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RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:29:59 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

But I wont say its a relationship, until you've actually tasted that persons kiss.
relationships are heart to heart, not necessarily lip to lip 

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Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:30:48 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Ok, sirsholly, lol I DO agree with that :D

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Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:36:05 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Oh and one thing I DO have to say that's totally awesome about online stuff,

That first kiss, That first hug, when you meet them at the airport gate? That's the stuff that heaven is made of


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Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:36:50 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
Bringing profiles into it IS low and unnecessary.

Pardon me?  You wrote it, you made it public, and you attached it to every single one of your posts on this thread.  In real life, you are accountable for your actions.  Perhaps you spend most of your mental time elsewhere, and are not accustomed to being held accountable.  I've "met" all kinds on the internet, that is for sure.



I see her point...about this. "Bringing in someone's profile" is akin to an ad hominum attack, and people who do so discredit their own arguments (at least in my eyes) because it's a clear act of weakness. In most cases, it states loudly and clearly, "I hate your argument but I'd too dumb/lazy/uninformed/emotionally hysterical/whatever to debate it so instead I'll take the easy way out and discredit the person behind it. I know that if I can discredit the speaker's personality or intellect or honesty or somehow make her seem like trash, then everyone will agree with me and think her argument is trash." Only I (and, I suspect, a few others) never do. Agree with the user of an ad hominum attack. Some observers just lose a great deal of respect both for the person who uses this sort of cheap rhetorical tactic and for those who defend its use.

A person's profile, particularly if they're open, honest, and detailed on it, gives cheap and easy fodder for this sort of attack. You really don't have to dig hard to find something to discredit a speaker with, if you don't like his or her words. That makes it doubly cheap (and invalid), in my eyes.

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Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:41:59 AM   
ownedslavesweet


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/7/2007
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

.......when you meet them at the airport gate? That's the stuff that heaven is made of



This so much I do agree with, after 11 months of not being in the flesh, I will be finally meeting him at the airport in literally 11 hours. It has been a very very long time, bring on the relocation!!!

lyss

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:43:03 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dies*
So friggin excited for you!!!!

*hugs and bounce up and down all giddy*


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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:44:23 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedslavesweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

.......when you meet them at the airport gate? That's the stuff that heaven is made of



This so much I do agree with, after 11 months of not being in the flesh, I will be finally meeting him at the airport in literally 11 hours. It has been a very very long time, bring on the relocation!!!

lyss

That is AWESOME!!!!!!!!


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Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 5:51:44 AM   
bearly2001


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline 		i have experienced a bit of prejudice as an online-only dom.. the ultimate LDR. i smile when i see profiles, journals and postings ranting about the illegitimacy of online-only or LDR relationships. to me, it just bespeaks a close-mindedness that indicate a person who undoubtedly doesn't have the imagination, creativity, sensuality and depth to appreciate these relationships anyway. it conveys to them a false sense of validity and sanction to their perceptions and opinions. arrogance
and inflexibility will extract its toll on their possibilities unless they learn tolerance.

these relationships are problematic for sure.. the lack of physicality must be overcome in creative ways. yet intimacy is unquestionably possible. the mental bonds can transcend distance and proximity is not a requiriment . what relationship, of any type, is not problematic. prejudice never leads to gain, only loss. judging others leads to smallness and impotence. there are lots of paths. to castigate those that choose different ones than ours insures that we never get to the undreamed of and unrealized destinations of enlightenment and fulfillment that await the open mind.

rick the bear


(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 8:01:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
Bringing profiles into it IS low and unnecessary.

Pardon me?  You wrote it, you made it public, and you attached it to every single one of your posts on this thread.  In real life, you are accountable for your actions.  Perhaps you spend most of your mental time elsewhere, and are not accustomed to being held accountable.  I've "met" all kinds on the internet, that is for sure.



I see her point...about this. "Bringing in someone's profile" is akin to an ad hominum attack, and people who do so discredit their own arguments (at least in my eyes) because it's a clear act of weakness. In most cases, it states loudly and clearly, "I hate your argument but I'd too dumb/lazy/uninformed/emotionally hysterical/whatever to debate it so instead I'll take the easy way out and discredit the person behind it. I know that if I can discredit the speaker's personality or intellect or honesty or somehow make her seem like trash, then everyone will agree with me and think her argument is trash." Only I (and, I suspect, a few others) never do. Agree with the user of an ad hominum attack. Some observers just lose a great deal of respect both for the person who uses this sort of cheap rhetorical tactic and for those who defend its use.

A person's profile, particularly if they're open, honest, and detailed on it, gives cheap and easy fodder for this sort of attack. You really don't have to dig hard to find something to discredit a speaker with, if you don't like his or her words. That makes it doubly cheap (and invalid), in my eyes.

Actually, if the profile of the OP would have been read prior to page five or six of this thread, most of the back and forth wouldn't have happened.  The OP isn't even in the type of relationship that the majority of the attacks were about.  They are just at that stage where they haven't had the luxury of being together physically yet.  Now, I'm not really going to condemn anyone for that.  I don't often read the profile of an OP to give My opinion, but it probably would have saved some of the incorrect opinions in this case.


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(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 9:48:40 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
I see her point...about this. "Bringing in someone's profile" is akin to an ad hominum attack, and people who do so discredit their own arguments (at least in my eyes) because it's a clear act of weakness. In most cases, it states loudly and clearly, "I hate your argument but I'd too dumb/lazy/uninformed/emotionally hysterical/whatever to debate it so instead I'll take the easy way out and discredit the person behind it. I know that if I can discredit the speaker's personality or intellect or honesty or somehow make her seem like trash, then everyone will agree with me and think her argument is trash." Only I (and, I suspect, a few others) never do. Agree with the user of an ad hominum attack. Some observers just lose a great deal of respect both for the person who uses this sort of cheap rhetorical tactic and for those who defend its use.

A person's profile, particularly if they're open, honest, and detailed on it, gives cheap and easy fodder for this sort of attack. You really don't have to dig hard to find something to discredit a speaker with, if you don't like his or her words. That makes it doubly cheap (and invalid), in my eyes.


Excellent post!

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 3:09:14 PM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Oh and one thing I DO have to say that's totally awesome about online stuff,

That first kiss, That first hug, when you meet them at the airport gate? That's the stuff that heaven is made of



Unless they turn out to have rancid breath and BO. Suddenly Mr Dream Dom turns into Mr Stinky and you spent the last year exploring the depths of his interesting and engaging personality just to find out your nose can't take it.

Forgive my tongue-in-cheek humour! (I know you won't)

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 3:29:09 PM   
Stillyet


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/2/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bearly2001

i have experienced a bit of prejudice as an online-only dom.. the ultimate LDR. i smile when i see profiles, journals and postings ranting about the illegitimacy of online-only or LDR relationships. to me, it just bespeaks a close-mindedness that indicate a person who undoubtedly doesn't have the imagination, creativity, sensuality and depth to appreciate these relationships anyway. it conveys to them a false sense of validity and sanction to their perceptions and opinions. arrogance
and inflexibility will extract its toll on their possibilities unless they learn tolerance.

these relationships are problematic for sure.. the lack of physicality must be overcome in creative ways. yet intimacy is unquestionably possible.


You know, I don't doubt this is true for you. But... I have lived with deferred gratification too much of my life, and I really don't want to keep deferring it. A bird in the hand, if you'll forgive the crudity, does beat two in the bush. Obviously there's a spectrum between choosing someone because she is where you are, regardless of whether her tastes mesh with your own - I've done that, and I know it doesn't work for me - and choosing someone because your tastes mutually mesh, but she's in the antipodes.

But it seems to me that a long distance relationship is to some extent a cop-out. In the end, intimacy is physical, and physicality requires proximity. As Kaity says further down the thread, people smell, and if the smell doesn't work for you, then intimacy isn't going to work. Smell, and taste, and touch, are all part of it, and you can't transmit those things either over the internet or through the mail.

(in reply to bearly2001)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 6:29:52 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		And it never has to for those who like, love and want that.

Without any reference to the OP, as that's not the same at all..........but for plenty of people , the nitty gritty of bad breath, illcut toe-nails and a host of other physical offences, will never have to be borne. Who cares?

It's not *deferred* for many people , it's actually AT the level they wish for.

agirl

(in reply to Stillyet)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 9:43:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I guess the emotions and relationship can still be there, but doing cybersex and online S/M play and expecting it to translate to physical in-person experience is like trying to learn how to swordfight by playing World of Warcraft.

(in reply to ownedslavesweet)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 10:04:30 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Oh and one thing I DO have to say that's totally awesome about online stuff,

That first kiss, That first hug, when you meet them at the airport gate? That's the stuff that heaven is made of



Unless they turn out to have rancid breath and BO. Suddenly Mr Dream Dom turns into Mr Stinky and you spent the last year exploring the depths of his interesting and engaging personality just to find out your nose can't take it.

Forgive my tongue-in-cheek humour! (I know you won't)


Me?! Not forgiving humor?! Jeeze, seems you people think I'm some meany ice queen or something


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Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/14/2009 10:59:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~

I have an LDR with my husband (friggin immigration).  99% of our communication is via internet (YIM, skype - when it works..grr).

It's tough, but knowing that eventually we will be together helps.

we talk daily, and at length. 

Sometimes, the frustration of being apart causes a bit of friction, but we work it out. 

It's not easy to be apart, but in the long run all this annoying waiting will pay off.


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(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 5:17:49 AM   
ownedslavesweet


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/7/2007
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

...... expecting it to translate to physical in-person experience is like trying to learn how to swordfight by playing World of Warcraft.


There is literally no swordfighting in WoW, so I will agree that is pretty unlikely. And it translated very nicely, thanks for the thought.

lyss

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 5:56:38 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		ownedsweet!!!!! How did it go?!

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Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 6:02:10 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Jeeze, seems you people think I'm some meany ice queen or something
damn...cold in here

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Profile   Post #: 159
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 6:40:17 AM   
ownedslavesweet


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/7/2007
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

ownedsweet!!!!! How did it go?!


!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm tired, lol, grin.

It is just wonderful being back together again, he is here for a glorious total of 11 weeks, it is like Christmas is here already. To those of us who fake a real relationship by struggling by in long distance like me, this is what makes it worth every second. Until the waiting starts again.... but let's not think about that!!!

Ah so tired, sore and happy. Thanks for asking Sunnyfey :)

lyss

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 160
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