Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Under Consideration


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Under Consideration Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 9:21:16 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think "Under Consideration" has vague definitions just like many other terms and labels here.  I think some have good intentions with it and use it to label the fact that they're "dating"  but not ready to get "engaged" or "collared" yet.  Others use it as "You date only me, but I'll date others."

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 9:24:27 AM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

the internet media strikes again


and as always, it proves itself silly.

as I don't do the local scene, I'm wondering if there are any real life corollaries to the whole under consideration thing. it seems to me if you have started communicating and things are working out well, there is no need to say 'ok subgrl4uxyz, I want you to put under consideration on your profile, give me your password, and stop talking to people.' no matter who she talks to, you'll still have that connection and if it's real, no amount of cmail is going to change it.

but that's just me.


_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 9:41:29 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

In my world, there is no such thing as "under consideration". I don't do the whole new terminology drama.
Me neither. If I'm under consideration, then so is he.

One of my issues with "under consideration" is most of the time it's two people that have never met. I just don't get how you can put yourself in a committed relationship with someone you've never met.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 9:46:35 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

as I don't do the local scene, I'm wondering if there are any real life corollaries to the whole under consideration thing.


We have a 'consideration period' for our household. It is a minimum of 3 months and may last up to 18 months (though we've never had one go that long). During that period, individuals under consideration live just as if they were full members of the House, but they have no right to invite new potential members, are not allowed to vote on House policy... oh, and our 'consideration period' may include both new servant members -and- new potential free members.

After 3-12months, the council (or, in the absence of the council, the Patriarch or Matriarch) reviews any concerns and addresses them with the potential member. Some are able and willing to deal with the issues/concerns, others decide that it's too much and choose not to petition for full membership. Usually, 3-6 months after the initial evaluation, the individual petitions for full membership, the members are polled, and the Patriarch/Matriarch makes the final decision about membership.

So I guess you could say that, yes, something like the 'consideration collar' does exist in real life situations for some groups.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to variation30)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:26:01 AM   
blondagebabe


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		I believe in reciprocal levels of commitment. If someone wants to call some stage of that "under consideration" so be it. To me it sounds a bit too much like going steady, but to each their own.

I do admit to raising an eyebrow to those (subs) who are willing to enter into a committed relationship having never met their partner. I personally don't rush into the D/s aspect at all. To me that limits my ability to fully explore the relationship overall.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:26:34 AM   
Esinn


Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

In my world, there is no such thing as "under consideration". I don't do the whole new terminology drama.
Me neither. If I'm under consideration, then so is he.

One of my issues with "under consideration" is most of the time it's two people that have never met. I just don't get how you can put yourself in a committed relationship with someone you've never met.


I do not view UC as harmful because it is entering a relationship with someone they never met.  Come on now, Oside it happens all the time.  We hear about it daily when these relationships fail .  My problem with UC is if it is mandatory prior to the dating a prerequisite.   Dating > UC > Collar this seems very reasonable.

To me it demonstrates the one placing the other under UC is insecure.  They are worried someone is going to close the deal first.  If I/we were active looking I do not blame them, get her off the market before I get there.   It is a demonstration of sharks in the water?  The ones which can not compete play differently.  So goes life I guess may evolution win.

That said now that many have taken the time to explain it to me, thank you I do better understand it.  I see instances when such structure is benificial.

< Message edited by Esinn -- 6/27/2009 10:28:10 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:59:21 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am interested, OP, in my situation as I described it on page one, is he simply taking me off the market or an insurance policy against the fact he cannot "seal the deal" at this point (nevermind we really don't define as "under consideration")?  I guess, conceivably, in my discussions with others and such, I could become persuaded that there was a better relational fit out there for me with someone else.  This is highly doubtful, but anything is possible. 

He has not changed his profile at all, but I have a clear understanding of his reasons and that he is just as off the market as I am.  We would talk about any potential outside relationship and what he will allow and what I am comfortable with.  We care enough to abide by those set standards regardless of conditions and would talk about it again if change seemed warranted.  Then again we are not an online only couple and we have real time interaction, so maybe this doesn't apply to us.  I am just not sure what you are getting at.  If we are to use another poster's analogy, is putting an engagement ring on a girl's finger (which by the way is not a reciporical practice either), only taking her off the market because the man cannot seal the deal yet?  Do you consider an engaged person fair game too?

lovingpet

(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 11:17:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

I do not view UC as harmful because it is entering a relationship with someone they never met.  Come on now, Oside it happens all the time.  We hear about it daily when these relationships fail .  My problem with UC is if it is mandatory prior to the dating a prerequisite.   Dating > UC > Collar this seems very reasonable.



I agree with this and this is the formula used as Bruin Cottage. Meetings, several coffee meetings first including a couple at BC. Cards are on the table and frank discussions is requested including questions. Then, once both Neets, myself and the prospective slave/staff member are in accord at which time he or she could easily beg/ask for a collar, we give a Probationary House Collar which lasts for a minimum of one month and may last for as long as is desired which give the Probationer the chance to be with us and see us in a wide variety of situations such as first thing in the mornings (always our worst time), what us required and whilst the basic training is undertaken so the Probationer is able to carry out basic duties we are all able to learn more about each other, how we interact with each other as well as assessing each other. Once we are again in accord that this is going to work, a Permanent House Collar may be offered. personal collars are a tad different in that someone selected for a personal collar will already be wearing the Permanent House Collar but will have shown an aptitude ti be able to take on aditional responcibilities depending who is going to offer the Personal Collar, either Lady Neets or myself, as we each have differing requirements along with the normal duties of the home.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 2:21:20 PM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		My situation is that I met my Dom here on collarme and agreed to submit to him for a trail period, online only. After a few months, we met and I am now under-consideration with Him. This will not be changed until our circumstances are such that we can be together physically and until I have reached a level of experience where He thinks I can fully make the next committment. I am not "off the market" as I do and am allowed to play with others so that I can continue to grow and learn while He cannot be with me. However, there will come a time when this will change and when I will be in a position to know if I can commit fully and be collared or if I have to move on. Circumstances being what they are, He does not feel it right to collar me as yet and I think he is right. So under consideration, for me, means it is a serious commitment at this point in O/our mutual development.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 2:31:30 PM   
flogger


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/27/2004
Status: offline 		Dude got lucky

(in reply to Sexycelticlady)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 2:39:28 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

Is this a joke?



As I only have less than a week here I might be missing something.  But this seems like a cowards way to 'seclude' the sub/slave while he/she buys time. 
What do you do?  How do you feel when UC? 


Q What do i feel?
That i'm under consideration for what?
The role is clear: slave. Ahh so then he must be considering my merits.

A Like he's arrogant.



_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 3:06:17 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn
But this seems like a cowards way to 'seclude' the sub/slave while he/she buys time.

If a female is marked UC is this something I really need to respect by not speaking with her?


You've already implied that her prospective dom is a coward and you're worried about respect?



(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 3:25:35 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think "Under Consideration" has vague definitions just like many other terms and labels here.  I think some have good intentions with it and use it to label the fact that they're "dating"  but not ready to get "engaged" or "collared" yet.  Others use it as "You date only me, but I'll date others."


Yes, and if that's what everyone agrees to, that's just -fine-. If I agree to enter a relationship where my companion is allowed to have other companions, and I am not, and that actually -works- for us, then what's wrong with it?

The only way that I see it as wrong is if there is no discussion, and the party who offers such a collar isn't forthright about what it means, and the person who accepts such a collar doesn't make sure that the terms are truly acceptable.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 3:28:13 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Dating > UC > Collar this seems very reasonable.


It is internet jargon, and bullshit. It normally goes hand in hand with "you can't talk to me" and "he has access to my mail" and all that other nonsense. UC is mostly used in cyber-relationships, and I personally believe it is mostly used by inadequate males who get off on manipulating women.

Comparing UC with engaged is laughable. Engaged is a societal function, during which certain conditions are met so a marriage can take place. UC means some silly child has to change her profile, can't talk to "doms" or "dommes", and has to have her correspondence monitored.

I connect with someone nice, I'll have conversations with her on Skype, things still good, we meet for coffee, etc. I don't give a toss whether she changes her profile or not - why would she - because she is talking to me? Pardon, ME? And I don't give a toss if she chats with 1,004 other doms. And I certainly don't have the time or the interest to read her freakin' email. And then the poor deluded UC girl will come here to ask us how come her dom is still talking to other subs. Duh. Honestly, whoever does this stuff has no life, and they've studied dombull101.org in detail.

My tuppence...


(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 3:49:23 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Me neither. If I'm under consideration, then so is he.
.

Brilliant


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 7:39:00 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Sir had me "under consideration" after we had spent quite some time extensively e-mailing/IMing/talking on the phone with each other & after we'd actually met in person a few times.....we both actually knew where we were headed but weren't quite ready to make the plunge.  Then, we became a couple, then after that I was collared.  I am soooooo lucky!!!


_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 9:48:34 PM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Comparing UC with engaged is laughable. Engaged is a societal function, during which certain conditions are met so a marriage can take place. UC means some silly child has to change her profile, can't talk to "doms" or "dommes", and has to have her correspondence monitored.


Interestingly, my correspondance is not monitored, I can speak to and play with whomever I want, in fact am encouraged to do this, and have not had to change my profile at all. Wonderful generalisation there, but like most generalisations does not apply to everyone.

The only people to whom it is relevent are the couple involved. They define the terms as it suits them

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:36:49 PM   
terrislut


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		I will never again be "under consideration" to anybody. I was UC to a supposed master on here once. It lasted for roughly 9 months. During that time he demanded absolute obedience to him, he would get mad at me and accuse me of "thinking for myself" if I dared question anything he ordered, and he insisted I send him money every week, since "a slave should be worth something, and should be able to make her master money". He wanted more and more, and demanded I sell myself to earn the money. This went on and on until I was eventually homeless. To me "under consideration" is a scam. The only reason I am back on here is because he isn't, at least the account he used back then is no longer valid.
If a Dom is interested in me, fine, but I will not consider myself in any way beholden to a Dom until such time as we are living together in R/L, anything else is bullshit.

(in reply to Sexycelticlady)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:45:40 PM   
Esinn


Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

Dating > UC > Collar this seems very reasonable.


It is internet jargon, and bullshit. It normally goes hand in hand with "you can't talk to me" and "he has access to my mail" and all that other nonsense. UC is mostly used in cyber-relationships, and I personally believe it is mostly used by inadequate males who get off on manipulating women.

Comparing UC with engaged is laughable. Engaged is a societal function, during which certain conditions are met so a marriage can take place. UC means some silly child has to change her profile, can't talk to "doms" or "dommes", and has to have her correspondence monitored.

I connect with someone nice, I'll have conversations with her on Skype, things still good, we meet for coffee, etc. I don't give a toss whether she changes her profile or not - why would she - because she is talking to me? Pardon, ME? And I don't give a toss if she chats with 1,004 other doms. And I certainly don't have the time or the interest to read her freakin' email. And then the poor deluded UC girl will come here to ask us how come her dom is still talking to other subs. Duh. Honestly, whoever does this stuff has no life, and they've studied dombull101.org in detail.

My tuppence...




That is what I said from the get go.  However, some subs disagreed and found it acceptable.  So rather than throw their values in the can...  Well, I presented another idea.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Under Consideration - 6/27/2009 10:48:22 PM   
Esinn


Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn
But this seems like a cowards way to 'seclude' the sub/slave while he/she buys time.

If a female is marked UC is this something I really need to respect by not speaking with her?


You've already implied that her prospective dom is a coward and you're worried about respect?





If we are all going to be honest  - it seems we are now. . .   Why the hell not.  Yes, it is a weak persons way to control a submissive.  Just like pickup artists play on 3rd party stories, social proof and authority UC is designed to do the same to the sub/slave regardless if they acknowledge it or not.

**Edit

Let me clarify.  I called them a coward because the reason this method is to withdraw the sub/slave from the 'market' .  This insures you or I would not have the ability to manipulate the market at very least that person.  However, everyone can remain calm I am not looking. Back to your daily feeding.


< Message edited by Esinn -- 6/27/2009 10:50:52 PM >

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Under Consideration Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078