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RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/24/2009 10:18:26 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

quote:


This is Darcy.

People who avoid answering direct questions given specifically to them.
 
If you are referring to susie's request for proof:  I have learned that people who are dead set in their attitude will accept no proof as good enough, therefore I will not waste my time.  She has a computer.. she can research it for herself.
quote:

People who act one way in a public setting showing a face of concern, yet in private with individuals, are just plain nasty.

When someone decides to draw first blood..I'll fight back.  I keep it off the boards and address the person privately.  If you wish to state your case further... please write me privately..unless of course you need the audience.

Now, I have been trying to keep this thread on track.  If I have to address such derailments in this thread.. I have now done so. 

Now back to the issue of the thread as it was intended, please.


Yes I have a computer but I am not the one who is making the assertion that "dating in the lifestyle" is more dangerous than normal dating. If you cannot prove your point then your assertions are invalid. How do you know I am dead set in my attitude? You have not given me the proof for me to able to decide if you are just blowing hot air or have a valid point.

Until you do provide proof all I see is hot air.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/24/2009 11:51:40 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Cool, fine, no problem, let me know. She asked to speak on the phone. I replied that I would, but I was going to get a pay as you go phone, and give her that number. Again, not something I have ever felt the need to do with anyone I've gotten to that point with, but there was still something, some little voice I was listening to. Her email back was a bit more......attitudinal


Huh. No kidding.
Let this be a lesson to all those guys pretending to be unattractive middle-aged women, so they can stalk people halfway across the country over the Internet- write down your travel itinerary and stick to it!

_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/25/2009 1:04:20 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		A name change does not alter a persons ill behaviour nor bigotry.
You are insisting that this thread be kept on track and not hijacked.  That is exactly what people are trying to do.  You asked what people saw as a red flags.  Those people who have multiple personalities and who cannot control them is a red flag.  A person who acts one way, only to behave negatively in private is a big red flag.  People who make generalised statements about a majority of people and yet offer no proof nor percentage.  People who name call and who use words that are identified as racist or bigoted.  People who gossip and who cannot tell a person openly how they feel - that is bad communication skills.  People who have some form of blackouts or who have the inability to remember their behaviour.  These are all red flags.
 
Your original post highlighted Ted Bundy.  He used a disability to highlight a vulnerablity which made people feel a form of self security.  He also put people in an awkward postion.  Well spoken, attractive on the outside.  But it was a charade which many people over time and experience, discovered.
Absolutely on track.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 3/25/2009 1:05:35 AM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/25/2009 6:42:40 AM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Just got in .dark?
Hope your birthday went well.


_____________________________

Hitman for the Subby Mafia

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/25/2009 6:55:34 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Cool, fine, no problem, let me know. She asked to speak on the phone. I replied that I would, but I was going to get a pay as you go phone, and give her that number. Again, not something I have ever felt the need to do with anyone I've gotten to that point with, but there was still something, some little voice I was listening to. Her email back was a bit more......attitudinal


Huh. No kidding.
Let this be a lesson to all those guys pretending to be unattractive middle-aged women, so they can stalk people halfway across the country over the Internet- write down your travel itinerary and stick to it!


It's not the travel itinerary that did it persay. Just the whole list of things, weird phone number story, several different ages, weird temper tantrums, obsession about fetishes and sex in conversation, the rush to belong.....that is a big red flag to me.

If a person hasn't even taken the time to get to know ME, the person I am, and wants to frantically belong to me......no thank you.

And yeah, when I wrote that I really had decided I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further, I got a flurry of hate mail. Threatening to plaster my picture and contact information all over the net, calling me nasty names, etc etc etc.

I am sooooooooo scared!!!


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/25/2009 6:59:57 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/25/2009 10:32:37 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		Guess you gotta count me amongst the lucky ones as I have had a couple of first meetings in private that included play.  Like LaT, I get a certain hit from people & don't go where the red flags are waving.  I've never been harmed in the lifestyle, but I was raped many many years ago before I was in this lifestyle.  Guess that might skew the statistics a bit.  Someone mentioned that a sociopath won't reveal himself, but I am able to spot them almost every time.  There are certain symptoms that if one is aware of them, one can spot them.

Like many "scientific" studies, this thread began with a hypothesis & the OP is trying to prove that hypothesis without regard to the actual personal experiences of the respondents.  By discounting others' experiences, you don't prove anything except that you want to postulate something as true that really isn't.

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
~~L. Cohen

Just one of the yahoo's

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/25/2009 2:44:02 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus
He approached his victims on crutches feigning an injury and asking for the simple act of helping him get into his VW.  I realized how easily I would have been taken in.  He was a very smooth talking, attractive guy.  He would have asked if I would ride with him back to his place to help him get inside and carry his groceries.  I would have done that.  I am “helper” type.  It would have never occurred to me as to how I was going to get home.  It would have never occurred to me to ask him who helped him get INTO his car or how he could drive a stick shift with an injured leg.      
 

He copied that technique from silence of the lambs. 

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/26/2009 6:19:38 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

Guess you gotta count me among the lucky ones as I have had a couple of first meetings in private that included play.  Like LaT, I get a certain hit from people & don't go where the red flags are waving.  I've never been harmed in the lifestyle, but I was raped many many years ago before I was in this lifestyle.  Guess that might skew the statistics a bit.  Someone mentioned that a sociopath won't reveal himself, but I am able to spot them almost every time.  There are certain symptoms that if one is aware of them, one can spot them.

Like many "scientific" studies, this thread began with a hypothesis & the OP is trying to prove that hypothesis without regard to the actual personal experiences of the respondents.  By discounting others' experiences, you don't prove anything except that you want to postulate something as true that really isn't.


Bundy used, back then, what could be seen as dominant behavior today. Not the invalid gig, that I mentioned that was something that would have worked on me in my tender 20's, but did carry the tools that are used..handcuffs, rope and such.  More clear examples are the Leonard Lake and Charles Eng who, declared themselves "Masters", did take women against their will and felt justified in doing so in their own mind.  The best example is more recent, John Robinson.  I wonder how much extra time is required now to determined if a situation was a d/s scene gone wrong or simply criminal?

All I was trying to get across is how easy it would be for a sociopath to hide under the guise of being "lifestyle" and wondered how you, personally, go about sorting them out.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/27/2009 12:26:26 AM   
calamitysandra


Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Why are you so intend on making meeting somebody look more dangerous in "our lifestyle", opposed to the "normal" bar hookup?


_____________________________

"Whenever people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another"
Alan Alda


(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/27/2009 4:51:30 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

Why are you so intend on making meeting somebody look more dangerous in "our lifestyle", opposed to the "normal" bar hookup?

People get lost in fantasy.  In all this,the bizzare becores normaland god forbid you question anything lest you bee seen as bigoted/judgmental/narrow minded (just ask me..I know first hand LOL)

Since so many want proof and don't seem to want to research it for themselves, a simple search with the keyword of your vice/perversion of preference with the word collarme.com  (you can use any dating website in the exercise).  I found this One that would make your hair stand on end.  Is this just a case of a heavy edge player into TPE? 

I pulled up three more with  just the first 2 pages of the search.

I think the anticipation of a strong dominant figure that will guide you and take care of you and send your hormones up in skyrocket attracts some very vulerable and mentally unstable people is all.  Power over someone is intoxicating.  I've known some very intelligent people loose their common sense when new to this. 

< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 3/27/2009 5:01:33 PM >

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to calamitysandra)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/27/2009 6:40:35 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

Why are you so intend on making meeting somebody look more dangerous in "our lifestyle", opposed to the "normal" bar hookup?

People get lost in fantasy.  In all this,the bizzare becores normaland god forbid you question anything lest you bee seen as bigoted/judgmental/narrow minded (just ask me..I know first hand LOL)

Since so many want proof and don't seem to want to research it for themselves, a simple search with the keyword of your vice/perversion of preference with the word collarme.com  (you can use any dating website in the exercise).  I found this One that would make your hair stand on end.  Is this just a case of a heavy edge player into TPE? 

I pulled up three more with  just the first 2 pages of the search.

I think the anticipation of a strong dominant figure that will guide you and take care of you and send your hormones up in skyrocket attracts some very vulerable and mentally unstable people is all.  Power over someone is intoxicating.  I've known some very intelligent people loose their common sense when new to this. 


The reason many want proof is because you have stated that dating within the lifestyle is more dangerous than vanilla dating. Obviously this is only your opinion as you are unable to proove your point. I know of some vanilla women who meet men in clubs or bars and go home with them without knowing anything about them. So are you still going to insist that scenario is not as dangerous as meeting someone from somewhere like collarme?

The reason you cannot provide proof of your claim is because there is none.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/28/2009 1:22:36 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

The reason many want proof is because you have stated that dating within the lifestyle is more dangerous than vanilla dating. Obviously this is only your opinion as you are unable to proove your point. I know of some vanilla women who meet men in clubs or bars and go home with them without knowing anything about them. So are you still going to insist that scenario is not as dangerous as meeting someone from somewhere like collarme?

The reason you cannot provide proof of your claim is because there is none.


Maybe if you would tell me what YOU consider proof..what exactly do you want?  Perhaps, I could find some to your satisfaction.  I have 4 more instances that are documented...all from those who had found a home here on collarme.com and justified their actions as a fetish or D/s.  I've no doubt that the powers that be have removed the culprits as soon as they found out about them.

My cautions are far less misleading than the "it's all good.. it's safe..nothing bad ever happens because we are sooo honest and upfront".  I've re-read my OP and I did not say it is more dangerous... I asked if we really are smarter in out pursuit of a relationship in the lifestyle.  I did post my opinion and concerns but did not say anything about how you shouldn't do this or that.  I'm thinking you are reading way too much into my OP. 

I'm amazed at the snarky comments I'm gettng from left field.  But not to worry, I just ignore them prtetty much. 

I think... therefore, I judge (but only for myself).


< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 3/28/2009 1:26:13 PM >

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/28/2009 1:40:50 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus


I think the anticipation of a strong dominant figure that will guide you and take care of you and send your hormones up in skyrocket attracts some very vulerable and mentally unstable people is all.  Power over someone is intoxicating.  I've known some very intelligent people loose their common sense when new to this. 


please tell me you are not insinuating that us subs are mentally unstable and incapable of having common sense. or lacking  the willpower to not let our horniness override red flags.  i find that highlighted paragraph to be insulting as hell.

i would imagine there has been more than one of the dominant side that has been so intoxicated by the thought of that sweet young thing submitting to them that they have found them selves robbed or worse.

you are really starting to come off  (to me) as someone who has no valid points, just one helluva superiority complex.

feel free to correct me if i an wrong.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/28/2009 2:01:09 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus


I think the anticipation of a strong dominant figure that will guide you and take care of you and send your hormones up in skyrocket attracts some very vulerable and mentally unstable people is all.  Power over someone is intoxicating.  I've known some very intelligent people loose their common sense when new to this. 


please tell me you are not insinuating that us subs are mentally unstable and incapable of having common sense. or lacking  the willpower to not let our horniness override red flags.  i find that highlighted paragraph to be insulting as hell.


I think you overlooked that I clarified by saying SOME..not all.

You can answer your own question... what draws you to seek a dominant?  Any of the identifyers that I mentioned?  If they are..then I can see you being upset.  Then you need to ask yourself why you are upset.  (BTW.. that was a generic "you", nothing personal.)  I don't think a lot of submissives seek out a dominant for their expertise in cribbage.

quote:


i would imagine there has been more than one of the dominant side that has been so intoxicated by the thought of that sweet young thing submitting to them that they have found them selves robbed or worse.


I agree.
quote:


you are really starting to come off  (to me) as someone who has no valid points, just one helluva superiority complex.
feel free to correct me if i an wrong.


No, I just am speaking from over 13 years of experence in it is all.  Consider yourself corrected (well, you asked me too! )

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 3/28/2009 2:08:04 PM >

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Are you REALLY any smarter than a "nilla? - 3/28/2009 3:04:54 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		my first requirement in a dominant is that he make me laugh, so your theory there is blown. 

as to the context you used the word "some" in, it can be interpreted in more than one way. 

since you used it only referring to the s side of the slash, some came off as all.  you did not say the idea of domination causes some intelligent people to lose their common sense, nor did you say the thought of a strong submissive giving their self to you freely and without reservation attracts some vulnerable and mentally unstable people.

some police officers are mentally unstable.

the job of being a police officer draws some mentally unstable people.

maybe i am the only person who sees a difference in those 2 sentences.  and im good with that.

so i stand by my theory that you are indicating subs are unstable.  and i stand by the fact that i am insulted, although not for the reasons your 13 years of experience seem to be telling you.

i guess were both free to interpret something as we see it huh?

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 95
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