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littlesarbonn -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (4/5/2009 7:18:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
quote:
ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1
Dennison is not the original poster, unless I've missed the name change along the way. As to being shy as a problem, I don't think of it as a major problem, because I am very open about suggesting to a boy how to go about wooing me. Besides, I think shy guys (not to be confused with evasive guys), are cute. M
Yeah, but speaking as a guy who's very shy - sometimes painfully shy - in social situations, I have to say it often is a major problem to the extent that it frequently inhibits us from making contact in the first place. Especially for younger guys, I would think. It's not as much of a problem for me now that I've moved into a stage of my life where I'm more comfortable with myself and no longer measure myself in terms of how others perceive me, but when I was younger, I can't even count the number of times I found a woman very attractive but never even said hello because I was literally paralyzed by shyness. I couldn't even begin to count. So in that sense, I think it represents a significant problem, because unless you happen to notice us and break the ice, there won't even be any connection made in the first place.
There is a solution to shyness, although it may never feel that way when you suffer from shyness. The solution is to just keep putting yourself out there and expose yourself to that which you fear most, talking to people who make you feel shy.
I used to suffer from shyness when I was younger. Big time. I was scared to death of talking to women. I'm not anymore. Part of my solution to this problem was tackled a different way, as I became a debater, and that pretty much forced me to have to confront that fear straight on. Nowadays, when I tell people I was shy, they laugh at me because they can't believe it. Nowadays, people have trouble shutting me up (which could be another problem).
Okay, now having said that, I wish to comment on this thread, which I just spent the last half an hour reading all of the way through.
There are a couple of different conversations going through this thread, but I'd like to address a couple of them, specifically the OP's complaints about women seeking "generous men" and the conversation about meeting for coffee and who pays and all that.
First, the original complaints are so generic these days that we hear them all of the time. Yes, I get the same kinds of emails from trolls trying to part me from my hard earned dollars (or Korean won these days), and yes, it frustrates me. At the same time, when I have contacted a woman in my area (like when I was in Michigan), I would spend a good deal of time researching whether or not the woman was seeking what I could offer to her, and then I'd write her, and the next thing I'd receive would be some type of "send me money" request. Yeah, that gets old really fast. But just as every dominant woman on the boards has to filter through the chaff of ludicrous offers she receives to find the few diamonds in the rough, so do submissive men. Finding someone is not an easy task. If it was, there would be very little need for a place like collarme in the first place. Everyone would already be with their perfect partner. So, you have to examine profiles, talk to strangers, interact with people on message boards, meet someone for coffee or dinner, get to know people who might help you meet other people, make long term friendships with people who will eventually open up other doors for you as well as serve as good friends, and then you might find the person you're seeking. You might find the person tomorrow. You might find that person in a few years. You might NEVER find that person. A lot of it is chance. Sometimes it has everything to do with where you live. I live right now in South Korea. My chances of finding someone here are slim to none. I know that. Soon, I'll live somewhere else, and hopefully that new place will help me find someone who happens to be local to that area. It's like throwing dice. You take a lot of chances.
The whole meeting for coffee thing: I've never understood why so many people have problems with this sort of thing. Unless you're dirt poor, which would explain the problem, I don't see a single problem with picking up a check and thinking of it as a social expense rather than a relationship expense. There's a huge difference between the two. If you see it as the latter (a relationship expense), you expect something for your purchase. It's not just coffee or lunch. It's an expense for something. If you see it as the former (a social expense), you're paying for coffee and/or lunch, and it's much more about the experience you just had, not some uncertain future that you can't forsee. Whenever I've met someone for coffee, I've never thought a second thing about picking up the tab. It's not because I'm the submissive one, or I'm the "guy". I pick up the tab because it's freaking coffee or lunch. It's not like I just bought someone a Ferrari. Sometimes, I've been to lunch with someone and she's picked up the tab, just because she wanted to. I don't argue over the tab because money means almost nothing to me. I really dislike the concept of money and only pay attention to it because you have to have it to survive in most circumstances.
But I'll pick up a tab whether I'm with a hot dominant woman or some submissive guy I'm meeting because we're mutual acquaintances. When you see the afternoon you spend with a friend or someone you just met to be just that, an afternoon with someone, caring about who pays for it destroys the experience itself. Just yesterday I had lunch with a very attractive, fun woman who works at the convenience store next to where I work. She looked like she was bored, so I asked her if she wanted to grab some lunch. She said yes. We enjoyed a few hours of an afternoon together. Nothing more than that. It doesn't always have to be much more than just that. Too many people seem so focused on end results that they lose the enjoyment of the journey itself.
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