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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:15:29 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
What drives you?  Could you really take control of someone...TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE?   Or, subs,  give up everything?.... Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?

Subs and Doms...What say you?

I am (I hope) very, very clear that I am not going anywhere near anything that might be TPE.  Been there, done that, worn the T-shirt, ain't doin' it again.  I am more than happy to do everything I get told/asked to do, but, at all times I will have an opt out, so, at all times I am choosing to do what I'm told.

What I like in a relationship is a clear idea of who is holding the reigns, a liberal dose of cuddles and kink, and a person(s) I fit together well with.

I make my own decisions, I muddle through my own dysfunctional life, I'm going to uni, if you can't accept that my getting my degree is more important than my relationship with you... we aren't a match. 

It's not a case of it being "enough", it is a case of that is what I'm looking for, TPE is too much, being considered a "slave", someone who has given blanket consent, someone who does not have a safeword... that's too much.  I like my kink with a good dash of fun, light hearted-ness.  I gave up being serious about it a while ago.

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:15:43 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am working on defining myself. A lot of me wants to submit to the level Sir wishes me too, which is not TPE. His needs come first for me. The reality though is we both have similiar ideas and goals. We both enjoy living alone, so it is working for us.  

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:15:52 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		My goal is 24/7 TPE. I want it all and we are slowly working towards it. He knows where I am at any time during the day. He plans on eventually controlling my food, clothing, my job, schedule, everything. The fact that he wants that and I want that does not mean that I'm incapable of making sound decisions. We both feed off of the intensity of that level of control.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:22:30 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		In my opinion, based upon being on my experience here, it seems most of this is smoke and mirrors or some grandios Shakespear play. We all get in costumes, talk a certain way, and dish out a little escapism.

I'm not kinda Dom, but I'm not unreasonable. I will hold whatever sub who says she can serve me to her word and expect her to act accordingly. Hasn't happened yet.

You have subs who have a laundry list of demands a Dom must submit to before a sub wil submit to he or she. They got it twisted. They're topping before the word go. I may be too literal but in my mind you are or you're not. Everything in beteween is posing and drama.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:57:01 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Well, a lot of the human condition gets explained away here with * D/s concepts*.

agirl

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:19:41 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		As a s-type, giving up complete control is a picture perfect scene that
does NOT fit the reality of life. I have had a job where I was micro-managed and hated it. I expect if I had a partner that was into micro-managing my life 24/7/365 days I would run far far away. True, there are days when I have so much parent stuff to deal with and at times become overwhelmed, that the fantasy of having someone to give me an order sounds wonderful. For me, in reality it would NOT ever work. The truth is, we all as individuals have our day to day lives to deal with. Whether it be work, family, aging parents, um's. It would be great to have a partner that you can take things to, talk to, and get their viewpoint on how to proceed if in doubt. Ideally, I would love my partner to be the one who had the most power in regards to decisions and such, who would be willing to help change unhealthy habits and those types of things but not someone who I had to get permission to use the bathroom and the like. For me, it is so much more about the mental/emotional and trusting your partner to make the right decisions and trust that they will protect you from harm. 

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:33:52 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

My goal is 24/7 TPE. I want it all and we are slowly working towards it. He knows where I am at any time during the day. He plans on eventually controlling my food, clothing, my job, schedule, everything. The fact that he wants that and I want that does not mean that I'm incapable of making sound decisions. We both feed off of the intensity of that level of control.
What she said...exactly.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:42:07 PM   
DarkWhipster


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/19/2009
Status: offline 		  I have read through any of the above responces and see merit in all of them. The fact is either Y/you are or Y/your not. Those that are accept it and do not need to flaunt it or dramatize it. They know just exatly who they are and can not change regaurdless of relationships or circumstances of life.
  Those that are not may feel fleeting sparks of Dominancy or sub/ slave tendancies. But only in some arena where the role play is being acted out.
  Those that ARE , are very capable of the 24/7 lives. However it will take two that ARE. Any other combination would fail.
  Those that are not will enjoy sparks and intermitant surges of the life and lets hope they realize this and limit themselves to their abilities.
  I was raised in this and am the 4th generation. My Sons are being groomed in the same ways I was. They are the 5th generation of a very old and steadfast tradition. And yes they will manage every aspect of Their lives as well and Their spouses and childrens lives. For Disapline at every level is demanded and expected.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:43:08 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline
I've written this with the understanding that everyone is different. I'm simply writing about what I prefer in a relationship.

I think a lot of people write using terms where the execution differs dramatically from one person to another. Based on the background you wrote in your post and on that original "kink" post you made, I get a sense that you see TPE as a type of relationship where a dominant tells his/her sub when to go to the bathroom and how many squares of toilet paper to use when done! I've interacted with some doms who were very much into managing every task in their subs' lives. Personally, that sort of thing drives me bananas when it is applied to me.

I've also met doms who felt that TPE meant they would describe a loose framework under which the sub would operate. This type of dom works best for me -- one where I am given some rules and still feel I can do my thing without having to frequently review a list or check back in with him to see if I'm still in compliance. For me, I see the number of rules a dom wants to put in place as one area of compatibility.

So, someone who can make reservations, spank me and then tell me to get myself presentable is pretty cool with me. I like a man with a dominant personality who sets standards and holds me (and himself!) accountable for adhering to the guidelines he lays out.




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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:47:11 PM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
{snip}

Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?



Pretty much.  Yeah.

I'll never be one to tell anyone else that TPE isn't realistic, because I'm absolutely sure that variations of it work beautifully for all sorts of folks.  I've said it before; when it comes to lasting relationships of any kind, compatibility is the real key.  If the people involved are all on board with whatever framework, I think it can work.

But TPE sure wouldn't work for us personally, for all sorts of reasons.

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:47:32 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I want TPE. No I don't want to have to micromanage to get things done in the way I want them done. So I'm prepared to train my sub. If I ever find him lol.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 3:57:51 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		To me, TPE does not appeal on either side of the kneel. 
  Davan

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 4:03:45 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Yanno what? I am a SLAVE. TPE 24/7/365.

So I just got home from getting M to the ER, Doctor, pharmacist, cleaned up, changed into bedclothes, settled with an activity that will keep his mind busy and off the pain, got the laundry going, put the meds and stuff away, fed him, and got a kiss for it all. And I read this thread.

If he wants sex at 3 am and i have to work the next day, we have sex and i am tired the next day, cuz he is way more important to me and our intimacy is way more important to me than some wage slave job. If he sees that I am putting his needs so far above my own that i forget or put off doing things that are good for me, well then he tells me to do them. Does he set my bedtime? sure does, otherwise i will try and stay up late just to be near him. Does he pick my clothes for me? Sort of, in that i don't buy clothes that i don't THINK he will like and if i am wrong and he hates it, well I take it back. Its just clothes, I  have more and I will buy more again. maybe next time he will love it and hey! excuse to go shopping again. Do i plan my day and my life around him, his wants, his needs, his whims, his desires, his intrests, his sexual proclivities? Fuck yeah.

And you know what? That takes a TON of thought on my part, constant on going thought. Everything i do everyday takes HIM into consideration, all of him, not just the hot, kinky sexy parts, but the headcold, whiny, bitchy, steal the covers part too. I strive to add to his life, to make it run smoother, easier, happier, gentler, sexier, whatever.

What do i get in return? He thinks about me and my needs, wants, issues, love, quirks, kinks, drive, interests, and all in every decision he makes for us. He makes a world inside our house where I am free to love unconditionally with all that i am and be loved unconditionally by all that his is.


I am not a sub and i sort of don't get subs honestly. They seem to be full of demands and think that thier "gift" is allowing someone to have sex with them they way they, the sub, wants it. And Doms seem to be willing to do whatever it takes to push all the little subbie (sorry) buttons to accept thier "gift".

And yeah I am tired. It has been a long, scary day full of blood, stitches, and future issues and stuff. And i still have laundry to fold, dishes to do, and a man that i love with all that i am to snuggle and support emotionally while he deals with the aftermath of surgery.

as a final note, no i have not slept well since the surgery that some of you know he had. I have not eaten well, and i have been run off my feet dealng with the helplessness that comes from watching someone you love HURT really bad. and i sorta picked up this coffee habit (i know i know drug use never makes it better).

I'm off to go be a mindless drone that he has to micromanage now. but at least there are apple turnovers for dessert.


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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 4:17:16 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 4:20:12 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

In my hiatus from CM, met a few people and did some soulsearching, determined I didn't have one.

Anywhoooo,  back to the matter at hand.  Real relationships...Not the casual thang. Not the thing that is sporadic. Not online crud.  I mean domming, dating, real time, 24/7, seeing, fucking, breathing and talking to someone on a regular basis. Digging that person..The emotional shit, the twue connection. Not just sport fucking and seeing what can be done, or pushing the edge of the envelope out of curiousity...I'm jusss saying...Can you feel the love my brothahs and sistahs?

This is not only about me, but I imagine that it applies to many of the people that frequent this site.  How much of this is sexual and how much of it is an actual 24/7 thing put into practice?

I don't discuss relationships or my life out here. I don't frequent dungeons( I might just haven't gotten around to it..Which means I probably never will)  Would never post pics of a sub's tits, ass or snatch that I gave a rats ass about.  They are mine and not for publ;ic consumption.  Way too private....Oh my God! I am a fucking prude!  Maybe I have become my pa.  I'm pretty sure Pa was a twisted fuck.

I recently mentioned in a post that I consider much of "this" to be kink.  So I did some brain searching after I received a few pm's.  Some of the pm's were in agreement  but others went along the lines of.... "was disappointed that you are not "full time"...That you are not the 24/7 take control type of guy...You really suck ass."....lol.

I take charge..Kind of.  I'm the boss (sort of)...But you go your own way and I expect your decision process to be sound.  The decision making process does not always end with me. You still have your life.

Who has got the patience for TPE?  Who has the ability to cater and meet the needs of someone who is always in search of some form of reinforcement or that their actions need to be approved. Maybe my name should be "SortofDom"....But so much of this shit seems too demanding and simply over the top, at least for me.  Much of it seems to much like men just behaving poorly and boorishly and woman who lack the mustard to be heard and an overall grace.

I know that I am taking things to a rather extreme.  Maybe I am just into the kink and the relationship (master/slave or sub...TPE) is the reality.  Or maybe the kink is the driving force.

Not looking for halfbaked feedback in regards to me....Because, quite frankly, none of you are worthy.

What I want is an open discussion.  Based on frankness, honesty and reality.  I realize that there is no "one size fits all."

What drives you?  Could you really take control of someone...TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE?   Or, subs,  give up everything?.... Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?

Subs and Doms...What say you?



I'd say that a man with interests, self-confidence and blessed with a sense of humour (that's you fucked then, Domi), can walk into a pub and find a woman for the night; or find a woman on the internet who would agree to being strapped to a post and whipped. But, you know, even a burrow owl can find a way to snare a female for the night and proceed to knock one of her hips in with whatever device comes to hand/claw/whatever owls have in place of fingers.

I suppose it's a matter of intensity for me. I need my life to be more than simply meeting up on a weekend and then going our separate ways, and much, much more than a relationship that hinges on 'kink'. Then again, I've always been like that; it's all or nothing with me in pretty much everything I do, unless it's something that is purely utilitarian and then I'll just get it done as quickly as possible so that I maximise time for use on that which holds my interest. I suppose that under this cold, aloof exterior beats a passionate, romantic (in the sense of self-expression rather than flowers and chocolates) heart that simply can't accept a life of limited personal ambitions. So, my mindset is that a relationship with a woman can be, and must be for me, far more intense than hinging on sex and equating to a half way house of dominance and submission. Is a lion a lion one minute and a cat the next, or is he a full time lion? I think a life going through the motions with a spot of fun now and again is about as appealing as hacking indiscriminately at my knackers with a scythe.

In terms of Total Power Exchange, I don't know what it means and quite frankly I don't really care. Assuming you're asking whether or not total authority is the reason for being, then, yeah, that's for me. I don't believe that holding the levers of power can only lead to a relationship where the woman is utterly devoid of the ability to employ her reason: you can use those levers as you so wish. Think of the Rule of Law: the law is not an absolute authority, but it certainly is the authority; you're entitled to an appeal, but you must obey the decision of the law (assuming you want to avoid the consequences of the alternative path).

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 4:51:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The way I view it is that he has the right to make almost all of the decisions, within certain limits. Which doesn't mean he has to. He isn't interested in deciding if I make meatloaf or roast chicken for dinner.

He isn't interested in making most of my decisions. Most of my decisions are perfectly sound. I don't need to be micromanaged and he wouldn't want to do that anyway.

But just because someone can do something does not mean they are therefore obligated to do so.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 5:03:04 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline 		OK, I guess I will chime in, but do not have much more to add, then what has already been posted, other than my personal feelings (you can read my profile to get a taste of that as well).  Anyways, as a Dom or Master or whatever "label" you prefer to use, I am a person, so are you, so is my sub, so is my slave (if I had a sub and/or a slave).

We all need to eat, we all need to breathe, we all need to feel comfortable in our situations.  I feel most comfortable when my future sub/slave will come to me with decisions which affect me, she comes to me just to say "Hi Sir", she comes to me to ask if I need anything, she comes to me to be near me, she comes to me to try out our new toy, she comes to me to get her neck or back rubbed, she comes to me to see if I will raise my eyes to her and smile, she comes to me when called, she comes to be to be disciplined for screwing up, she comes to me to be with the One who loves her for her support and her unconditional belief in me, she comes to me when she is sad, she comes to me when she is happy, and she comes to me knowing that I love her unconditionally and that she is the reason I wake up everyday.

But that is not all....  I go to her when I am hungry, I go to her when my neck hurts, I go to her when my shirt needs ironing and I am running late, I go to her to ask why we are out of toilet paper, I go to her to talk-out a problem, I go to her when I need to feel her body on mine (yes, even at 3 AM), I go to her when I want to try-out a new toy, I go to her to punish her for not coming to me quick enough, I go to her to see that smile, I go to her to let her know that I appreciate all she does for me, I go to her to softly stroke her hair, I go to her to feel her soft lips on mine (as I pull that soft hair), I go to her when my work day was a day full of negotiations and stress, and I expecially go to her to be with the only person in this world who I know will do anything for me at anytime amd love me unconditionally.

Is that being a Dom or Master...?  I think that is being ME, and that is her being HER.

< Message edited by MyWorldCT -- 2/16/2009 5:05:51 PM >

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 5:05:37 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
Both S. and R. limit what parts of my life they wish to dominate.  It is their choice.  I am quite content with the way my life is, I am more than satisfied to participate in wiitwd part time.  These two men have helped me reach within myself to find joy in submitting to them.  I have discovered deep wells of giving that I did not know I possessed.  Whenever I am in the presence of one of them, they then have power over all that I am; they own that fountain of service.   
And when we part, we are smiling.
To those who consider the way I interact with these two men as “only play”, I say perhaps it is, but it is play with substance.  It is real because we are real people doing things our way. 
 
I’ve asked the question this way before, and never gotten an adequate answer.  If I play flag football in the park with my family and friends, does that mean we are not really playing football?  Do “DaBears” (that one is for you, domi) sit around bitching that because they are the pros, and play for big money and take bigger physical risks, no one should be allowed to play flag football?
We all have various levels of talent, energy and desire to put into wiitwd.  I saw your post that you mentioned above, and I thought---finally!  Someone typed it out loud!  There is no right or wrong when it comes to deciding how we want to live.  I am in awe of those who live it 24/7.  That doesn’t mean I could do it—or that I would want to.

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(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 5:33:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wow,

I was thinking about this subject for another forum as a post there got me to thinking about all this. 

What we are ALL doing is finding the ying for our yang.  What would make Aileen sing for joy would have BossyShoeBitch looking for a knife and vice versa.  Part of me finds Aileen and her extremism hot as hell but I couldn't handle it for more than a weekend or two, doesn't make either of us wrong, just wrong for each other.

What BossyShoeBitch and I found so intoxicating with each other was the near perfect match of ying and yang, not just on the who she "is" and who I "am" but even those energies ebbed and flowed.  I just wasn't the man she needed for other reasons.

We tend to get all wrapped up in what we should be doing, or how relationships should be.  The only reality of all this is that we are searching for someone who compliments us, or at least should be.  Searching for someone who completes you is a fools errand.

Even people who are "messed up" search for their their opposite energy.  As I grew and became more self aware and less emotionally abusive, I kept meeting better and better partners who helped me grow and prepare for the next one.

BSB and I are far from perfect, even if I think she is amazing.  We helped each other grow and become better people, we were perfect for each other as far as the relationship.  Seeing my failings reflected in her eyes gave me the impetus to make the changes I am struggling to make today in order to get myself ready for my next (not better) partner who matches my needs today.

Now, when the stars align and you meet someone who you grow at the same pace and other things work just right, you can grow together, sometimes for a lifetime.  If BSB and I were closer, perhaps we could have done that or perhaps we would have held one or the other back from the growth they needed, who knows.  The reality is we are both better for having met each other and our next partners will reflect the beauty of what we shared.

Domi, I don't know where you are at but I can tell you I have always enjoyed your sharp humor and I know I am not alone.  I realize you want someone more attractive than me but I am sure she is reading this and wondering...hmmm.  I wish you the best of luck Sir!

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 2/16/2009 5:39:38 PM >

(in reply to catize)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 5:44:19 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Since some folks who are happy in a TPE relationship seem to be offended or defensive about some things said in this thread, I just want to say that what I meant in my post is that it simply isn't for me. Others have said as much. I've read all the posts and didn't see anything that I consider critical of lifestyles and relationships of any kind, including the OP.

I think that , if people are happy in their relationship, whatever it's nature, good for them. That seems to be the consensus.

I wanted to point this out just in case some folks got the wrong impression.


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"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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