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Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:08:26 PM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

i have been doing a lot of reading lately about the after affects of feminism. That essentially, what it has done is created women who expect everything to be given to them and done their way and men who cannot stand up to them and often cower.

i have also been reading posts by Doms and Masters saying that many female submissives expect Doms/Masters to be living a certain way, earning a certain level of income and look a certain way. my understanding is, this is not the submissive's business. What should matter is how the two get along as a D/s couple or duing play times. i'm specifically interested to hear how Master's/Doms feel about this issue.

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Post #: 1

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:12:38 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

this is not the submissive's business.

Some people have standards. It's not a bad thing.

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:14:46 PM

sojourner9

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline

I expect my potential submissives to live a certain way, earn a certain level of income, and look a certain way. So, it is no surprise that they expect similar things in what they are looking for.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 3

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:22:40 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

O.o

I don't want to be with a man who can't manage his finances, can't take care of himself, and who isn't attractive to me.

Sorry. I like my standards.

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HBIC

(in reply to sojourner9)

Post #: 4

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:24:37 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

i have also been reading posts by Doms and Masters saying that many female submissives expect Doms/Masters to be living a certain way, earning a certain level of income and look a certain way. my understanding is, this is not the submissive's business. What should matter is how the two get along as a D/s couple or duing play times. i'm specifically interested to hear how Master's/Doms feel about this issue.

To get along well as a couple, certain factors that have little or nothing to do with BDSM need to be met. Like if the dominant wants/doesn't want kids, enjoys opera, is sexually attractive, etc. The same factors that have to met for a vanilla relationships have to be met for d/s one. We just aren't that different and, frankly, this doesn't have to do with feminism. It has to do with being happy in one's chosen relationship.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/18/2009 6:25:48 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:27:23 PM

BitchGoddessD

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/15/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

i have been doing a lot of reading lately about the after affects of feminism. That essentially, what it has done is created women who expect everything to be given to them and done their way and men who cannot stand up to them and often cower.

This is not my experience. I was raised in feminist times. It has made me a strong woman that strong men choose to submit to.

_____________________________

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.
Jackie Robinson

Just call me D

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:31:22 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl
i have been doing a lot of reading lately about the after affects of feminism.

I assume you mean "after effects." Hmmm, the "after effects of feminism." I'm curious as to what those are

quote:

That essentially, what it has done is created women who expect everything to be given to them and done their way and men who cannot stand up to them and often cower.

I don't think women and men like that were "created" due to feminism. Some PEOPLE regardless of sex/gender, "expect everything to be given to" them. There have always been PEOPLE "who cannot stand up" for themselves and who "cower." I really don't believe for a second that it falls along gender lines or that feminism caused it.

quote:

i have also been reading posts by Doms and Masters saying that many female submissives expect Doms/Masters to be living a certain way, earning a certain level of income and look a certain way.

Yep. As the others have said, it's called one's "standards." We all have them - uniquely tailored to our tastes - and to choose a partner while ignoring them will only lead to disaster sooner or later. We choose a partner - dominant or not - based on what we desire. To think otherwise is naive and foolish.

quote:

my understanding is, this is not the submissive's business.

What is my "business" was discussed before I became His. It differs in every relationship, of course. He desires that lots of things are my "business" because He depends on me to help Him.

quote:

What should matter is how the two get along as a D/s couple or duing play times.

Yep. That's a big part of what "should matter." There really are no "should's" that fit for everyone...................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 6:32:51 PM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Of course the life of a Master or Dominant one wants to take up with matters, & should matter even more to a submissive who is considering surrendering all that she is to this one person. She should want to know that is he is capable of taking care of himself. Otherwise, he has no business trying to take care of a submissive. She should know he is honest, & trustworthy & means what he says, because she will be putting herself in a position where she will need to trust him.

I think it has little to do with feminism & should be much more about self preservation. Does she want to be with someone who continually breaks the law? If so, does she want to live without him, when he gets caught & goes away to prison or worse? If later, they should decide to add little ones to their family, shouldn't she want to know that he will be able to care for them & protect them? Is he going to be off doing drugs, or worse? Will he be going off taking care of someone elses family, while his own are left without a father figure? Will he be drinking more than is healthy? Is he doing things that will jeopardize his health? Is it possible that the way he is living, she will one day find herself living in the streets or at a homeless shelter? Should she really follow such a man blindly?

To say this is not a submissive's business, is, in my opinion, quite naive.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 8

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 7:04:00 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

First and foremost, it's a relationship you are getting into. Are you going to get into a relationship with just anyone, or are you going to get into a relationship with someone that fits you? And I mean any kind of relationship whether it's friendship (do you become friends with everyone you meet?), love, marriage, D/s, M/s, etc. It is very much the submissive's business who they get involved with, what kind of person they get involved with and very much their right to have standards that help them determine the best fit for them. We are still people, still human beings first. You open yourself up for a lot of possible trouble when you forget that, forget the reality, and go for the fantasy.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to MissIsis)

Post #: 9

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 7:15:56 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

and done their way

Hi. My name is catize and I have topped from the bottom.

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 7:33:48 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

i have also been reading posts by Doms and Masters saying that many female submissives expect Doms/Masters to be living a certain way, earning a certain level of income and look a certain way. my understanding is, this is not the submissive's business.

If a submissive has certain perferences....they are just that.....preferences. If they want a Dom who is over 6 feet tall, that is their preference and they don't have to settle for a 5'2" Dominant just because that person is a Dominant. Guess what? A submissive has CHOICE. A submissive does NOT have to accept the collar of any Dominant who does not fit in with the submissive's criteria. An uncollared submissive's business who is seeking a Dominant is to find that Dominant who best suits the needs of the submissive....hence......CHOICE and PREFERENCES are wonderful things for a submissive to have.

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 7:53:24 PM

hamster11

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

i agree with everyone else about the standards thing.
i am sure we can talk about the effects of feminism but after effects? i didnt think feminism was over yet.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 12

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:12:09 PM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Since this is in the Ask a Master section and i see no Master has (been able to?) reply, i am more than happy to have private replies from MASTERS.

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http://slaveinchains.blogspot.com/

(in reply to hamster11)

Post #: 13

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:16:21 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Sorry, this is collarme, and all of the women are nosy and opinionated. Besides, you missed a OMFGMASTERS reply in your haste to make an angry remark.

I am curious though. Your profile tells other submissives to contact YOU for advice if they have doubts on a dominants behavior. What exactly qualifies you to give advice, while everyone else should shut up and let the big men talk?

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 2/18/2009 8:18:15 PM >

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HBIC

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Post #: 14

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:17:53 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i have been doing a lot of reading lately about the after affects of feminism. That essentially, what it has done is created women who expect everything to be given to them and done their way and men who cannot stand up to them and often cower.

This has not been my experience and I have been a feminist for many years. In fact what I have seen is many men are recognizing that yes women are people deserving of equal rights rather than viewing them as second class citizens. Of course some men do not view us that way but that is their own issue.

Most of the men I have been involved with never cowered, unless I had placed a collar around their neck then they did so when I told them too.

Feminism is about choice, not putting anyone down.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:19:10 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

what is it with all these posters, lately, that seem to think that answers from someone without dangly bits arent worthy?

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:20:02 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

i am more than happy to have private replies from MASTERS.

Oops, now you've gone and stepped in it.

Funny thing about CM, anyone is allowed to reply to any thread they want as long as they don't violate the TOS.

As to the OP, it most certainly IS a submissive's business when chosing a Dom to do so with care, part of which is standards. Afterwards, what is the sub's business is whatever was agreed to between the two people in the relationship, and there is no one answer that is "right".

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:20:06 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Greedy, if I strap a pink dangly bit on, do I count? ... or do I still have to sit in the corner? :(

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 18

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:23:10 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I wonder if its a way to troll. Because otherwise they would know that this is an open forum and that anyone can reply to posts here. Besides some Mistresses do use the title "Master" so if she just wants to hear from "dangly bits" she should have put that.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 19

RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/18/2009 8:25:47 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

FR

It is because I am a feminist that I have the ability to choose if I want a power relationship. In a society where women have no power, they have no choice, and therefore cannot consent. If you don't consent to such treatment, then it is abusive.

With that said, if you think all women should have sex with whatever male asks them, then go do so. But be sure to carry enough medical insurance since I'm not interested in paying for your lasting illnesses.

I don't submit to people I cannot respect. And I need a certain level of education and success to respect someone. Apparently all you need is for them to call themselves master. How is it working for you, submitting to every male that comes along? Obviously if you can't choose who to submit to, then you can't choose to refuse. So you must go around making and breaking promises since every new guy is your newest master, till the next one comes along.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 20

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