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RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 3:47:01 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

In my book if you are motivated to do anything by the anticipation of a reward you are a mercenary, nothing else.


God, Stella, that's very severe.  You wiped out the whole school of behavioural psychology with that statement.  I thought the general argument here was about the distinction between those subs whose reward is domination tailored exclusively to their kink, and those whose reward is service/submitting etc. alone (to put it in crude, dichotomous terms).  If no sub got any reward (in the widest sense of that word) there'd be no subs!

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RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 3:49:14 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		You know, I had a ball with guys who weren't even submissive, they were masochists . . .
 
I've been wondering about that.  Do you actually get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 3:56:41 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You know, I had a ball with guys who weren't even submissive, they were masochists . . .
 
I've been wondering about that.  Do you actually get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?


Sure, PforH, all the time.  I get loads of guys e-mailing me looking for topping only.  In that case, I usually write back telling them that my topping of choice is strawberries with cream.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 4:07:59 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You know, I had a ball with guys who weren't even submissive, they were masochists . . .
 
I've been wondering about that.  Do you actually get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?


You basically get everything under the sun, I even met some dominant masochists (m and f)...

Now my other half keeps joking that the reason why I like martial arts is just because I like to beat somebody up, which is not quite true since I see it as a sport (otherwise it would dent my ego too much to be the one being beaten up, and you only get better if you pick stronger opponents), but I always liked games as a child that involved tying others up, especially the boys. I never wanted to be the princess, I always wanted to be among the ones who raid and capture...

Then I noticed that when I got aroused I tended to bite and scratch quite a bit (didn't happen with my first 1 serious boyfriend as it is too difficult to get aroused within 5 seconds) which is not so unusual, I believe, one guy actually told me off for it, so I wondered what was wrong with me (life isn't easy as a teenager), including the desire to sometimes restrain my partner, cause him a bit of pain, it was very confusing as I thought "This must be wrong, I like him, why am I doing this?" You can imagine my relief when I met a guy who told me he actually likes it and encouraged me... Classic, he asked me if I would let him tie me up, I gave it a go and after 10 minutes told him I want to do it to him, I was really confused when he jumped up and down and yelled "Strike, I hit the goldmine", I was there thinking "Wow, there are guys who really like THAT? No, he must be the exception, wow, I'm so lucky, he must be such a rarity..." He did explain some facts to me, not so much about life but about BDSM and well, seems they have taken hold... Talk about feeling like a kid in a candy store!

It does sound really odd now, looking back, but I grew up very Catholic, sex or anything was never discussed, private education with nuns also doesn't really put you in touch with your sexuality or helps you with it. Of course there was the internet, but not quite what it is now and it never really crossed my mind to look for an explanation there, it seemed to be something deeply buried in me and I was actually afraid to admit those feelings even to myself. I recall seeing sometimes an article about Dommes, but the articles were always rather vague, I liked the imagery that accompanied them, but there wasn't all THAT much information available...

So to answer your question, there is a hell lot around, some combinations are rarer than others, but there's hardly anything that isn't "out" there, the only trouble is how to find it...

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Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 4:37:15 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

There's always viagra, I can forward you lots of emails where I am offered viagra for cheap rates ;) Would you also be interested in the "bigger boobs" emails or errrr size extensions?


No, No and maybe.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 4:42:04 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

There's always viagra, I can forward you lots of emails where I am offered viagra for cheap rates ;) Would you also be interested in the "bigger boobs" emails or errrr size extensions?


No, No and maybe.


Be careful what you wish for.  It could wind up dragging on the ground.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 4:54:08 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		From the way I read it... dragging on the ground could hurt his eyeballs... He might need protective wear.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 6:12:44 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

uh is it PSYCHE  or PHYSIQUE?


I thought this thread was about Queensryche. what a jip.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 6:44:25 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You know, I had a ball with guys who weren't even submissive, they were masochists . . .
 
I've been wondering about that.  Do you actually get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?


You basically get everything under the sun, I even met some dominant masochists (m and f)...

Now my other half keeps joking that the reason why I like martial arts is just because I like to beat somebody up, which is not quite true since I see it as a sport (otherwise it would dent my ego too much to be the one being beaten up, and you only get better if you pick stronger opponents),


Oooh, we'll have to have a spar sometime.  I did judo at school and karate at college.  And if all else fails, I can run quite fast.

quote:


Then I noticed that when I got aroused I tended to bite and scratch quite a bit (didn't happen with my first 1 serious boyfriend as it is too difficult to get aroused within 5 seconds) which is not so unusual, I believe, one guy actually told me off for it, so I wondered what was wrong with me (life isn't easy as a teenager), including the desire to sometimes restrain my partner, cause him a bit of pain, it was very confusing as I thought "This must be wrong, I like him, why am I doing this?"You can imagine my relief when I met a guy who told me he actually likes it and encouraged me... Classic, he asked me if I would let him tie me up, I gave it a go and after 10 minutes told him I want to do it to him, I was really confused when he jumped up and down and yelled "Strike, I hit the goldmine", I was there thinking "Wow, there are guys who really like THAT? No, he must be the exception, wow, I'm so lucky, he must be such a rarity..." He did explain some facts to me, not so much about life but about BDSM and well, seems they have taken hold... Talk about feeling like a kid in a candy store!


Yep, I know the kid at the candy store feeling.  If only because now I know that candy does at least exist, though I haven't yet really tried it.


quote:

It does sound really odd now, looking back, but I grew up  . . .


Not at all.  I've often noticed how grown up you've been lately, and I'm sure others have too.

quote:

So to answer your question, there is a hell lot around, some combinations are rarer than others, but there's hardly anything that isn't "out" there, the only trouble is how to find it...


It helps to develop eclectic tastes.  When I first came to CM only last summer, half of the things I saw people talking about I'd not even imagined before.  But, I must admit, it does throw me somewhat to think of masochists who aren't subs and sadists who aren't dominant.   I thought that both those things were, somehow, psychologically impossible.

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/13/2009 11:18:24 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove


I think it is not a question of right or wrong, but one of compatibility.

There are three points in the OP.

The first point pertains to power achieved via sexual desire. This post reminds me of posts by another sub on a different site. He wanted his submission to be brought about via his desire and the weakness it creates. He wanted his submission to feel more raw by feeling helpless before the power assumed by touching his desires. If you feel this way, fair enough. However, it makes you compatible with some women and incompatible with others with respect to this approach.

The second point is about what motivates service. Service comes from different combinations of different motivations: masochistic want for subordinate status, desire to please, recognition, or barter. Each type is known to exist and also has implications for who is a compatible partner. It seems your desire for service is rooted mostly in masochism and barter.

The third point is whether a submissive can expect or hope for given activities. I think a submissive can indeed hope for given activities. A dominant, however, is not obligated to participate in what is wanted. That said, a submissive can expect to feel content in a relationship and, if not content, recognize incompatibility. I think the best approach is to seek this compatibility up front by seeking partners who enjoy similar expressions of D/s and SM.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 7:14:57 AM   
Hammerlove


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		I want to thank the People in here that gave good opinions and advise. For those who mock, judge, berate. Take a good look in the mirror, it explains why you have nothing better than to mock others who truly want opinions. You are no better then the vanilla clowns in the world! So fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially the fat ass, the naked back, and the one with her siganture about what her daughter wrote. Very classy! So what bowling alley were you born in?

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 7:38:42 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove

I want to thank the People in here that gave good opinions and advise. For those who mock, judge, berate. Take a good look in the mirror, it explains why you have nothing better than to mock others who truly want opinions. You are no better then the vanilla clowns in the world! So fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially the fat ass, the naked back, and the one with her siganture about what her daughter wrote. Very classy! So what bowling alley were you born in?


You've been reading How to Win Friends and Influence People again, haven't you?

You got opinions.  There's no need to be an arsehole about it because you didn't get the ones you wanted.  And you know something, dude, some of those "vanilla clowns" you refer to happen to be people's mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, offspring, and best friends.  So, please don't talk about "classy" as if you actually know something about it.

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 8:00:28 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove

I want to thank the People in here that gave good opinions and advise. For those who mock, judge, berate. Take a good look in the mirror, it explains why you have nothing better than to mock others who truly want opinions. You are no better then the vanilla clowns in the world! So fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially the fat ass, the naked back, and the one with her siganture about what her daughter wrote. Very classy! So what bowling alley were you born in?


Gosh, were you reading post 5 from this tread and take your clue from that?

quote:

The result was amazing, gone was the groveling, sniffling and replaced by informing me that there are millions like me out there, how dare I take such an attitude, blah blah.


So judging from the way you replied here, nope, you are not a slave, you are not a submissive, you are just impolite, lack manners, class and style. Sounds like you are having a bit of "Stamp my foot and throw toys out of the pram" moment.

Btw can I be the fat ass? Since you displayed what a two-faced, rude individual you are, I think I rather belong to the club of people you don't like than be among the ones you might like or even thank...





_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 8:12:29 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove

I want to thank the People in here that gave good opinions and advise. For those who mock, judge, berate. Take a good look in the mirror, it explains why you have nothing better than to mock others who truly want opinions. You are no better then the vanilla clowns in the world! So fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially the fat ass, the naked back, and the one with her siganture about what her daughter wrote. Very classy! So what bowling alley were you born in?


Fuck off....brilliant!

The last time I saw such a devistatingly effective comeback was in 7th grade when Craig Phensterman threw milk on this one girl...she said the F word to him too...wow man...how long did it take you to think of that?!  I think this is gonna change the internet...

Fuck off...wow...

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 8:46:55 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		1) As DarkSteven said: you're not a slave at all. You are hormone driven, by your own admission. How can you think of yourself as a slave, or even submissive, after writing that opening post?

You are only submissive as it relates to getting your way. So, you're not even really submissive, let alone a slave. You're just trying to get your fetishes indulged. You are motivated by your own selfishness.

2) I don't have a reward/punishment dynamic with my slave. We treat each other well, that's all.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 5/14/2009 8:51:48 AM >

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(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:01:04 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I've been wondering about that.  Do you get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?

I've been in egalitarian kinky relationships as a top, a bottom, and as a switch. Back when I was doing casual play, I had to turn down a couple of potential partners, because they could *not* wrap their mind around topping being different from domination (and bottoming having a different headspace than submission). It's bloody *awkward* being in a scene, and having the person you're playing with make a comment about how dominant or how submissive I am, when I don't feel that way - like having someone comment on how many orgasms I've had in the middle of things when I haven't actually climaxed. It feels like faking not to correct it, but it doesn't seem like the appropriate circumstances for a semantics debate, either! So, I tried to filter out those folks first. I certainly *can* do D/s, on either side of the kneel, but most people just don't push my buttons in either direction, and it feels like both a lie and a cheapening of what I *do* feel when I am in a D/s relationship to call bottoming submission, or topping dominance.

Midori actually has a class she teaches frequently on dominant masochists, submissive sadists, and other less-expected BDSM orientations. She's known more for her Shibari classes, of course.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:23:49 AM   
Hammerlove


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		Lady Constanze, I am sorry. You were not of whom I refered too. It was the Lady Lockit with her Father's day comment from the daughter.
The other Lady, Otterswim of whom hasn't heard the word Fuck Off since the seventh grade. I am suprised she reached that level.
The fat ass Blutarski in his tux, wise ass!
Venatrix should stick with her champagne!

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:36:04 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hammerlove... I gave you my opinion.  I did not personally attack you... I stated how I feel about a man driven to submission by hormone's rather than a desire to submit to me.  If you wish to attack me personally, you have your fun dude... I really don't care.  You have proven two things.  One you admit to, which is your hormone's control you... when and if a dominant wants only your submission when you are horny and that you get very nasty when someone says that isn't enough for them and they want more.  Anyone can control a cock... I happen to want to control a man who uses his brain more than his hormones.  If that gets me a fuck off you bowling alley bitch... so be it, I will consider the source.  Not a big deal.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 5/14/2009 9:39:56 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:37:45 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Keep diggin' there HL, you'll hit bottom eventually!  But...when you look up to try to get out of that hole, don't be surprised if no one is enthusiastic to give you a hand out.

The replies you got were quite mild in comparison to what you could/maybe should (given your second post) have got.  Best to read a lot first and understand the room you have entered before you run in and start calling folk names.  Calling Lockit anything but "Miss" is pretty much the end of the road in this place, and if you had read any of her posts you would understand why.

I recommend regrouping now with an apology if you want to get on here at all.    Good luck to you...


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:46:29 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		FR - Actually, there is justice in this world.  The OP's posts will be part of his "permanent record" at CM, so everyone will know, ad infinitum, what a little charmer he is.  I like to think of it as the gift that keeps on giving.  And people wonder why most dominant women aren't tremendously thrilled by the "submissive" men they encounter. 

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 40
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