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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 3:52:34 PM   
cloudboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

We are just the same as everyone else in every other sort of world.


Ummmmmmm, I don't think so...

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 3:58:13 PM   
DGirl


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Joined: 9/22/2005
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quote:

I am not saying that all subs are like this (Not by a long shot) but in all fairness to the OP, I understand his example of steriotype submissives. Have I ran across this attitude in real life? No, only online and in emails. Wankers? To be sure. I do not come over here and post about it.

I wonder if we see this online more often because what most people really want is chemistry and you cant really tell if someone has it online. In real life we choose people who there is chemistry with to spend time with them and eventually (hopefully) develop a relationship. My husbnd and I don't really cae about what someone weighs, but we do like someone that is attractive. (We find all types of bodies attractive because we see them as a full person with personalities instead of just a body.) Just a thought....
Dgirl

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 4:01:59 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Maybe people like it cause it's a lazy person's way of making unsupportable claims/opinions to establish markers that require no real effort on their part to make any type of informed opinion/judgement. Seems to me, that to identify the experience and wisdom of another takes alittle effort in observering and interacting with another to make individual value judgements of any creditibility.


Yeah, that's brilliant. What you call lazy I call necessary.

My time is finite - so is yours. I have to work by some generalizations to weed out the obviously unsuitable up front. Everyone does. I do not have infinite amounts of time to actually get to know everyone I come across in depth, nor does anyone else.

So yeah, I think people under 30 have many good qualities. Neither wisdom nor experience would not be high on that list.

BTW, I have already noted that there can be exceptions to any generalization. The rule still holds. So you aren't actually saying anything here that I couldn't agree with - just not the lazy part.



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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 4:22:25 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DGirl

quote:

I am not saying that all subs are like this (Not by a long shot) but in all fairness to the OP, I understand his example of steriotype submissives. Have I ran across this attitude in real life? No, only online and in emails. Wankers? To be sure. I do not come over here and post about it.

I wonder if we see this online more often because what most people really want is chemistry and you cant really tell if someone has it online. In real life we choose people who there is chemistry with to spend time with them and eventually (hopefully) develop a relationship. My husbnd and I don't really cae about what someone weighs, but we do like someone that is attractive. (We find all types of bodies attractive because we see them as a full person with personalities instead of just a body.) Just a thought....
Dgirl

Dgirl, I agree. I think it is one of those little things that make us all human. We do care about if there is an attraction or not. I most certainly do. But like you and your husband, I look for chemistry between me and the other person. Can they make me laugh? I am a huge fan of laughter in any relationship, and no matter how good looking the other person is, if they do not have the type of personality I look for, I couldnt be attracted to them on that level. Yes, I would find him attractive to look at, but there has to be more to him than that. People send me their photos and yes it is so hard to determine what kind of person they are by a photo, unless they happen to be sitting in a filthy kitchen and didnt bother to look nice for the photo, I wouldnt know. So, yes we do judge a book by it's cover. But by the same token, some folks hide behind their temporary screen names and then delete them if they dont get the response they were looking for. I just would like to know where it is written that as a domina I am supposed to automatically meet a submissive and "use them" for a day? lol not in this lifetime, and not with this domina. Thank you for responding :)

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 4:33:38 PM   
IrishMist


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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

I dont understand some of the responses that he has received here.


/shrug

I understood his posting perfectly...yes, he was posting about general stereotypes...but....

I feel like being difficult today



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RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 4:51:15 PM   
smilezz


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quote:

Well...I'll be damned...someone woke up without a blow job this morning


*Falls over laughing* Ok, i just about spewed my soda across the screen.

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 5:43:26 PM   
MHOO314


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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I dont understand some of the responses that he has received here.


/shrug

I understood his posting perfectly...yes, he was posting about general stereotypes...but....

I feel like being difficult today





LMAO, want a martini?

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 5:46:09 PM   
IrishMist


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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

*Falls over laughing* Ok, i just about spewed my soda across the screen.


/hands a wet towel to Smilezz
Sorry

quote:

LMAO, want a martini?

well, since whiskey seems to get me in too much trouble...

/looks at the empty bottle

maybe a beer instead lol ?

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:11:19 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


Tattoos are often considered stupid mistakes. That's why tattoo removal is a thriving and growing industry.



Very true. That's why I waited until I was 37 before I got one and I was sure it was something I would be proud and happy to wear for the rest of my life.

quote:



And anyone has the right to pass judgement on anyone.



Everyone has the 'ability' to pass judgement, but it's not a right unless it's been granted. Judge Judy comes to mind. :) Certainly, posting on a public forum gives everyone the 'right' because the OP has given permission for the views to be debated, discussed, accepted or rejected and even ridiculed and judged should that be the respondants reaction. Fair game, as it were. But, generally speaking, it is only ability, not right. If you meant the statement to be qualified then I will stand corrected. I'm only going by what was, literally, written.

quote:


I've got a lot more experience with things than a lot of the 40 yo's who post here have.


This is rather ambigious and would be as hard to prove as it would be to refute. One would have to suppose that you are aware of all the experiences of those to whom you are referring. If you are basing your statement strictly on observation from what all of the 40 year old's have chosen to disclose, I would suggest that your statement must, by necessity, be qualified to that degree at the very least.

I enjoy reading your posts. Perhaps there is hope for the future if more young people such as yourself, are committed and passionate, willing to work and study and rise above and beyond the prior generation.


Celeste







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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:26:08 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Age v Experience
In all aspects of life, experience is gained and is not the prerogative of age. LA commented that she (a kitten under 30), has fucked older guys who knew less than she does. I agree with this in as much I know many older folk who have both less knowledge and experience than many old farts. I’m 60 and I can still learn new things sexually and attitude wise from the youngsters about me. Bloody hell they, the “kids”, have a greater chance to learn, especially thanks to the net, than we did when we were their age, and we were less open to learning kinky things too.

Tattoos & Scars
How the hell does tattoos and/or scars enter into what you are or are perceived by the great masses we mix with in daily life? In most cases people are likely to view tatts as either being a sign of a wilder youth or a sigh of military service in one branch or another (I still get asked if I’m ex navy ~ yep right the tatt on my left arm plainly has 2RAR and ARA, (2 Battalion Royal Australian Regiment and Australian Regular Army) before I was SAS and then resigned my commission so I could go to ‘Nam).

General
Set you criteria and profile and go for it. Somewhere out there there is at least one person who is looking for you.

The OP made comments regarding his scars etc relating to his military service and it appears he feels that this adversely affects his lifestyle. There are a lot of ex Military personnel here who are also Vets from some conflict or another. I don’t see them bitching about things. Most of them have the experience and personal stability to live and let live. I have scars from combat. Yep they may be interesting talking points but for me they are reminders of both my stupidity of getting into seeming no win shut ended situations (that brings out the Irish in me), and the troopers who died, my boys – I carry their loss on my shoulders. I spent 30 odd years in and out of combat, post ‘Nam, merc opps or high risk body guard jobs in SE Asia, S.America as well as the Mid East and I will not let those experiences affect me in any adverse way. I learned from them and gained more confidence than negatives from my life. You are what you are! Learn to live with that or get of your arse and improve your lot, but don’t bitch, winge and whine to me about it and for god’s sake don’t blame others for your life. Accept responsibility for yourself and leave others to live their lives according to what seems good for them. The chances are what they do is right for them at that time.


_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:26:10 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DWolfhunter
UNrealistic Dominants: If you set the image that you're an dishonest, unprincipled letch. You have failed. If you demand submission, you have failed. If you have to force compliance, you have failed. If you really believe that you are "MasterCum-tastic, Lord High Stomper of the unrighteous and submissive" take your meds and help will be on it's way. Any person who demands that a complete stranger approach them as Master/Mistress has FAILED!! If you can't get off without your toys...you guessed it you've failed. The most useful sexual device/toy is your mind and the will to use it.
Go ahead and be dishonest with yourself all you like. But when a newbie sub sets themselves out there...you had better be being honest with them. Why? Because you owe it to them. By claiming dominance you have also made yourself responsible for the sub' safety and security.

I dont personally know anyone like this.
quote:


Stereotype 2: The unrealistic submissive
Alright honey, I get it. You wanna be dommed by Fabio.

Ew.
quote:


I see the attraction. You want a Babarian prince with a little Marquis de Sade thrown in for culture and color.You wanna be dommed by LeStat and Louis together >sheesh< Go figure. No argument. But howsabout we live in the real world for right now eh?
You don't want someone over forty...because 20 yr old doms are soooooo experienced.>rolls eyes<
You don't want anyone overweight...cause everybody knows that being fat impedes your abilities and desires and the skill to use both, right? You don't want anyone who will make you do anything you don't wanna do...excuse me, what kink were we discussing again?
You claim that "My submission is a gift"...OMG if I hear this argument again, I may just blow my steaming lunch on the next person who poses it...No. Wrong. Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition.

I dont personally know anyone like this either.
quote:


For the record, I am a 40+ fat old veteran with all the scars tattoos and marks of hard living you'd expect to find me with.

Thanks for clarifying. Perhaps the less-than-flattering picture you paint of yourself might have something to do with the situation currently causing you so much frustration.
quote:


I have more experience in the D/s lifestyle than I often care to discuss.

Are you sure you dont want to discuss it? Cause it really sounds like you want to discuss it.
quote:

Yes, as both a Dom and as a sub. I subbed to a lover when I was eighteen years old (and far prettier/thinner than I am now) so I could understand how the other half of the equation works. I make no apologies for who or what I am, and I attempt to change what needs changing ,while maintaining my self-respect as often as possible. If I have failed to impress you with sincerity...bad on me. If I have failed to impress you with my looks and my outer image...Get bent!

You seem to be upset about something. Would it possibly be better if you just talked with someone about it rather than post a big blanket statement rant that doesnt do anything but draw criticism?
Vomiting (of sorts) in public is usually not the best way to deal with issues or experiences that are bothering you. It only draws people who either want to a. get off on your misery or b. watch other people get off on your misery. Either way, not too productive. There are some quality people who post regularly on these message boards. I just bet that you might find someone among them who will have a willing ear, maybe some empathy (or hell even sympathy) and words of encouragement. Everyone needs that once in a while. I dont think this is the best way to get that need met, however.
quote:

This is the real world. Fabio doesn't dom here.

Again, ew.



....edited for compassion.

< Message edited by justheather -- 1/27/2006 6:54:30 PM >

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:48:11 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather



Alright honey, I get it. You wanna be dommed by Fabio.

Ew.
quote:




LMFAO


quote:

This is the real world. Fabio doesn't dom here.

Again, ew.






Still...... LMFAO

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:17:06 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Being that I'm in the 20-somethings set and thus know everything, I need to make a comment on the idea that age = experience.

I believe that age = the potential for more experience, but that the idea that because someone is older they automatically know more about a given subject is flawed.

I think that, in general, people older that me know more than me. They have had more life experienes, they have done more, they have had a chance to learn more. However, in spesific circumstances, it is possible/likely that I know more about a given subject.

For example, I know a great deal about clothing in Ireland in the 9th century. It's a hobby of mine. I would put money on the fact that I know more about this subject that -many- people much older than me. I have more experience recreating it, and more experience wearing it. Am I more experienced at being alive? Nope. Do I know more overall? Nah. In that one area, though, do I have a claim on more experience than many people older than me? Most certainly.

I think the same is true of BDSM. I've been doing this for around seven years. A lot of this was while I was quite young. I can definatly agree with the idea that because I was young, I probably learned less than if I had begun learning at an older age. That said, I still have more experience than someone who's been at this for a year. Even if that person is twice my age, if they've only been doing this a year, I feel qualified to offer advice based on experience.

Having been alive more years than I've been gives you the oportunity to have learned more than I have. Overall, and in most circumstances, I figure someone double my age has more general knowledge and experience. However, general knowledge and experience doesn't mean the same thing as knowledge of a spesific area. If we've studied more, or been doing it longer, we know more. Regardless of the relative ages of people invovled. I know more than someone new to BDSM, even if that person knows more than I do about the world in general.

It's frustrating to me, because if young people state that they know a lot about something, they are often jumped on as claiming to know everything. Sometimes, we -are- just asserting that we know about a spesific thing, and not saying we know the world better than someone who's been in it more.



< Message edited by perverseangelic -- 1/27/2006 7:18:08 PM >

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:32:40 PM   
suzyqhot4u


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		This is cracking me up.

Fabio? Did this guy just climb out of a time capsule or what? Next thing you know, he is going to start bitching about some policy that Reagan just passed and wanting to know the secret to outrunning the ghosts on Pacman!

As I am about to turn 32, it cracks me up to listen to arguments about how much experience someone has or doesn't have. How the hell do we know? The only experience I can say with 100% certainty that anyone has is my own. Other than that, fuck it. If that is the experience you say you have, rock on - how the hell am I supposed to know if you are lying or not? And who really cares anyway?

With each year I grow older, I learn a little more than I did on my last birthday. And I completely agree that you can fuck 500 times and not learn one new thing.

This has been highly entertaining today. Great way to kick off the weekend! Hope you all have a good one - and GO CATS!

< Message edited by suzyqhot4u -- 1/27/2006 7:35:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:39:09 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		It's all about what you do with the time you are alive and not how many years you have lived. Live life and bloody well ENJOY it. Live life to the fullest as though there is no tomorrow!

Or


Horde the years and develop a good dose of bitterness. Enjoy becomming bitter and twisted and having few if any who will give you a wave or enquire about your health.

YOUR CHOICE!
(Dont blame others for who and what you are)


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:40:22 PM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you perverseangelic I completely agree with you. I'm 21, and a canadian. I spent a lot of years in school studying CANADIAN history, I could probably tell you more about canadian history than you know chaingang and yet you're older than me?
Does that mean I know everything? Not really that means I spent a lot of time learning about something you didn't.
As well, I have had guys who were a lot older than me and knew nothing about sex and the female anatomy. Whereas a 24 yr old knew as much as possible.
Does age = more life experience. Certainly it does people who are 40 have had more time to do things, and see things than I have. However does age = more experience in general, I don't think so.
However when one sits there and accuses how all 20somethings think they know everything about everything, it seems to be a rather crude statement. I have been told by guys much older than me that I am very mature and intelligent does that mean I can get straight A's in school...hell no I wish. However most people I've talked to think I'm very intelligent and mature, because they took the time to listen to me instead of turning up their noses and automatically say, She's too young.
If someone doesn't want to get to know me for some reason like that, fine their loss not mine.
LadyJC

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 8:34:43 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		personally, i favor submitting to Linda Blair...She's so sexy.


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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 9:00:06 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:


If someone doesn't want to get to know me for some reason like that, fine their loss not mine.


This made me chuckle. It was classic. If someone doesn't want to get to know 'me' because they have a preconceived notion that I am something that I am not, I don't consider it their loss as I doubt I could teach such a person anything anyway. Their mind is too closed. No, rather I consider it my loss because as they will not get to know me, neither am I allowed to get to know them and possibly learn from them. The older I get, the more I realize that almost everyone has something to offer. Perhaps they don't want to learn of me, perhaps they don't care what I have to offer, but what a waste of an opportunity it is for 'me' to learn.

You can call me selfish. Or maybe, just old. ::chuckles:: But I absolutely thirst for knowledge and I'm not all that particular from where it comes. I 'want' the younger generation to be better than my own. To improve and teach their children to be better than them. I doubt I'm alone in that feeling either. I also adore old people. The older the better. I can sit for hours and just listen to them talk about the way things were when they were young. The advancements which have been made, and their amazement with how far we've actually come. Who knows, when you're a 40 something, maybe you'll feel the same as you do now, or maybe you'll feel differently because you've grown, lived up to your potential. Maybe you'll teach someone what you know and maybe they will appreciate you for it.

Time will tell. Your experiences will be directly correlated to how much effort you've put into them and for how long you've done so.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to LadyJC)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 9:49:46 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
Somewhere, a ninty year old is discussing how those people in their eighties, don't know shit.


Can't you see that from the 90 year old's perspective that it might be a perfectly true and valid claim?

Seriously, is it the argument of the other side that y'all in your 20s know everything already? That each passing year is just another blip in time in which you will learn nothing because you're too big for your britches already? I just can't accept that. I am learning new things all the time. I am not learning as much in a short time frame as I did when I was younger, but I learn new things nonetheless.

I don't even claim that some of you couldn't be wise beyond your years - I merely claim that such a thing would be uncommon.

LuckyAlbatross is constantly claiming that there is nothing special about us in the BDSM world - that the stats are the same for us as any other community across the board. So that means she must claim the same unexceptional status of everyone else in her precise cicumstances doesn't it? Including her age bracket?




Amen to that.


I have to touch upon this comment...

"I am learning new things all the time."

I have to agree.Everyday,every session,every book you read,anything you do, can be a learning experience.I admit there are some things I have never even heard of in the BDSM world.
I also admit I cant wait to learn about them.

_____________________________

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 10:54:03 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

*Falls over laughing* Ok, i just about spewed my soda across the screen.


/hands a wet towel to Smilezz
Sorry

quote:

LMAO, want a martini?

well, since whiskey seems to get me in too much trouble...

/looks at the empty bottle

maybe a beer instead lol ?


Ya'll are having whiskey martinis?

Huh...

I've bartended for many years and never heard of that...

but...if someone is passing out martinis...uhmmm Sky vodka, rocks...just a splash of sprite...(I know...but it sweetens it just a touch)

as for the rest of ya'll...

uhm...

anyone want some popcorn? (extra butter!!)

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 80
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