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when does a mistress go to far? - 2/7/2006 11:26:40 PM   
Knight2be


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream. i was refered to her as her slave latly i have been wanting to experence how a man feels. i wanted to dom a guy basicly she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd. but i never saw them only in passing well she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing on saturday i was at her house and i entered she did her normal thing and i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.
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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/7/2006 11:39:18 PM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am new to bdsm, and have little experence


ummm ... not sure you can say that anymore.

st50

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/7/2006 11:56:02 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds very fast to me. Im sorry your first experience in this lifestyle seems to of been a negative one for you. But this is not NORMAL. As a person, if i were having sex with you and others, id want to reassure myself you were ok, that you knew you could stop it if you desired. That is normal human being stance. A Domme is bound by the same norms that vanilla's are. And the submissives saftety and well being, are paramount to a Domme, supposedly.

Did you have a safe word or signal to use, that you could stop play immediately with? If so did you use it? If this was the case, and you did use it, and she did not stop play, then that is abuse, plain and simple.
If you had a safe word, and did not use it, then that is your responsibility.

I would advocate, that you stop all forms of play, post more and read more, then when you are sufficiently educated to make informed choices, join a munch, or befriend another submissive who can introduce you to this lifestyle.

BDSM'rs are no different from other folk, there's nice people, and the not so nice. Character assessment is the skill you will need to hone, before you offer your vulnerable self to another.

There is a mantra amoungst us, that BDSM is Safe, Sane, and most of all Consentual. Without consent, its abuse.

Im afraid to say, it seems like you have experienced the latter.

Try not to let this session, colour your view of people in this lifestyle. Each encounter we have has merit, even if it is a hard lesson you have learned.

You wouldnt get on a motorbike and take off into the city having never ridden one before, why, because its dangerous. You assess the risk as too high.
Why therefor try having sex with strangers, tied up, that you dont know, and as yet, have not earned your trust.

I bet you wont make this mistake again though.

I made similar mistakes myself, thank fuck, i got lucky with the people i met. They were honest nice ordinary people and no harm came to me. Many are so keen to get started, me included, that we take stupid risks. But when you read stories like this, i say a thankyou to my gaurdian angel, that i came through safely.

I wish you well. I am sorry that you have suffered in this way.
You might want to consider litigation, you might want to consider meeting with the Domme in question, and discussing what you experienced, and what the fuck she thought she was doing. You might want to visit a Clap clinic and get a check over.

I had a male submissive friend, who got fucked over by every Domme he met. 4 in total. Until he gave up submission, and now will not venture out again. Yet each time a new one came on the scene, i was sceptical and suspicious of some obvious red flags that were waving in the breeze. He however, never could see them.

Perhaps being female is some protection, self preservation and safety is drummed into you from a early age.

I hope you can take what you have learned, and move on. There are some really nice people around. Choose wisely who you submit to. Learn to walk, before you can run basically.

best wishes
little1

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 12:08:16 AM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Knight2be, love... this does seem very fast indeed. This is something that should have been worked up to, if done at all. Were you not able to use a safe word or anything?? My Master/Mate would NEVER have done this to me. I am so very sorry that this happened to you, and actions like this is what continues to give us a bad name. I hope that you persue legal action on this matter. May you be blessed on your path and We are here for you if you need to chat.

Master Dragon and 1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 4:03:55 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Perhaps it would be better to discuss this with her if you want to find any real answers. Personally, I may have very well done the same given your expressing an interest in domming a male. Focus on the positive aspects, what happened in the scene, how it made you feel, what you did and didn't enjoy specifically physically/emotionally/sensually etc... use what you've learnt ...

I get the feeling it is not that you think she went to far, rather she went to far with you... consider why you might think this... personally, I'd hazard a guess its humiliation ... you never figured on other men having control over you...you're feeling vunearable...possibly... it's all ok and natural reactions... but you faced a possible fear? ...it doesn't distract from who you are, infact I reckon it empowers who you are...thats if you are want to find the positive... if you want to dwell on the negative knee jerk reactions then sweet, but don't fear submission.

She has a wonderful and wicked imagination that fem dom and many would pee their pants with joy to be where you once were.



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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:11:38 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1
<snip> this is not NORMAL.


By your standards perhaps, somewhat the norm by mine.

quote:


A Domme is bound by the same norms that vanilla's are.


If this was the case, then we'd all be doing vanilla and not wiiwd.

quote:


I would advocate, that you stop all forms of play, post more and read more, then when you are sufficiently educated to make informed choices, join a munch, or befriend another submissive who can introduce you to this lifestyle.


Bit mellow dramatic don't ya think?

quote:


Im afraid to say, it seems like you have experienced the latter.


Without further insights into the relationship he consented to when taking her collar I will disagree for now this equates to abuse.

quote:


You might want to consider litigation, you might want to consider meeting with the Domme in question, and discussing what you experienced, and what the fuck she thought she was doing.


Yes definitely I agree...but as a learning curve and to evolve and process the event and her reasoning, if she wishes to tell him, but not as a confrontation and playing the wounded solider. If a slave of mine wished to dominate a male sub I would probably do the same or similar. He agreed that if she grants him this male domming trip then she would have him pay a price. So the price wasn't all roses and nice and pushed his envelope a bit ...but this is what submission is...she's rattled his cage a bit. Rather than dwell on it, 'tis better who find a way to use what happened to help him with understanding 'submission', and later perhaps down the track when he does dominate a male he can draw on the experience...he's struggling with understanding that...he was rock hard and got off a number of times....he had a conflictingly erotic experience ...personally I find what she did incredibly hot.

quote:


You might want to visit a Clap clinic and get a check over.


And finally it'ts a tad arrogant to assume the mistress in question by nature of d/s she employs will also be lax in the sexual health of the her slaves.



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quote:

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:46:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm agreeing with Jasmyn- were any of those activities against any pre-determined hard limits? Was a safe word in place? You said you kept your cool through the whole thing- how were they to know you felt anything was wrong?



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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:48:59 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		i would have to agree with Jasmyn regarding this...Knight had met this person roughly two months ago...and already he was wanting to dominate a male? To me, this seems a little quick. There is some information i feel we're missing from Knight.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, Knight was ready to screw the male slave (his words) but when the shoe was on the other foot, he wasn't ready for it. How could he effectively dominate without having some knowledge of what it would feel like from the bottom.

Additionally, when someone tells me they've been collared, that says to me that they are slave and belong to the one who gave the collar...with that means that sometimes you will have to do things that are against your nature. Knight, we need to know more...it sounds more like stroke material to me, if you really want my opinion.

sting

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:50:19 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

i was refereed to her as her slave lately i have been wanting to experience how a man feels.


I assume that you mean you wanted to know how a man feels in the sense that you wanted to experience sex with a male

quote:

i wanted to dom a guy basically she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd.


Seems she has all the makings for you to experience this...

quote:

she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing


I assume you agreed...

quote:

then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there


I'm guessing this was her "price to pay"

quote:

when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.



I'm going to take another WILD guess here... did you take the time to find out what her "price" was.... or did you blindly answer her, yes... anything you say Mistress... ??

Sorry you got gang banged like this, but it seems you really let this happen to yourself. Now that it has happened & the little game didn't go by your own rules, you feel jilted & want to blame this woman.

I have a question... you say you wanted to top (dom) these guys, what were you planning to do with them? Maybe tie them down, force them to suck you off & then you jack off onto their face??

Often you have to be willing to have something done to you that you would be willing to do to others. This helps one gage appropriate limits. If you have absolute hard limits, such as you just described... having a couple of guys gang fuck you... you need to let people know this ahead of time. If you fore go negotiation & offer that troublesome reply, I'll do anything for you Mistress... you just opened the door for whatever that person wants to do.




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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:51:41 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		I also am in total agreement with Jasmyn and LA. I cannot imagine she decided upon this scene without thought and consideration. My first thought was that she was possibly teaching you a lesson about arrogance and humility. My question to you is, after some time to reflect...what REALLY bothered you?

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 5:56:18 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Punctuation is your friend.

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 6:09:46 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be
i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream. i was refered to her as her slave latly i have been wanting to experence how a man feels. i wanted to dom a guy basicly she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd. but i never saw them only in passing well she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing on saturday i was at her house and i entered she did her normal thing and i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.


This sounds like a reallly hot experience. I'm not sure what the problem is? She told you that you would have to "pay the price" I dont think she meant that as "You will have to pay the price of your choosing". Now that you have "paid the price" you have the opportunity of what you wanted to do, which is "feel like a man" and dom her other slaves. Win-Win situation in my opinion.

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 6:20:43 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Jas
Im with You 100% in My thoughts.
The Mistress dident go to far. The vanilla man did in his
thinking he knew it all and dident have a clue. presumptious
of him, huh. Bet he thinks twice about taking a collar in a BDSM
world with out knowing its RAMifications and not first laying out
his HARD LIMITS and getting a contract of such or in the least a
complete understanding of what he is getting into.

quote:

i was collared 1-28-06 - i was refered to her as her slave

Those two sentances knight states tells Me it all.
Dont step into the kitchen if you cant take the heat.
Welcome to Our world boyyyyy.


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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:31:04 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be

i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream. i was refered to her as her slave latly i have been wanting to experence how a man feels. i wanted to dom a guy basicly she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd. but i never saw them only in passing well she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing on saturday i was at her house and i entered she did her normal thing and i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.


hmmmm, I'm not understanding, quite a few things here. First, why didn't you ask what it is you'd be submitting to. Secondly, I'm not understanding why the domme didn't tell you beforehand. Sounds like both parties are at fault the domme way more than the sub though. It doesn't make any sense to say just because a sub said I'll submit to something if you let me do this afterwards, then not inform the sub of what will be done to them. Using that logic she could have cut his nuts off and said you said anything, right.
And if the guy is upset about being had by these two guys, it probably wasn't something that was agreed upon being okay before the entered the relationship. Isn't that correct these limits are supposed to be defined before entering into the relationship, and if the domme didn't ask, then she had no right to assume it was okay, to force this guy to fuck two guys. That would be like having a slave not asking them if they are okay with screwing animals. Then bringing in a donkey.

Anyway, that's what I'm getting out of it. More information would help though from the OP.

Thanks



Thanks.

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:45:24 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be

i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream. i was refered to her as her slave latly i have been wanting to experence how a man feels. i wanted to dom a guy basicly she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd. but i never saw them only in passing well she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing on saturday i was at her house and i entered she did her normal thing and i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.



I'm not clear where your question is.

It sounds like your limits were pushed negatively at the least and at the worse to me it sounds like you were raped.

Either way it sounds like it was a very bad experience for you.

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:49:05 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm agreeing with Jasmyn- were any of those activities against any pre-determined hard limits? Was a safe word in place? You said you kept your cool through the whole thing- how were they to know you felt anything was wrong?




Just a point from someone who has survived a sexual assault (which this may have been).

When something like this happens, you react on instinct to save yourself. Sometimes you can't say no or fight because you feel overwhelmed and too threatened. I don't think the lack of fighting or "losing cool" should be a sign of consent.

Now, I'm not trying to say this was a rape or an assault just that it could be.

It could also be a relationship going too bloody fast and lacking wise communication.

The OP wasn't really clear other than an intensity of emotions to my eyes.


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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:56:22 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Jasmyn
========

what She says


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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 9:05:30 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou


hmmmm, I'm not understanding, quite a few things here. First, why didn't you ask what it is you'd be submitting to. Secondly, I'm not understanding why the domme didn't tell you beforehand. Sounds like both parties are at fault the domme way more than the sub though. It doesn't make any sense to say just because a sub said I'll submit to something if you let me do this afterwards, then not inform the sub of what will be done to them. Using that logic she could have cut his nuts off and said you said anything, right.
And if the guy is upset about being had by these two guys, it probably wasn't something that was agreed upon being okay before the entered the relationship. Isn't that correct these limits are supposed to be defined before entering into the relationship, and if the domme didn't ask, then she had no right to assume it was okay, to force this guy to fuck two guys. That would be like having a slave not asking them if they are okay with screwing animals. Then bringing in a donkey.

Anyway, that's what I'm getting out of it. More information would help though from the OP.

Thanks



Thanks.



Need...he loses credibility here when he say he wanted to be able to screw one of Her other males...asking that would seem to say to me, if i was the Dominant, that he is open to sexual relations with men...while this wasn't what he'd anticipated, lets not make it sound as though having sex with men was a limit for this person.

sting

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 9:05:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
When something like this happens, you react on instinct to save yourself. Sometimes you can't say no or fight because you feel overwhelmed and too threatened. I don't think the lack of fighting or "losing cool" should be a sign of consent.

Now, I'm not trying to say this was a rape or an assault just that it could be.

It could also be a relationship going too bloody fast and lacking wise communication.

The OP wasn't really clear other than an intensity of emotions to my eyes.


I agree with you as well- not saying "no" hardly equates to saying yes and being ok with things.

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RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 12:33:32 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516


quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou


hmmmm, I'm not understanding, quite a few things here. First, why didn't you ask what it is you'd be submitting to. Secondly, I'm not understanding why the domme didn't tell you beforehand. Sounds like both parties are at fault the domme way more than the sub though. It doesn't make any sense to say just because a sub said I'll submit to something if you let me do this afterwards, then not inform the sub of what will be done to them. Using that logic she could have cut his nuts off and said you said anything, right.
And if the guy is upset about being had by these two guys, it probably wasn't something that was agreed upon being okay before the entered the relationship. Isn't that correct these limits are supposed to be defined before entering into the relationship, and if the domme didn't ask, then she had no right to assume it was okay, to force this guy to fuck two guys. That would be like having a slave not asking them if they are okay with screwing animals. Then bringing in a donkey.

Anyway, that's what I'm getting out of it. More information would help though from the OP.

Thanks



Thanks.



Need...he loses credibility here when he say he wanted to be able to screw one of Her other males...asking that would seem to say to me, if i was the Dominant, that he is open to sexual relations with men...while this wasn't what he'd anticipated, lets not make it sound as though having sex with men was a limit for this person.

sting


Not necessarily, that logic implies that just wanting to screw someone is the same as wanting to be screwed by them.

You could change this situation in a variety of ways. Say you have a Lesbian Master/Slave and the slave says I want to screw a male with a strap-on. That doesn't necessarily translate to "I want to be screwed by the guy".

I don't know the specifics of the situation, but the guy sounded like he didn't like being had by the men. That doesn't mean he wouldn't have liked to have done it to them.

Same as a Master might like flogging a slave, that doesn't mean the master wants to be flogged. Screwing a man I'd think would be a act of dominance over another man. Like the ascertion that he was the dominant "chosen" slave, whereas getting gangbanged by the other slaves, is more like putting him in his place. Which is fine if they agreed male penetration was okay for him. But I just get the feeling it wasn't laid down.

However, it's impossible to know unless the OP tells us.

< Message edited by NeedToUseYou -- 2/8/2006 12:41:38 PM >

(in reply to sting516)
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