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RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:51:08 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I've been wondering about that.  Do you get people who are masochists but not submissives?  Do you also get sexual sadists who aren't dominants?

I've been in egalitarian kinky relationships as a top, a bottom, and as a switch. Back when I was doing casual play, I had to turn down a couple of potential partners, because they could *not* wrap their mind around topping being different from domination (and bottoming having a different headspace than submission). It's bloody *awkward* being in a scene, and having the person you're playing with make a comment about how dominant or how submissive I am, when I don't feel that way - like having someone comment on how many orgasms I've had in the middle of things when I haven't actually climaxed. It feels like faking not to correct it, but it doesn't seem like the appropriate circumstances for a semantics debate, either! So, I tried to filter out those folks first. I certainly *can* do D/s, on either side of the kneel, but most people just don't push my buttons in either direction, and it feels like both a lie and a cheapening of what I *do* feel when I am in a D/s relationship to call bottoming submission, or topping dominance.

Midori actually has a class she teaches frequently on dominant masochists, submissive sadists, and other less-expected BDSM orientations. She's known more for her Shibari classes, of course.


I am a great fan of Midori's, and I use her examples all the time.  I used to bottom a lot, years ago, but I just don't have that submissive thing happening... or any of that subspace thing!  I had to choose my partners carefully, since some folks seemed to think that flogging me was the same as "dominating" me.  Perhaps in a parallel universe!

I wind up working with a lot of newbs, and I explain to them that it is OKAY to just be a sadist or masochist, without having any kind of D/s leanings.  Kink for its own sake is a wonderful thing---it's when a kinkster tries to pass him or herself off as a submissive or slave type that the problems occur.  I think that the internets, with their happy checkboxes, force people into these mindsets when they don't know any better.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 9:57:37 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I do have a question here.  If one is controlled by his desire or need for sexual release... what happens when he had a medical problem and can't get it up or his levels of desire drop off?  The dominant would have nothing to use to control the submissive and he would have no reason to submit because his motivation was gone.  The End...

My way... hammerlove... there is a dynamic of d/s and bdsm that doesn't change.  Your way... it all ends.  And don't think that because you may be young and sturdy and don't think that would ever happen to you... because I have known men in their twenties that had a bit of a problem.

There is more I could bring up in why submission shouldn't be based on desire for sexual things... but this is one aspect of it.  If you posted your origninal questions for real information and answers, then you might wish to think upon this.  Submission based on a dominant who is worthy of submission has far more worth and is a bigger picture and last longer.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:00:52 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove

Lady Constanze, I am sorry. You were not of whom I refered too. It was the Lady Lockit with her Father's day comment from the daughter.
The other Lady, Otterswim of whom hasn't heard the word Fuck Off since the seventh grade. I am suprised she reached that level.
The fat ass Blutarski in his tux, wise ass!
Venatrix should stick with her champagne!



You obviously didn't get what I was saying. I was HOPING that I could be among those you dissed, because I always find it amazing if somebody who declares himself a slave or a submissive can turn round and be vicious and insulting. Now how am I supposed to trust them liking me? Will they only be submissive or devoted as long as I agree with them? You get my point?

Look, if you don't like what they say, have a discussion, make a point, being rude about it is just as logic as thinking "The one who shouts louder is right!"

I'm not suggesting that you are submissive to everybody, not at all, as a submissive you are only submissive to the person you consider to be your dominant or somebody you respect, but every dominant I know would have a problem with their slave/submissive being terribly rude to others as it reflects badly on them and their training. There's a hell lot of difference between being submissive and being polite, your response to them was simply very impolite.

I also believe that Otterswim was using irony, I'm pretty sure he has heard "effing off" quite a few times between now and seventh grade, and irony is not the land where the Ironians live...

So you don't like people's signature lines, their pictures, etc. Well, at least they have pictures, shows courage, doesn't it? As to the signature lines, nobody says you have to like them or even to have one yourself, but I don't find them offensive at all.

People here actually took the time to read what you wrote, to say something back, some of the suggestions might have been helpful, others maybe not so much, but nobody forced you to ask a question. There's that old saying "Never ask if you're not sure you'll like the answers!"



_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:03:01 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Hammerlove profile has been deleted....

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:07:07 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It's just hidden... his nick is right up there ^

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:07:24 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Hammerlove profile has been deleted....


Well, at least he has a sense of shame.  I'd have deleted mine too if I'd been as boorish as he was.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:08:08 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
  Kink for its own sake is a wonderful thing---it's when a kinkster tries to pass him or herself off as a submissive or slave type that the problems occur.  I think that the internets, with their happy checkboxes, force people into these mindsets when they don't know any better.


I haven't read this entire thread yet but this posting just jumped out at me and I had to comment.

Thank you Ladyhibiscus for these words! I have found it so frustrating of late to deal with people, men in particular, that feel because they like to be on the recieving end of activities they need to label themselves "submissive". I'm not sure why that is and why it's so difficult to just admit they like to bottom (or top) and leave it at that.
Perhaps its because they're seen as the proverbial "do-me" that they choose to approach in this manner...I don't know. I do know that I don't have a problem with a man who is bottom/top and not so much into the D/s aspects...just be honest about it.

Ok...now, back to the beginning!

Edited to add.....Well, my goodness, should have read the OP before approaching this one! It is difficult when one can't quite handle reality!

Carry on!

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 5/14/2009 10:16:35 AM >

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:12:41 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
Actually, LC, I have been savagely turned on by a few men on this site!   My Inner Dom was saying "eeerrrrm.... mebbe not THIS one" in both cases, too!
 
One of them was alllll huffy because I didn't call him on a day he was in my area.  Um... I was at a FUNERAL!!  (that was the week where there were THREE deaths in the family...).  Of course, *I* was the rude one.  What could I say but mea culpa, nice to have chatted, obviously we are not on the same page.  He wrote me again a few months later to scold me some more!    That's the way to a dominant's heart, call her rude, yell at her, but of course she'll agree to another round!    He felt much better once he got to call me a bitch, though.  Are you surprised to know that he PM'd me on yahoo earlier this winter?  Said he had had a "bad day" earlier.  Midol, anyone?
 
The other one TOTALLY went off on me when he found out that I had been a pro dominant.  Proof that he hadn't been reading my earlier posts, eh!  TOTAL rant about how I was fake, and the attendant comments on insincerity.  The funny bit---he said that I was using that  as an excuse not to meet...  WTF?
 
The amount of hostility towards women that  some of these men carry is actually alarming, not to mention sad. 


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:13:05 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Hammerlove profile has been deleted....


Well, at least he has a sense of shame.  I'd have deleted mine too if I'd been as boorish as he was.


I always hope people will have the courage of their convictions and stand up and own what they have done rather than fleeing from it - I think that says a lot about someone's psyche as well...


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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:15:36 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Especially the fat ass, the naked back
 
I don't know whether you referring to me re the ass, the back, or both, HL.  Whatever, I haven't even thought about your posts so far in this thread and no comment I've made so far was made with you in mind. 

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:16:27 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I think that says a lot about someone's psyche as well...



To say nothing of his phsyche.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:17:46 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Especially the fat ass, the naked back
 
I don't know whether you referring to me re the ass, the back, or both, HL.  Whatever, I haven't even thought about your posts so far in this thread and no comment I've made so far was made with you in mind. 


I thought I was the fat ass, but then I realized that I hadn't posted on this thread yet!

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:18:24 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, he's probably just jealous.  It takes a serious amount of dedication to get a back that looks like yours.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:18:39 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammerlove
Venatrix should stick with her champagne!


I believe she has a tendency to do just that, because there are far too many men like you mixed in to the general population.  Confronted with such men, most women would prefer to spend the evening alone with a glass of wine and a housecat; the cat may be fixed, but at least his purring is pleasant.  I don't blame Venatrix one bit.

Returning to the topic of your thread, however, and how your posts reflect on that topic:  Do you really think that your attitude and behavior is becoming in a slave, or even a potential slave?

Your fantasies and "release" issues aside, you seem to think that slavery is all about you.  I disagree.  Unless you happen to live on a desert island and you are the last two humans on the planet Earth, slavery is not only a relationship between two people.  Those two people also relate as mistress and slave to the rest of the world--a world of family, a world of peers and community, a world of "vanilla" fok as well.

In this larger world, a man's behavior and manners reflect on the woman who owns him.  I already have a slave who I am justly proud of, for example, but if I was still looking, I'd never take on someone like you.  After an outburst like this, you've proven in just two posts that you are an ill-tempered, impulsive, judgmental brute with no maturity, no grace, and no idea of how to behave in polite company.  Lashing out at someone's body as a personal attack when you are angry has always disgusted me.  It comes across as childishly grotesque at the best of times.  Ditto for ridiculous attempts to invoke social class.

Babbling nonsense like this is a sign of your own weakness and insecurity.  Weakness and insecurity are not attractive qualities in a slave of either sex; it's simply a sign that they will be at best difficult to train and manage, at worst useless for any kind of work, including the simple job of being a pleasant companion.







_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Hammerlove)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:27:12 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I do have a question here.  If one is controlled by his desire or need for sexual release... what happens when he had a medical problem and can't get it up or his levels of desire drop off?  The dominant would have nothing to use to control the submissive and he would have no reason to submit because his motivation was gone.  The End...

On the face of it, I can't see how that'd make sense, Lockit.  One's sexuality is too big a part of who one is.  However ill a sub male gets, he's still going to feel a certain way about women.  A feeling of submissiveness (or desire for that, anyway) is integral to that feeling, I'd have thought.   Poor old Freud would turn in his grave at the idea of sex being considered in such a trivialising way!

Hmmm.  I know one very old man who's had no physical desire for over a decade.  That doesn't stop him sending me embarrassing pictures of naked women for me to find in my inbox every morning before I've even had breakfast.  Forwarded by his equally old and 'uninterested' pals, I might add.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:31:33 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hammerlove stated that once he has had his release he feels less submissive until it all builds up again.  The bottom line is as long as he is horny he is submissive to some degree and willing to do housework and such to get his release.  If he has no build up and doesn't get horny and hard... he isn't going to be submissive enough to do housework to get his release.

We are talking apples and oranges here Peon.  A man who only feels submissive when horny isn't going to have a specail (submissive) feeling about women in general because submission to him is all sexual.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:32:34 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Awww, thank you!

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(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:35:08 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		A dominant woman can find a hard cock -anywhere-...it is the submissive (and hopefully masochistic) oriented brain attached to the cock that makes the difference...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:39:30 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Lockit
Hammerlove stated that once he has had his release he feels less submissive until it all builds up again.  The bottom line is as long as he is horny he is submissive to some degree and willing to do housework and such to get his release.  If he has no build up and doesn't get horny and hard... he isn't going to be submissive enough to do housework to get his release.


Not that I've read any of HL's posts - and certainly won't bother now - but if that's what he says about his submissiveness, I'd suspect he doesn't know himself well enough yet. 

Hell, I could be wrong.  It's hard enough understanding myself, never mind anyone else.

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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Male Slave Phsyche - 5/14/2009 10:41:55 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

A dominant woman can find a hard cock -anywhere-...it is the submissive (and hopefully masochistic) oriented brain attached to the cock that makes the difference...


Make that A WOMAN, seriously, I don't walk into a bar or a pub all dommie and in leather, so I assume the guys striking up conversation are possibly vanilla.

Most men don't realize that the the cock is only as attractive as the person it's attached to...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 60
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