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Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 5:34:14 AM   
DWolfhunter


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		One of the things that really pisses me off about the D/s community as a whole, is that it perpetuates several basic stereotypes. The ones that really turn my crank are the following:

UNrealistic Dominants: If you set the image that you're an dishonest, unprincipled letch. You have failed. If you demand submission, you have failed. If you have to force compliance, you have failed. If you really believe that you are "MasterCum-tastic, Lord High Stomper of the unrighteous and submissive" take your meds and help will be on it's way. Any person who demands that a complete stranger approach them as Master/Mistress has FAILED!! If you can't get off without your toys...you guessed it you've failed. The most useful sexual device/toy is your mind and the will to use it.
Go ahead and be dishonest with yourself all you like. But when a newbie sub sets themselves out there...you had better be being honest with them. Why? Because you owe it to them. By claiming dominance you have also made yourself responsible for the sub' safety and security.

Stereotype 2: The unrealistic submissive
Alright honey, I get it. You wanna be dommed by Fabio. I see the attraction. You want a Babarian prince with a little Marquis de Sade thrown in for culture and color.You wanna be dommed by LeStat and Louis together >sheesh< Go figure. No argument. But howsabout we live in the real world for right now eh?
You don't want someone over forty...because 20 yr old doms are soooooo experienced.>rolls eyes<
You don't want anyone overweight...cause everybody knows that being fat impedes your abilities and desires and the skill to use both, right? You don't want anyone who will make you do anything you don't wanna do...excuse me, what kink were we discussing again?
You claim that "My submission is a gift"...OMG if I hear this argument again, I may just blow my steaming lunch on the next person who poses it...No. Wrong. Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition.

For the record, I am a 40+ fat old veteran with all the scars tattoos and marks of hard living you'd expect to find me with. I have more experience in the D/s lifestyle than I often care to discuss. Yes, as both a Dom and as a sub. I subbed to a lover when I was eighteen years old (and far prettier/thinner than I am now) so I could understand how the other half of the equation works. I make no apologies for who or what I am, and I attempt to change what needs changing ,while maintaining my self-respect as often as possible. If I have failed to impress you with sincerity...bad on me. If I have failed to impress you with my looks and my outer image...Get bent! This is the real world. Fabio doesn't dom here.



< Message edited by DWolfhunter -- 1/27/2006 5:36:35 AM >

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RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 5:35:40 AM   
DWolfhunter


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		While I am on the topic...hrmm guess I wasn't done after all, eh? :>P

If you really do live as "out there " as possible, that's fine. Really it is. But the leather and fetish gear in public...what the hell were you thinking?? Was that really necessary? Did you have to pick your kid up from daycare like that? Or take your wife home from the ER that way??
You wanna wear a spiked dogcollar in your everyday life...doesn't look too good behind a bank counter, but hey, it's your life. You tell your girlfriend that D/s will be good for your relationship...you're an ARSEHAT. Because she has no idea what she's getting into until you're doing it...you better not let me see you doing it. She just trusted you to be right...she's not the brightest crayon in the box for that particular lapse of judgement...but she loved you enough to try it. Go figure?
You really do believe that manners are unnecessary between a Dom (read: MASTER) and a sub (read: slave)? You do huh? What country do YOU live in?? Manners and politeness are even more necessary between Dom and sub than between vanilla partners. Why? Because manners are what separate us from animals, bunkie...staaaaaaart likin it!!

DWolf

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RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 5:48:39 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well...I'll be damned...someone woke up without a blow job this morning

You sure know how to lump everyone. Obviously, you have had some bad experieces somewhere with someone, but geesh...get over it buddy.

quote:

Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition


Sorry, but obedience is not a condition. It's something that I choose to follow. Get that? I CHOOSE to be obedient, not because I am being ordered to, or because it's expected...but because I CHOOSE to be.

quote:

You really do believe that manners are unnecessary between a Dom (read: MASTER) and a sub (read: slave)? You do huh?


Sure, when one acts as ignorant and egotistical as you have just shown yourself to be.



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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 5:52:26 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Whew, I'm a switch so I guess I'm safe..........

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 5:52:42 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As long as people are honest with themselves and eachother, then things are fine.

Very often people are not, because they are scared.

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:13:04 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DWolfhunter

One of the things that really pisses me off about the D/s community as a whole, is that it perpetuates several basic stereotypes. The ones that really turn my crank are the following:

<snip>


I've been involved in the BDSM community since 1997 (locally in MI, as well as with several groups in IL, NY, and OH), and I have not seen anything thing that you've ranted about, in your initial posts. I believe you have a VERY narrow view of "community" and are lumping a few bad experiences on "everyone."

If you're feelin' old over forty, and don't like being over what might be considered an acceptable and healthy weight...do something about it. If you're happy with your looks, and how you feel, that would be great. The fact that you're complaining about it, shows otherwise.

Don't blame the "community" or others for judging you, because it seems from your words, that you're the one judging here.

K

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:24:27 AM   
IceyOne


Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If you're feelin' old over forty, and don't like being over what might be considered an acceptable and healthy weight...do something about it. If you're happy with your looks, and how you feel, that would be great. The fact that you're complaining about it, shows otherwise.

Don't blame the "community" or others for judging you, because it seems from your words, that you're the one judging here.

K


Nicely said Maam.

quote:

Well...I'll be damned...someone woke up without a blow job this morning


You got that impression also?



< Message edited by IceyOne -- 1/27/2006 6:25:08 AM >

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:26:45 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		mmmmmmmm seems it sucks to be you

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:30:26 AM   
Tine11


Posts: 423
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DWolfhunter

You claim that "My submission is a gift".

Sorry disagree here, the reality is that this not forced on anyone. As a submissive i coudl leave a collar w/out asking for release because contracts of this nature are not legally binding (but i won't, that woudl be rude). From that stand point it is a gift. Just because i am a submissive does not mean i will drop down infront of any dom/master at a blink of eye and give him a blow job because he told me to.


quote:


You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition.



Obedience is a choice, but is also expect, if my trust and faith are that high in you, then i don't mind being submissive and being obedient. My personality does not allow me to give over control to someone who can not handle the reasponability of it, that is in a D/s relatitionship and even when doing things in real world, I have to be able to trust that they can handle it, and have faith that it will be done right.


quote:


For the record, I am a 40+ fat old veteran with all the scars tattoos and marks of hard living



Give yourself some credit, its those scars that make you who you are. Ideallly i woudl love a young a buff, dom who is mature. Reality is i different story, buff hey a plus, but i would perfer a "fat old veteran with all the scars and tattoos and marks of a hard living" that woudl have the maturity and experence to make is safe, then the new buff one that all they can talk about it what they like to do to a girl. A relationship is not all about sex, submission, and dominance. Its about a emoution connection and finding a life long partner whom i have emoutional, and sexual connection to.

**this my option only**

< Message edited by Tine11 -- 1/27/2006 6:39:33 AM >

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The way it gitters if you polish it right.
If the light should turn and leave you blinded.
Take the dream and give it one more try.

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 6:51:12 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Someone commented recently that they noticed that most of the rants seem to come from people who had only made a few posts.

Yet another datum for the hypothesis.

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RE: Irritated by stereotypes...then caught myself doing... - 1/27/2006 7:12:36 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Well...I'll be damned...someone woke up without a blow job this morning

You sure know how to lump everyone. Obviously, you have had some bad experieces somewhere with someone, but geesh...get over it buddy.

quote:

Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition


Sorry, but obedience is not a condition. It's something that I choose to follow. Get that? I CHOOSE to be obedient, not because I am being ordered to, or because it's expected...but because I CHOOSE to be.

quote:

You really do believe that manners are unnecessary between a Dom (read: MASTER) and a sub (read: slave)? You do huh?


Sure, when one acts as ignorant and egotistical as you have just shown yourself to be.





Hey Irish, I love that spunk!

I agree totally, My boy does not have to give submission--shit he's 6'3 and 220--if he decided to he could throw Me into tomorrow probably--it is HIS choosing, it is HIS will to do so--and that I call a gift--the deepest gift--sure he trusts I won't kill him, but he puts it out there first.

quote:

You claim that "My submission is a gift"...OMG if I hear this argument again, I may just blow my steaming lunch on the next person who poses it...


His submission is a gift----Duck! Hurl factor approaching critical!!

quote:

No. Wrong. Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition.


Obedience? is a gift--it is a self decided means of behaving with and to another human being.

Now given that--we did say in the new year we would all be more tolerant of opinions not our own--so our OP has spoken his opinion--one obviously based on preferences and a more than healthy sense of self.

quote:

You don't want anyone overweight...cause everybody knows that being fat impedes your abilities and desires and the skill to use both, right? You don't want anyone who will make you do anything you don't wanna do...excuse me, what kink were we discussing again?


and yet your profile asks for hwp--or should I say the golden ratio I believe is the term---hmmm a bit of a dichotomy?


(She sits back,crosses long legs and reaches for a martini)


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Mistress Hathor


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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:12:38 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DWolfhunter




Stereotype 2: The unrealistic submissive
Alright honey, I get it. You wanna be dommed by Fabio. I see the attraction. You want a Babarian prince with a little Marquis de Sade thrown in for culture and color.You wanna be dommed by LeStat and Louis together >sheesh< Go figure. No argument. But howsabout we live in the real world for right now eh?
You don't want someone over forty...because 20 yr old doms are soooooo experienced.>rolls eyes<
You don't want anyone overweight...cause everybody knows that being fat impedes your abilities and desires and the skill to use both, right? You don't want anyone who will make you do anything you don't wanna do...excuse me, what kink were we discussing again?
You claim that "My submission is a gift"...OMG if I hear this argument again, I may just blow my steaming lunch on the next person who poses it...No. Wrong. Your submission is not a gift. You do not surrender a gift to someone you recognise as dominant over you. You DO give your trust and your faith that you will be safe and secure in that person's care and control. Obedience is not a gift. It's a condition.

For the record, I am a 40+ fat old veteran with all the scars tattoos and marks of hard living you'd expect to find me with. I have more experience in the D/s lifestyle than I often care to discuss. Yes, as both a Dom and as a sub. I subbed to a lover when I was eighteen years old (and far prettier/thinner than I am now) so I could understand how the other half of the equation works. I make no apologies for who or what I am, and I attempt to change what needs changing ,while maintaining my self-respect as often as possible. If I have failed to impress you with sincerity...bad on me. If I have failed to impress you with my looks and my outer image...Get bent! This is the real world. Fabio doesn't dom here.




Fabio??? OMG he's so old school now they won't put him on front pages of romance novels now.


Obediance is not a condition... a condition is medical... hair products.... things of those nature. And if you want my odediance, you damn well better be preprared to treat it as a special gift and treat it well. Just like I wuld treat your gift of Dominace.

20 vs 40 ..... hell 40 isn't any more experianced than 20... just means you been fucking longer. Experiance is learned.... not based on age brackets. Besides.. i've said it once.. i'll say it again... I'll take Sean Connery of Brab Pitt or Michael T Wise any day of the week.. (though I might hesitate when it comes to "The Pretender"

My scars, my tattoos are not my signs of hard life.... they're signs of stupidity (tattoos) and experiancing life in general... from shootings, stabbings, child birth, and things of that nature. War is hell on the home front too for some.

Oh..... and seriously.... to quote Robin Williams.... you are in more dire need of a blow job than any man i have ever seen!..... have a nice day

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:15:27 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u


Oh..... and seriously.... to quote Robin Williams.... you are in more dire need of a blow job than any man i have ever seen!..... have a nice day



tsk tsk tsk, it seems someone in his world was not obedient this morning??



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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 7:18:25 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

20 vs 40 ..... hell 40 isn't any more experianced than 20... just means you been fucking longer


LMFAO...Ok True...you got the giggle this morning

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 8:23:20 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		*Warm Smile*

It appears to me, sweetcheeks, that you are a bit frustrated. Maybe you aren't getting the response you are looking for from the ladies? Huh hunny buns?

I can't imagine why not! I mean, what lovely, young, intelligent woman with submissive desires wouldn't want a man that thinks it's his natural right (because he says he's a Dom) to take her submission? Why does she think it's her prerogative to choose who she wants to submit to? What is it about you that wouldn't have thousands of beautiful girls swooning at the thought of serving you? How is it possible that they don't see that being 40+ automatically makes you more experienced in BDSM than a 20-something?

I am simply flummoxed.





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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 8:34:17 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

*Warm Smile*

It appears to me, sweetcheeks, that you are a bit frustrated. Maybe you aren't getting the response you are looking for from the ladies? Huh hunny buns?

I can't imagine why not! I mean, what lovely, young, intelligent woman with submissive desires wouldn't want a man that thinks it's his natural right (because he says he's a Dom) to take her submission? Why does she think it's her prerogative to choose who she wants to submit to? What is it about you that wouldn't have thousands of beautiful girls swooning at the thought of serving you? How is it possible that they don't see that being 40+ automatically makes you more experienced in BDSM than a 20-something?

I am simply flummoxed.







LOL Miss Tress....I love the way you do sarcasm

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 8:51:30 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Warm Smile*

It appears to me, sweetcheeks, that you are a bit frustrated. Maybe you aren't getting the response you are looking for from the ladies? Huh hunny buns?

I can't imagine why not! I mean, what lovely, young, intelligent woman with submissive desires wouldn't want a man that thinks it's his natural right (because he says he's a Dom) to take her submission? Why does she think it's her prerogative to choose who she wants to submit to? What is it about you that wouldn't have thousands of beautiful girls swooning at the thought of serving you? How is it possible that they don't see that being 40+ automatically makes you more experienced in BDSM than a 20-something?

I am simply flummoxed. [/font][/size][/color]

LOL Miss Tress....I love the way you do sarcasm


Back in the 1700s, a guy named Jonathan Edwards wrote a treatise called "Sinners in the hands of an angry god." It's scared the shit out of generations, but I hold that that situation is nothing compared to "Pompous doms in the sights of pissed off submissives"

[laugh]

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 9:00:49 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"Pompous doms in the sights of pissed off submissives"



LMFAO

Mr Warren, I adore you lmao



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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 9:02:14 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		See, the problem here is, it's all been said before. Hell, it's been said in better ways even. This all just seems like a knock-off. A knock-off that you can't even dance to. But I give it a C for effort, a C- for content, an F for lack of expletives. I think that comes to be an overall D. Hey, at least you past.

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RE: Irritated by unrealistic criteriae - 1/27/2006 9:07:49 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		LOL Miss Tress....I love the way you do sarcasm

Why thank you IrishMist.

Back in the 1700s, a guy named Jonathan Edwards wrote a treatise called "Sinners in the hands of an angry god." It's scared the shit out of generations, but I hold that that situation is nothing compared to "Pompous doms in the sights of pissed off submissives"

[laugh]

I agree, John, and also love your wit.

See, the problem here is, it's all been said before. Hell, it's been said in better ways even. This all just seems like a knock-off. A knock-off that you can't even dance to. But I give it a C for effort, a C- for content, an F for lack of expletives. I think that comes to be an overall D. Hey, at least you past.

MrD, I do believe you are either slipping (getting soft?) or grading on a curve given the recent influx of ridiculous rants...

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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