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RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 12:19:32 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

The only people to whom it is relevent are the couple involved. They define the terms as it suits them


Ah yes, of course. The moving target. Nice try.

If someone mentions in a profile they are "under consideration", they are referring to a generalized common concept. Due to their using the terminology in a published profile, it is relevant to anybody who reads it, and everybody who might be affected by it. By comparison, if someone mentions they are "married", they refer to a particular concept, that has a generalized meaning. It is the same with "UC".



Agreed.  And that's why I won't use the term.  I  am comfortable publicly indicating that I am currently exploring the possibility of a relationship- but at no one's insistence.  That statement is made simply for my convenience (i.e. reduction in volume of blanket spam type "come-ons").  It's not like some domly-come-lately has zeroed in and demanded that I cease entertaining the notion of a relationship besides the one that may, or may not, develop between us.
I have done no such thing, and would be more than a little put off if anyone tried to force it upon me.
j

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 12:59:06 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

 In My World: Under Consideration= Selected, Dating
 
                       Under Consideration: Back off


I agree to that view...even when in the past it felt to me more like as Steven says it well, with
quote:

some men using it to "lock up" women while they continue to cheat.
.

however, for me if I use UC or by now I prefer to give him less pleasure/power (whatever he might get out of it if he would be just up for fooling around) and just name it that "I am not looking at the moment". Because when I am in a great connection with someone and we are trying to find out if it works with us then there is no space for anyone else. Once I am hooked on someone for whatever reasons, then I am unlikely to go for someone else and don't appreciate being contacted. I don't mind a loose contact, e.g. one guy and I met after another guy turned out to not having been my type (to put it politely) and we had chattet a little bit casual at times over some months before that. I liked the connection with him, but at the end I could not take him serious anymore for different reasons and since then I took it off my profile.

Therefore when I am not looking or under consideration then it basically means that I have no interest in anyone else as a potential partner. Casual contact, fine, but don't try to date me as then you put me off with ignoring the fact that you either didn't read my profile in the first place or didn't bother about the fact that I am not looking.



_____________________________

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 4:51:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: terrislut

I agree with you LadyHexx, that is how it should be. However just do a search on the other side using the key words "under consideration" and you will see that a large number of people do indeed make a public statement that they are UC, and that they will not be talking to other people, usually other Doms. As well, many Doms expect total obedience of one they put under consideration, a sort of "proove you are worth my attention" trial period, rather than a "lets try this out a bit and see if we are compatible". 
I often wonder why these Doms do not want their subs emailing/chatting with other Doms. Are they afraid the other Doms will somehow "steal" the UC sub away from them? Or are they afraid that somebody might point out to the UC sub that they are being manipulated/scammed/used? Myself, both from personal experience and from things I have heard from other subs, I believe that in a good number of cases it is the latter. I am not trying to say that being "under consideration" is always some sort of scam, what I am saying is that it seems to be abused quite alot, and any sub should perk up their radar as soon as they hear the words "under consideration". I do not mean to say that they should automatically assume the Dom is out to scam them, only that they should now be very attentive to what the Dom does from then on, as many scammers do indeed use being UC as the way to control the sub without actually putting themselves out in any way.


I can't speak for anyone else but he wanted me to save my one hour daily time for chatting for him. He wanted us to learn about each other as much and as quickly as possible so we didn't spend months before finding out we weren't compatible.

But as much as I didn't chat with other doms, he stopped chatting with other subs. Parity.

And I wasn't upset about being told not to chat to others, I was delighted to have someone who wanted to talk to me, hear about my life and worry about me when I did things he felt were unsafe; like taking the garbage down the quarter mile driveway to the road near midnight in my nightgown, slippers and coat.  Exciting stuff like that. But what was exciting was that he insisted on waiting the five minutes until I reported I had made it back safely before saying goodnight.

He never asked me to do anything unsafe or inappropriate or unhealthy for me, just the opposite.

Being under consideration isn't the problem, it's who you are under consideration that may be. Oh and that was over 7 years ago and we're still going strong. Although these days usually he carries out the garbage.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to terrislut)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 6:28:18 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: terrislut

I agree with you LadyHexx, that is how it should be. However just do a search on the other side using the key words "under consideration" and you will see that a large number of people do indeed make a public statement that they are UC, and that they will not be talking to other people, usually other Doms. As well, many Doms expect total obedience of one they put under consideration, a sort of "proove you are worth my attention" trial period, rather than a "lets try this out a bit and see if we are compatible".


I would also toss out there that there are a large percentage of individuals who -choose- to put -themselves- as 'under consideration' and state that they won't talk to other D-type individuals ON THEIR OWN. For myself, if someone I'm considering wants to stop looking while xhe's considering the House, I'm fine with that. In many ways, I appreciate that kind of commitment, especially when it is initiated from the prospective individual, and I will often respect that desire to become exclusive to us.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to terrislut)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 6:54:42 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton
Nillaworld would probably be better off with a lower divorce rate if they adopted this practice.


Not sure I buy this. Just based on the number of submissives who are "under consideration" one day and screaming "he was a fake!" the next. I'd bet the "divorce rate" in the "lifestyle" is higher. Collars fly off a lot faster than wedding bands do.

Besides the "nilla world" already has it's form of under consideration. It's an ancient practice called "dating". It's changed quite a bit though. In the old days you dated multiple candidates until you met someone who might be the "one". Then you dated this person exclusively, moved on to engagement, followed by marriage.

These days if you take someone out for a movie or meet for coffee one time, you are immediately exclusive and if you dare meet someone else for coffee the next day, you're a "playa".

The same line of thinking is applied to the "lifestyle", especially if you meet someone through a web based medium. After one email you're off the market. If you dare email or chat with someone else, you are a fake, player, cheater.

People take more time ordering off the McDonald's menu, which hasn't changed much in 50 years, than they do picking a partner/lover/mate.

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Under Consideration - 6/28/2009 7:26:05 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, I'll agree with you if it is practiced in this way.  What you described is a stupid way to conduct a relationship regardless of dynamic.  I move at probably a moderate pace in relationships and after about a year, I am only now reaching this UC-ish situation.  We will be at this level for around a year, both for developmental and practical purposes.  A collar will be two years in the making at that point and a great deal of conversations, trials, high points, and low points along the way.

The point of the matter is, it isn't about the concept at all, but rather who practices it and how.  I would be remiss to point out that it is legally more difficult to leave behind a wedding band than a collar, but I suspect the rates are very much the same if everyone walked who wanted or needed to do so.  Why?  It's simple really.  There are good relationship practices and bad relationship practices in every part of life and the bad ones are repeated over and over again, while the good ones are stable and, therefore, do not have the same multiplicity.  What if I said I was engaged?  Would it be such an issue?  If I said we were commited and exploring?  I just don't see the big deal about the wording.

lovingpet 

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:45:13 AM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I have stumbled upon more evidence that people see "under consideration" in many different ways.
As I logged in on the other side, up pops a profile with this last sentence. 

You may have noticed I visited your profile...This indictes that you are under consideration. If you know this is who you are and what you want, you are to contact me.
 
I couldn't help but shake my head and groan.
j

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 4:03:19 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Oh dear!!!!! 

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 7:39:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brandi1379
I mean it states that he is looking for a submissive female, he didnt say how many he wanted and it shouldnt be my place to tell him to change it.
Okay, but it's your place to ASK what his goals are for the realtionship. You're willing to get into a committed relationship with someone and you don't even know what he wants. It may be your view, that it's not your place to ask. But, my view is that before the commitment happens is when the negotiation happens. It's the time to figure out if your life goals, core values, etc match up.

quote:

I belive it is there right as Doms and Masters to keep looking untill they find the right one
Do you somehow think that submissives don't deserve to keep looking until they find the right one? Are we supposed to just take whatever comes along because the "D" type has decided that he wants us?

quote:

 Im not about to mess that up by whining to him about changing his profile.
If you're with a "D" that would drop you for bringing questions or concerns to his attention, then perhaps you need to find another "D".

If I remember correctly, you've never even met the "D" in question. So, you're "under consideration" to a stranger.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 6/29/2009 7:40:38 AM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to brandi1379)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 8:38:13 AM   
brandi1379


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/3/2009
Status: offline 		In response to OsideGirl, I know it is my place to ask what his goals are and we have had that discussion and i know what hes looking for so im not worried about him changing anything.Of course subs have every right to keep looking, i wasnt implying that we have no right to keep looking also. I know what i want and he knows what he wants, and if at anytime i dont think i want to do this or he thinks im not a fit we will break it off. True i have never met him person but he is not a stranger to me, our friendship stems back many many years. It is easy for me to give myself over to this man cause we know everything about eachother, other then the pysical part. 

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 9:28:28 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHexx

Wow. When I say a sub is uncer my consideration, it really just means, Im considering them, I dont expect them to stop talking to anyone, or take orders until they ACCEPT my collar. I also dont expect them to put it on their profile, or even tell anyone that I am considering them,


Now see, this is what I thought was meant by "under consideration," up until very recently when I started reading this thread.  Now I'm more confused than I ever was!  When Sir had me under consideration, We felt that we both had each other UC & that it just meant we were thinking about it but still looking.  Then there came the time that I said to Him "I've decided that You are the one I want to serve, IF You'll have me."  The next week, He pulled His collar out of His bag and asked me if I'd wear it.  I said "Yesssssssss!!" and went bananas and then He put it on me. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 11:33:26 AM   
WoodenPaddle


Posts: 154
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

Well, I have stumbled upon more evidence that people see "under consideration" in many different ways.
As I logged in on the other side, up pops a profile with this last sentence. 

You may have noticed I visited your profile...This indictes that you are under consideration. If you know this is who you are and what you want, you are to contact me.
 
I couldn't help but shake my head and groan.
j


*roflmao*
Oh god...thanks for sharing that. I really almost fell from my chair from laughing so hard when I read this.
You mean there actually are people like that? My god, I guess that's to remind me stupidity knows no end.
*still laughing*...I usually take a look at profiles (here as well as on alt.com), why shouldn't I? It doesn't mean a thing except that I'm intrigued by a post/remark/email/picture.

_____________________________

Don't worry about what people think about you: other people are already worrying about what you think about them.

"Life" : Life is what happens to you while you're busy planning other things

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 2:14:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The only comment I want to make about doms not changing their profile, is that after damn near a year I had a reason to revisit my dom's profile and discovered it still said looking. All het up, I asked why he hadn't changed it and he said it never occurred to him. Not being a forumite meant he had never been contacted by a femsub. Not in the three years before I met him and not in the seven years since. I will say that his profile reads like a million others, he's never read the suggestions to improve them.

So just because they don't think about changing it may not mean anything. When I brought it to his attention, he laughed, explained and then changed it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to WoodenPaddle)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 2:27:46 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

Well, I have stumbled upon more evidence that people see "under consideration" in many different ways.
As I logged in on the other side, up pops a profile with this last sentence. 

You may have noticed I visited your profile...This indictes that you are under consideration. If you know this is who you are and what you want, you are to contact me.
 
I couldn't help but shake my head and groan.
j


wait... ok.. possibly a stupid moment here.. but does this mean if i view their profile, i am under their consideration? or is it because they viewed mine? or does it really matter? sounds like they may be considering everyone and hoping someone buys into it... or am i reading this wrong?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:21:10 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		It means an act the dommy performed over which you had absolutely no control has just placed you on layaway for him to pick up later.  Forget introductions or getting to know you or even an "on your knees bitch" message.  Even if they never contact you, ever, you are to put your entire life on hold and wait patiently, since patience is such an important subly virtue.  You see why I groaned? 

lovingpet the impatient....apparently

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 6/29/2009 3:22:03 PM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:30:48 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		umm... your talkin to the queen of impatience... one of those slave traits i fear i may never obtain. so, i would be a lawaway doll... who gets the restocking fee?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:35:11 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		According to the owner of that profile, apparantly.  Sad....so so sad......

lovingpet

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:36:00 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm with sweetsub.  I've read the entire thread and I'm still not quite sure what the issue is about.  Is it regarding online only under consideration?  Is it about defining what it means in a profile?  Is it so that "UC" can be added to our wide list of abbreviations in kink?

For the record, I do use the term under consideration when it matches that stage in a dynamic.  Yes, I do expect that when someone is under consideration with Me that the same protocol be used as if he were owned.  It doesn't mean that he can't talk to other Dominants.  It just means that they acknowledge the dynamic exists and they have to get My approval for whatever it is that they want from him. 

In My opinion, being under consideration should be as reflective of how the dynamic will work if it goes to the sub being collared.  It doesn't make sense to Me that a trial period wouldn't include what life would be like if the collar happened.  If the protocols are going to exist once the collar goes on, they should be in place before that happens as well, so both can see if it's the right fit. 

As to putting under consideration on profiles, if it's making the people involved in the dynamic happy, who am I to argue?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:38:01 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		on second thought, no thanks. lived that way for 4 years, up on a shelf, "under consideration"... lol...

the song.. what a beautiful ride... comes to mind... quickly followed by... witchy woman.. lol

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Under Consideration - 6/29/2009 3:43:02 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		You know?  As much as I have been posting to this thread, I really haven't a clue anymore!  I think it started with the OP being upset that submissives were told by dominants to place UC on their profile because he saw it as a way of isolating the subbie and making him/her off limits to other even though the dominant either couldn't or wouldn't "seal the deal".  I think this was directed at online only relationships or at least those in which the submissive becomes UC prior the couple ever meeting for the first time face to face.

It has gone of on tangents from there, but I think that was the original inquiry.

lovingpet

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
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