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Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 3:26:38 PM   
Phanes


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline 		Ok... vague question...lotsa variables I know!  Still... a yes or no or whatever you wanna say about it.... Could you be content in a monogamous vanilla relationship? 

Personally... I am a Dominant sadist...love to spank...love to handle my submissive in group situations even...my taste is mild to wild...  and I'm in a situation where I've fallen for someone who knew about my preferences and wanted to try but can't get past her ideals!

So, I'm asking.. cause I wanna wide range of opinions.. Yes, I know my happiness is self determined but I want people's input anyway.... and I especially wanna hear from people who have tried..... whether successful or no....

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 3:32:14 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
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Status: offline

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 3:33:59 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		In a word, NO.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 3:36:35 PM   
sensura


Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
Status: offline 		One word  NO

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 3:37:31 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I have been in vanilla relationships before, and had been happy. My sadistic streak does not rule me, so when I have fantastic chemistry with someone vanilla I can put those desires aside for a relationship that has everything else. It doesnt happen often, but when it has I did put away the wants for sadism for the needs that vanilla partner fulfilled.
I am in a monogamous lifestyle relationship now, and I am happier. I dont have any desires that are going unmet as well as the needs that are being catered to.

Love can make a big difference.

DV


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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 4:19:48 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Yep...could be very happy.  My personal happiness is not based on solely BDSM.  Doing so would be so very limiting.  

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 4:26:27 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Sure, I could. Plus, I believe I could teach a vanilla woman bdsm. But realistically, what happens is that most seek play partners with compatible interests and that often leads to serious relationships among those who already have bdsm proclivities.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 4:37:13 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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No.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 4:51:43 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I was in a vanilla marriage for 23 years, and was unhappy for most of that time. Of course it doesn't help that I never loved him, but I never felt love from him either. If there were mutual love between us, it might have worked. But for now, I don't believe I could be happy in another vanilla relationship.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 6:50:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why should she cross her own moral boundaries? Why is it automatically better for her to break them than for you to change?

In actuality, if you need poly and you need s & m and you need a power relationship, and she needs to not have any of them then neither one of you are narrow minded or need to change. You need to recognize that you are not compatible.

Which brings up the question of what do you need? Do you need her to be bisexual? Then why don't you need to be bisexual also? Why should she be the only one to have to have sexual encounters with people who don't do it for her?

I like all kinds of things that I don't need. The important thing is for you to know the difference between your needs and your wants.

But yes, there are lots of us who don't play with others, don't play in public, are monogamous. But that's what we need, not what you do. What do you need to be happy?

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 6:57:16 PM   
pinnipedster


Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		What I fear would happen is that I would either keep trying to talk her into giving it a try, which would cause problems if she was not interested, or I would be tempted to seek it elsewhere, which (unless she had been agreeable to that within reasonable limits from the start) would not be acceptable.  So, probably not.

I am definitely sure that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't at least accept my cross-dressing.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 7:11:52 PM   
zombiebabe


Posts: 36
Joined: 1/20/2009
Status: offline 		I know how much it hurts to really love someone and long to share that with them and they dont want to be fetishy with you

no. it would upset me. a lot

< Message edited by zombiebabe -- 2/28/2009 7:13:05 PM >

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 7:33:41 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		Could I ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? Yep.  I have been and could be again.  I don't limit myself to being happy in only one tiny little narrow way.  Lots of things/styles are good and acceptable in my eyes.  As VampiresLair said, "love can make a big difference."  I love the Man who is my Master with all my being.  If He suddenly decided "vanilla" (I hate that term personally) is the way our relationship would be all the time, I'd still be here.  My desire for "kink" (again, for lack of a better term) doesn't outrank my feelings of love and devotion for/to Him nor will it ever.

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 2/28/2009 7:37:58 PM >

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 9:28:19 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Simple answer..yes.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 9:36:30 PM   
evelinggirl


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/16/2009
Status: offline 		For me personally, the answer lies within the person I am dating.  I know that my kink factors do not rule my life, so, yes, of course I CAN live without it but...do I WANT to...?  No, of course not, but will I be willing to compromise certain things for the person I might have a chance to fall in love with?  Yes, of course!

I would probably be happy with certain aspects of a vanilla relationship, just like I would in any other relationship, with the "right" man. 


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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 9:37:12 PM   
Juliannadelion


Posts: 869
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: circusofthedamned
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phanes

Ok... vague question...lotsa variables I know!  Still... a yes or no or whatever you wanna say about it.... Could you be content in a monogamous vanilla relationship? 

Personally... I am a Dominant sadist...love to spank...love to handle my submissive in group situations even...my taste is mild to wild...  and I'm in a situation where I've fallen for someone who knew about my preferences and wanted to try but can't get past her ideals!

So, I'm asking.. cause I wanna wide range of opinions.. Yes, I know my happiness is self determined but I want people's input anyway.... and I especially wanna hear from people who have tried..... whether successful or no....




No, I can't.  I NEED to be under the control of someone else.  I need to give myself over to someone elses desires, someone elses needs.  I need to feel the sting of the lash or at the very least the cane against my flesh to be happy.

I tried to be vanilla.  For a very long time I tried to deny who and what I was because it was a scary thing to understand how much I love to be hurt.  To know in my heart that I am not content without cuts and bruises on my body. 

That I cannot be happy and fulfilled without a certain level of humiliation and degradation during sex.  (the first man that I ever asked to spank me called me a freak and never spoke to me again!)

That even though I'm a grown woman, that sometimes I need to play Daddy's naughty little girl.

I do wish you luck.  I am sorry that your lady's ideals seem to not be able to coincide with what you want or do really.  Hey, give it a try - if you find yourself unhappy and daydreaming of naughty girls to spank, then you will know that it wasn't meant to be.  Either way, I hope you find your way.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 10:17:54 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I never again wish to be in any relationship that does not have a serious kink or fetish or bdsm aspect as part of it. I honestly would rather be alone.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 11:07:49 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		A vanilla relationship would not make me totally happy.  In the past i've had some rather fulfilling relationships with vanilla men...who were all dominant type-A men with a certain level of kink..... and still that wasn't enough. 

I've come to realize i'm a greedy woman...i want it all...the romantic, the D/s, kink and BDSM. 

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 11:19:03 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		It depends what you mean by monogamous.

If we have the same definition, then... uh, yeah. I can. No big deal.

If not, then NO.

(for clarification, my definition of monogamy is completely about sex and emotional romantic relationships. That is to say, you only have sex with, or an emotional romantic relationship with, each other... which would allow me to have any BDSM/kink-related needs fulfilled outside the relationship without 'cheating')

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 2/28/2009 11:57:00 PM   
Freakgirl4


Posts: 98
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline 		<agrees with silkncarol. No...I want it all.

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