Leonidas
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Joined: 2/16/2004
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My remarks in this thread were addressed to some points that a specific poster made, but, ok.
quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
My singular goal in posting this was to have a discussion of the damage that demonizing dominants, especially new and or inexperienced tops/dominants/masters/daddys/dommes/whatthefuckevers, does to the scene/community/chatrooms/dungeons/lifestyle/fetish/whateverthefuck.
Yes, and your somewhat histrionic (IMO) premise is that it's "destroying our community". I don't think "the community" to which you refer is smaller or less robust than it was 20 years ago when I got involved, so, empirically, I'd say no, I don't think so. "Causes a lot of hurt feelings" is probably more accurate.
So, the de facto community expectation is that you're going to know what you're doing before you do it when it comes to strapping on your play clothes and taking a turn wielding the flogger/slapper/snapper/clapper, and the reaction is going to be pretty harsh if you front like you know what you're doing when you really don't. Seems reasonable to me given the "high trust" nature of the activity. There are many contexts in life where reputations take a long time to gain, and seconds to lose. If you walk into one of those contexts not knowing that it is one of those contexts, well, shame on you.
quote:
In short, if we demonize anyone who makes a mistake OR IS CLUELESS, we don't teach people to learn, all we do is create a culture where it pays to hide your mistakes, to lie about your experience, to embrace some old guard/right guard/ancient ways/secret ways/whateverthefuckways as a way of showing you are not an idiot?
As with "destroying our community" I think "demonize" is a tasty little bit of hyperbole. If you fuck up, people aren't going to be bashful about saying that you fucked up, and you'll have to wear the fuck up hat for a while. Again, seems reasonable to me, given the "high trust, high discipline" nature of the proceedings, and that real injury can occur if Sir Lord Master Domly Dom jumps in over his head.
The ways that you list are funny ways of showing that you aren't an idiot, and will in fact be taken by just about anyone that I know as proof positive that you are in fact an idiot, especially if, again, the experience and knowledge that you are claiming is obviously lacking the first time it's put to the test. If you don't know what you're doing, learn, or say up front that you don't know what you're doing before you try it, and give the doee the opportunity to opt in, or out, based on that knowledge. That's just plain old simple respect. If you don't, your reputation is probalby going to take a full suplex body slam, and you'll have to deal with the consequences of that for a while. I don't see a problem with that.
[note to Leanidas, this thread has nothing to do with WHAT constitutes dominance, I realize you don't think I could dominate my way out of a wet paper bag, your women agree with you and my women see differently, but that is a pissing contest for another thread, not this one]
I was replying to a poster in the thread, who, like me, probably thinks that the title of this thread ought to be "We should be nicer to newbie tops". I don't have an opinion on the you vs wet paper bag cage match. If you post it on Youtube after, I'll be sure to take a look.
< Message edited by Leonidas -- 7/17/2009 5:37:34 AM >
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Take care of yourself
Leonidas
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RE: Why demonizing bad doms is bad - 
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