RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you think??

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RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 8:52:59 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I have an LDR with my husband (friggin immigration). 99% of our communication is via internet (YIM, skype - when it works..grr).

It's tough, but knowing that eventually we will be together helps.

we talk daily, and at length.

Sometimes, the frustration of being apart causes a bit of friction, but we work it out.

It's not easy to be apart, but in the long run all this annoying waiting will pay off.

It will, Greedy, it will. And it will all be worth it... I still remember that first night here with Lumus. OMG, do I remember it. Since I'd been up and traveling for 20 hours when I got here, I thought we'd go to bed and just sleep. NOPE! Was up for hours talking, snuggling and just celebrating being together at last.

Hopefully it will be soon for you and Jonny!

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 161

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 8:57:24 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*smoooches*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 162

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 12:01:48 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
Bringing profiles into it IS low and unnecessary.

Pardon me? You wrote it, you made it public, and you attached it to every single one of your posts on this thread. In real life, you are accountable for your actions. Perhaps you spend most of your mental time elsewhere, and are not accustomed to being held accountable. I've "met" all kinds on the internet, that is for sure.

I see her point...about this. "Bringing in someone's profile" is akin to an ad hominum attack, and people who do so discredit their own arguments (at least in my eyes) because it's a clear act of weakness. In most cases, it states loudly and clearly, "I hate your argument but I'd too dumb/lazy/uninformed/emotionally hysterical/whatever to debate it so instead I'll take the easy way out and discredit the person behind it. I know that if I can discredit the speaker's personality or intellect or honesty or somehow make her seem like trash, then everyone will agree with me and think her argument is trash." Only I (and, I suspect, a few others) never do. Agree with the user of an ad hominum attack. Some observers just lose a great deal of respect both for the person who uses this sort of cheap rhetorical tactic and for those who defend its use.

A person's profile, particularly if they're open, honest, and detailed on it, gives cheap and easy fodder for this sort of attack. You really don't have to dig hard to find something to discredit a speaker with, if you don't like his or her words. That makes it doubly cheap (and invalid), in my eyes.

An interesting perspective saying that a public profile posted on the Internet for all to see is somehow invalid when entering into a debate with someone. I do agree that dragging personal attacks into a debate is paramount to a magician's sleight-of-hand used to distract the audience, but if something in the person's profile is relevant to the discussion then why is it off limits when it is a public profile?

For instance and this is just a silly example:

-User's Profile: I am a vegetarian and a member of PETA.
-User's Post: There is nothing that I like better than a nice, juicy steak.

One contradicts the other assuming of course that the person writing the post is the same as the one who wrote the profile. I fail to see how this cheapens a debate.

I don't want to hijack this thread so I think I will wander over to off topic and post this question there.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 163

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 12:49:57 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

I still don't see how my profile is relavant to the discussion anyway. So what I'm married and have a master, I touch both of them on a regular basis lol. I'm quite content to be 'lower' in the bdsm hierarchy for not being chained to a post 24/7, I do what works for me and that's all that matters. I live in a much smaller country that most of the people posting in this thread and even I wouldn't bother getting involved with anyone too far away because I want a physical relationship as well as emotional. Meeting now and again would just annoy me; I am not a patient woman.

People will do as they wish but just think; life is short. Way too short and a year getting to know someone online that you end up not getting on with in real life is a huge waste of time and emotions and is bound to be extremely depressing. And for the relationships that will only ever be online, well, what can I say that I haven't said already?

Appologies for the badly written post. I'm on my netbook and half-asleep.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 164

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:05:51 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
I'm quite content to be 'lower' in the bdsm hierarchy for not being chained to a post 24/7,

The reason you are not being taken seriously is this: you have a porn-industry "understanding" of what a full-on BDSM relationship is like, as indicated by this comment I quoted -- and, even so, you are perfectly willing to denigrate the relationships of others, despite having such a poor understanding.

I know a hell of a lot about a hell of a lot, but the world is much vaster than my own knowledge and experience, and I realize it every single day. By contrast, you repeatedly demonstrate that you know very little, and yet you are willing to look down your nose at anyone who doesn't fit into your world view.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 165

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:20:00 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

What do you mean a 'porn industry understanding'? I've had three masters including my current, been in the scene here for 10 years and have a decent amount of experience to draw on. No, none of it has been 24/7 living together but I still know what it's like to be in a D/s relationship. My master is always my master and I can always call/communicate.

I guess you think I am all about the physical and that's not true. But I think it's VERY important and a big part of it. Not something I could do without. I think the mental aspect and connection between dom and sub is the most important thing but as I said before, it can't stand alone.

If I hadn't physically done many things then I wouldn't be the submissive I am today. I'd still be fairly clueless and unsure about how fantasy translates to real-life. To find out these things about yourself, you have to actually DO them!

I accept that some people are happy to risk months/years of their lives on someone they don't know properly. Hope it works out for them. Wouldnt be for me. That's all!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 166

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:21:19 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

24/7 slaves are not chained to a post 24/7. They have lives and jobs. The ones I know in real life do, anyway. Perhaps the ones you know in real life are chained to a post. Things might be different in your small country.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 167

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:30:17 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

24/7 slaves are not chained to a post 24/7. They have lives and jobs. The ones I know in real life do, anyway. Perhaps the ones you know in real life are chained to a post. Things might be different in your small country.

You're kidding? They're not? Wow.

And was that a jibe at my nationality? Sinking to a new low? lol :P

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 168

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:34:49 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I have no idea where you are from. You can see that I have not viewed your profile. You used the term "small country" yourself, if you look just a couple posts up.

If you knew 24/7 subs aren't chained to a post, why did you say they were? To make fun of such relationships, or to denigrate them? It certainly seems like your pattern. Anything that isn't a "you" thing is a "less than you" thing. Not everyone else thinks the same way you do, though. I was not "making fun" of your nationality, or anything else. I am telling you to your face that you are saying things that are false, and insulting people at the same time. No sarcasm, just stating facts.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 169

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:40:38 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

Actually I do know of a couple of people that are chained at home during the day. It's the most extreme M/s that I know of and that's why I refered to it as being the most commited M/s and myself being not anywhere close. I just get the impression that I'm being discredited simply for not being 24/7 etc. I'm trying to point out that my opinion is still valid regardless of who I am and what I do. I accept you don't agree. Don't keep trying to pull my posts to shreds just because you don't like my opinion.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 170

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:52:59 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I must say it seems odd to me that you are taking so much grief for this position. Oddly though, denial of the real (meeting, touching, knowing) intensifies online relationships where folks forgo the "real" for a Dostoevskian-like intense bearing of the souls. I don't think this is particularly well adjusted, but few of Dostoevski's characters were. We all must adapt to our own limitations while trying to pioneer new experiences and relationships, and sometimes desire and imagination are at farthest reach a person may go. Touching, knowing, and feeling might all be off limits or even forbidden.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/15/2009 1:54:10 PM >

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 171

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:54:24 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

Just want to point out that I didn't write about being chained to a post in a derogatory way at all and I don't appreciate that being inferred.

It's also obvious that it was a jibe at my being from a small country. Doesn't matter what country it actually is does it? Why say a thing like that? My reason for saying it was because there's a limit of distance between me and anybody due to it being small but even so, more than a couple of hours drive is too far.

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 172

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:54:54 PM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

perhaps rather than stating things in such a broad manner you could better get YOUR opinions across by owning them personally.. rather than making it sound as if YOU are the only expert or knowledagable one about BDSM. no one can fault you for your own beliefs .. but also you shouldnt make it seem like there is ONLY ONE way to do or be. And just for the record.. being chained during the day for a while at home isnt all that exteme.. to me.. but then .. maybe having huge fish hooks imbedded and be suspended by them isnt considered extreme to others while it is for me! lol
just my thoughts ...

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 173

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 1:57:34 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Actually I do know of a couple of people that are chained at home during the day. It's the most extreme M/s that I know of and that's why I refered to it as being the most commited M/s and myself being not anywhere close. I just get the impression that I'm being discredited simply for not being 24/7 etc. I'm trying to point out that my opinion is still valid regardless of who I am and what I do. I accept you don't agree. Don't keep trying to pull my posts to shreds just because you don't like my opinion.

More than a couple hours drive is too far for me and too far for you. But not too far for others. Different strokes, live and let live. But dont pass judgement on others. Your way is not the only way.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 174

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:01:14 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I must say it seems odd to me that you are taking so much grief for this position. Oddly though, denial of the real (meeting, touching, knowing) intensifies online relationships where folks forgo the "real" for a Dostoevskian-like intense bearing of the souls. I don't think this is particularly well adjusted, but few of Dostoevski's characters were. We all must adapt to our own limitations while trying to pioneer new experiences and relationships, and sometimes desire and imagination are at farthest reach a person may go. Touching, knowing, and feeling might all be off limits or even forbidden.

About eleven years ago I used to spend hours everyday talking to an American man who turned out to be dominant. He helped me learn so much about myself. I talked to lots of other Americans around that time also. Most people in the UK weren't online then and it was mostly American folk I chatted to online. I was asked sooo many times to be a sub for them ,all online and such but I just couldn't see how that could be fulfilling and obviously, I still don't.

So I don't deny the power of the internet at finding and getting to know people. Seems to be the only way people meet anyone these days loll

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 175

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:10:57 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

KaityK,
i have tried really hard to stay away from making personal attacks or even judging you or making this about you....Why? Because Katey make this about a specific topic..Because Katey made this about a topic that people had interest in..And from the beginning (page 1 if i'm not mistaken) you have done nothing but hi-jack it and make it all about you. By all accounts you must be one of the most self centered, attention seeking, attention whores that i've met in a long time. In fact you are one of the worst kind. Because while you do it you can not even identify or take any responsibility for doing it. i'm sure you and your 'friends' or followers or defenders or whatever the hell you want to call them will all jump to your defense but guess what? i will not lose any sleep over it!!!
It just amazes me, for someone who wants to cry about being a victim of being attacked by everyone else on here you certainly are provoking all of these so-called attacks. You know that if you want to stop the rain perhaps you should put the freaking hose away right??!!
Perhapse you should worry a little more about your relationship with your husband or your dominant..or something else... and stop being so freaking judgemental!!!!!! Seriously. i don't know how people can continue to lie inside their own skin knowing how they've judged others so harshly...
Kali

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 7/15/2009 2:11:20 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 176

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:17:43 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

Hey Kali.

Was just responding to posts directed at me that's all. x

There a reason why I shouldn't defend myself?

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 177

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:20:35 PM

YoungLust

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

I still don't see how my profile is relavant to the discussion anyway. So what I'm married and have a master, I touch both of them on a regular basis lol.

Does your husband know about that?

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 178

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:30:55 PM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungLust

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

I still don't see how my profile is relavant to the discussion anyway. So what I'm married and have a master, I touch both of them on a regular basis lol.

Does your husband know about that?

Hi, Yes he does, as I said in a previous post he read the thread the other day. We have rules in place that I don't break. Quite simply I am very sub, he is not at all dom but we are perfect for each other in every other way.

So I find other people to fulfill that side of me which is very dificult because I have extremely high standards and often real life gets in the way of things. But I do what I can and I love that I can be open with my partner. So many people do these things in secret and that's a whole other debate that I'm opinionated on (lol).

(in reply to YoungLust)

Post #: 179

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:31:47 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, & ummmmmm, this is fascinating . . .

On my good days I'm a one-in-a-million taste, & on my bad days it's more like a one-in-a-billion or -trillion taste. I'm good with that, & pragmatic about its implications . . . . .

As someone who lives in the Western portion of the US, a very large country geographically, if I leave long-distance relationship outta the picture, I'm screwed demographically speaking. There's only maybe a half a million or a million people within a coupla hours drive. San Francisco is 3 or 4 hours drive away; Los Angeles is 8 or 10 hours away; Seattle is 12 to 16 hours away, maybe more.

I have serious envy of those who live in large, dense, urban areas, or in countries small enough to drive from one end to the other in the time it would take me to get from here to LA . . . . . Lucky them.

& I take exception to something that's popped up a coupla times in this thread, the assumption that those doing online or LDR must not have any RL experience. It might be a comforting simplification / over-generalization to make, but there's nothing to say that that's true of all or even most engaged in those activities . . .. . Could be, might not be.

I have quite a bit of RL experience, have been in several BDSM RL relationships, have attended & hosted play parties, gone to classes, & go to munches regularly. & I'm pretty much only interested in looking at potential partners who are a long way away from me physically, at this point in time. My local pool of candidates is way too limited to meet my particularities, that's just how it is. If I find someone local to me, hooray, but I ain't counting on it -- I've done quite a bit of exploration in that direction already, & will continue going to munches & the occasional party & class . . . . . . But I'm certainly not limiting it to locals only anymore.

& *chuckles* . . . . Actually, hanging out here on the CM boards has convinced me of that approach. I've met way more interesting people I'd boff here on the message boards than I ever met in all the munches & etc I've attended in RL. & learned far more about them than a half hour of chit-chat in person once a month would have revealed, without being on the hook for being well into any kind of relationship, other than friend, for the finding . .. . .

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 180

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