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RE: Fear - 7/21/2009 12:43:01 PM

NYLass

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I never feared my sadistic husband, just as he never feared me when it was my turn to hold the cane.

I do, however fear heights & spiders. (No, I didn't see Spiderman, <shudder> or Arachnophobia, or Vertigo, or High Anxiety.)

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RE: Fear - 7/21/2009 1:18:53 PM

Prinsexx

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Fast repky vut have read all the responses.
Fear and arousal are chemically very similar in the body. e come into this world with very few contexts either for fear or arousal. So few contexts that it is probably fair to say that we are gear tabla rasa.
Fear is learned by doing the many things we do as children to give fear a context and to differentiate it from arousal. Putting our hands through fire. Daring each other. Hiding in the dark. Watching scary movies. Over-dosing.
My wires for fear and arousal are crossed. When I was between five and a half to seven and a half my dear mom, god rest her soul, shut my sister in a bedroom. There was a chain at the door. She fed us little except when she felt like it or remembered...she was an alcoholic and traumatized by working in an arms factory during WWII. The area was severely blirzed and what she experienced plinged her into post traumatic stress, amnesia and migraine which lasted for many years after the war and from which there was no counselling or help to aid recovery save for bottles of pheno narnitone and alcohol.
Sis and I had each other. And a pot for excretion. And I remember snot to pkay with. masturbation for pleasure and extreme hunger and cold. And yes ear of mom. Her mood. Her voice/ Her footsteps coming home from the pub.
Yes my wires are crossed. Yes there is fear. Yes there is arousal. But you know I do not have a so-called normal context for wither of the,
Do I fear a master? Yes. Without fear there is no arousal for me. That's just the way it is. I did not have to be trained by a dominant to experience either pain, humiliation or sensory deprivation as arousing. I was already euipped. No blindfold reqiured.

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Post #: 102

RE: Fear - 7/21/2009 11:45:22 PM

allthatjaz

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Prinsexx I am sorry that you went through all of this in your formative years. Are you saying (I believe you are) that your fear that creates arousal comes from your past experiences?
I believe it is easy to relate the way we are now to our past experiences and I also believe that our past experiences can have a profound effect on our adult sexual desires. It could also say that those of us that enjoy fear have already had their share of real fear at some point in their history.

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RE: Fear - 7/22/2009 3:47:02 AM

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Some illuminating posts thus far, I appreciate them, from both sides.

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RE: Fear - 7/22/2009 5:09:02 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Prinsexx I am sorry that you went through all of this in your formative years. Are you saying (I believe you are) that your fear that creates arousal comes from your past experiences?
I believe it is easy to relate the way we are now to our past experiences and I also believe that our past experiences can have a profound effect on our adult sexual desires. It could also say that those of us that enjoy fear have already had their share of real fear at some point in their history.

I am not into depth psychology. I do not think that there is some hidden, conflictual subconscious that drives us. Nor do I believe that those drives are necessarily created and suppressed during childhood experiences.
What I am saying is that I have always had a clear recall of (probably) every childhood experience. This is because i am one of a multiple, a twin. And I am the one who did the laying down of memory consciously for and on behalf of my twin. We both concur on this. Often I recall things which will trigger her memory but she has what she has termed content free memory. She is a domme in her orientation and that was my submissive role as an infant and a child. A kind of split ego function.
Bu I am clear about the mechanisms that make me what I am. And yes it was environmental input on the whole. It isn't necessarily childhood where the cross-over or relationship between arousal and fear takes place. Learning does not suddenly stop at some phase of life. I am still exepriencing cross overs.
Friends who talk about their submission (or domination) to me have no clear childhood contingency of fear and arousal. Some come late in life to that delicious realisation.

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RE: Fear - 7/22/2009 6:59:42 AM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Submissive-types: Do you fear your dominant, at least to a degree? If so, why?

Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?

A year ago I would have answered that yes, I feared my owner and that fear had a very real part to play in my kind of Ds relationship. Now things are very different for me.

–noun
1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2.a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3.concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4.reverential awe, esp. toward God.
5.that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.

My Dominants will not place me in danger that they cannot reasonably control (RACK not SSC), they are not evil and they will never damage me with pain. I fear displeasing them, not because of what they will do to me but because I fear failure of any kind and their displeasure would be my failure. From the tinest least significant thing like putting too much milk in the tea to somehow betraying their trust in me I live in fear of failing them.

Though definition 4 is slightly overstated I would say that at times, especially intimate or high protocol times, there is a feeling close to revential awe for them. There are moments when the connection is so intense, so profound that the world shrinks to hold only them.

I have feared previous partners - feared their reactions, feared the consequences of their choices and the impact it may have on my safety or happiness, I have feared being harmed and damaged. Only once was this fear actually realised but it was enough for me to learn that living in constant imagined fear is not something that works for me. I was once told by a dominant that I would fear playing with him alone. When we came to be intimate my fear was so overwhelming I couldn't continue. It wasn't fear of what we were doing - to be honest he had barely touched me - but it was fear of him, fear that meant I couldn't trust him.

Fear in play is wildly arrousing for me ... Fear is something my Dominants play with often, but never have I had cause to fear them and so I have found I am able to play with fear and reach a deeper level of release.

So for me, no I do not fear my Dominants. I do not need to fear them, in fact in having nothing to fear from them I am able to trust all three more deeply than I have trusted in the past.

< Message edited by softness -- 7/22/2009 7:00:55 AM >

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RE: Fear - 7/22/2009 12:25:07 PM

allthatjaz

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Thanks for that Prinsexx..... I find your post really interesting

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RE: Fear - 7/22/2009 12:29:14 PM

allthatjaz

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softness you make so much sense and managed to put into words what I could not.... thank you

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Post #: 108