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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 6:57:14 PM

lionesspsu

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Lockit;

I would guess that the odds are that she is unaware and would want to know. That would be quite a shocker for him if she cut him loose as well. Really bad day, when you get ditched twice! HMMM. Maybe that's an idea!

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 6:58:55 PM

bootlckr57

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I’ve found in my relationships, once a cheater, always a cheater. He knew the rules. Dismiss him. Unless you’re really attached to him and want to keep dealing with it over and over. You didn’t say if this was a professional or personal relationship. But Mistress is always right, regardless.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:01:15 PM

Venatrix

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FR - I like Grizzly's suggestion to tell the other domina as a public service announcement, if you will, that you have released your (her) sub and that he has no further ties to you, so that she can proceed accordingly. My guess is that she will be surprised to know that he had been involved with another dominant, but this way leaves you looking like you were just trying to be helpful, rather than stir things up. I'd want to know if my sub had been two-timing me, and I bet she will, too.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:02:21 PM

lionesspsu

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Bootlckr57 -

It's personal; I am not a Prodomme

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:16:14 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

FR - I like Grizzly's suggestion to tell the other domina as a public service announcement, if you will, that you have released your (her) sub and that he has no further ties to you, so that she can proceed accordingly.

Yes. Take the high road, and be sure she knows at the same time. You come out knowing you are in control and did the right thing. He comes out with (probably) nothing.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:22:00 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lionesspsu

Ladies: I have a Sub that I have found pursuing another Mistress. I was quite clear before we began playing that I do not tolerate that without my permission (which would be rare) while we are playing. I do plan to drop him, since I demand loyalty and honesty above all else. What I wanted to hear thoughts about is whether I should tell him how I became aware of the deceit. On one hand, I think it would give him insight to 'be a better deceiver' with his next Mistress if I tell him where he went wrong. Would you tell him the how, or just the basics of why?

FYI: When I say pursuing, I don't mean chatting for conversation and casual friendship either.

I would not even waste my time thinking about him at all anymore. I would go on about my business doing the many things that are worth my time. Things that are important to me.

Your thoughts and feelings, and your time, are not important to him. So don't give him any more.

Just cut off contact with him. He'll either know why, or he won't care anyway.

Why do you care? If you feel vengeful, remember that living well is the best revenge.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:22:05 PM

bootlckr57

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Lionesspsu: Then I would be very upset, if I was you. I’ve known a lot of men like this in my life. They think cheating is a challenge that they find thrilling. I obviously don’t know him, or his history. Maybe he is young and this is his first serious relationship and he made a big mistake. But trust is the basis of any relationship. Like I said, if you are really attached, maybe a second chance is warranted. But once trust is lost, it’s hard to get back, just my opinion.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:32:20 PM

evilgagger

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The way I look at it is like this. If the sub is happy with his mistress he would not be looking somewhere else. Have you ever thought about what you were doing that made him cheat on you!!!!

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:41:31 PM

lionesspsu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evilgagger

The way I look at it is like this. If the sub is happy with his mistress he would not be looking somewhere else. Have you ever thought about what you were doing that made him cheat on you!!!!

WTF! Really? Typically, as an adult, you discuss problems and/or end the relationship............not cheat and lie!
He was free to tell me that he was unhappy, if that was the case. Perhaps it could have been worked out, perhaps not. Either way, I could have respect for someone saying that they are unhappy and want to end a relationship. Can't respect a liar and cheater. It's a character issue!

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 7:44:17 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evilgagger

The way I look at it is like this. If the sub is happy with his mistress he would not be looking somewhere else. Have you ever thought about what you were doing that made him cheat on you!!!!

Oh, what utter crap. Some men will cheat just to see what they can get away with. It's attitudes like this that give men as a group a bad name.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:01:35 PM

PeonForHer

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V, not fair! I've heard the same sort of crap trotted out in support of women who cheat.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:03:50 PM

lionesspsu

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Evilgagger -

You sound like the typical cheater/liar:
"it's your fault" "you made me do it cause....."

Bullshit!

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:05:03 PM

LadyPact

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OP, I'm sorry for your pain. I don't even know you and it's just screaming out of you.

Yet, I have to ask you, if you weren't in pain, how would you handle this? Would you be having vengeful thoughts if this wouldn't have hurt you? Do you need the closure of telling this person how you found out because it's good for you or because it's going to be hurtful?

By no means am I saying allow this person to continue to be in your life. What was done was obviously wrong in your eyes and caused you to be hurt. What I'm saying is, are you quite sure that striking back will help you to heal. While revenge is a dish best served cold, no one ever said it was filling.

When it's all said and done, you still have to wake up each day and look in the mirror. There is going to be a time when the wound isn't fresh and the pain has subsided. Are you still going to feel good about that person staring back at you when you're no longer angry and hurt? That's the real question.

As to the questions you asked on the surface and not necessarily the ones underneath, no, I probably wouldn't tell him how he got caught. It wouldn't matter to Me. I probably would talk to the other Dominant in question. Not for reasons of malice, but in hopes that she wouldn't have to go through a similar pain to be caused.

I do wish the best of luck to you. May you heal quickly and with your head held high.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:05:15 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lionesspsu
Bullshit!

But it demonstrated brilliant social skills for him to post this on the Ask A Mistress forum, don't you think?

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:05:38 PM

evilgagger

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It seems what I said got you worked up. Hmmm, I was just wondering.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:07:12 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lionesspsu

Ladies: I have a Sub that I have found pursuing another Mistress. I was quite clear
YOU made it clear...he knew
before we began playing that I do not tolerate that without my permission (which would be rare) while we are playing.
YOU made it clear ahead of time

I do plan to drop him, since I demand loyalty and honesty above all else.
ABSOLUTELY ...bye bye baby
What I wanted to hear thoughts about is whether I should tell him how I became aware of the deceit
NO dont't tell how..these little bastards need to sweat and wonder if there is a DOMME hotline..

. On one hand, I think it would give him insight to 'be a better deceiver' with his next Mistress if I tell him where he went wrong. Would you tell him the how, or just the basics of why?
yep just the basics..

FYI: When I say pursuing, I don't mean chatting for conversation and casual friendship either.
I had this occur and I accidentally met the MISTRESS on here..
due to not many of us in the city... we set up a little hotline thing and a heads up thing for the province...
players*abusers* etc..yes I know it is easy to make shit up but it is easy to tell who is too..
oh and being the "fat bitchs" we are( oh wait that is another thread_...anyway..
ONE made arrangements to meet a him and BOTH were there..
accidental self GS.???.ahahahahhahahahah

and the other woman will be most HAPPY for the info...
I am sure

how unfortuante for you and NOW him...

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/18/2009 8:10:12 PM >

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:08:20 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evilgagger

It seems what I said got you worked up.

And if I kicked you in the nuts it would get you throwing up. It doesn't mean I ought to do it... and it doesn't mean I would suddenly learn something secret about your character.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:08:38 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

V, not fair! I've heard the same sort of crap trotted out in support of women who cheat.

Yes, well, that's different.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:08:57 PM

evilgagger

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It seems what I said got you worked up!!!! Hmmm I was just wondering.

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RE: Deceitful sub advice needed - 6/18/2009 8:10:08 PM

PeonForHer

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Yes, I think it got Venatrix worked up because what you said was crap, evilgagger. That would be my guess.

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