Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

And now the end is near ....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> And now the end is near .... Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 5:54:37 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Master and i are having some serious issues...and i don't really know how things turned so sour so fast! One minute we were the happiest couple i knew, the next, we aren't speaking to eachother and he's sleeping on the couch. We are married, i have a little person living with me, and he has little people of his own living with his ex. The problem is that my little person, in all honesty, is a "problem lil person", and i know this, everyone knows this - my Master has been very stern with my lil person, and for the most part it has been a blessing - however, there are times where i feel it goes to an extreme, not in the abusive sense, not like the lil person has ever been touched, or yelled at - not at all - but the lil person is always punished, and for the most part i agree, since it's definetly deserved! trust me! What happened the other night, however, was that my Master grounded my lil person and i just did not agree with it, and in our relationship i am suppose to have no say, whatsoever, it is a "blind obedience" type M/s relationship, anyhow, ever since that night he has stopped speaking to me, he sleeps on the couch, and last night he went out and i didn't know where to, or anything. I am so confused. This is my second marriage, and with my first marriage, just before we split, this is what it felt like, we were living in the same house but despised eachother, we slept seperately and didn't speak to eachother .... so i wonder, is this the end? quite frankly, i don't know what i will do if this is over, i adore this man,i have given myself to him mind, body, and soul....i just can't even think about what i will do if he leaves.... i know i will have to move on, but this will destroy me in every sense. ugh, i just had to vent because i have noone to talk to....my family & friends are all vanilla and would never understand, plus they will just say, well i told you that you were being way too submissive to him.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:09:52 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems. I just have a couple of comments. I have difficulty understanding why your Master would view this one incident as one that would be a "deal-breaker" in your marriage. There has to be some communication between the two of you to find out what is really going on. I would also encourage you to look beyond D/s when it comes to your "lil unmentionable". When you decided to get married I assume that you were aware of your differences in discipline, and if you weren't, you really need to discuss that now. The well-being of your lil unmentionable needs to come first, in my opinion.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:11:12 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Whoa, the Bad Lil Person issue. . . that's a biggie.
First and foremost your responsibilitys are with the Wee one till the Wee one
is deemed Adult at least by Goverment standards, but preferably your standards.
This really isnt a Master/Slave issue, this isnt even a Dom/Sub issue, it's a RL
issue that effects every area of your existance. I've got that T shirt.......
All I can say is you need to do what is right for you and yours.
It's not easy, and it might even get worse in someways, but it's one of those
if it's meant to be's it will be.
I wish ya Luck
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:27:45 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		thanks for the replies....

The problem is that i honestly don't know if i am right or wrong here.... you see, my lil one is *to understate it* a handful, has always been this way, no one has EVER been able to deal with him....i adore my lil one, of course, and therefore i can tolerate a lot more than anyone else can, and i know this, i am not one of those get blinded by their lil ones, at all....but with that being said, i know that he needs discipline, but my God, sometimes it just seems too much, and like i stated above, it's not in the abusive sense at all, i am restating this because i don't want to give off the wrong impression and don't want readers to misunderstand me, or jump to false conclusions.

Before this happened, he (my Master) had been acting a bit distant, and he kept saying nothing was wrong, etc etc..but i could sense something is wrong. The way i see it, there are several possibilities, one of them is my weight, tho he never says it, but he was trying to get me to lose weight, enrolled me in a gym, we were going, etc etc, i was losing, then i stopped going, for different reasons, and tho he hasn't mentioned anything, i think this upsets him...also, he was looking for male slaves, and i had some issues with that as well, since i don't want to include others in our relationship....i don't understand his obsession with tv's/cd's....he constantly reads those kind of stories, and then he contacts them on here and it just makes me wonder. Ugh. i just don't know what to do.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:37:34 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira

thanks for the replies....

The problem is that i honestly don't know if i am right or wrong here.... you see, my lil one is *to understate it* a handful, has always been this way, no one has EVER been able to deal with him....i adore my lil one, of course, and therefore i can tolerate a lot more than anyone else can, and i know this, i am not one of those get blinded by their lil ones, at all....but with that being said, i know that he needs discipline, but my God, sometimes it just seems too much, and like i stated above, it's not in the abusive sense at all, i am restating this because i don't want to give off the wrong impression and don't want readers to misunderstand me, or jump to false conclusions.

Before this happened, he (my Master) had been acting a bit distant, and he kept saying nothing was wrong, etc etc..but i could sense something is wrong. The way i see it, there are several possibilities, one of them is my weight, tho he never says it, but he was trying to get me to lose weight, enrolled me in a gym, we were going, etc etc, i was losing, then i stopped going, for different reasons, and tho he hasn't mentioned anything, i think this upsets him...also, he was looking for male slaves, and i had some issues with that as well, since i don't want to include others in our relationship....i don't understand his obsession with tv's/cd's....he constantly reads those kind of stories, and then he contacts them on here and it just makes me wonder. Ugh. i just don't know what to do.


You present even more evidence here that you really need to communicate with him to find out what is really going on. It sounds like issues are surfacing that should have been dealt with before you were married.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:38:36 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The problem is that i honestly don't know if i am right or wrong here.... you see, my lil one is *to understate it* a handful, has always been this way, no one has EVER been able to deal with him....
Maybe the reason your unmentionable is a handful is because he's never had consistent and tough enough discipline to show him/her he or she is not in control of the house or the adults.
My unmentionable has a strong will, and I too have been accused of occasionally being too soft, but one thing you cannot do with smart little ones who aim to divide and conquer you, is disagree with whomever is laying down the law in front of them, because they will take that and run with it.

I don't know if you're right or wrong either, but unless you feel your master is an unkind/unloving man toward your little one, you should probably have let him carry on with consistency in discipline, and for that reason he probably feels you undermined his authority, and disrespected him in front of little one. Did you by the way disagree in front of lil one or in private?

...And now your second post says the issues are probably not lil one at all, but more communication, and differing desires/needs.
Wish you much luck. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 2/5/2006 6:43:02 AM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:46:41 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i didn't say a word, i just sat there and sulked, (i am passive aggressive like that) and he just blew off at me, said he had nothing more to do with my lil one, that i would handle him on my own and that was the last he said to me...he hasn't spoken a word since but has been very nasty in action, is throwing his clothes around, last night he drank beer and dropped all the empty cans next to his chair, on the floor, and this is all very strange behavior since for one he rarely drinks, and when he does it's never canned beer, *not that there's anything wrong with drinking beer from a can, just that he never does! he doesn't even drink beer much at all* and he never leaves all his shit lying around either as he's very organized and disciplined. So he's behaving strangely.

It's always been an issue with us, in regards to my unmentionable, i have a sense that he just doesn't like him, eventhough he says different.....he says he is the same way with his unmentionables, but that is not true...he is very loving and very giving with his own, and let's them get away with stuff that i know for a fact he'd never let mine get away with.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:51:18 AM   
collieloveruk


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline 		Having been in a relationship with a man for 6 years who was very hard on my son, ( i stayed because i thought it was the best thing) since splitting with him 2 years ago i have now realised that actually although my son needed discipline, the discipline imposed was often against my wishes and often harder than the situation warranted.
I believe a child needs strong moral boundaries but also needs more than anything the love and affection from anyone involved in his care that he craves. It is often hard for a child to take on a new 'father figure' and if he is not acting like a 'father' but just providing discipline then it is not the best environment for your child he needs the 'father figure' to love him as well as control him.
I have found this out since we split up and my little tearaway turned into a loving caring child that suddenly couldnt do enough for me, rather than the shy emotional baby spending most of his time voluntarily hiding in his bedroom to avoid confrontation.
Its about balance....... discipline with love is much harder for a child to rebel against than discipline for the sake of it.
But there is also help out there if you feel your son is getting out of control then there should be some form of parenting classes run by your local council which if your partner is willing to attend with you, will help you to deal in a practical was with your childs issues in a sensible, practical and loving way.............. I have been to these classes and if you give them chance and can agree on the discipline they really can help.............. just discipline often makes the child resent the new partner and he wont be little forever........... you must have communication between parents or parent figures for a child to grow up positive and happy and confident ...................... if you cant communicate about this then you are breeding problems not just for you but for your child in later life............ you have no real option here but to discuss it, whatever your 'contract' says you are the childs mother and as such his needs must come first whatever the man in your life says ................... i wish you good luck and hope for yours and your childs sake you can sort this out ......... consistency is the issue ........... tc collie xx

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:53:30 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It's always been an issue with us, in regards to my unmentionable, i have a sense that he just doesn't like him, eventhough he says different.....he says he is the same way with his unmentionables, but that is not true...he is very loving and very giving with his own, and let's them get away with stuff that i know for a fact he'd never let mine get away with.
I'm very sorry you didn't see this before you two married. I will never ever allow a man who doesn't like unmentionables enough to be just, kind, and fair to all of them, near mine. If you feel he treats yours in an undignified way, than you need to step out of slave mentality and take care of the one you brought into the world and are supposed to love and protect with all that you are/have. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:56:11 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Master on the couch, kajira questioning Master's final word & has issues with Master having additional slaves because she doesn't want others involved. Drop the whole 'I gave myself to him mind, body & soul' thing. By your own words her you contradict that statement.

I see role playing that went spiraling out of control.

On a more compassionate note: Obviously you & your husband are having some difficulty with one another. I would really suggest you too have a long talk with each other & if you can't get anywhere that way, include a third party (therapist)



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:59:33 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		thank you so much for your reply, it is very helpful.

i have been to professionals, as i said, this issue with my lil one has been going on forever, it's not something that just started...and i have tried therapy, counseling, medication, etc etc etc and nothing has really helped...yes, consistency is key, and that is my Masters number one complaint of me, he always says i am not consistant with anything i do, and it is very true. i grew up in a very dysfunctional environment, and have lived very disorganized my entire life...i have changed some since we have been together, thanks to him, but it's still a fighting battle because i have been this way for 32 years now...i realize what my flaws are, and where i have gone wrong, the problem is that i am not consistent in my changes...hmmm, oxmoron? lol....well, i mean, i do good for a while, keep things organized, stay on task, stick to disciplining a certain way, and then i just begin turning back to my old ways of slacking off in every aspect of my life. And i feel like i am going to fall into a deep depression here soon, and that's the last thing i want because i have always batttled depression/anxiety, and i don't want to ride that roller coaster again.

(in reply to collieloveruk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:05:44 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Master on the couch, kajira questioning Master's final word & has issues with Master having additional slaves because she doesn't want others involved. Drop the whole 'I gave myself to him mind, body & soul' thing. By your own words her you contradict that statement.

I see role playing that went spiraling out of control.

On a more compassionate note: Obviously you & your husband are having some difficulty with one another. I would really suggest you too have a long talk with each other & if you can't get anywhere that way, include a third party (therapist)





ok, i am not going to begin a debate here on my level of submission or my slavehood....i know what i am, i know how i have given myself to him 100%, i am NOT a rebellious slave or one who's in the lifestyle for roleplaying kicks.....i wish my problems were that simple. I have turned over my entire life to him, even when including someone else has been an issue, it's not as if i have said NO, but he does know i am not poly, and never was - but this really isn't our main issue, i just brought it up because it's one of the few things we disagree on, or have conflicted on in the past...he knows well that when it comes down to it it's his word that's final. In regards to my unmentionable however, it's a different story....that's why this problem is above the rest.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:20:35 AM   
kessia


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/19/2005
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		Hi sweetkajira,
Little people do have a way of putting a monkey wrench in even the strongest of relationships.

It seems to me that you two might want to find someone who specializes in blended families and get some third party neutrality that may help the two of you come to a more workable small person discipline style.

From here, it looks like communication may be at something of an impasse, and the third party can help with that.

:)
kess

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:33:00 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira

Master and i are having some serious issues...and i don't really know how things turned so sour so fast! One minute we were the happiest couple i knew, the next, we aren't speaking to eachother and he's sleeping on the couch. We are married,


The real test of any relationship is not how well you get along when things are "good," but how you get along when things are bad and how good the two of you are at resolving conflicts. This is precisely why BAD TIMES are good, they are the acid test of your relationshp. It tells you if your bond together is weak or strong.

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:34:12 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		The end is not near...just change, uncertainty, and fear. Let us separate the problems. 1st, your child is out of control and 2nd, your Dom may leave you.

Time to be pro-active. Get the child to a world-class therapy situation for diagnosis. Cincinnnati, OH, has one; ask a trusted MD or go online. You need a firm diagnosis...is there a physical problem? What part is emotional, and WHAT disorder is it??

i do not know of either of the adults here considered the impact of a disabled child on the relationship before it began. Any hope to remain together surely means Y/you must BOTH face it now. The child may be severely emotionally disturbed; decisions will have to be made.

i wonder if your Dom felt sufficient loyalty and trust and submission whenever the child disrupted things....or did you play the "Mommy Card" and overrule Him?

There are so many varaiables, and i'd suggest you get some short term therapy as well. i doubt your child needs 'effective parenting"; i think you may be looking at institutionalisation. But i may be reading you wrong. In any event, there are important decisions to make in a state of sorrow...therapy may keep you straight.

My prayers are with you & yours.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 2/5/2006 7:37:41 AM >

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:37:54 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Well, i have to say, i knew that blended families, or step famililes, was difficult for all involved, but i never thought it was this bad..... i can't stand his ex, which for the record, this isn't something i vocalize or anything like that, i don't ever butt into his relationship regarding his ex and his umentionables, but in venting out here, i might as well be honest.... she (the ex) calls him almost daily, always looking for an excuse to bitch at him about this or that....eventhough the man does EVERYTHING to ensure his lil people's needs are being met....all the time....she also tries to take jabs at our cultural differences, i was born and raised in the US, but come from latin background, they on the other hand (my Master and his ex) are from the South, blond hair, blue eyes, the works..... for the most part, our cultural differences don't really collide as much because of the fact that i was born and raised in the US, so it's not like i don't speak the language, and not like i have different customs when it comes to basic every day things.....but here's on small example....this lady is now bitching about their unmentionable having heartburn from the spicy foods she ate while staying with us, and asked my Master to please ensure that i cook real meals such as meat and potatoes, here's the kicker tho, that IS what i cook, meat, potatoes, veggies, pasta, etc... you see, i take that comment as a shot ...as to say, oh she's hispanic so she must be feeding the kids spicy tacos! you know what i mean? this may sound ridiculous to most here, but it's just lil things like this lately that have been building up.... and i see what a major bitch this woman is, yet he has ALL the patience in the world with her...it's unbelievable to me....it seems as if we were doomed from the beginning and not because we don't love eachother and complete eachother in everyway, but my family has been against him since day one, friends have distanced themselves from me because they feel i don't pay atention to them as much as i use to... his family has also become jealous of the fact that he moved far to be with me and isn't around them as much as he use to be ..... i'm just hating life right now.

(in reply to kessia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:39:55 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I realize you stated in the beginning you couldn't talk to other people because of the M/s factor but honestly, everything you have stated i see nothing in it how it is M/s related that you have to hide it from people who 1) know you, 2) care about you, 3) understand the situation better than general people on a public message board,a nd 4) see the whole situation as an observer and not a party involved..

You are explaining your issues here more as a wife with a child and a husband, than as a slave and a Master.. which tells me your M/s factor is not an issue. I am not trying to say you are asking the wrong people, but you are asking for advice from people who have no clue the situation the day to day idea etc etc.. so in a sense you are asking people to draw conclusions of your whole relationship with your husband based on the barest of facts and vague ideas of what is transpiring and the bias view of your view (bias is not negative it simply means its coming from the view of a party involved therefore, it is in fact bias).

You are getting defensive when someone comments on something you say and don't agree with (i.e. your slavery to him) and that tells me you are asking not for advice but for people to tell you what you want to hear, which on some level tells me you have made up your mind and just want confirmation, which is fine. But i would be very wary of taking advice from people who have no clue of you, your life, the whole situation, and each person involved. Without that knowledge, a person can only give you what you in fact do want to hear which is confirmation of what you already know, and not unbias advice.

Just my 2 cents.
angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:43:07 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		thanks for the reply.... my lil one was admitted in psychiatry (in patient) at one point, for abrief time, like a week... he's been on meds, and quite frankly did not help... a lot has to do with behavior, although he's improved and is not aggressive anymore, the problems are majorly at school.... at this point...and things like not doing what's asked of him etc.

i try not to play the mommy card...i never undermind him infront of my little person... this was the first time i ever stood up, and it wasn't even "standing up", i didn't say a word, i just felt it was unjust, and it just didn't feel appropriate.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:50:44 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

and i see what a major bitch this woman is, yet he has ALL the patience in the world with her...it's unbelievable to me....

sweetkajira


i think you have answered your own question. You have a de facto highly-dysfunctional poly family, for all intents and purposes. You poor woman.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 2/5/2006 7:54:27 AM >

(in reply to sweetkajira)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 7:52:25 AM   
sweetkajira


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		thanks for your reply.... if i came across as defensive to you, i have given the wrong impression...i am not defensive to anyone's post...which is why i said i didn't want to enter a debate on wether or not i am a slave, since that really isn't up for debate..it's who i am, and i don't need anyone's confirmation.

Yes, this is more of a husband/wife issue, but we happen to be M/s, and from a vanilla point of view my family and friends would tell me to stand up to him, or something to that effect because they believe i am too submissive to him, which i am...because that's the dynamic of our relationship, of course, they do not understand this, and i just don't bother explaining since i don't wish to enlighten anyone or burden them with my life choices.

i am mostly just venting here, not really asking a question but more of unloading my frustrations....as many on here do. i am letting off some steam here, and yes even whining a bit. I am not expecting to find a solution to my problem on this message board, only here for support, that's all. I'll take what i can get.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> And now the end is near .... Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078