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Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:07:50 PM

howthingsare

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Hi there - just joined after reading through the forums. Lots of interesting information out there so far.

I'm a dominant person in relationships - whether they be emotional, physical, or both. I've never considered myself a "master" of any person (I suppose the word invokes images of lots of leather, rope, and whips).
But, I've been in a few relationships in which I am expected to be the sole decision maker. I'm expected to expect that what I say goes. And I've enjoyed that - it's how and why I'm exploring more about this lifestyle.

I suppose I haven't read too much about the lines between taking and holding the reins, and also having a "normal" emotional/romantic relationship.

I'm confused (I'm not even sure I'm posting this in the right area - but am hoping masters can help me on this one).
An ideal relationship for me entails mutual respect, and a strong understanding that things are the way I choose (but the respect comes into play - I'd never choose anything she didn't wish simply to be an ass - only what I thought was best).
But I'd also like it if, at the same time, she had her own opinions about everyday life and wasn't afraid to share thoughts and feelings and desires, as any everyday couple on the street might.

Am I a bit too picky? Or am I mistakenly making a general assumption that most "devoted" subs end up seeming like mindless sex zombies? Sorry for any incorrect preconceived notions that may offend anybody - but that's why I'm here - to learn.

Anxiously awaiting helpful/critical/etc input. Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:11:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just to answer the question in the title.......

No.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 2

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:20:25 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: howthingsare

Hi there - just joined after reading through the forums. Lots of interesting information out there so far.

I'm a dominant person in relationships - whether they be emotional, physical, or both. I've never considered myself a "master" of any person (I suppose the word invokes images of lots of leather, rope, and whips).
But, I've been in a few relationships in which I am expected to be the sole decision maker. I'm expected to expect that what I say goes. And I've enjoyed that - it's how and why I'm exploring more about this lifestyle.

I suppose I haven't read too much about the lines between taking and holding the reins, and also having a "normal" emotional/romantic relationship.

I'm confused (I'm not even sure I'm posting this in the right area - but am hoping masters can help me on this one).
An ideal relationship for me entails mutual respect, and a strong understanding that things are the way I choose (but the respect comes into play - I'd never choose anything she didn't wish simply to be an ass - only what I thought was best).
But I'd also like it if, at the same time, she had her own opinions about everyday life and wasn't afraid to share thoughts and feelings and desires, as any everyday couple on the street might.

Am I a bit too picky? Or am I mistakenly making a general assumption that most "devoted" subs end up seeming like mindless sex zombies? Sorry for any incorrect preconceived notions that may offend anybody - but that's why I'm here - to learn.

Anxiously awaiting helpful/critical/etc input. Thank you.

I don't think you're being too picky, and yes... you are making an incorrect general assumption. There are many submissives who fit what you are looking for, but are still very much devoted. In fact, the relationship you describe is exactly the type that I have with my dominant, as well as it is for many other posters here in the forums. There are no rules to D/s relationships... you can have whatever kind you and your partner like.

And no, dominants aren't always considered a "master". Some, like my own (FirmhandKY), have no wish to be referred to as such. Title or not, though, he is "the master" of our home.

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 3

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:36:13 PM

DePubed

Posts: 71
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

In real-time situations, "Dominant" does not equal "Master". Most "Masters" are SELF-PROCLAIMED "Masters." Just think if a person self-proclaimed themself a "Master of Medicine" (M.D.). Would you go to them as your physician? Just because they call themself a "Master of Medicine" doesnt make them one, no matter how self-taught and experienced with practicing medicine they feel they are. Unfortunately there are no schools or academies where people can go to be educated on how to be a "master", to be tested, and if they pass the examination, to earn the title 'Master".
So, in my opinion, it is much more real, and honest simply to know that oneself tends to be "dominant" or "submissive". I think that if you read a lot of the comments in this group many times submissives report that they were shocked to learn that they knew more than their "Master" but that their "Master" has an ego-thing which means he feels he is automatically superior and infallible and that any input by a submissive is treated as rebelliousness (and that you are not a 'real submissive, i.e. doormat).
So, it is better if you hone your skills as a Dominant than to self-proclaim yourself a 'Master', whether it is a 'Master of slaves" (most of those who call themself this dont actually even have a slave and cant get the same one twice) or a "Master of Arts" or 'Master of science." etc. In my opinion any "Master" needs to prove how he obtained that title outside of their own wishful thinking.

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 4

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:47:35 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Am I a bit too picky? Or am I mistakenly making a general assumption that most "devoted" subs end up seeming like mindless sex zombies?

No on nit picky, yes on mistaken assumption

Have a look and a read 'round the forums, and you will get a better idea of how subs, even very devoted ones, are often far from mindless zombies.
(mindless sex, now.... that's another subject)

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
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(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 5

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/22/2009 8:52:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DePubed

In real-time situations, "Dominant" does not equal "Master". Most "Masters" are SELF-PROCLAIMED "Masters." Just think if a person self-proclaimed themself a "Master of Medicine" (M.D.). Would you go to them as your physician? Just because they call themself a "Master of Medicine" doesnt make them one, no matter how self-taught and experienced with practicing medicine they feel they are. Unfortunately there are no schools or academies where people can go to be educated on how to be a "master", to be tested, and if they pass the examination, to earn the title 'Master".
So, in my opinion, it is much more real, and honest simply to know that oneself tends to be "dominant" or "submissive". I think that if you read a lot of the comments in this group many times submissives report that they were shocked to learn that they knew more than their "Master" but that their "Master" has an ego-thing which means he feels he is automatically superior and infallible and that any input by a submissive is treated as rebelliousness (and that you are not a 'real submissive, i.e. doormat).
So, it is better if you hone your skills as a Dominant than to self-proclaim yourself a 'Master', whether it is a 'Master of slaves" (most of those who call themself this dont actually even have a slave and cant get the same one twice) or a "Master of Arts" or 'Master of science." etc. In my opinion any "Master" needs to prove how he obtained that title outside of their own wishful thinking.

I respectfully disagree. Not every Master is self proclaimed.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DePubed)

Post #: 6

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 9:21:16 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Among my circle of friends in R/T, who are also in a D/s relationship, most of not all of them do not view themselves as "masters" The commonality is they will openly state that they personally do not view themselves as master though it is the subs/slaves whom they are involved with had gave them this label or title of "master." What resonates with them is they know they are a dominant type of person in regards to most if not all aspects of their life.

_____________________________

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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10 NZ points
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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 9:26:49 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Short answer to your question is "no".

Longer answer is that you have many of the concerns and misconceptions that just about any "new guy" walks in the door with. There is an old saying that goes "there is wisdom in the abundance of councelors". Means that it's good to get lots of opinions, and then decide for yourself. Questions like the ones that you're asking don't really have a "right" answer, but that won't stop folks here from telling you what they think the right answer is. Some of what you hear will ring true to you, and some of it won't. In the end, you'll figure it out for yourself.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 8

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 10:15:15 AM

Drakontos

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: howthingsare

Hi there - just joined after reading through the forums. Lots of interesting information out there so far.

I'm a dominant person in relationships - whether they be emotional, physical, or both. I've never considered myself a "master" of any person (I suppose the word invokes images of lots of leather, rope, and whips).
But, I've been in a few relationships in which I am expected to be the sole decision maker. I'm expected to expect that what I say goes. And I've enjoyed that - it's how and why I'm exploring more about this lifestyle.

I suppose I haven't read too much about the lines between taking and holding the reins, and also having a "normal" emotional/romantic relationship.

I'm confused (I'm not even sure I'm posting this in the right area - but am hoping masters can help me on this one).
An ideal relationship for me entails mutual respect, and a strong understanding that things are the way I choose (but the respect comes into play - I'd never choose anything she didn't wish simply to be an ass - only what I thought was best).
But I'd also like it if, at the same time, she had her own opinions about everyday life and wasn't afraid to share thoughts and feelings and desires, as any everyday couple on the street might.

Am I a bit too picky? Or am I mistakenly making a general assumption that most "devoted" subs end up seeming like mindless sex zombies? Sorry for any incorrect preconceived notions that may offend anybody - but that's why I'm here - to learn.

Anxiously awaiting helpful/critical/etc input. Thank you.

quote:

o

All zaphira can say is that yes, you are making assumptions. What's more, those assumptions are in no way correct.

zaphira is devoted to her owner. Devoted to the point that she would lay her own life down for him. Not because she loves him; but because he has gained her respect and loyalty. However, zaphira is not a mindless sex zombie *grins* In fact, zaphira has never had sex with her owner, nor has she had 'intimate' relations of any kind with him. zaphira does not love him; this slave feels no emotional ties to her owner at all. What keeps zaphira in his service is, as already mentioned, her respect of him and the loyalty that he has earned.

zaphira and her owner have a perfectly normal relationship. It only seems 'abnormal' to those who can not conceive of such devotion to another person; for no other reason than simply because it makes this slave happy to devote every hour of every day to making his life easier.

As for beng too picky; zaphira does not see it as being too picky or not picky enough. This slave sees it as 'wanting what you want and going out and getting what you want, the way you want it, when you want it, and how you want it'. There is nothing wrong with that; the tricky part comes in finding another who wants the same things that you do.

Last but not least; in regards to the title of the thread
"Is a Dominant always considered a Master?"
zaphira would have to say that it depends on the person asking the question and on the person answering.

zaphira only refers to her owner as 'Master' when she is on message boards. In RL, she calls him by his first name, which is what Master prefers. *grins* When Master reads the boards, he cringes when he sees zaphira's posts and she is referring to him as 'Master'. As to why he prefers to be called something besides Master, that is something that only he can answer.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 9

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 10:21:17 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

No not all Masters are self proclaimed.

In a short version, in the Leather Community, if you call yourself a Master, and you have not EARNED that title (and the Cover/Cap that goes with it) they will laugh you out of the bar, deservedly so.

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to Drakontos)

Post #: 10

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 10:26:41 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

It is alright to seek your Submissives opinion, that is being considerate and smart using two heads instead of one. Although like you say the final decision is yours. Some Submissives can get confused when asked their opinion, because they are used to obeying.

< Message edited by ElectraGlide -- 7/23/2009 10:31:00 AM >

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 11

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 10:31:00 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

"zaphira does not love him; this slave feels no emotional ties to her owner at all. What keeps zaphira in his service is, as already mentioned, her respect of him and the loyalty that he has earned."

zaphira, you have made the above statement more than once, and it is one I find very confusing. If I respect someone and feel loyalty to them, those are very strong emotional ties to me. I would even go so far as to say, though I may think I am in love with someone, I will not allow myself to act on it unless I fell that accompanying loyalty and respect. So, I really don't get that statement.

(in reply to Drakontos)

Post #: 12

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 11:56:15 AM

Drakontos

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

"zaphira does not love him; this slave feels no emotional ties to her owner at all. What keeps zaphira in his service is, as already mentioned, her respect of him and the loyalty that he has earned."

zaphira, you have made the above statement more than once, and it is one I find very confusing. If I respect someone and feel loyalty to them, those are very strong emotional ties to me. I would even go so far as to say, though I may think I am in love with someone, I will not allow myself to act on it unless I fell that accompanying loyalty and respect. So, I really don't get that statement.

*grins
It is ok that you don't 'get' it. There is no law that says that you must.

It's really quite simple though. zaphira does not look at relationships the way the majority of people do. zaphira is ok with that. It really matters little if someone on the outside does not understand it or not.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 13

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 12:19:53 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

OP that's the way our relationship goes. I liken it to a CEO and an executive assistant. He can't do his job nearly as well without me doing what I do. He makes the decisions but I gather a lot of the info he needs to make those decisions. And if I was a mindless robot he wouldn't be getting intelligent advice that helps him make those great decisions. He'd be severely hampered by poor info and would be making bad decisions.

He doesn't go around refusing me what I need, or even want, just to prove to himself that he's the boss. Because that would make him an ass, not someone I could respect.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Drakontos)

Post #: 14

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 1:28:07 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

Is a dom always considered a master?

No.

quote:

Am I a bit too picky?

Not in his .girls. opinion, no.

quote:

Or am I mistakenly making a general assumption that most "devoted" subs end up seeming like mindless sex zombies?

You say it like that's a bad thing.
Nothing wrong with being a mindless sex zombie
.sometimes.
or
When Master desires it. He does have a horror film fetish after all...

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 7/23/2009 1:29:07 PM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to howthingsare)

Post #: 15

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 1:33:37 PM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Is a dom always considered a "master?"

that is up to you..and only you. You will/might feel and learn the differencein time.
there are no rules for it.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 16

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 1:36:19 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

OP:

I feel Master or Mistress means they have mastered an area of expertise..such as
with tools...flogging..maybe..fireplay expert...in training...or may be an elder in the community having "served" a long while with respect..perhaps educating others..oragnizing events etc..
Who makes them a master???..I believe the community and others RECOGNIZE the Master...the master does not call themsleves such..similar to a shaman.
This is just how I see it..
take what you want and leave the rest

GQ

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 17

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 6:37:36 PM

Delphinus

Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drakontos

zaphira only refers to her owner as 'Master' when she is on message boards.

I do the same thing. In "real life" I do call him Sir at certain times as expected, but in general I call him by his name or with a term of endearment. He and I have discussed the use of the title "Master" and we both feel that we are not quite at that point yet. But much like I had to get used to "Sir" coming out of my mouth with ease, the same goes for the use of "Master." I've started to refer to him as such on the boards for my own comfort and no other reason. I'm not even sure he knows I do it.

I do believe that I will be able to truthfully call him "Master" one day, and I think he might one day be comfortable with me addressing him as such, but it's a very personal journey and maybe not something that others would agree with, but,...as we so often see on these boards...every relationship is different and if it works for us, then it's good. It's not because he would be any more harsh or demanding, or making any more rules or correcting my behavior any more or differently. For us, I think it would be the depth of our relationship and how much we can embrace each others gifts of submission and dominance without hesitation, discomfort or shame. I think when we reach a more "pure" level of D/s, he will be, in every sense, my Master. I do believe, though, that it will be years before that time, which is fine for both of us. Until then, I refer to him as Master in my writing because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy and reminds me of what will hopefully be to come.

_____________________________

"Silly bitch."

(in reply to Drakontos)

Post #: 18

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 7:09:31 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Short answer to your question is "no".

Longer answer is that you have many of the concerns and misconceptions that just about any "new guy" walks in the door with. There is an old saying that goes "there is wisdom in the abundance of councelors". Means that it's good to get lots of opinions, and then decide for yourself. Questions like the ones that you're asking don't really have a "right" answer, but that won't stop folks here from telling you what they think the right answer is. Some of what you hear will ring true to you, and some of it won't. In the end, you'll figure it out for yourself.

Good luck.

G'day howthingsare,

Doms are NOT always considered Masters and not every Master is a Dom, but that is another story. You have lots of good advise her and to add to the pot my personal advise is take your time, look, read, listen, go to local BDSM functions and munches and meet people in the flesh. CM wise, the post I have quoted here is probably the best advise I could offer anyone new to the site and scene.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 19

RE: Is a dom always considered a "master?" - 7/23/2009 8:52:06 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I call my Dom "Master" in certain circumstances but I don't think he has the experience to have the title in the real sense from my experience over the years but he is working towards it and he pushes all my right buttons for me which is most important......so I agree with all the others on here in their answers...mostly I look for compatibility in real life and BDSM interests and that doesn't mean you are going to find a "Master" for everyone...just my humble opinion...rr

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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