) but he does test each and every pain toy on himself first, and tests is extensively. That is a huge part of what makes me so happy to take pain for him, because he's willing to take it for himself!

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:48:24 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Does she want to increase her pain tolerance?

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:51:42 PM

bandofthehawk176

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I understand completely. I also dont call her a sissy to her face. I agree with you completely and i also dont inflict pain on her for the hell of it. She is just hypersensitive to it and im trying to get her to change it. Thank you for your insightful reply.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:53:21 PM

bandofthehawk176

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Yes she does because she want to be able to play more easily and get more enjoyment out of it.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:55:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Learn how to be a good top so you know the variations and methods of pain/pleasure balancing?

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:56:32 PM

Lynnxz

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Before you call her hypersensitive, do it to yourself. Seriously.

I'm a pro sub, and this kind of BS always rubs me the wrong way. I can take a decent amount of pain, and it annoys the shit out of me when guys who haven't the SLIGHTEST clue what pain feels like, start bitching about me. No SHIT I do not want to deal with your stupid ass hitting me right in the middle of the spine with a heavy paddle.

Make sure you aren't just shooting off your mouth, you'll annoy the shit out of her, and she'll leave your ass.

She doesn't want to take pain from you, either she is not a masochist, she isn't in the mood for it, or possibly, she might not trust you. C can beat me black and blue, and tie me to a noose from the ceiling, but I don't allow random jackasses to get anywhere near that point.

Step back, look at yourself, and go beat your own ass with the paddle.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 1/27/2009 6:57:12 PM >

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 6:59:41 PM

T1981

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The best way to get ME to work through something that I find difficult is to approach with the loving Dom tactic: Speak softly, compliment and praise often, and use your hands as comfort and caressing tools. Tell her how bueatiful she is, check in with her often, keep a running commentary. Help her breathe, keep reminding her - gently and lovingly - to take deep breaths. Reassure her that there is no failure even if she tells you to stop.

Alternate sensations - pain, then something soft like a feather or a piece of fur, then pain, then a light kiss over the spot you just whacked. (NO ICE - ice actually makes impact play hurt alot more). Pet her hair. Allow her to see what you are doing so that she feels safe. Keep telling her how bueatiful she is and that's she's pleasing you. Keep reassuring her that it's okay for her to tell you to stop.

Enduring/liking pain is really much more mental and emotional - she has to trust you and she has to feel safe. If you can engage her mind in the task, she may be more receptive to it.

But once again, please know that people either like pain or they don't - and that's okay either way. Make sure she doesn't ever feel like a failure for not liking pain, and your relationship will go so much further than if she simply decided to take a beating just cuz you wanted her to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I can take a decent amount of pain, and it annoys the shit out of me when guys who haven't the SLIGHTEST clue what pain feels like, start bitching about me. No SHIT I do not want to deal with your stupid ass hitting me right in the middle of the spine with a heavy paddle.

Same here - it takes some skill to learn how to hit properly. You don't just start out with hard whacking and when you DO get to hard whacking, you don't KEEP it that level. You build up in intensity and you build down, you build up and you build down. Allow some time between strokes for the pain to wash away. DON'T hit the same spot twice in a row. Even a seasoned sub is going to wince and grimace - and not in that sexy way - at that.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/27/2009 7:02:44 PM >

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:02:55 PM

littlewonder

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I'm not really a painslut even though Master may disagree...but really, after many years of not playing at all or extremely rarely, I've come to a point where pain is difficult for me to take but Master is a sadist and I enjoy taking the pain for him because it's what he enjoys. I've learned to endure it by learning to breathe which Master reminds me of when he sees me reaching a difficult level and he is also patient and helps me to get through it by talking to me and learning my body language.

Master is helping me to reach a better level of pain tolerance by simple repetition and consistancy which means playing more often and starting out lighter until the skin thickens and is able to tolerate harder strokes.

Good luck.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:06:37 PM

Lynnxz

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And above all, lose the 'wimp' attitude. You may not SAY it to her exactly, but I seriously doubt she doesn't pick up on it, and it's not going to help you out at all.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:06:37 PM

bandofthehawk176

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I do not ask her to do anything exsessive or anything that I couldnt tollerate. So for all the lovely answers of "do it to yourself" I can take it without a flinch. And Why would some one be taking a "Hard" paddle to one of the most vonerable spots on your sine???

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:11:23 PM

Lashra

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Time, patience and guiding her threw it. She may never be able to take what you can dish out, but I'm sure you can help her pain threshold to rise higher than it is now. Also, do not call her wimpy, she isn't a wimp she just has a lower pain threshold than you. You do hit yourself as hard as you hit her, right?

~Lashra

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:20:32 PM

bandofthehawk176

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Yes, but i dont usually get her that close to what i give to her.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:25:37 PM

DesFIP

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Stop thinking of her and talking to her in such a demeaning manner. Accept her for whom she is.

If all you want to do is swing a paddle as hard as you can, then do so on a pillow.
If instead you are interested in an exchange of energy then realize you can do so without breaking paddles.

But honestly, I hope she realizes soon how unworthy you are of her. And that she wises up and finds herself someone who will love her for who she is, as she is. She deserves a lot better than you.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:28:21 PM

Lynnxz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

Yes, but i dont usually get her that close to what i give to her.

What?

What is your goal here? Is it to simply beat someone? Find a blowup doll, find a pillow, find something that cares as much about you, as you do about her.

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:32:58 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

I understand completely. I also dont call her a sissy to her face.

so you only say it behind her back.... how nice of you!

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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/27/2009 7:37:53 PM

angelikaJ

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To Original Poster:
You wrote that you can take a lot of pain... do you yourself enjoy receiving pain?

Why is it important to you for her to tolerate more pain?

Perhaps you could work on giving her better pain?

(More is not necessarily Better; sometimes more is just more.)

I think too, it may be difficult for her to move to a higher level if you aren't able to truly appreciate what she is giving you now.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 1/27/2009 7:40:26 PM >

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