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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 5:52:37 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What BossyShoeBitch and I found so intoxicating with each other was the near perfect match of ying and yang, not just on the who she "is" and who I "am" but even those energies ebbed and flowed. I just wasn't the man she needed for other reasons.

Now, when the stars align and you meet someone who you grow at the same pace and other things work just right, you can grow together, sometimes for a lifetime. If BSB and I were closer, perhaps we could have done that or perhaps we would have held one or the other back from the growth they needed, who knows. The reality is we are both better for having met each other and our next partners will reflect the beauty of what we shared.

I don't know whether being geographically closer would have made things better or worse either.. I do know that I am indeed a far better person today for having known you.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 41

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:14:47 PM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

In my hiatus from CM, met a few people and did some soulsearching, determined I didn't have one.

Anywhoooo, back to the matter at hand. Real relationships...Not the casual thang. Not the thing that is sporadic. Not online crud. I mean domming, dating, real time, 24/7, seeing, fucking, breathing and talking to someone on a regular basis. Digging that person..The emotional shit, the twue connection. Not just sport fucking and seeing what can be done, or pushing the edge of the envelope out of curiousity...I'm jusss saying...Can you feel the love my brothahs and sistahs?

This is not only about me, but I imagine that it applies to many of the people that frequent this site. How much of this is sexual and how much of it is an actual 24/7 thing put into practice?

I don't discuss relationships or my life out here. I don't frequent dungeons( I might just haven't gotten around to it..Which means I probably never will) Would never post pics of a sub's tits, ass or snatch that I gave a rats ass about. They are mine and not for publ;ic consumption. Way too private....Oh my God! I am a fucking prude! Maybe I have become my pa. I'm pretty sure Pa was a twisted fuck.

I recently mentioned in a post that I consider much of "this" to be kink. So I did some brain searching after I received a few pm's. Some of the pm's were in agreement but others went along the lines of.... "was disappointed that you are not "full time"...That you are not the 24/7 take control type of guy...You really suck ass."....lol.

I take charge..Kind of. I'm the boss (sort of)...But you go your own way and I expect your decision process to be sound. The decision making process does not always end with me. You still have your life.

Who has got the patience for TPE? Who has the ability to cater and meet the needs of someone who is always in search of some form of reinforcement or that their actions need to be approved. Maybe my name should be "SortofDom"....But so much of this shit seems too demanding and simply over the top, at least for me. Much of it seems to much like men just behaving poorly and boorishly and woman who lack the mustard to be heard and an overall grace.

I know that I am taking things to a rather extreme. Maybe I am just into the kink and the relationship (master/slave or sub...TPE) is the reality. Or maybe the kink is the driving force.

Not looking for halfbaked feedback in regards to me....Because, quite frankly, none of you are worthy.

What I want is an open discussion. Based on frankness, honesty and reality. I realize that there is no "one size fits all."

What drives you? Could you really take control of someone...TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE? Or, subs, give up everything?.... Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?

Subs and Doms...What say you?

I picked the name StrangerThan when I first came here because the first dozen or so posts I read were TPE/micromanaging, not a real Dom, types of things. I thought, well, I'm going to be stranger than a lot of these folks because what I have and what I want goes way beyond play, sex, and telling someone what to do. It's that digging the other shit, the emotional stuff, the twue connection, the expectation that they are an adult and because of that I shouldn't need to oversee every movement they make.

She didn't come with a laundry list of negotiations. She didn't come spouting acronyms every third or fourth word. She didn't start out writing me in multicolored weird ass fonts that took forever to decipher. Nor did she do the W/we shit that makes my mind stutter every time I read it.

We didn't start out playing or having sex. We just talked. The rest came in its own time and at the right time.

I tell her if she ever refers to me as Master, I'll blister her ass, and I will. It is one of the few things that will generate that kind of response. I'm not her Master, nor her master. I'm her Dom. She's my submissive. That means we poke, play, talk, have wild night and have calm nights. It means we have a family wherein no one is being groomed for a future life in D/s. That's a personal decision not one that belongs as part of a family makeup. It means sometimes I put her in chains and draw her arms up until she's almost on her tiptoes and work her back and ass with whips and floggers and a whole mess of other things until she's drooping in said chains and ready for the bench. Sometimes it means I pull he across my knee and spank her like a school girl. Sometimes it means we sit and watch Disney movies.

There is an "ALL" I want. That all isn't making every decision for her nor looking over her shoulder to make sure she crossed every t and dotted every i. I want the ALL that comes with having a life that incorporates as many aspects of it as we can squeeze in, life, love, the twue thing, a hell of a lot of ass whipping, tying her up and using her like a total whore... but pulling her close after it and making her tell me who I love, who I want, who she belongs to, and lots of other corny shit.

I've no disrepect for the TPE crowd in the same way as I've no disrespect for the vanilla crowd.

I just do my thing and am not going to apologize to anyone for it, nor do I feel a need to prove anything to anyone except myself and her.

so I think you're quite the domiguy.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 42

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:34:43 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I've come a long way in understanding what it is about control that drives me. In my earliest subbie days I fell under that shared delusion that I couldn't be a "twue" sub if I didn't give up all control. I knew right off that I couldn't do that. I have a life to live and a need to be self-reliant. Make someone else responsible for my well-being? No thank you.

I do want a relationship with a basis in D/s though, and I've had a taste of being in one that involved protocols and speech restrictions. The problem with that was working out when those rules were in effect. Doing them all the time got in the way of the relationship, and made me really unsure of how I was supposed to act a lot of the time. The long and short of it is, with some exceptions like finances, I do want some control over more general life things...but I want that to be more in the form of executive veto. I'll make my own decisions, unless my Domme has a better idea. A relationship is a lot of work without throwing a heavy load of D/s on top of it. I want it to be there, but I want things to be relaxed and comfortable. The heavy stuff can be hot, but I think I'd rather save that for scening.

(in reply to StrangerThan)

Post #: 43

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:36:48 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I can only speak for myself here, but there were lots of comments about not wanting a brainless x or not wanting to micromanage and a lot of the stuff, porno stereotype stuff, about slaves. It got to me tonight because I am overwrought. The implied judgment that I am brainless, micromanaged, make the life of my M harder, and am some sort of emotional burden and just trying to escape reality sometimes bothers me. It sometimes gets to a person to have their lifestyle derided and belittled and made into a joke.

I am sorry for snapping. I really am. and i am really sorry about that sub/dom comment. I wish i hadn't said it or thought it. And i don't actually think that way, i was just spouting the bs hate speak that some, repeat some M/s people say about d/s.

Thanks for caring that your, or any other comments might have been hurtful. It means a lot that you would speak up.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 44

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:52:12 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

timed out...sucks..be back later..it was fucking brilliant...So sad.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/16/2009 6:53:52 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 45

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:53:40 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?

I would prefer someone who I was too proud of that I'd wearing his cum in my hair even to get groceries.

Other than that, no one else would drive me to give two sh*ts.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 46

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 6:56:08 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

timed out...sucks..be back later..it was fucking brilliant...So sad.

You know many times if you just hit the BACK button you can recover your post...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 47

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 7:05:47 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Hi, domi, and welcome back. (By the way, Firm says to say hello, too... he's done so a couple of times, but both threads were deleted.

)

For me, I don't think I could take the "full-time TPE" that many seek and enjoy. I'm a pretty saavy person and very capable of managing myself. Firm is pretty saavy, too, and takes advantage of my abilities to make his life easier. He decides when and what I get to decide, and that currently covers quite a bit.

It works for us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

Yanno what? I am a SLAVE. TPE 24/7/365.

...

If he wants sex at 3 am and i have to work the next day, we have sex and i am tired the next day, cuz he is way more important to me and our intimacy is way more important to me than some wage slave job. If he sees that I am putting his needs so far above my own that i forget or put off doing things that are good for me, well then he tells me to do them. Does he set my bedtime? sure does, otherwise i will try and stay up late just to be near him. Does he pick my clothes for me? Sort of, in that i don't buy clothes that i don't THINK he will like and if i am wrong and he hates it, well I take it back. Its just clothes, I have more and I will buy more again. maybe next time he will love it and hey! excuse to go shopping again. Do i plan my day and my life around him, his wants, his needs, his whims, his desires, his intrests, his sexual proclivities? Fuck yeah.

And you know what? That takes a TON of thought on my part, constant on going thought. Everything i do everyday takes HIM into consideration, all of him, not just the hot, kinky sexy parts, but the headcold, whiny, bitchy, steal the covers part too. I strive to add to his life, to make it run smoother, easier, happier, gentler, sexier, whatever.

What do i get in return? He thinks about me and my needs, wants, issues, love, quirks, kinks, drive, interests, and all in every decision he makes for us. He makes a world inside our house where I am free to love unconditionally with all that i am and be loved unconditionally by all that his is.

Yanno what? Funny thing is, this sounds just EXACTLY like me, except I'm not a TPE 24/7/365 slave... I'm just a sub.

Go figure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I am not a sub and i sort of don't get subs honestly. They seem to be full of demands and think that thier "gift" is allowing someone to have sex with them they way they, the sub, wants it. And Doms seem to be willing to do whatever it takes to push all the little subbie (sorry) buttons to accept thier "gift".

Amazing how these little boxes we like to put people into just don't really work well.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 48

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 7:26:00 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

wow this could go a few ways couldn't it? We could argue semantics, I could get offended because you are implying that i too am "only" a sub, I could point out that you are a slave, just scared of twue commitment, point out that you are being a meany to someone having a really shitty day, graciously agree that yes submissives are somehow better than slaves and Doms better than Masters or Ma'ams, or hell make fun of your shoes, or your need to justify your relationship in relation to mine, or laugh it all off and go back to being the slave that i am proud to be.

oh wait there are more options too. *begs permission to use her thinking cap from her micromanaging Master* I could find this whole thing really funny because WIITWD is exactly that and at the end of the (very, very long day) I am a woman that gets shit done, gives love where it is needed, kicks ass where she can, and has (or will have as soon as the pain pills wear off a bit) one HELL of a sex life, especially at three in the morning!

Where do you want to go with it?

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 49

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 7:34:21 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I could find this whole thing really funny because WIITWD is exactly that and at the end of the (very, very long day) I am a woman that gets shit done, gives love where it is needed, kicks ass where she can, and has (or will have as soon as the pain pills wear off a bit) one HELL of a sex life, especially at three in the morning!

lol... I think you'll find this is a good fit for all.

Psst... I am sorry you are having a bad day. I hope things get better soon.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 50

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 7:34:36 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

It is sad that we feel we need to defend our lives to others. I can relate to that but from the other end of the spectrum. I’m not a ‘true’ submissive because I submit conditionally. I ‘top from the bottom’ because I have limits. I’m not a real……………fill in the blank. I’m not monogamous, but I’m not poly either, and that doesn’t sit well with some folks.
I feel real enough for me, isn’t that what matters?
It is quite apparent to me that you have a brain and you use it well. And whether or not you are ‘micromanaged’ is only relevant to you and your M.
I’m sorry you had a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 51

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 7:40:22 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My relationship is between me and my sub. I am a laid back type of person but I have my few rules and he follows them. We get along well, we communicate and keep things in reality.

Oh yeah we play out a few of our fantasies but we don't publish the pics on the net nor do we play in public (not that there is anything wrong with that). We are a pair of "doing our own thing" type individuals and we don't follow the crowd. Sure some of the community would say we aren't up to their "spec" but who cares? I know that we don't.

Do what makes you happy and do not give a crap what other people think.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 52

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 8:06:08 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

TreasureKY, catize, and all.

I had to fight with 2 doctors for my M because he was in so much pain he literally couldn't speak. I also had to argue with a nurse, a PA, a physical therapist who thought it would be a good idea to see how much "stress" a week old bone graft could take, a group of receptionists that wanted to talk about (and i am not making this up) thier sex toy party that night rather than hand over the prescriptions for pain meds.

Then I had to drug the poor guy, haul him all over town in 30 degree weather (with bare toes hanging out of his cast) for his pain meds and THEN>>>>>>
so yeah i lost my shit a little when i saw the same old same old about submissives and slaves and how "bad" and "sick" and all that.

I am sorry for losing it at y'all. It was uncalled for and i really am sorry. But thanks for letting me vent a bit.

His pain stuff will get better, that is what the darned surgery was for after all. healing hurts (don't we all know that one!) and one of these days Karma is going to key that freaking surgeon's car.

Frankly I would rather have spent the day in traffic court.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 53

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 8:13:44 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

To me, TPE does not appeal on either side of the kneel.
Davan

To me either. Micromangement by another is not my thing (fortunately, it's not His, either).

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 54

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 8:42:21 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I am honestly curious and please don't think i am being funny or mean or any thing.

How does TPE= micromanagement? I keep reading this and I am serious lost about where this idea comes from. Is it porn? is it some kind of icky cmail thing? Is it from some movie or something?

I have never seen a TPE that has micromanagement in it. M's are generally busy people and have and need slaves to make thier busy lives work well or at all in some cases.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 55

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 9:11:51 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm a little more on the flexible side by nature, I'm willing to meet halfway as long as I'm not being played - if it's gonna be one way it's gonna be my way, that's all - but oddly enough I am in a position where I could do 24/7 TPE, although I fear I might go mad with power, heh.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 56

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/17/2009 6:50:04 AM

MyWorldCT

Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

Basically I agree with Amaros here... I need that someone as much as they need me, but I am not going to meet halfway on everything.

I am also available for 24/7 right now, but am taking my time. Finding the wrong one vs. finding the right one is my greatest worry.

Fey- BTW, traffic court is fun... I was just there with my best friend, who lost his license because he backed into a police car and drove off. Not his proudest moment...

However, some of the other defendants were there for the free heat, a day off from work, and world-class cafeteria food!!!

Also, Fey- Pain means he is still alive. Celebrate every breath you take with each other.

(in reply to Amaros)

Post #: 57

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/17/2009 6:56:28 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I am honestly curious and please don't think i am being funny or mean or any thing.

How does TPE= micromanagement? I keep reading this and I am serious lost about where this idea comes from. Is it porn? is it some kind of icky cmail thing? Is it from some movie or something?

I have never seen a TPE that has micromanagement in it. M's are generally busy people and have and need slaves to make thier busy lives work well or at all in some cases.

To clarify what I meant by saying that I seek the company of "sane and balanced people " who do not need micromanagement, I did not mean to imply that an s in a TPE type relationship, de facto, is not such a person. I should have been more careful in how I expressed myself.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 58

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/17/2009 7:19:00 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

I have found all "this" (wiitwd, BDSM, TPE, M/s ) to be a paradox and that once I accept that, everything falls into place. At the time that I was able to give up everything (my job, my belongings, my home) I gained everything. Just as I have never felt so free as I do when I am tightly bound.

Yes, I am responsible for me and I exchange power with the one I love and serve. It is a relationship, we relate to each other in a way that is unique to each of us and now there is additional thing, our union of which we are components, separately joined, unequally yoked, pulling in the same direction.

I don't know if His being capable of making reservations, spanking me and telling me to get the cum out of my hair would be enough now (Anyway He would never tell me to get the cum out of my hair, He'd prefer I wear it but I digress) but it certainly has been enough in the past.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 59

RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/17/2009 7:21:36 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: natasha66

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

To me, TPE does not appeal on either side of the kneel.
Davan

To me either. Micromangement by another is not my thing (fortunately, it's not His, either).

Where does this *micro-management IS TPE* come from?

I'm sure people have garnered this notion from somewhere, I'm just not sure where. Is it something people read and swallow without thinking about it?

agirl

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 60

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