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Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:00:26 AM   
piratecommander


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I have been in the US for a few weeks now and met MANY indecent and honest people who haunt these chapters, I have also met many people who have been described (in advance of me knowing them) as "vanilla" to me.

I am familiar with several languages and am happy to work with slang, this term however seems to vary in meaning and is particularly used. I suspect that there is no one single straightforward translation of this slang.

I have several close friends who know me well (like ... really well,like ... friends do), here in the U.S. it seems they would be percieved as "vanilla" and yet we accept each other for who we are.

In plain terms ...... If no clear definition comes , I will challenge the use of the term everytime I hear it. Everyone is an individual as far as I'm concerned and this slang term seems to be creating a barrier and is EXCLUDING a good bunch of people from being part of their communities.

I understand that some of you here may have reasons to remain in the closet , but I do not, surely those of us who do not should be approaching the (to use a popular U.S. phrase) "hearts and minds" of the "man in the street" by setting example and avoiding such vague labels ?

Pirate
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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:02:09 AM   
FelineFae


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http://www.thefreedictionary.com/vanilla

e2a

You've got me. i've known many a person not interested in BDSM that i could hardly bring myself to call vanilla.

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 2/20/2009 4:05:07 AM >


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:04:28 AM   
piratecommander


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Q.E.D.

Pirate

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:07:00 AM   
FelineFae


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quit eating deer ?

sorry, don't know what q.e.d. means...
oh i know, quite effective difinition

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 2/20/2009 4:20:25 AM >


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:22:10 AM   
piratecommander


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You will find it in similar definition based internet resources to that which you quote , its from the Latin, a simple search will give you understanding, I don't generally rest on Latin,my command of U.S. English (or lack thereof) lent itself to my use of what I felt was the most appropriate response.

Pirate

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:38:57 AM   
FelineFae


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Touche'! Oh math, language i will never speak, write, or fathem. 

Please, don't think that i was being snarky, i forgot to post my view after the link. The link was to back up that vanilla is a spice, though often it is used to discribe something as bland or tasteless.
i've used it this way too...

But it is a flavor. Maybe a different flavor than us BDSM inclined, but no less a flavor all its own. We are then,,, rock-road flavored?

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:39:51 AM   
windchymes


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Since I usually try to keep things in my life simple, I'd just give "vanilla" a good, broad definition of someone who doesn't practice, or who isn't turned on by, or is possibly even repulsed by, kink. Of course, then we'd have to start a thread asking for the definition of "kink"....

And, you could set up a whole array of definitions, like, totally vanilla, mostly vanilla, partly vanilla, partly kinky.....like the weather forecasts that predict partly cloudy or partly sunny weather.  Which is it???? 

For me personally, I don't really NEED to know exactly what they are.  My mind usually works like, "Wow, he's pretty kinky", or, "she's pretty vanilla". 

I'd never think any less of anyone for their tastes, nor would I exclude them from any part of my life because of it. 

I apologize for rambling here, I need morning coffee, lol.  Hopefully some of this made sense. 

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 4:41:07 AM   
CatdeMedici


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It's usually more My friends referring to Me as "kinky" when all this time I am pretty sure I am "normal" whatever that means.

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 5:00:08 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


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Other than the ice cream, or on these boards, I don't use the term to describe people; because in my family they may think it's people who are not chocolate.

If I were to try and define it though, it would be along the lines of what windchymes
said above.    M

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 5:19:12 AM   
feydeplume


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Since i belong to the "all sex is kinky" crowd, i use it as a kink grouping descriptor. that kink grouping tends to include (but is not limited to) turning out the lights before intercourse, less than 15 minutes of foreplay, the codification of female as sexually passive and male as sexually needy, a need to keep sex and sexual contact to the bedroom, to de-sex everyday activities like kissing your lover when you get home from work and treating that kiss like you were kissing your grandmother, a refusal to express fantasies to their sexual partner, to believe that there is such a thing as "bad" consensual sex, and to choose to reject other kink groups as equally valid and good.

It may not be the best definition out there, but it does touch on the key concepts of "vanilla" as part of the kink spectrum of flavors. I know that lots of people want to look down on or judge this kink grouping as lesser than their own, but i think that really has more to do with American culture and it's dependence on hierarchical "goodness" and "badness". Yeah the Reformation fucked us up worse than the Pilgrims ever did. 

just my piggy bank...


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 5:31:41 AM   
Mercnbeth


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for this slave, a "vanilla" relationship describes a "traditional" one.  one which is accepted and acknowledged by our collective society.  for example:  boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.
 
this slave would consider a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship to be an "alternative" one, or "non-vanilla", in reference to the dynamics of the relationship being different than the traditionally accepted versions.
 
the boyfriend/girlfriend, the husband/wife, the Master/slave and the Dom/sub all engage in similar activities such as driving a car, shopping for food or taking a walk.  how those activities are planned or executed are up to the couples involved.
 
for this slave, "vanilla", or "non-vanilla" aren't terms she uses to describe daily activities or people...they are terms used to describe the contrast between different versions of relationship dynamics, sexual proclivities, music, financial instruments, information technology, etc., with value judgement reserved only for how that relates to self...not others or their choices.

Information Technology: 
quote:

vanilla (pronounced vah-NIHL-uh ) is an adjective meaning plain or basic. The unfeatured version of a product is sometimes referred to as the vanilla version. The term is based on the fact that vanilla is the most popular or at least the most commonly served flavor of ice cream. Or, as Eric Raymond, editor of The New Hacker's Dictionary , puts it, the default ice cream.
IBM's BookMaster product, a text publishing system used in mainframe environments, provides a default way, called vanilla, to specify which parts of the book to publish, and another fancier way to specify it, called mocha .
Some Web sites with frames call the simpler version of their site the vanilla version.

http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,,sid9_gci213272,00.html



quote:

plain vanilla:  Refers to the bare minimum of functions that are known to be available in an application or system. Contrast with bells and whistles.

 
http://www.pcmag.com/encyclopedia_term/0,2542,t=plain+vanilla&i=49345,00.asp

 
Business/Financial Investments:

quote:

Vanilla Option:  A category of options which include only those with the most standard components.  A plain vanilla option has an expiration date and straightforward strike price.  American style options and European style options are both categorized as plain vanilla options.  opposite of exotic option.

http://www.investorwords.com/6884/plain_vanilla_option.html



quote:

The standard version of something, such as a bond or option.  A plain vanilla term would not have any special components, unlike an exotic item which is more complex and varied.  One example of this is a plain vanilla option.

 
'plain vanilla' appears in the definitions of the following terms on BusinessDictionary.com

Physics Research:

quote:

While it is true that requirements on ID can be very analysis dependent, the CDF and DØ experience shows that especially in the early stages of the experiment it is very convenient to have generic ("vanilla") definitions of electrons and photons.

http://uscms.org/LPC/lpc_eg/vanilla_id.htm

 
Sex:
quote:


These days... it's all vanilla sex for me.

Larry Flynt


Music:

quote:

When you hear my records today, you hear a vanilla sounding artist with no black inflection, although I was trying to imitate what I heard.

Pat Boone

 
Computer R.P.G.:

quote:

In Vanilla Gamist play, what to compete about (or to achieve, or to be challenged about, if you prefer these terms) is relatively informal, and not too dependent on specified personal tactics. In other words, you can "lose" without it reflecting much on you as a player. It might often have a high degree of randomness, or have a number of small Colorful variables rather than one crucial live-or-die ones, or be pretty easy and no big deal to keep playing after loss conditions apply.

Such play is usually humorous, which isn't hard to understand - if you're playing in a challenge/competition context and losing/failing isn't a big deal, then it's a low-threat "pickup" kind of experience. Examples of designs that lend themselves to this sort of play include Tunnels & Trolls, Toon, and Paranoia. 
 http://www.indie-rpgs.com/forum/index.php?topic=4299.0


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 6:59:46 AM   
StrangerThan


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The place from which most everyone originates, and some deviate. Its neither lesser nor greater. It just is.

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 7:30:16 AM   
oceanwynds


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I been vanilla all my life up too two years ago when I discover kink. Honestly, I am still who I was back then and do not define vanilla as most do in the cm community. I tried to go that route but it never felt right. I am just me =one who never thought inside the box.

oceanwynds

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 7:44:50 AM   
LadyPact


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Hi Pirate,

First of all, I'm late in congratulating you and your lovely wife.  Please accept My best wishes.

I use the term vanilla though most people would look at Me and My life and say I'm anything but.  Since I have My poly family, which is a relationship between the three of us as a whole, yet also consists of My D/s dynamic with My sub and My marriage to My husband, "vanilla" is the best term I have to describe the last of these.  I use it because, even though we are both kinky in our own way (read Top/Dominant) that aspect isn't in our marriage.  There's no power exchange relationship and it's only been on the very rare occasion that we play with each other in a top/bottom sense.  The number of times it's happened wouldn't even qualify My husband as a casual play partner.  LOL.

So, while I, or we probably aren't what most people think of when they think of the term vanilla, it's the easiest way I have to try to get other people to understand what the marriage part of My life looks like.  I hope that made sense.

Again, My congratulations to both of you in your world.


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 7:52:12 AM   
MmeGigs


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quote:

Everyone is an individual as far as I'm concerned and this slang term seems to be creating a barrier and is EXCLUDING a good bunch of people from being part of their communities.


For most kinky folks I know, "vanilla" just means "not kinky".  When folks talk about their vanilla friends or vanilla interests, it's not a value judgment or an insult, it's just a descriptor.  I don't see how it creates barriers or excludes people.  Someone who isn't into BDSM isn't likely to want to be part of a BDSM community, but there's really nothing that prevents them from doing so.  It's not like folks are asked to submit a sexual resume before they're allowed to go to a munch or event. 

There are kinky folk who use "vanilla" with a sneer, as though folks who don't share our interests are narrow-minded hicks.  There are some who use the term to trivialize or marginalize other kinkyfolk.  That's a reflection of the sneerer's immaturity and insecurity.  To stop using the label because these folks are jerks is throwing the baby out with the bathwater, is it not?

quote:

I understand that some of you here may have reasons to remain in the closet , but I do not, surely those of us who do not should be approaching the (to use a popular U.S. phrase) "hearts and minds" of the "man in the street" by setting example and avoiding such vague labels ?


I'm not in the closet, but I have no interest in approaching the "hearts and minds" of the "man in the street".  If I were interested in being an evangelist for kink, I can't think of what example forgoing the use of "vanilla" would set.  Most labels are vague.  This is something we deal with frequently in every facet of our lives without much difficulty. 

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 7:56:40 AM   
SailingBum


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Vanilla is prolly the most misused word on this site as everyone has a different meaning for it.  Think in terms of "soccer mom" "computer nerd" "football fan" which basically describes half the freaking country.  So do yourself a favor and don't use meaningless terms.

BadOne

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 8:30:06 AM   
antipode


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quote:

quit eating deer


I am in rural Virginia, so that's not an option.

QED - quod erat demonstrandum, freely translated "it proves my point" (literal "that which had to be proven"). Once you live in the US for a while, you learn not to do things like "QED", "sub judice", "fortnight", and "the trouble and strife"....

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 8:47:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Reposted:
Vanilla simply is the bdsm sub culture jargonistic term for "not kinky" and "not authority based."

Just as in the Renn Faire/SCA sub culture, the jargonistic term for "not into Renn Faire/SCA" is "mundane."

Most people, despite what they say, are NOT vanilla positive- they put down vanilla sex and relationships as being less than kinky or Ds relationships. However, to me vanilla sex and relationships are no less or better than bdsm/Ds ones are.

And there are many people who are "mint chocolate chip" and such, who enjoy a little bit of kink, a little bit of play, but really don't get into it as a sub culture. I would be mint chocolate chip in terms of SCA stuff.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_178884/mpage_1/key_vanilla/tm.htm#178884
Vanilla vs Kinky (good thread started by Kyra back in 05)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_334609/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Csex/tm.htm#334609
Do we have vanilla sex?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_263732/mpage_1/key_vanilla/tm.htm#263733
What's the word "vanilla" mean to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_167267/mpage_1/key_vanilla/tm.htm#167479
Vanilla?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_62443/mpage_1/key_vanilla/tm.htm#62443
What is vanilla?


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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 8:48:10 AM   
feydeplume


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Or you just accept that people will stare at your blankly and will have to explain or just let it go. 

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RE: Define Vanilla, Go On ...... - 2/20/2009 8:52:25 AM   
feydeplume


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or goth sub-culture and the use of the word mundane or norm or drone. or computer geeks with woot and n00b and such.

gotta love jargon. (head meet wall, wall meet head)


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