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RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/7/2009 9:24:59 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Well, you did fine just there. Believe it or not, that's still a story about you.

Sure, but that's a post to nobody, rather than e-mail to somebody. (And thanks, by the way, for the kind word).

For some reason, posting in the forums feels totally different than writing an e-mail to a specific person. I can post all day, and never care a fig what i say or how anyone who reads it thinks of me. I'm not writing to anyone, I'm just typing to myself, pretty much. People can read it or not read it, whatever they like, and I'll never know the difference. It means nothing to me, I have no investment in it whatsoever, but for some reason i don't understand sending someone an e-mail feels 1,000% different. Anybody else feel that way about the differences between e-mail and forum posts, or am I just even weirder than I thought?

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Panda, panda, burning bright
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What immortal hand or eye
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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 61

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/7/2009 9:35:49 PM

Lockit

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I am finding the comments by the male submissive's very interesting. Here we have some very articulate men, who do communication with the written word very well and who talk about themselves very clearly. Yet if asked to talk about themselves they have a harder time of things. I do wonder if this is the case with dominant women or just in general with anyone or situation.

As I was saying, as soon as any power dynamic's were brought into things, these men clammed up tight. That could be because of how they view their place as a submissive or slave or maybe something is there in how they might feel in their submission to this woman. I can't quite put my mind around it yet, but it seems that for some, there may be something that gets to them on an emotional level.

I do think that fewer could be lost in the process of it all if we found ways to understand whatever is happening here and ways to better communicate between dominant and submissive's who might have some issue in all of this.

My first post was talking specifically about a certain type of answer which seemed based on sex and submission and nothing really about the person. In all fairness some might think that is what we are asking because of where we are. But I tend to want to lean towards... they still don't have much of a clue and can think of only their satisfaction. It may take a while for me to change on that one! lol

So from what has been said on this thread... what do you all see?

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Post #: 62

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/7/2009 9:35:56 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Panda you speak about yourself all the time and do very well! Maybe you choke up when asked because when you are posting you come across very well!

Lockit, thank you. You're a sweetheart, as always. That's very kind. I think I failed to make clear what I was saying, though... I don't choke up when someone asks me to open up to them; it's just that unless someone shows some interest, I don't even start. I like to think it's because I'm comfortable enough with who I am that I don't feel any need to share it with someone I don't know, and while there's undoubtedly some truth to that I may be giving myself too much credit.

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 63

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/7/2009 9:36:54 PM

Lockit

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LOL... I was writing my last post and Panda seems to be hitting on a bit of what I am wondering about!

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 64

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 12:12:52 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
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Some have learned enough to get to"2nd base"..probably by messaging 1000
DOM/MES and hearing the same thing 1000 times..then it kicked in..
oh fuk..ya ok about me...

BUT yes you have to drag it out of them..WHY? they are not submissives ?? or COULD BE either very new and unsure( but have learned enough to get your attention).. DO-ME's,stupid.,inept,lazy,fukkin around on-line..
wanting wank material ,don't KNOW who they are or are excited at the thought of TALKING to a kink "expert"

I have it clear in my profile..WHAT I want them to write about
IF they write..
IF they do not include that right off..I don't answer..and I never think I have lost some amazing prospect..

.1 out of 10 will make an effort to GO BACK to the profile and see the GIANT letters that say
IF YOU WISH TO WRITE>>>THEN....

IF they have made sufficient effort and then start the SILENT waiting thing I say....I am very pleased when YOU talk..that is how I get to know you...we will play 3 questions 3 questions..
soem have told me they have be TOLD on -line to speak only when spoken to...so there is a "domme" who must want a
mannequin-robot with no info or mind/// I guess

GQ

HOW DO I DO THE QUOTE [ ] thing???

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/8/2009 12:21:19 AM >

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 65

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 6:04:52 AM

thishereboi

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I have gotten several emails through the years from Dommes on CM asking me to tell them about themselves. I had not written any of these women first, but answered them anyway just because I was curious to see what happened next. Never heard from any of them again. Now if I get an email like that, I reply that if they want to get to know me, they can show up at an event that I am going to be at. I hate writing to begin with and why should I waste my time with a thought out reply if they are not going to answer back. Of course this is prefered to the letter I got from a Dom on here who wanted to know if I was interested in a male lesbian and how did I taste.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 66

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 7:35:02 AM

OttersSwim

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My life these days is so busy that I have only had time to be a gadfly one-liner on these fine boards...but I am gonna take a bit of time here... :)

It is a good topic and one I hope some folk will read! I am not sure how I managed to not screw up the courting process with my Lady. While I can be more girly than most girls I know, sometimes I am so stereotypically a guy that those around me just look at me and shake their heads...put anything WWII on the TV...ask me to remember a date...

So maybe my girly leanings helped in this aspect of her getting to know me. Dunno...

The one thing I -did- do was put myself out there to her. I remember writing a fair bit on my interests in painting, cooking, making mead, going to Australia and running a B&B, interests in World of Warcraft, owning my own buseinss, etc.. No idea how she stayed awake through it all! She asked me about my approach to submission and I wrote three pages...about my female leanings and *bam* another three pages...

I guess my point is that I don't think you can over communicate in these situations. I mean, don't be clingy or annoying, but getting across who you are is essential! She is gonna learn those things about you anyway and why anyone would want to hold stuff back and go through a bunch of intense stuff only to learn that you are incompatible is beyond me.

My 2c...

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Post #: 67

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 7:59:35 AM

PeonForHer

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Your 2c is worth a tad more than that, Otters. One thing I'm clear about with male friends - the skilled writers included - is that they don't do what they consider to be "waffle" in writing. What they don't understand, I think, is that almost anything they write about will reveal their personality and this is what a woman's going to want to know. It's as though it has to be "a subject" and always has to have "a point". I'd say to such men: if in doubt, drivel.

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Post #: 68

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 8:18:33 AM

Kaiel

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Joined: 4/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I've also noticed something else. (Oh Lockit go back to bed! hehe)

When someone has passed a number of your little test and you are willing to go to chatting and they get through a lot more... the moment some sort of power exchange or expectation is presented... all of a sudden the talkative one goes into silent slave mode. Answering only what you ask, listening until you go silent and wait to see how long before they will speak and if you don't fall asleep by then, you ask if they are there. I'm just waiting on you Ma'am. Well shit... bring back that other guy I was talking to last week!

Is this what some of you have seen? I have only seen it recently and it has me wondering! What are your thoughts on what is happening when this happens? I can't be the only one! lol

hell, have We been talking to the same person!! LOL

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Post #: 69

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:23:55 AM

PeonForHer

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PS - I'll never forget my favourite, ever. "Man, 50". Still makes me laugh.

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Post #: 70

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:28:00 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

PS - I'll never forget my favourite, ever. "Man, 50". Still makes me laugh.

Reminds me of the absolute best personals ad I ever saw, years ago in an alternative weekly newspaper. In the category of "men seeking women", there was an ad with a single word - "Minimalist." I can't tell you how many times over the years I've thought back to that and wondered how that worked out for him.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 71

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:33:01 AM

PeonForHer

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all of a sudden the talkative one goes into silent slave mode. Answering only what you ask, listening until you go silent and wait to see how long before they will speak and if you don't fall asleep by then, you ask if they are there. I'm just waiting on you Ma'am. Well shit... bring back that other guy I was talking to last week!

The thing is, I've an idea that going from 'vanilla mode' to 'submissive mode' could feel like quite a jump for many new subs. 'Synthesising' them - especially in a first-time, face-to-face conversation with a woman - might feel very difficult. It's quite easy to imagine a sub thinking "Right, she doesn't want to talk. Don't push her!"

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Post #: 72

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:34:14 AM

PeonForHer

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Reminds me of the absolute best personals ad I ever saw, years ago in an alternative weekly newspaper. In the category of "men seeking women", there was an ad with a single word - "Minimalist." I can't tell you how many times over the years I've thought back to that and wondered how that worked out for him.

My guess is that it worked minimally.

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Post #: 73

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:34:40 AM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

PS - I'll never forget my favourite, ever. "Man, 50". Still makes me laugh.

You laugh, but I've had a number of men think that age, height, and weight were an appropriate response to a request to "tell me about yourself."

Not only that, but now that I think about it, all that information was already in their profiles.

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On that other site as Exegesis.

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Post #: 74

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 10:52:53 AM

HK47

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quote:

shit... bring back that other guy I was talking to last week!

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I have gotten several emails through the years from Dommes on CM asking me to tell them about themselves. I had not written any of these women first, but answered them anyway just because I was curious to see what happened next. Never heard from any of them again. Now if I get an email like that, I reply that if they want to get to know me, they can show up at an event that I am going to be at. I hate writing to begin with and why should I waste my time with a thought out reply if they are not going to answer back. Of course this is prefered to the letter I got from a Dom on here who wanted to know if I was interested in a male lesbian and how did I taste.

Male lesbians ... that I've gotten to the point of wondering if Eddie Izzard finally managed what scientists haven't. Has he been cloned, or has he self cloned ?

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 75

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 11:08:57 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

all of a sudden the talkative one goes into silent slave mode. Answering only what you ask, listening until you go silent and wait to see how long before they will speak and if you don't fall asleep by then, you ask if they are there. I'm just waiting on you Ma'am. Well shit... bring back that other guy I was talking to last week!

The thing is, I've an idea that going from 'vanilla mode' to 'submissive mode' could feel like quite a jump for many new subs. 'Synthesising' them - especially in a first-time, face-to-face conversation with a woman - might feel very difficult. It's quite easy to imagine a sub thinking "Right, she doesn't want to talk. Don't push her!"

Peon, with me... there is no jump from vanilla to d/s. Nothing is shocking or a quick change. What I am talking about is a gradual change that goes from requirements of addressing me a certain way or accounting to me in certain ways. The jump seems to come from the submissive. This is a recent thing I have seen and not something I have seen in the past.

They are not collared, they are basically being considered as a date/d/s relationship... not for a collar. Everything is discussed and agreed to and how it will work is understood and agreed to. But maybe in a hunger to be further down the road, some might take themselves there in their mind and will respond with this... waiting on you ma'am thing. I don't know, that is why I am asking.

Typically when dealing with someone starting from online, that is going strong and we plan on meeting, I will start the addressing me as ma'am and some mild structure type things just before we meet. They are not my submissive, but there is some protocol. Since this has happened twice, I want to understand it. I didn't have a problem with things before this.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 76

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 11:42:19 AM

PeonForHer

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I don't know, Lockit. It beats me why this should be a recent change. I'm wondering: do you give more instructions, and earlier on, than you used to? I could easily imagine a man thinking that he needs to go all the way into sub mind-set simply upon being told to call you "Ma'am". I don't do that with those who initiate cmail conversations with me: I'll address them the way they want to be addressed - but in all other ways talk exactly as I would in a non-D/s way. This mixture of formal and friendly can feel odd - almost contradictory. I could imagine that with many subs it just must be all one way or the other. But - hell - I'm talking beyond my experience here.

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Post #: 77

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 11:50:27 AM

Lockit

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I don't know Peon. If I am getting involved with someone and it goes all the way, it will be a blend of vanilla and d/s-bdsm, simply because this is life and it is what it is. If someone cannot blend everything, then I think there may be a whole lot of fantasy there. Yes, we would be dominant and submissive at all times, but we wouldn't always being using protocol or addressing one another as we do privately because we are in public or not alone. Somehow things must be blended and used as life will dictate.

I haven't changed much of anything. If I am considering someone, I am considering the big picture and not just the bdsm-d/s aspect of things. I think some may get stuck on blending things maybe. But I do not wish to be seen only as mistress or dominant. I am a whole person for which dominance is a part of my personality and nature. I am not a scene monster dominant with no other aspect to my personality. Nor should they be all or nothing or all one thing or another.

So from what you are saying... maybe it is a newer submissive or someone who hasn't had as much experience as they claim... that is getting stuck in the images of things or roles, rather than seeing each of us as a whole.

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Post #: 78

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 12:26:17 PM

PeonForHer

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So from what you are saying... maybe it is a newer submissive or someone who hasn't had as much experience as they claim... that is getting stuck in the images of things or roles, rather than seeing each of us as a whole.

Maybe it is new subs, Lockit. Or it could be subs who aren't used to different styles of dominant language and behaviour - perhaps they've only come across 'one sort' before. That could happen if they've only met people at clubs before. At these, I've found that dominants will nearly always want to talk in an entirely vanilla way.

On CM, though, it's different. Most, if they've initiated conversation, will talk in the same friendly, vanilla style. It's rare that it'll be ultra-dommie and formal. But I've seen a lot more, recently, who'll mix protocol with chatty-vanilla. I've honestly found that the only way I can do the same back to them is to write my normal way, then go through the whole lot capitalising the appropriate words. I didn't do that at all at one time; then, later, it began to feel rude not to do it.

In short: I think that, partly, it's just possibly a problem that comes with meeting someone through CM or a similar site. One can get used to ways of behaving, then eventually assume that these are the 'normal' and 'accepted' ways of behaving. That would apply to dommes and subs equally, I'd imagine.

If I'm right, though, then the solution shouldn't be so difficult. "I want you from now on to address me as Ma'am in private - but in all other ways we talk and act as friends. Don't consider yourself collared yet". But presumably you've tried that, it hasn't worked - and in which case, pop goes my little hypothesis . . . .

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Post #: 79

RE: Tell me who you are... - 5/8/2009 1:31:11 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
Sure, but that's a post to nobody, rather than e-mail to somebody. (And thanks, by the way, for the kind word).

For some reason, posting in the forums feels totally different than writing an e-mail to a specific person. I can post all day, and never care a fig what i say or how anyone who reads it thinks of me. I'm not writing to anyone, I'm just typing to myself, pretty much. People can read it or not read it, whatever they like, and I'll never know the difference. It means nothing to me, I have no investment in it whatsoever, but for some reason i don't understand sending someone an e-mail feels 1,000% different. Anybody else feel that way about the differences between e-mail and forum posts, or am I just even weirder than I thought?

I wouldn't say that it's weird, but I would say that we are different. There are some forum post that I write as speaking in general. However, if I quote someone or address them specifically, My comments are to that person, just the same as if I were writing an email to them. The only difference is that everyone else gets to read it as well.

This might be why I'm notorious for going back and responding to places where I've been quoted. When I quote someone, I feel as though I'm speaking to them, so when they quote Me, I tend to think it is the same in reverse.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 80

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