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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Not to argue, but if you had asignificant other that decided that he/she wanted to interact on a cyber bassis, you would say NO?

CP, if my Master wanted me to engage in cybersex with him on the days when we're not able to see each other in person, or if we had to be long distance for a while, I would give it my best try. If he had wanted me to do hot talk over webcam or IM before we had met, I would have turned him down, and probably refused to meet him at all. The whole online D/s or BDSM or cybersex thing makes me feel a bit ridiculous/awkward, but feeling that way certainly isn't a hard limit, and I feel confident that he'd ease me into it in a way that was fun. Since he's not really interested in cyber either, it's probably a moot point.

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CP, if my Master wanted me to engage in cybersex with him on the days when we're not able to see each other in person, or if we had to be long distance for a while, I would give it my best try. If he had wanted me to do hot talk over webcam or IM before we had met, I would have turned him down, and probably refused to meet him at all. The whole online D/s or BDSM or cybersex thing makes me feel a bit ridiculous/awkward, but feeling that way certainly isn't a hard limit, and I feel confident that he'd ease me into it in a way that was fun. Since he's not really interested in cyber either, it's probably a moot point.

_____________________________

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ORIGINAL: fuzzywumpas

*shrugs*

Cyber has it's place and times to be useful. Then there are times when it's a no-go for me. I have cyber-friends that are strictly platonic that I wouldn't be able to keep in touch with if it wasn't for various forms of online communications like IM's and email. If it's agreed upon by 2 parties in a relationship (however they define that "relationship" or if it's a one-off, pun intended, time) then that's great. Where I have issues with it is when it gets carried to cyber-sex by one of the partners with a third person, without the knowledge of the partner and against the agreed-upon strict mutual monogamy. Also when it starts to interfere with your live sex lives and one person prefers cybering over the real deal. If there are issues in the relationship, they should be talked about with the partner, not ignored or swept under the carpet while wanking on the computer.

Yes, I have strong feelings on it. I see it as a form of cheating (seeking sexual pleasure with another person outside of your agreed-upon relationship dynamics without discussing it with your partner and hiding/denying it) but if open and honest about it and why a person is looking for it, it could be a tool of communication. Meh, I'm also honest enough to know that I've had a bad personal experience with it, where I was in a relationship with a Dominant who absolutely insisted that the only way he'd be in a LTR was with strict mutual monogamy to the point of where I wasn't even allowed to say "Hi, how's the weather there?" to another Dominant, male or female, yet I would find him staying up late, refusing to have sex or saying he wasn't in the "mood" yet "chatting" and cybering while watching porn. Kinda blew it for me.....

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*shrugs*

Cyber has it's place and times to be useful. Then there are times when it's a no-go for me. I have cyber-friends that are strictly platonic that I wouldn't be able to keep in touch with if it wasn't for various forms of online communications like IM's and email. If it's agreed upon by 2 parties in a relationship (however they define that "relationship" or if it's a one-off, pun intended, time) then that's great. Where I have issues with it is when it gets carried to cyber-sex by one of the partners with a third person, without the knowledge of the partner and against the agreed-upon strict mutual monogamy. Also when it starts to interfere with your live sex lives and one person prefers cybering over the real deal. If there are issues in the relationship, they should be talked about with the partner, not ignored or swept under the carpet while wanking on the computer.

Yes, I have strong feelings on it. I see it as a form of cheating (seeking sexual pleasure with another person outside of your agreed-upon relationship dynamics without discussing it with your partner and hiding/denying it) but if open and honest about it and why a person is looking for it, it could be a tool of communication. Meh, I'm also honest enough to know that I've had a bad personal experience with it, where I was in a relationship with a Dominant who absolutely insisted that the only way he'd be in a LTR was with strict mutual monogamy to the point of where I wasn't even allowed to say "Hi, how's the weather there?" to another Dominant, male or female, yet I would find him staying up late, refusing to have sex or saying he wasn't in the "mood" yet "chatting" and cybering while watching porn. Kinda blew it for me.....

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

it works for some and they enjoy it. i would never consider a cyber exclusive relationship and see online discussions as a means to an end. it is a tool and one that can lead to something outside of this medium. however, when that occurred the relating would be completely based offline unless distance was a factor and even then it is unlikely i'd be stationed in front of a screen conversing.

porcelaine

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it works for some and they enjoy it. i would never consider a cyber exclusive relationship and see online discussions as a means to an end. it is a tool and one that can lead to something outside of this medium. however, when that occurred the relating would be completely based offline unless distance was a factor and even then it is unlikely i'd be stationed in front of a screen conversing.

porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

For me, it's all about the personal relationship, and that means being together physically. Unless a cyber interaction is just a stage in a relationship, a step along the path toward coming together in real life, it can never be more than a friendship to me. 

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

fuzzy,

you bring forth some examples of negativity that happened to be an aside to the proper use of cyber. For myself, I never would have used it for anything other than its proper use with someone special. We have had a few posts well folks just use it for kicks [fun] and thats their bag but it is a misue in my view.
thanks for your thyoughts.

CP

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Your second paragraph I think sums it up very well, a cyber relationship is as real as our minds will let it be.

I'm actually extremely glad that cybersex doesn't feel as "real" to me as doing things in person. My very limited experience with it so far has been both negative and unconsensual. I get annoyed, but not as scared, upset, or hurt as if they had tried to actually do those things to me face to face when we met. The first time it happened was on an online text-based game, many years ago, and I hunted down and killed the character of the guy who emoted at me that he was fucking me. I've had a few guys get too pushy in IM's or e-mails here and on a previous BDSM-oriented site, and it was real enough to be obnoxious, but not enough to be traumatising.

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I'm actually extremely glad that cybersex doesn't feel as "real" to me as doing things in person. My very limited experience with it so far has been both negative and unconsensual. I get annoyed, but not as scared, upset, or hurt as if they had tried to actually do those things to me face to face when we met. The first time it happened was on an online text-based game, many years ago, and I hunted down and killed the character of the guy who emoted at me that he was fucking me. I've had a few guys get too pushy in IM's or e-mails here and on a previous BDSM-oriented site, and it was real enough to be obnoxious, but not enough to be traumatising.

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ORIGINAL: Esinn

I've never tried cyber.

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I've never tried cyber.

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ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


Prinsexx,

Roars; now that is candor!

CP

I have to look it up in a dictionary... seriously.....
give me five...

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I have to look it up in a dictionary... seriously.....
give me five...

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ORIGINAL: BalletBob

I seen this post and HAD TO REPLY to it. I answered this question so many time on Collarme before, I am going to keep this short. There is so much NEGATIVE about it, here. I didn't even read any of the posts on this thead, because it is always the same thing.

If CYBER is all you can do, because of a dead area, (like south Jersey), then go for it. I have done it, and it did lead to RT sessions. I admit it isn't for everyone, but it is like life, You make it what you want.

As I said in the past, I had some female Mistresses, Switches and what ever, email me or chat on Yahoo. They would tell me what to do, and if it wasn't a Hard Limit, I would do it. I could of easilly told them I had done the chore, and not do it, but what fun is that. It would be a waste of my time and theirs. It would be like cheating, myself and them. 

So that is why I have NO PROBLEM with CYBER. You get out of it, what you put into it. And if that is all you have, or if it can lead to RT, then all the better.

Missing it badly, sub BalletBob

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I seen this post and HAD TO REPLY to it. I answered this question so many time on Collarme before, I am going to keep this short. There is so much NEGATIVE about it, here. I didn't even read any of the posts on this thead, because it is always the same thing.

If CYBER is all you can do, because of a dead area, (like south Jersey), then go for it. I have done it, and it did lead to RT sessions. I admit it isn't for everyone, but it is like life, You make it what you want.

As I said in the past, I had some female Mistresses, Switches and what ever, email me or chat on Yahoo. They would tell me what to do, and if it wasn't a Hard Limit, I would do it. I could of easilly told them I had done the chore, and not do it, but what fun is that. It would be a waste of my time and theirs. It would be like cheating, myself and them.

So that is why I have NO PROBLEM with CYBER. You get out of it, what you put into it. And if that is all you have, or if it can lead to RT, then all the better.

Missing it badly, sub BalletBob

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ORIGINAL: SlaveMastr




For some people cyber or the phone are the only tools they have to explore their kink and while cyber never worked for me,  the phone can provide a real connection, and yes you can train a submissive via the phone if she is willing and if you are able. Not as good as real time, but it can be very hot and very fun.

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For some people cyber or the phone are the only tools they have to explore their kink and while cyber never worked for me, the phone can provide a real connection, and yes you can train a submissive via the phone if she is willing and if you are able. Not as good as real time, but it can be very hot and very fun.

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ORIGINAL: TravelingDs

Hmmm... what better way to explore your deepest fantasy than pouring it out to someone who can't judge or ruin it... wait.. that can happen too... well everyone who has used the internet and yahoo messenger has gotten off in one of those chats that just keeps going till it gets dirty. Sometimes it's pleasant and sometimes you enforce your blocking controls and/or permanently change your screenname. Either way, it's something to try to get to know a person before even considering r/t. I hate the word "cybering" though... HATE it... should definately be renamed.

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

fuzzy,

you bring forth some examples of negativity that happened to be an aside to the proper use of cyber. For myself, I never would have used it for anything other than its proper use with someone special. We have had a few posts well folks just use it for kicks [fun] and thats their bag but it is a misue in my view.
thanks for your thyoughts.

CP

What exactly is the proper use of cyber?  I hate to sound stupid but I didn't know there was a proper use.  Could you explain further the rules for proper use?  I might change my mind about it, had I known there was proper use, or at least accepted guidelines.

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What exactly is the proper use of cyber? I hate to sound stupid but I didn't know there was a proper use. Could you explain further the rules for proper use? I might change my mind about it, had I known there was proper use, or at least accepted guidelines.