RE: Dominants getting what they want

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Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 6:44:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Christinestill prinsex, i was on the phone with a dominant from cm yesterday and he said (after he gave me a verbal kick in the ass for being so stupid with men lately), that a lot of us submissives want a dominant that will not only humiliate and use us, but also to love and care for us too and that's a hard thing to find. of course each person has their own needs as far as commitment, love, extent of d/s desired etc. when you think about it, it's amazing that 2 people can find each other and have enough goals in common that they do make it work. i'm not going to give up looking. No don't ever give up. I will mail.

cjan -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 6:44:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx But why do so many Dom(me)s have to reduce us, minimalise us, put us down, use us as a place to stay, as a stop off place whilst they get their act together.... so forth and so on. Can't you handle greatness? Leave me alone unless you can handle greatness. I've found that when I had this happen in a relationship it occured when that is all I expected from the relationship. For me, allowing myself to be controlled by my cravings always led to relationships where I wasn't even looked at as a person. Once I decided to step back, control my frenzy and not settle for less than what I deserved is when I literally fell into a relationship where not only does he get every single thing he wants, but he continually wants more and more of not just the kink, but more and more of all aspects of me. (big run on sentence). It boils down to having enough self respect and not making the same choices over and over again and expecting a different result. I've said this before...you are the only constant in all of your relationships. If you don't like how they are then you have to step back and figure out what it is that you are doing to contribute to it. Amen Aileen. You know, you're a lot smarter than you look !

CatdeMedici -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 6:52:18 AM)
quote: So what is it with domination? that you Dom(me)s don't want the whole package? Ok, I am now "mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore"--I personally resent being thrust, along with those I respect, into a hastily generalized definition of whoremongering phucktards. Why is it people seem to think that because they espouse this life; there is a code that requires respect for the individual, moral behavior and relationship standards rise to a higher level? That they don't have to be on the lookout for ths users and abusers? Why is they seem the think, the motives, the actions will all be pure of heart, honest, clean, twue? Schmucks, users, abusers, gold diggers don't change because they walk through these hallowed halls. Chances are good people out there are good people "in here". quote: I get graded 'outstanding' in my professional life. I got the IQ of Einstein. I can run a household, birth children, raise 'em single handed, oh yes and I can actually cross the road and chew gum at the same time ok. And yes have taken a total stand recently and am getting the respect, love and attention I feel I deserve. I hear that all the time from submissives, if that's so true, then why do you throw those capabilities out the window because someone comes sniffing around as a Dominant? Stop blaming others for your bad decisions. Just because someone "commands" doesn't mean you have to open your legs or unzip your fly and when you do, it does not absolve you of your half of the responsibility. If that was a bar, a grocery, a library, would you behave the same? quote: But why do so many Dom(me)s have to reduce us, minimalise us, put us down, use us as a place to stay, as a stop off place whilst they get their act together.... so forth and so on. Can't you handle greatness? Leave me alone unless you can handle greatness. Then stop allowing it to happen, last time I looked there wasn't a law that mandated if a D came around you had to acquiesce. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. Stop allowing the "need to submit" to become blinders to reality. My Grandmother used to say: we hate most in others what we like least in ourselves. Food for thought...

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 6:57:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave to find the balance between controlling their slave enough and yet still keeping her spirit and fire burning sufficiently that she is still a little bit free even as she's kneeling there, sucking his cock. . I think it gets to be a problem as soon as some think omg she's sucked cock before...sucked other cock..omg how does mine compare? look guys...the minute you get insecure about your cock the game is up...don't replace a good whip technique by a control tactic...it ain't going to work. Whew lall..I'm on a roll this morning. No wonder they invented the virgin marriage.

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:04:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici quote: So what is it with domination? that you Dom(me)s don't want the whole package? Ok, I am now "mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore"--I personally resent being thrust, along with those I respect, into a hastily generalized definition of whoremongering phucktards. Why is it people seem to think that because they espouse this life; there is a code that requires respect for the individual, moral behavior and relationship standards rise to a higher level? That they don't have to be on the lookout for ths users and abusers? Why is they seem the think, the motives, the actions will all be pure of heart, honest, clean, twue? Schmucks, users, abusers, gold diggers don't change because they walk through these hallowed halls. Chances are good people out there are good people "in here". quote: I get graded 'outstanding' in my professional life. I got the IQ of Einstein. I can run a household, birth children, raise 'em single handed, oh yes and I can actually cross the road and chew gum at the same time ok. And yes have taken a total stand recently and am getting the respect, love and attention I feel I deserve. I hear that all the time from submissives, if that's so true, then why do you throw those capabilities out the window because someone comes sniffing around as a Dominant? Stop blaming others for your bad decisions. Just because someone "commands" doesn't mean you have to open your legs or unzip your fly and when you do, it does not absolve you of your half of the responsibility. If that was a bar, a grocery, a library, would you behave the same? quote: But why do so many Dom(me)s have to reduce us, minimalise us, put us down, use us as a place to stay, as a stop off place whilst they get their act together.... so forth and so on. Can't you handle greatness? Leave me alone unless you can handle greatness. Then stop allowing it to happen, last time I looked there wasn't a law that mandated if a D came around you had to acquiesce. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. Stop allowing the "need to submit" to become blinders to reality. My Grandmother used to say: we hate most in others what we like least in ourselves. Food for thought... Oh Cat I love it when you are mad. You were not included in my rant here and you know it. And I'll tell you why you are not included. Simply because you have enough compassion and intelligence to know it from the other side and to know how you are received. True to what you say. But so many think that grabbing a whip resolves them from all else. And I admit, some think that having handcuffs or shackles or a blindfold resolves them from all else. Just saying. Just saying I am me above all else. And when I submitted in the semnse of letting go who I really was then that was my hell. I'm prepared to take responsibility for it Cat. No offense given to you and no offence taken. I hope.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:05:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cjan Amen Aileen. You know, you're a lot smarter than you look ! Well lucky me. My whole day would have been ruined if you thought I was an idiot.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:12:12 AM)
[;)] No offense taken. I am now leaving My soap box to spend time with the horses!

Aileen1968 -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:16:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I'm prepared to take responsibility for it Cat. [/font][/size] But you do realize that just starting this thread kinda shows that you aren't.

kallisto -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:28:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Then stop allowing it to happen, last time I looked there wasn't a law that mandated if a D came around you had to acquiesce. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. Stop allowing the "need to submit" to become blinders to reality. The entire reply by Cat was fantastic. But I quoted this because .. just because one is a sub doesn't mean that you have no control over your actions or that your responsibilites are thrown out the window. No one makes you "come hither" when a Dom snaps his fingers. If you don't want to be "squashed", then don't get into a relationship with a Dom who wants to squash you. If you want the whole package, then wait on it. ExSteel, also had a wonderful example. "Sir Lancelot came upon Guinevere when she was feeling bored and isolated. Lancelot had a good heart, but he also had a side that made him entice women and the beautiful wife of the King. He didn't change. Wouldn’t you say it was up to Guinevere to avoid the temptation of the exciting knight? When we look back at their tragic end we feel pity for her, but would she find who caused their fate by looking inward?" Very good food for thought. edited because I can't spell this morning - only 2 cups of coffee so far [:)]

LaTigresse -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:36:04 AM)
I have to echo what Cat has said. In addition, there are users on both ends of the whip. Male, female, dominant, master, mistress, slave. I've seen them all represented. If you even EXPECT otherwise, you are a fool. As a human being, regardless of gender, dynamic, whatever.....you alone are responsible for the type of people you allow into your life. For the relationships you have and how they feed you or not. It's all on you. All of it. Would you go to work for a person that only took from you, took advantage of you, yet didn't pay you or offer you any compensation or job security? I think not. So, why on earth would you submit to someone that treated you worse than you would allow an employer to? Regardless of relationship type, we still have expectations and needs.

Antheia -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:44:35 AM)
Oh come now Prinsexx, People are people whether they are part of the this lifestyle or any other lifestyle. What you list happens in vanilla relationships too. You just chalk it up to learning experiences and move forward. You just grow a thicker skin . You decide if this is what you want or not. Stop whining about what has happened, end the self pity party and journey onward. ( I don't mean you yourself. Just people in general). In this lifestyle it is the Doms/Dommes/ Masters/ Mistresses that are the ones in charge. That is what "most" subs and slaves want. A

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 7:54:38 AM)
Hi Prinsexx, When I first learned about our little subculture, one of the very first things I noticed was this strange phenomenon of Dominants that seemed to live for the chase, but once they came, saw and conquered - moved on to new potential prey. My perception of this, held me back from submitting for a LONG time. I determined I would be that unconquerable, uncatchable one and save myself from being another notch on anyone's belt. I think I probably missed out on some opportunities, but hindsight pfft...it is always 20/20 eh? At least you opened yourself to the possibilities, though I'm sorry to hear of your disappointments, I admire your perserverence. Best wishes, WinD

Lockit -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 8:17:25 AM)
I know a lot of submissive men that love the chase and will chase just about anyone. They want this and that and if they get it... later with that. I have been passed by simply because they felt I was too nice. lol I am not dominanting someone quickly, walking in with an attitude and whip and rocking their world a time or two. So... not going there! lol I have reasons that I go slowly into most things.

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 8:38:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1 Circular reasoning is so perpectly convenient, and almost always apropos to anything that ails us, isn't it? I wonder if it's only applicable to people with a subconcious need to be hurt by other people, or also to physical/emotional ailments. I wonder if everyone who runs into situations wants/deserves them. M Well circular thinking it is for me. Don't know if it's possible really ever to get off it. That li'l ole projection will get us all even if the introjection don't kill us. At the end of the day he was wrong I am right, no hell he is right therefore I must be wrond is exactly what I am also trying to write about.

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 8:42:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance Hi Prinsexx, When I first learned about our little subculture, one of the very first things I noticed was this strange phenomenon of Dominants that seemed to live for the chase, cprey. My perception of this, held me back from submitting for a LONG time. I determined I would be that unconquerable, uncatchable one and save myself from being another notch on anyone's belt. I think I probably missed out on some opportunities, but hindsight pfft...it is always 20/20 eh? At least you opened yourself to the possibilities, though I'm sorry to hear of your disappointments, I admire your perserverence. Best wishes, WinD you saqy ~once they came...moved on~.... yep the story of much male sexuality... and don't worry about my disappointments... it's handled.

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 8:43:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Antheia Oh come now Prinsexx, People are people whether they are part of the this lifestyle or any other lifestyle. What you list happens in vanilla relationships too. You just chalk it up to learning experiences and move forward. You just grow a thicker skin . You decide if this is what you want or not. Stop whining about what has happened, end the self pity party and journey onward. ( I don't mean you yourself. Just people in general). In this lifestyle it is the Doms/Dommes/ Masters/ Mistresses that are the ones in charge. That is what "most" subs and slaves want. A ~In this lifestyle it is the Doms/Dommes/ Masters/ Mistresses that are the ones in charge. That is what "most" subs and slaves want~ A myth gets perpetuated....

chainedgirl -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 9:04:45 AM)
Where is your personal responsibility in this? Relationships are about people - relating. You have to take responsiblity for yourself and your own actions. Why are you attracting this sort of person anyway? When I wanted to be the one totally in control of my own life, totally in charge, I met some wonderful Dominants I just never clicked with and I met some not so great ones that I did. Once I learnt to let go of the need to be oh so wonderful in every aspect of my life, I was able to accept someone else coming in. I'd made room for someone else. If you are so great at every aspect of your life, where is there room for someone else to come in and be great? Your whole life and attitude is about telling the universe and anyone else who will listen that you don't need anybody because you have it all under control. So you are only going to get those who can fill in the gaps. If you really want someone to come along and love you, what about dropping the defensive guard so much? Show some vulnerability. Let them see you are a woman with a woman's needs. I did it and have found the Master of my dreams. He is everything I could have ever wanted and more. We have the whole kit and kaboodle, the love, the commitment, the D/s the M/s. It does happen and it can happen. And I've also met others who seek the same thing.

MissIsis -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 9:08:06 AM)
While I agree that Guinevere should share some of the blame. Her husband should bear a great deal of it. He was obviously not taking care of her, or the relationship was lacking in something important to her. He failed to see what was happening & he failed to put a stop to it. I suspect because his ego was so big, he was out chasing other dreams than that of seeing to his wife. And what kind of a friend screws his best friend's wife anyway? Princess, your post reminds me of the reason I am not so quick to jump into D/s relationships. I really am one of those people that hate to lead anyone on. I have yet to meet the one who I would want to take into my heart for the long haul, so I pass by the available ones. In spite of that, they still follow me with emails, hoping for something that would never happen, making sure I know they are available for my every whim. Believe me the temptation is there, sometimes to take advantage of them, when they are so willing & especially, during the times I am feeling in need of any kind of real help. Could it be that the dominant people you are speaking of, are merely acting on & accepting the willingness of the submissives before them to serve? Maybe they don't see it as wrong since the person could be literally begging for the privilege of serving them. Could it be that the submissives themselves are ignoring the red flags put out by these dominant people, because they are so desparate to find their one right away & now? Believe me, there usually are red flags, which often go unheeded & ignored. Most all of can, in hindsight, recognize these signs much clearer once the experiences are behind us. What would it take for us to pay more attention to our gut? That is too much work for some, to take the time to learn how. Isn't it easier for the submissive to just put all their hopes & dreams into the hands of the dominant who is courting them, than to stop & notice what they are feeling, & what is being said to them, but not shown to them? Could it be that the desparation for someone else's dominance could be so strong, that the submissive absolves themselves of any responsibility by dismissing the little voice within them that is telling them the actions & words of the other don't mesh? I guess that kind of goes back to blaming Guinevere. Sorry. But we all have to take some responsibility in finding what will make our own happiness, & in putting up with that which won't.

Prinsexx -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 9:12:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chainedgirl Where is your personal responsibility in this? Relationships are about people - relating. You have to take responsiblity for yourself and your own actions. Why are you attracting this sort of person anyway? When I wanted to be the one totally in control of my own life, totally in charge, I met some wonderful Dominants I just never clicked with and I met some not so great ones that I did. Once I learnt to let go of the need to be oh so wonderful in every aspect of my life, I was able to accept someone else coming in. I'd made room for someone else. I agree totally. And assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Dominants getting what they want (3/8/2009 9:13:23 AM)
I've never understood the propensity to take judgments from one's own particular experiences and apply them to an entire category of other people. If the only dominants you've met are of a certain objectionable kind, ask yourself what they all have in common. quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx what is it with you Dominants?

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