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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/22/2009 8:57:56 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: intenze

Thing is, people who are in this life and are attacked are much less likely to be taken seriously by official type people.  I know of one incidence where a young woman was attacked, beaten, and raped in her apartment.  When the police arrived, they saw her play implements and their attitude changed.  Card carrying members of BDSM clubs are also at risk.
I am not saying Domiguy is wrong, in fact there are few incidents overall. I am saying though, you are a lot less likely to be taken seriously if you are found to be .............one of us.
C
   good point.  I sometimes wonder if it isn't better for us to stay in our closets,

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 7:06:58 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I do not believe that just because a person is drawn to a power exchange relationship or BDSM, it makes that person more vulnerable.

I do believe that anyone thinking there is a shortcut because of power exchange relationships, BDSM, or the internet version of getting to know a person, does make them more vulnerable.

I had a 49 yo woman that threw a hissy fit this weekend via email, because I didn't trust her 100% after a few emails on CM and a phone call. Tooooooo fuckin bad! To be honest, I am not worried about my own personal safety, but I am VERY protective of the people in my life. I will not bring unnescessary drama into their world if I can help it. I will not give out personal information that allows people into my personal space, that I share with some pretty wonderful and innocent people, until I feel a lot more sure of a person than I do her. If that sends her running off to be someone elses perfect sub/slave, big deal. No loss on my part.

I think too many people get too frenzied to have that D/M/s in their life and OMG, this might be "The One" and I need to prove I trust them so they don't run off to someone else and OMG............yada yada yada!!!

The way I look at it, if a person is really sincere, they are going to get it. They will be just as cautious and careful. They will want to get a better feel of me and my life and how they might possibly fit in. Sure, I am fine with meeting, even within a few days. Meeting does not mean you will get my personal email account, my personal phone number, or my last name. It means we are meeting. I've met many people with a "Hi, I'm LeeAnn!" and that is all they ever got. Then I hightailed off into the sunset. Sometimes I need to meet in person, look into their eyes, watch and listen, to know whether or not I want to allow them further access. Other times, it only takes a few emails and phone calls.

I listen to my gut instincts. They've never been wrong.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 7:09:21 AM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

the orginal thought was how easy it would be for the Bundy types to blend into this group.

how would you know until it's too late?  That's what I'm getting at.  So perhaps we can discuss HOW we would know?  I do believe that we are far more vulnerable than the status quo.


You don't know. Sociopaths don't give themselves away.

And why do you persist in saying we are more vulnerable than nonkink types? Any proof?

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 8:18:20 AM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		Good points

Do you feel that instincts are inborn or honed by life experience, meaning..are the instincts of a 20 something as reliable as a 50 somethings?

All it takes is to be wrong ONCE.

In answer to the question to why I say we are vulnerable...I've covered that in a few posts at the beginning of the thread.

I agree with not living in fear..but that dos not mean throw caution to the wind and live stupid. 

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 8:27:58 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

Good points

Do you feel that instincts are inborn or honed by life experience, meaning..are the instincts of a 20 something as reliable as a 50 somethings?



Both.

I inherited my ability to read people from my father. My mother hated that quality in him, calling it judgemental, and tried to train it out of me. After years of trying to be kind and accepting, I learned to revert back and use it to my advantage.

Society teaches us to have good manners, to respect our elders, to not question people that are placed in authority. That teaching numbs our survival instincts. THAT is what makes us more vulnerable, being fearful of being rude, hurting people, etc. Which is why, many times, children are better at judging people than adults. If a kid doesn't like a strange adult, I guarantee there is a good reason for it. Pay attention.

I've met 50 yo idiots in this regard. Hell, my mother is 67 and is still clueless when it comes to the people she allows into her life. So no, I don't think age is necessarily the determining factor at all. Life experiences and influences will either enhance this basic survival skill or take away from it.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 9:30:45 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Lockit:  Actually the first paragraph said raped or sexually assaulted. 1 in 3. 

I don't know what "first paragraph" you are referring to, Lockit.  Gwyn said 1 in 3 American women will be raped in their lifetimes.  She was wrong.  You are wrong in defending that statistic.  It simply is not true.

By the way...the opposite of a "truth" is a "lie".  Or a falsehood.  I think to intentionally misquote a statistic is a lie.  To do so unintentionally is ignorance.  Which are you, then, when you misuse statistics?  A liar or stupid?

By the way, the "51% of women are raped in their homes" comes from the US DOJ study.  If you read it as you imply, you'd know that.  

My point, once again, is not to minimize rape or sexual violence, but to point out that sloppy throwing about of statistics reduces your credibility and diminishes your arguments.

P

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"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 9:40:36 AM   
Lockit


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Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		51% of women in America are not raped in their homes!  51% of women who are raped may be raped in their homes... but not 51% of American women are raped in their homes.  Fine line there, which is what I was pointing out to you.  You said Gwyn lied.  You didn't read the first paragraph of the link she provided when you insisted she prove her point.  That article stated in the first paragraph that 1 out of 3 women are raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime.  What she said was true according to that study.  Now... if you discribe sexual assault as something different than rape... go ahead... but at most Gwyn didn't lie... maybe misquoted something according to some discription.

Which is exactly what you did when you stated that 51% of American women are raped in their homes.  That would be over half the female population being raped in their homes... plus the sexual assaults if they are defined differently.

Now play nice will you?

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 9:42:43 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Emp- there are so many studies on this that it's almost impossible to have all of the stats match up. You can get them to say anything you want.

Using a definition of rape that includes forced vaginal, oral, and anal sex, the National Violence Against Women Survey found that one out of six U.S. women and one out of thirty- three U.S. men have experienced an attempted or completed rape as a child and/or adult. According to estimates, approximately 1.5 million women and 834,700 men are raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States (Tjaden and Thoennes 1998, 2, 5)




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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 10:28:07 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I am sure Ted Bundy didn't make the women he targeted and killed feel uncomfortable either until he switched from all nicey nicey to I am going to kill you.

I took plenty of risks too trusting my instincts, and yeah it all worked out sept once it didn't and I was merely harrased not harmed, so I'm not poo poohing the trust instinct thing but it's not always a good tactic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum



I used my gut and my instinct.  He never made me feel uncomfortable or has given me any reason not to trust him fully.  If I don't trust him yet, that is on me, not him.  I'm not an idiot.  Nor am I a fool.  But I believe in trusting your instincts, and giving people a chance.  I may be overly optimistic here but I would rather take a chance than be left without the experience (I should end with the caveat that if the guy looks like Manson and carves things into his forehead, I'm probably gonna avoid him.  I may give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not suicidal).

YMMV.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 10:45:14 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

 
I look at this D/s lifestyle and wonder... how many of you blindly meet a “Dom” at a motel room because you knew them a whole month online.  How many of you submit to bondage on the first meeting?  How many of you so want to be the “perfect sub” that you refuse to use your safe word or set up a safe call because you want to prove trust in “your Dom/me”?
 
I cringe when I read here from people who meet and play on the first date.  I see people that want to be accepted so badly they will compromise themselves.  That is so sad because those are the ones who become the new statistics.

 


Well put me down as one that met a Dom in a hotel room after chatting to him for about 2 weeks (didn't even make it to the month). Yes we played and there was plenty of bondage. I didn't refuse to use a safe word because I didn't have one to use.

All this had nothing to do with compromising myself or wanting to be accepted and had everything to do with my judgement of the person I was meeting. Being an adult and having a fair few relationships in the past I used my judgement to decide if this was the right thing to do. The only statistic to come from that night was the 5 years we have been together.

I am always a little surprised by those that think meeting someone from online is more dangerous than meeting in a bar or a club. How much do you know about the guy who walks up to you in a bar and offers to buy you a drink?

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:19:29 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		Congratulations for beating the odds.  You just got lucky.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:27:01 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

I agree with not living in fear..but that dos not mean throw caution to the wind and live stupid.



I consistently throw caution to the wind in my life, all areas of it. Your judgment call that living as such is 'living stupid' only indicates that you have no understanding of it. And isn't that what stupidity really is? Something that you cannot fully understand?

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:28:34 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

I agree with not living in fear..but that dos not mean throw caution to the wind and live stupid.



I consistently throw caution to the wind in my life, all areas of it. Your judgment call that living as such is 'living stupid' only indicates that you have no understanding of it. And isn't that what stupidity really is? Something that you cannot fully understand?


I thought stupid was knowing something wasn't a bad idea and doing it anyway. *shrug*

You can take risks, be happy, and *not* be stupid about it.


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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:33:41 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

Congratulations for beating the odds.  You just got lucky.


i would say since many many more folks meet and play and have fun and are not murdered than are murdered, that getting killed would be beating the odds.....since odds are, what, 2,327,913:1 that you will be killed while more like 2:1 you gonna be just fine.....

just a thought.....and no i dont have an article to back the numbers up

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yep

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:37:59 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I thought stupid was knowing something wasn't a bad idea and doing it anyway. *shrug*

You can take risks, be happy, and *not* be stupid about it.



Really? Oh okay then...

I still prefer to live and learn, and accept my own stupidity as part of that learning process and as also a path towards greater wisdom and knowledge.

And some of my successes have come out of ideas I initially thought were stupid.

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 5:39:00 PM   
VioletGray


Posts: 359
Joined: 10/29/2007
From: Baltimore, MD
Status: offline 		I've heard the argument that the risk of a random hook-up ending in tragedy is negligible.  Think of it this way..

Would you rather play russian roulette with a gun with a large barrel, or would you rather not play at all?

Also, I don't buy that the risk is negligible.  Small perhaps, but not inconsequential.  There are lots of bad people, lots of bodies, lots of places that have never been found.

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/23/2009 8:44:40 PM   
kidwithknife


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletGray
Would you rather play russian roulette with a gun with a large barrel, or would you rather not play at all?
Would you rather cross the road at a crossing or would you rather never leave your house?


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We went to see the fall of Rome - I thought it would please us
To watch how the mighty go in a blaze of hubris
But I just stood there hypnotised by all the beautiful madness

(New Model Army, Into the Wind)

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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/24/2009 1:23:39 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

Congratulations for beating the odds.  You just got lucky.


Beating the odds? Please would you quote the odds or post a link to back that up.

As for getting lucky I think you have your words mixed up. Anyone that meets a serial killer is very unlucky. Yes it happens but just read here how many people have met each other on places like CM and have happily lived to tell the tale.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/24/2009 1:56:04 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus



Calling me stupid as 'some dude willing himself to be female' in a c-mail certainly proves that the OP is definitely not any smarter than a 'nilla. Just plain ignorant in fact.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/24/2009 2:14:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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Well stella, I believe the majority have been at the end of that poison pen.  It's like a rite of passage.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 3/24/2009 2:15:06 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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