tazzygirl
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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:
im am just recently out of my very first D/s relation ship we split after almost 10months due to alot of misunderstandings i admitt mainly on my behalf but the main problems were that i was madly head over heels in love he was too i and i have no doubt in my mind about that now.
but while in the relationship i just couldnt understand how he could love yet treat me and act the way he did such as not allowing me somehwere, refusing permssion to do something, speak 2 me in a certain manner and left evreything such as chores and cooking to me never helped out once the fights would end where he demanded they end we had disscussions and talked about this alot but he always had the same answer the basis of our relationship had never changed i was just caught up on the whole in love thing
the problem is the relationship was always like this from day go and i was happy with that untill a few months ago yet i still yern for it now, yet when i had it i couldnt
i guess the piont to my post is im curious has anybody ever gone thrugh this? does love change things? does a Master love his slave differently to how he could love a free woman?
is BDSM love diiferent to that of vannila?>
the way i can describe what it felt like is that my body and mind loved it but in the end my heart was hurting yet the nature and generally nothing in the relationship had ever changed.
i would really appricate O/others views on this
thanks
hunnibunni
i started to read the thread, then stopped. having just left such a situation a little over a year ago, i can speak to you with some experience.
you mention it was a D/s relationship. it sounds more gorean to me, and since your profile states that is the direction, and men, you seek, i will speak to you from that perspective. you may get mad, you may get upset, but honesty sometimes hurts. you asked for advice and opinions, here are mine.
i lived your life. i worked two jobs. i still did the chores, paid my share of the bills, and was basically ignored until he was horny. you spent 10 months with this, i lasted 4 years. im sure other girls have lived with it longer.
i fell in love.
he did not.
therein lies the problem. when a slave loves deeply, and expects to be loved in return, she has already messed up. slaves expect nothing! especially slaves owned by a gorean man. you can be ignored, you can be commanded, and he will expect you to obey. thats the only expectation allowed... his. every other weekend i slept on the floor while he had his visitation. i could go on and on, and, yes, i was on the floor, injured, with no assistance up.
and just like you, i had to do some hard soul searching, asked alot of questions... alot. in the end, the decision is yours.. accept or leave.
now, here is where alot of people wont agree with me. i may infact upset quite a few, and, frankly, i dont care. it has to be said.
just because he didnt live up to YOUR standards of what a Master is, doesnt mean he isnt one. just because you question his motives doesnt mean he didnt have the best of intentions. every relationship goes through that honeymoon phase, even gorean ones (yeah, unbelievable huh). its then that reality sets in, his expectations are reinforced... and your ability to become his slave is or is not realized.
a gorean will rarely compromise.. especially with his slave. with exception to physical disabilities, he wants what he wants from his slave, and he demands nothing less. not all goreans are this rigid. the man i lived with was. i learned to see things through is eyes, figure out why he was the way he was, and i had a hard time, but eventually came to the realization that i could not be the slave he desired. we parted as friends.
if any girl rushes into a gorean relationship with the expectations that she can "change" him... forget it. your in for a world of heart ache.
but, dont slam the man because you couldnt live up to his expectations either. sometimes the fit isnt right. sometimes, if we girls are honest with ourselves, the fault can lay at our own feet as well.
in my case, if he had given in to me, compromised who he was, then i would not have loved him so fiercely.
gorean slavery isnt easy... it just is.
tazzy
< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 5/25/2009 8:08:57 AM >
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