RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (Full Version)

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HalloweenWhite -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/9/2009 4:00:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The one thing I hate is Dominatrix Toxemia. Someone once told me this is a recognized condition.
Symptoms of this are
They think they can dominate everyone including other dominants
They believe themselves to be God like creatures even when with vanilla friends (actually they tend not to have many friends)
They don't cope well with a difference of opinion and can become very vindictively verbal with anyone that questions them.
They believe in there own hype (too many people have told them they are beautiful and they believe it)



I just discovered what's wrong with 1 of My uncles-he has the male version of this condition. :)



WyldHrt -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 12:03:28 AM)

quote:

I mean really, what would I expect to happen if I, for example, tried to take on, just for example, picking one of you at random here... WyldHrt, as my sub.  It would be horrible (no offense Wyld).  We wouldn't be compatible, just plain and simple fact of the matter.  I'm sure she's awesome and would make a kick ass sub for someone.  Just probably not for me. (I don't dig girls in that way) [;)]

Awwwwww BK, you mean you're not going to turn heterosexual and monogamous for me??
Another dream crushed! [X(]
*gigglesmooches * I lubs you anyway [;)]



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 1:42:45 AM)

I did realize that later (doh! - like Homer Simpson)...but thanks.



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 1:52:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub

Darn....(ahem) ever visit LA? You probably left when I arrived which was a couple of years ago.




I guess so ;) I don't come to LA very often or on a regular basis, but should it come up in the forseeable time, I'll drop you a line and we can check if the nice little coffee shop on Venice Beach is still around, it was a bit odd, run by hippies and all, but at least it was not Starf*cks.


You might need to be more specific (lots of coffee shops I think around there) but sure. Anytime...Can I ask you a quick question? (gee I just did....) - your profile lists that you are straight. Are you? I'd enjoy meeting you regardless...I guess I should just not be thinking about catwoman outfits so late at night...[;)]



LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 8:01:35 AM)

That's funny, I thought my profile would identify me as bisexual, must be a glitch... Or I might have changed it at some point in time because I was a bit fed up with couples trying to invite me for threesomes (not to mention some of the people here who got female in their profile and the first question is usually "What underwear do you wear?" etc.)

I guess straight depends on your definition of it, I don't think anybody is actually 100% of anything, I would define myself as "straightish" as the partner I have been with for the past couple of years is male (and I guess he would have a massive laugh if somebody would call me straight, we actually often joke that certain things about him appeal to the lesbian in me) and the majority of partners I had was male, but I have had female partners too (gosh, sounds like there were tons, but actually not THAT many).

The funny thing is that I never really think that much about sexual orientation, when I'm attracted to a person, that's it, their gender is not that important. Does that make sense?

As for the coffee shop, I can't recall the name for the life of me, but I'm sure I would find it again, it was somewhat quaint, a bit old fashioned and they sold home-made organic food, such a nice break from the chains.



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 6:26:28 PM)

Well, I know this seems to be the more common view, but from my world it's not...I am 100% gay. Period. I love the ladies. There are the rare males that I do find attractive (oh like a young Brad Pitt - always the blue eyes - he should be so complimented from a very gay woman like myself) but I don't think of men sexually. And from this POV, think about very straight males and tell them they're not really just straight. I don't want to sound like I'm offended, I'm not. But I don't buy into this view at all. There are plenty of people who fall somewhere on the continum, but many don't. I don't know if that makes me more rare, but it's something I've contended with all my life because I am feminine and get too much male attention. I truly thought it was that I don't care so they attract to me, but well it might be that I talk to everyone - I'm friendly - and maybe it's something physical...I've often wanted to say to them...have a sister? (smile).

And only recently, with the so called 'annoying dommes' was one who in just a few emails - after I clearly stated my orientation - told me, as if I'm going to be talking orders from someone online I don't know, that I have to be with her and her male subs. That really upset me. Could we prove the point of this thread any better then with this example? A so called domme who didn't give a flip who I am, so much so that she ordered me about who I'm going to have sex with. It still bothers me how ugly, obnoxious and rude that was. No one tells me who I'm going to be sexual with, no less a male.

And you're even asked about your underwear as their first question? Just like that? I must think very differently then many who are online. I know what I'd ask you...I'd ask if you felt comfortable to email me a picture of your face since that's what I'd like to see.

On the coffee shop...if you were planning a visit, I'd go on the hunt to see if I could figure out the name of this place. It's good it's not Culver since it seems like they've redone quite a bit of their downtown. I haven't been to Venice in years (both the one here and in Italy) so I wonder if things have changed there. But I'll do my best to figure it out and surprise you if you stopped in our big city again. But either way, I'd never meet you at a Starbucks. I'm sure I could find something you'd like.



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 10:50:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

The funny thing is that I never really think that much about sexual orientation, when I'm attracted to a person, that's it, their gender is not that important. Does that make sense?



Sure it makes sense if you are someone who is attracted sexually to both genders; hence bisexuality. I have had a few very close male friendships and even if maybe one close buddy of mine would have liked something different between us, that was never going to happen. I'm just not wired that way so I can be attracted to the person on many levels, but sexually nope not with males.

And in a different way but there's some connection in my brain, it's been hard for me to look at this attraction I have to dominant women. I thought I was weak for wanting oh a hot, sexy woman to dominant me. I see how it's been there, kernals of it, in my past...geeze all the way back to prom night with my girlfriend at the time...I recently realized how I wanted at that moment to have furry restraints (I like those)...how I wanted her to take charge then. It's really thrown me that back to 18, I felt this.

It's why at this time in my life, I'm trying hard to not let old ideas dictate my actions today. Such as the age of women I'll meet. Heck I've thrown most of it out. I have more questions then answers so I've got to work hard at not limiting myself.



zenny -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/10/2009 10:56:37 PM)

ITT : Mixing gender and sex.



allthatjaz -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 1:56:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub






And you're even asked about your underwear as their first question? Just like that? I must think very differently then many who are online. I know what I'd ask you...I'd ask if you felt comfortable to email me a picture of your face since that's what I'd like to see.





NO.... You think like a woman!!
I think there are so many lesbian males on these boards (possibly more so in the chat rooms)
The male lesbian Mistress, if convincing enough, is far more likely to get some good wank fodder. The problem is though, the fem sub he/she is chatting up is possibly and actually very likely to be a male pretending to be a female sub[;)]



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 3:40:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
NO.... You think like a woman!!
I think there are so many lesbian males on these boards (possibly more so in the chat rooms)
The male lesbian Mistress, if convincing enough, is far more likely to get some good wank fodder. The problem is though, the fem sub he/she is chatting up is possibly and actually very likely to be a male pretending to be a female sub[;)]



I know. I'm funny like that since I am a woman. Unfortunately I met one of these nasty male lesbian switches...by the second time 'he' blew me off to meet just for a coffee, I knew it. Allthatjaz, it's really an icky experience when you realize this later. I've now had that happen twice.

Do you think pushing to voice verify early on will make a difference?



allthatjaz -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 4:19:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
NO.... You think like a woman!!
I think there are so many lesbian males on these boards (possibly more so in the chat rooms)
The male lesbian Mistress, if convincing enough, is far more likely to get some good wank fodder. The problem is though, the fem sub he/she is chatting up is possibly and actually very likely to be a male pretending to be a female sub[;)]





I know. I'm funny like that since I am a woman. Unfortunately I met one of these nasty male lesbian switches...by the second time 'he' blew me off to meet just for a coffee, I knew it. Allthatjaz, it's really an icky experience when you realize this later. I've now had that happen twice.

Do you think pushing to voice verify early on will make a difference?


Yes absolutely. If I were you I would be wanting to call the person fairly quickly. If they can't understand the reasons why then I would be highly suspicious.



LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 6:12:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


NO.... You think like a woman!!
I think there are so many lesbian males on these boards (possibly more so in the chat rooms)
The male lesbian Mistress, if convincing enough, is far more likely to get some good wank fodder. The problem is though, the fem sub he/she is chatting up is possibly and actually very likely to be a male pretending to be a female sub[;)]



Well...

or even better





allthatjaz -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 8:51:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


NO.... You think like a woman!!
I think there are so many lesbian males on these boards (possibly more so in the chat rooms)
The male lesbian Mistress, if convincing enough, is far more likely to get some good wank fodder. The problem is though, the fem sub he/she is chatting up is possibly and actually very likely to be a male pretending to be a female sub[;)]



Well...

or even better





Those are just hilarious [:D]



DemonKia -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 11:49:59 AM)

I'm kinda naive & generally learn stuff best that good-ol'-fashioned hard way, so I've probably been scammed a few times in this process . .. . . . & thus I've learned to get insistent on web-cam & etc 'verification' that the person I'm talking to is reasonably close to what they've represented themselves as . . ... & I get insistent pretty quick anymore . . . . .

So, LAgirlsub, you do what you need to do to feel comfortable about the process -- I, for one, support you in this . . . .. .

I've found that the fakes & such drop out fast if I enforce my boundaries, & that saves me time & energy & feelings . .. . .

[:D]

quote:

ORIGINAL: LAgirlsub

Do you think pushing to voice verify early on will make a difference?



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 2:44:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Well...

or even better



Oh that did it...smile...I can't even imagine now it was some studly guy...



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 2:50:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Yes absolutely. If I were you I would be wanting to call the person fairly quickly. If they can't understand the reasons why then I would be highly suspicious.


I've also had the experience that one domme (who I do believe is a woman on this site) got angry at me because I was pushing so fast to voice verify before I'd want to talk further with her. That was the first time I pushed very quickly for this and in that case it worked. I found out in only a few emails that she isn't emotionally balanced so definitely not someone I would want to get to know further. She seriously took this - me pushing to speak to her on the phone to voice verify which is what I said - as me being some kind of pushy sub. It was yet another twist on this nonsense.



LadyConstanze -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 3:32:47 PM)

There were situations where I couldn't speak to people, due to various reasons, lack of privacy (can happen and I certainly don't want anybody overhearing a private conversation), but that was not coping out, it was just impractical and hell, since I gave them a time frame ("look, got visitors for the next week, let's do it after that....") I didn't see why it was a big deal to wait a few days, but the person freaked out on me, which I really found odd since we were only talking as friends.

I'd say in general, go with your gut feeling, if something does strike you as not right, push for an answer and tell them why, if they can't understand, they are possibly not realistic, have emotional issues or something to hide.



Politesub53 -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/11/2009 4:26:17 PM)

Hi LAgirl, The gut feeling is usually right. It isnt called instinct for nothing, and if a basic skill we have. You dont need to apologise to anyone, male or female, dominant or submissive, for keeping yourself safe.



LAgirlsub -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/13/2009 3:10:29 AM)

I'd understand if it wasn't 'immediate' (like you said you literally couldn't talk at that moment) but I'm talking either ignoring me or getting angry or some other weird, inappropriate response to my stating I need to voice verify. If the word need is a problem, well too bad. I'm done with being jerked around because I ask for something easy and reasonable. It's becoming actually a good way to not only find the fake dommes more quickly but also the emotionally unstable ones. I'd never be unreasonable but I'm no longer playing this pathetic game 'I'm the domme so whatever I say or do is how it is.'



LovelyLadyJ -> RE: The sub/slave version of the ‘top 5 annoying Mistress traits’… (5/15/2009 6:08:55 PM)

LAgirlsub asked "Are you uncomfortable with an educated or strong sub who does take her [his] own actions (such as stating her [his] needs, desires and asking for them"

This is what I want in a sub.  I want the person, the personality and intelligence available to me.  Someone who suppresses who they are and hides their intelligence from me would not be of much value to me.  How can I tease if I do not know what trips the trigger?  How can I punish effectively if I do not know what my sub wishes to avoid?
 
My first sub and I began our relationship vanilla then he introduced me to F/m.  As we moved into that dynamic his personality disappeared.  I had to move the relationship back to vanilla to find his personality again.  When we moved back to an F/m dynamic I gave specific instructions about not hiding himself from me.  Communication is not topping from the bottom, IMO.
 
Also, someone else asked why you would post to complain about Dommes.  Being new to this lifestyle I saw this post as a way to gain insight into the interactions between Dommes and subs and am glad I have taken the time to read it.  Thanks for posting.
 
Lady J



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