RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’…

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LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 4:23:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Futuresocks Aside from the given issues of safety, intelligence, honesty, and personal fidelity (the big issues), I only have these... 1) a domme who takes freakin forever to cut loose on casual assertiveness. I mean, getting to know a domme is one thing. You don't automatically expect her to bind her authority, but there is a soft-level dominance that full-on dominants mostly exhibit that I find reassuring and oh-so-stimulating. I've found that being "in service" to a domme as opposed to being collared is awesome too. A dominant woman who lives and breathes dominance tends to dominate in most areas, but I have known some that after 5 meet-ups I said to myself: "Uh, who's the dominant one here?" it's demeanor, body language, etc., and when it's lacking, it shows. Forceful requests while just getting to know someone (EX: "Why don't you go get me a refill?") (yes, just requests) and questions can be just as appealing as an order when in servitude, and staunch dominants rise to the top even in first meetings. Some do not, and that is a let-down. At a casual meeting, I want to get to know you as a person, I'm not giving you a mini session in a coffee shop where I have to establish myself with commands, sorry, sounds a bit like you expect a circus horse performance here because it would thrill you. Ain't going to happen. Should I be looking for a sub, I'm not looking for a battle of wills and to establish myself as the dominant, I thought the roles were clear. To have to ask you why you didn't offer me a refill? No, I wouldn't, you would have failed the test. I'm in charge in my job and if we do a scene together, you bloody well can bet your behind on it that I'm in charge, if I'm meeting you casually to get to know you, I expect manners, I expect certain things as a given, but I will not start bossing everybody around, I will treat the waiter polite and talk to him as if he would be a sub, because that would be beyond rude, he's doing his job, he doesn't ask to be dominated, if the service is not up to standard, I would politely ask for what I want and if that doesn't help, the tip would reflect it and the establishment would not see me again. All fairly simple, less aggravating and since I do know who I am, I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve all the time....

LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 4:25:44 PM)
Ooops sorry for the bold, don't know where that came from...

Futuresocks -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 5:58:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: Futuresocks Aside from the given issues of safety, intelligence, honesty, and personal fidelity (the big issues), I only have these... 1) a domme who takes freakin forever to cut loose on casual assertiveness. I mean, getting to know a domme is one thing. You don't automatically expect her to bind her authority, but there is a soft-level dominance that full-on dominants mostly exhibit that I find reassuring and oh-so-stimulating. I've found that being "in service" to a domme as opposed to being collared is awesome too. A dominant woman who lives and breathes dominance tends to dominate in most areas, but I have known some that after 5 meet-ups I said to myself: "Uh, who's the dominant one here?" it's demeanor, body language, etc., and when it's lacking, it shows. Forceful requests while just getting to know someone (EX: "Why don't you go get me a refill?") (yes, just requests) and questions can be just as appealing as an order when in servitude, and staunch dominants rise to the top even in first meetings. Some do not, and that is a let-down. At a casual meeting, I want to get to know you as a person, I'm not giving you a mini session in a coffee shop where I have to establish myself with commands, sorry, sounds a bit like you expect a circus horse performance here because it would thrill you. Ain't going to happen. Should I be looking for a sub, I'm not looking for a battle of wills and to establish myself as the dominant, I thought the roles were clear. To have to ask you why you didn't offer me a refill? No, I wouldn't, you would have failed the test. I'm in charge in my job and if we do a scene together, you bloody well can bet your behind on it that I'm in charge, if I'm meeting you casually to get to know you, I expect manners, I expect certain things as a given, but I will not start bossing everybody around, I will treat the waiter polite and talk to him as if he would be a sub, because that would be beyond rude, he's doing his job, he doesn't ask to be dominated, if the service is not up to standard, I would politely ask for what I want and if that doesn't help, the tip would reflect it and the establishment would not see me again. All fairly simple, less aggravating and since I do know who I am, I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve all the time.... It was my intention to make clear that I'm talking about initial impressions, not commands or bossing around, and it's certainly not a battle of wills. I am thinking of one domme at the moment with whom I spoke about this subject. She has seen the same thing, and it goes towards how dominant one is in their engaging or not engaging someone. It wasn't a deal-breaker or an expectation of anything, just a disposition. That's it.

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 7:13:54 PM)
quote: I do know who I am, I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve all the time.... LadyConstanze, exactly (oh I clicked the 'B' for bold again to stop the bold). You're the kind of domme I want to meet. Maybe it's that I'm not a kid, even though I'm new to this, but the type of behavior you described - being not a domme in a scene or in a relationship but just being rude and demanding - seems too easy as an excuse for bad behavior from some D-types. Big turnoff to me, esp. if she's rude to the wait staff. I would so be out the door. If you don't mind...I love your picture. A very sexy catwoman (smile).

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 7:23:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Ooops sorry for the bold, don't know where that came from... I thought you were just being forceful. It was quite exciting, actually!

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 7:38:38 PM)
Futuresocks, maybe this is something that attracts you but for myself for example, it would (oh someday my post won't be in the future tense....) be a turnoff for me if the woman was very dominant in most daily interactions. Funny, after just doing some shopping with my sister reminds me how I've grown up with strong, dominate women - yeah maybe the kernals of my attraction - and how I've worked hard to push right back when she's being cranky, as she was today. It truly makes me think about this personality - I'm very close to my mother and sister and they are tough women. And even though I tell you it's hard to say no to them, I do when I think it's the right thing to do. Now my sister in this 91 degrees today at a crowded grand opening was impatient and demanding. She started to push my buttons and I know it's time to leave. I didn't expect it but once she's on her way to her next appointment (always a busy schedule) she acknowledged her crankiness. For her, that's an apology so that's fine. But I knew I needed to get far away from her. I wonder if I should extrapolate what my interactions will be with a domme, once she knows me? So Futuresocks, this is again an area where each of us may differ, but I don't need or necessarily would like a too demanding, commanding if you will domme in our daily interactions. Honestly I don't need or require any kind of reassurance from this relationship. Oh if I built my domme from scratch (I'm so not serious but if I could...oh I'm feeling a silly thread topic taking hold of my creative mind....smile) she would be who she is and it would be a quiet strength that is just her, not as something that is on display necessarily and well, that she is sensitive enough to take the time to know and understand a little more a woman like myself, as I'd want to learn about her. Ok...I might throw in that catwoman attire and definitely blue eyes (smile)...but you get the idea.

Lockit -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/6/2009 11:59:50 PM)
I do not believe that with my gentle approach I am signifying less dominance than any other dominant. It isn't my job to rule the world and make men bow before me in submission that has no foundation. I may be assertive, but one won't always see that in every conversation. My dominance isn't for the every day getting to know someone conversation. If I need to be assertive or show some sign of dominance... I will and I don't need someone determining what trueness of domina power I have by a getting to know someone conversation. They have no clue. I think that people need a foundation and automatic dominance is for porn movies, fantasy and those that don't understand that dominance doesn't need to come in a certain formula to be real or true. I do not impose myself, my will, my way until I have proven myself as a human being, a woman and a dominant in certain ways. Anyone who expects more, faster... is not seeing me, but some picture of what dominance is to them. Once a foundation is built and there is trust that was built from dominance and submission evolving... then and only then will someone know my full dominance.

LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/7/2009 1:33:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub quote: I do know who I am, I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve all the time.... LadyConstanze, exactly (oh I clicked the 'B' for bold again to stop the bold). You're the kind of domme I want to meet. Maybe it's that I'm not a kid, even though I'm new to this, but the type of behavior you described - being not a domme in a scene or in a relationship but just being rude and demanding - seems too easy as an excuse for bad behavior from some D-types. Big turnoff to me, esp. if she's rude to the wait staff. I would so be out the door. If you don't mind...I love your picture. A very sexy catwoman (smile). You didn't look me up when I lived in LA, a couple of years ago ;) Though I have to admit that in some venues I was a bit tempted to get dominant with the waiters and waitresses, sort of "Yes, you may be moonlighting and be an aspiring actor, but now please act like a waiter and get me a coffee..." I have no problem with being blunt, but flat out rudeness is just such a turn off and yes, the type "I screech like a fish-wife, have no manners, I must be dominant" thing is just flat out embarrassing... Thanks for the compliment, the picture happened when I was fooling around with a friend, she wanted to try out my digital camera as she prefers conventional cameras usually, I kept that because it does hide the face without hiding the eyes, with work and all, it possibly wouldn't be too smart to have my face floating around the internet, learned that the hard way with a stalker....

marysdream -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/7/2009 7:40:39 PM)
well my laundry lists consists of, all of yours just replace Mistress with Dominants....that is why i stay firm to my first hard limit...no on line anything...except real chat..and meeting quickly, the self masturbating only after to pleasure themselves folks move on!

allthatjaz -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/8/2009 12:35:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I do know who I am, I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve all the time.... Thats a 'nail on the head statement'. If your comfortable in your own skin then its all so simple. This reminded me of a friend who up until a few years ago was a submissive with dominant curiosity. She called round one day when I was in the house with my fem sub. I invited her to dominantly interact with her and it was a awesome thing to witness. I watched as she laughed, chatted, joked and spoke very gently but at the same time had this natural dominant air about her. My sub gushed and blushed and virtually fell at her feet and I smiled at the thought of all those sour faced dominants who just wouldn't get what was going on here. She is now probably one of the best dominant women I know and yet she is always smiling and always laughing but has the capacity to bring someone to their knees with a whisper.

DemonKia -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/8/2009 12:39:14 AM)
FR I have sub & switch profiles as well as my main profile, & plenty of maledoms are just as annoying in their inability to read, comprehend & otherwise be appropriate as the submissive guys the mistresses were complaining about over on their thread . . .. . &, yep, still a sexist pig here, so I'll take the liberty to say that the pink & red labels usually are accompanied by 'better online behavior' than the shades of blue. & I suspect that at least some of the poorly behaved pink & red labels are attached to the ever-popular 'horny net geek' on the other end of the line . . ... This had been nagging at me for a coupla days, so I wanted to drop this into the brew, LAsubgirl . . . . . I'm still checking in on this thread & enjoying the discussion. & to answer the question about why would a submissive benefit from 'complaining' about dominants: personally, I value honesty, even when it's painful; & I'm full of human failings & foibles, & more than willing to learn, most especially from my mistakes .. .. . .

BKSir -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/8/2009 1:14:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub 2. The attitude that if a sub doesn't suit the domme's needs, then there is clearly something wrong with the sub, he's not a "true" sub, or he doesn't understand what women want. You know what? If he's not what she's looking for, then she's not what he's looking for either, and it doesn't make either one's desires less valid than the other's. They're just not a good fit for each other. Get over it and move on. Hardbody, you're certainly not the only one this gets to, in a big way. Even as a "D" type it pisses me off to no end. I'm talking in my top 5 "I want to hit you, in the not good way" list of ALL things. I hold to my previous statements of "There is NO such thing as a bad sub, just a bad sub for YOU!" Just because my pet might not have been right for Joe Dom type, doesn't change the fact that he is just shy of perfection in my eyes. It's no different than in any relationship really though. Sometimes (usually) 2 people just don't mesh for some reason or another and can't form that particular relationship they want. Doesn't mean they won't meet the one they WILL mesh with tomorrow. I mean really, what would I expect to happen if I, for example, tried to take on, just for example, picking one of you at random here... WyldHrt, as my sub. It would be horrible (no offense Wyld). We wouldn't be compatible, just plain and simple fact of the matter. I'm sure she's awesome and would make a kick ass sub for someone. Just probably not for me. (I don't dig girls in that way) [;)] Or even if you were to choose me to be your D type for some reason, HardBody... I have no doubt in my mind that I'm a pretty decent "D", not the best, not the worst, but I would be an absolutely HORRID Dom for you, as you don't want a Dom, you're interested in a Domme. No matter how hard I try, that's just something I can't do, so, for you, I'm an awful D type, but for someone else, I'm probably just what they want. Although god knows why anyone would be that insane... [:D] So yes, to all of you wonderful "S" types out there (by the way, I'm loving this thread), don't let anyone tell you that you're not "true" or that "no one would want you"... unless you're into that kind of thing I guess. Then go for it. ;)

LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/8/2009 7:34:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz My sub gushed and blushed and virtually fell at her feet and I smiled at the thought of all those sour faced dominants who just wouldn't get what was going on here. That's the thing I really have trouble comprehending, if you are sour faced, obviously something is NOT right for you, you are not enjoying yourself, then why on earth do it? Unless you are a pro domme who has agreed to a session, you are not under any obligation to session if it is not right for you (and even as a pro you can always hand back the tribute...). I must have really missed the memo that proclaims dommes have to be mean, bitchy and always bad tempered, in short the sweet disposition and face of a bulldog chewing a wasp. I'm primarily a sadist, I ENJOY myself when I'm flogging or whipping somebody (amongst a ton of other things), it puts me in a great mood, makes me want to smile, I even giggle sometimes and squeal in delight.... At the same time it is important for me that the bottom (to avoid words like sub or slave) is enjoying himself or herself, it simply adds to my enjoyment, it's a great feedback, the fact that he or she is getting enjoyment (for lack of a better word) out of something I enjoy makes it so much better. Where's the point in beating somebody who stoically and silently takes it all? I guess I would have about as much "fun" beating a wall? I would assume somebody who is submissive and gets enjoyment out of the fact that the dominant enjoys him or herself, will feel a bit cheated by the sour face and acting like it's all so terrible disgusting and no fun at all...

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/8/2009 11:56:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze You didn't look me up when I lived in LA, a couple of years ago ;) Thanks for the compliment, the picture happened when I was fooling around with a friend, she wanted to try out my digital camera as she prefers conventional cameras usually, I kept that because it does hide the face without hiding the eyes, with work and all, it possibly wouldn't be too smart to have my face floating around the internet, learned that the hard way with a stalker.... Darn....(ahem) ever visit LA? You probably left when I arrived which was a couple of years ago. As with screenwriting, less is more. I do like how I can see your eyes and just enough of you, well, that it draws you in, wanting to see more. That to me is the perfect photo.

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 12:09:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonKia This had been nagging at me for a coupla days, so I wanted to drop this into the brew, LAsubgirl . . . . . I'm still checking in on this thread & enjoying the discussion. & to answer the question about why would a submissive benefit from 'complaining' about dominants: personally, I value honesty, even when it's painful; & I'm full of human failings & foibles, & more than willing to learn, most especially from my mistakes .. .. . . Again something I don't either understand or honestly don't accept on face value that just because of the type of dynamic we're talking about here - domme and sub - means that suddenly the domme is somehow not a person too who doesn't make mistakes or needs to engage with others fairly. From my view in fact, you have a lot of responsibility if someone is trusting you on a few significant levels and if you're not genuinely a strong individual, it's going to show and not be a good situation. And the opposite is true - if a domme is genuinely confident and strong, I would think she'd be fair and probably....lots of fun. [:D]

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 12:25:24 AM)
I'm glad you're enjoying the thread. I had to post it after seeing this from the dommes POV. Again it might be my lack of experience with this dynamic that I don't bow at the alter of some, at this point, imaginary relationship between one who is dominant and one who is submissive. I truly don't get it in my brain how, beyond what that dynamic is between two consenting adults, an accompanying attitude if you will that goes along with the two roles in other aspects of ones life - such as how we interact online, in email, etc. I just find it rude behavior to talk down to someone or to pretend to be at times on a throne when talking about this lifestyle. Oh it might just me be and it's perfect being here in LA, that like Charlie Chaplin I tend to lean toward knocking down pomposity and some of this nonsense feels that way. Not the people here in the forum, the best aspect of this site. I truly have an open mind but the more I dig into what I think this lifestyle is, the more I question if I'll want more then just a casual association with it.

MistressCara -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 12:33:40 AM)
Noone would dare find Me irritating as I am the Almighty Wondrous Heavenly and Ethereal Goddess of the Universe. Ok Hmmm 5 annoying things about me seriously 1. nymphomaniac, I link everything to sex 2. demanding [sex usually] 3. sulky [if I dont get any sex] 4. expect everyone to agree with me and pander [not panda] to my every whim and need 5. are we back to sex again yet?

LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 12:41:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I guess I would have about as much "fun" beating a wall? I would assume somebody who is submissive and gets enjoyment out of the fact that the dominant enjoys him or herself, will feel a bit cheated by the sour face and acting like it's all so terrible disgusting and no fun at all... When real experience makes this so clear...yes...taking the bdsm element out of your example...how much better is, OK we'll just say sex, with a partner who is also enjoying herself/himself as opposed to someone who is a warm body with you but is not really feelin' it? Maybe for some that doesn't matter enough, but I'd like to think for most of us it does. Putting the bdsm back into the situation, I guess I genuinely can't imagine just doing this and it not be fun for both people. If it's not, something would feel really wrong to me.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 3:43:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub Oh...thanks...horny not geek...can you be both? (I sort of write sheepishly...) LAgirlsub, it "Horny Net Geek", not "Horny -Not- Geek" :).

LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 3:58:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub Darn....(ahem) ever visit LA? You probably left when I arrived which was a couple of years ago. I guess so ;) I don't come to LA very often or on a regular basis, but should it come up in the forseeable time, I'll drop you a line and we can check if the nice little coffee shop on Venice Beach is still around, it was a bit odd, run by hippies and all, but at least it was not Starf*cks.

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