RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some?

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knees2you -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/25/2006 10:54:02 PM)
quote: Sorry, Ant, but I've been in a position where being 'out' about this lifestyle has cost Me dearly with regard to business opportunities and professional perception. If you ever lose a job or a dream that meant a great deal to you because of this lifestlye, come back here and post about this topic again. You'll see things differently. We all can't ALL work in Chop shops or XXX rated video stores. Some of us want to make a better living or pursue dreams or personal goals that simply aren't condusive to BDSM flambouyancy! I keep a very low BDSM profile. I won't allow my BDSM activities to jeopardize My financial and social future. I also have no intention of giving up the lifestyle. What goes on behind My closed doors is My business, and no one else's. That doesn't make me "less of a lifestyler" or "chicken", that makes Me just plain smart. Texas Maam Well I Understand the Jeopardizing of Your Financial and Social Future, But then You chose that Yes. Closet life is for some, but not for others. You shouldn't care what other people Think, in what You Believe in! Stop trying to Please the World, and Start Pleasing Yourself! How can You not have control of Your own life? Try that sometime, and see how that feels?[:D] quote: "Yep I said that." Sincerely, Ant[;)]

Real0ne -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/25/2006 11:34:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Well I Understand the Jeopardizing of Your Financial and Social Future, But then You chose that Yes. Closet life is for some, but not for others. You shouldn't care what other people Think, in what You Believe in! Stop trying to Please the World, and Start Pleasing Yourself! How can You not have control of Your own life? Try that sometime, and see how that feels?[:D] quote: "Yep I said that." Sincerely, Ant[;)] IMagine yourself as a judge where your future depends on being re-elected. everything is in the closet for them

MistressSassy66 -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 1:11:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you quote: [size=]ORIGINAL: MDJour And those who claim to want anonymity due to their vanilla job, perhaps should rethink their priorities. quote: i would say anyone who thinks posting a pic on collarme is more important than their job, needs to rethink their priorities....unless of course you plan on supporting them. I Believe that having a Job is Important, Yes... If it gets in Your way, then Maybe You shouldn't be involved in this LifeStyle? Nothing wrong in keeping this a Secret, as long as it Doesn't Hurt anyone? Sincerely, Ant[;)] Sorry, Ant, but I've been in a position where being 'out' about this lifestyle has cost Me dearly with regard to business opportunities and professional perception. If you ever lose a job or a dream that meant a great deal to you because of this lifestlye, come back here and post about this topic again. You'll see things differently. We all can't ALL work in Chop shops or XXX rated video stores. Some of us want to make a better living or pursue dreams or personal goals that simply aren't condusive to BDSM flambouyancy! Texas Maam I have lost some friends,some family and jobs over being Lesbian excuse Me BI anyway...Do I care that I lost them...Nope,apparently they wernt worth having or I'd still have them.As far as BDSM,have lost family and friends not My job though and yes My boss knows.Incase you missed it My job is Assistant Librarian,in the town I live in. Again I can clearly see the things I lost coming out about Myself and slave bishops BDSM lifestyle are not as important as what I gained.Happiness to be Me and the happiness to be U/us without looking over a shoulder and worrying about what people think. Heck...bishop wears a collar(rainbow chain links) and lock to work and everyone knows its as she said"Proof of the devotion I have for My One, for the rest of my life" most beautiful words I have ever heard.[:)]

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 5:04:47 AM)
quote: Well I Understand the Jeopardizing of Your Financial and Social Future, But then You chose that Yes. Closet life is for some, but not for others. You shouldn't care what other people Think, in what You Believe in! Stop trying to Please the World, and Start Pleasing Yourself! How can You not have control of Your own life? Try that sometime, and see how that feels? quote: "Yep I said that." Sincerely, Ant Yep. Sometimes you have to chose to keep your private life - err - PRIVATE - because it's no ones business what you do at home. Not your boss, who may chose to pass you over for promotion because he has prejudices, not your co-workers who have a tendency to snicker around the water cooler about what they THINK they do in your personal life and exclude you from "the circle" which if you've worked in an office know is important. Can you say - hostile work environment? All it takes is one comment to one person, and suddenly not only the whole office knows, but do clients. To say that it shouldn't affect one's job is one issue. To think that it won't is unrealistic - the general population is just not that open minded. Yep, it's a choice. It's also a choice to take your career seriously. As far as control over your life - it's about controling how people see you. The vast majority of vanillas point and giggle about someoen they know who likes to spank and tie up their lovers, because frankly, they just do not get it and they're not going to. That's fine. They are entitled. But do you need that in a work environment? Nope. I'm also not out to my parents. I know how they are, and it's just better not to give them more information than they can process. Every sub I've spent a significant amount of time with has been someone I could comfortably introduce to them as my "boyfriend" when appropriate.

orfunboi -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 6:50:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i guess i'll never know the answers to my questions... Perhaps those with no info on their profile are not looking for a partner and just want to post to the message boards. Or they suck at creating profiles (like i do) and havent gotten around to filling it in yet. Or they feel they can look at the profiles they are interested in, and email people without being flooded with emails themselves. Or they already have a profile listed under a different name and just use this name to come in hidden and browse without people knowing they had been there. Or they are just really really lazy or they think we are all mind readers. Not sure if that answers the question, but i felt bad when you said no one responded so i thought i would at least try.

orfunboi -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 6:55:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 quote: ORIGINAL: sharainks To me, more often than not people who post their pic tells me they feel they have nothing to lose by being public. So the reverse is true for me. I tend to stay away from writing to people who have profiles WITH pics. Heres a thought....Maybe they dont have anything to hide from anyone.Maybe they dont care who sees them because they are proud of who they are,I LOVE ME and wouldnt dream of hiding it. I have lots of pics(though CM is very strict on content) I want to represent what My dungeon space has to offer,What I have to offer I cant do that without putting up some pics.Well I could just tell about it but it wouldnt be the same as seeing it As far as a job...I'm a Assistant Librarian,in My town.Do people know what I do YUP... do they care NOPE...Why? Because what I do in MY house is MY business...Same for them. I understand not everyone can be open...For those people I hope that someday it will be okay for you to do so. Good point, when i worked for a company, i would never have let them know i was gay, let alone into BDSM. Then after i was fired from that company, i remained in contact with several of the employees and since i didn't work for them anymore, i had no problem with telling them the truth. 2 months ago they hired me back, now i don't have to worry cause they know all about me and don't care. Although i totally understand not wanting your job to find out (my ex would be fired in a minute and never work in this area again if anyone knew) i am really glad i don't have to worry about that anymore.

PenelopePitstop -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 7:32:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you No picture? Is this a Warning for Some? After reading all the posts in this this thread and hearing all the nasties that no profile and no pic represent to most, what i would like to know is: are these conclusions based on a couple of experiences, numnerous experiences or purely assumptions. what degree of probability is "no profile no pic" going to be a waste of time. It totally depends on the person. I think it would be unrealistic to expect everyone to be completely prejudice free. And it also depends what one is looking for, for example, I know that if I meet someone, if they are the strong silent 'mysterious' type, in the past these people and I have found we have nothing in common. I understand that one shouldn't define the future by the past, but one should also learn from it, and some of us learnt what is best avoided. I'm as flawed as the next person, sometimes these inner rules I have defined for myself get completely thrown aside because person concerned is an unbelievable hottie according to their pic ("frailty thy name is woman") or sounds so interesting that I just have to know more, and I think we are all like that to an extent, it's circumstantial. I hope that helped answer your question. Everyone is different.

swtnsparkling -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 8:01:44 AM)
Like I have said before I do not post a pic on CM or anywhere else online. If people want to think of that as a red flag by all means do so, I don't really don't care. I've been online over 10 years and never posted a pic . Have I sent a pic to some one I have spoken to at length and perhaps later met at some point of course I have. Has anyone I have met real time ever come back online and said I am not who I appear to be or I'm fake or not posting a pic of myself should of been a red flag for them, absolutely not. I'm here to read the boards and chat some times with friends who are also members of CM. IMO posting a thought or an opinion on a board no one needs to know what I look like to read my words, You either like them or don't. Think what you will that is your choice. I do not feel a need to post a pic so people will think I am a real person I do not feel a need to prove to anyone who I am- I will not follow a majority or assumptions of some and post a pic to be accepted. I don't need your acceptance I walk my own path- live my own life- I am me and I choose not to post a pic it is that simple. Have a sparkling day

MissA -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 11:34:16 AM)
I don't consider it a warning sign at all. I myself have no photo up. I did have one of just my eyes but for unknown reasons collarme has suddenly decided not to allow it. I won't post my whole face because I don't have the luxury of being open to all about my lifestyle and I live in a very small closed-minded town. I do however have a face pic and after a few e-mails if I'm interested in someone I'm more than willing to share it and expect the same in return at that point in time. I'm upfront about myself in all aspects so I could care less whether having or not having a photo keeps people from contacting me. I would hope my profile content speaks for itself. ~Ms. A~

Misstoyou -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 1:55:55 PM)
I have pictures on my profiles because with most males (note the qualifier), as well as my high school students, a picture's worth a thousand words. lol Then the IQ evaluation comes from seeing whether they've actually read the profile as well, before they contact me. Truth be told, I like looking at pictures, too. These days, as I'm not actively looking, I keep my search on male sub pictures from everywhere. It keeps me entertained while I'm elevating my poor fractured ankle. But when I am looking, and even currently, I have generated lots of conversations with men who interest me because of their words and ideas, asking for a picture only to see whom I'm meeting for coffee. [:)] I am, however, as shallow as the next person, and to go further, I need the physical attraction as well as a meeting of the minds.

mnottertail -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 2:08:34 PM)
MissToYou-- Personally to the Master, MissForYou.... At first blush I must say, you have my healing kisses to your ankle........ After that, I really don't want to know the why's or wherefore's of it's demise......I am pretty sure. Generally to you all, While I don't understand (and this is general) the notion of hiding yourself (and I do not advocate flaming Dungenesses either; unless they be Crabs) ... At some point, visual is one of the five senses, and if you are too scared for whatever personal hell of a reason; to provide a picture.....then you are a pass ..........ok, may pass up the next Enron.......I will live with it. Ron

Prunesquallor -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 2:30:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse She was refering to the "Assume the WORST" part.... just because it isn't to your taste doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. I'm sure some skinny gal might take it personaly if I where to describe skinny as annorexic and my WORST assumption just because I find too thin to be more of a turn off than too large. But that would be the worst assumption so far as you were concerned. If I had a preference for extremely large women, then the worst assumption for me might be a woman that other people might find stunning.

stonefemmie -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 4:47:01 PM)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* quote: ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor But that would be the worst assumption so far as you were concerned. If I had a preference for extremely large women, then the worst assumption for me might be a woman that other people might find stunning. Well, Prunesquallor, i guess that's about an honest an answer as it can get..........i guess if You wish to be judgemental, it's Your gawd-given right to be so. But why does one type of person have to be the best and another type of person have to be the worst? Can't it simply be a matter of preferences? As in i prefer this type and not that one? Keep in mind that there are people in O/our society who think that those of U/us in this lifestyle are absolutely the worst people. Do You think that? Wouldn't it be better if people would think in terms of preferences rather than worst or best......? If that were the reality, then this discussion would have no practical significance. E/everyone could post a photo here, without fear of repercussions, and that would be that....... Jeez Louise, that sounds so "pollyanna" and "rose-colored glasses world-ish".....[:'(].....John Phillip Souza march playing in the background......flags flying...... i have a bad headache today......[:(]...... maybe that's where all this mawkishness is coming from.........Oh well....... With Thought, stonefemmmie... .

Petruchio -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 5:05:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stonefemmie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Well, Prunesquallor, i guess that's about an honest an answer as it can get..........i guess if You wish to be judgemental, it's Your gawd-given right to be so. But why does one type of person have to be the best and another type of person have to be the worst? Can't it simply be a matter of preferences? As in i prefer this type and not that one? Keep in mind that there are people in O/our society who think that those of U/us in this lifestyle are absolutely the worst people. Do You think that? Wouldn't it be better if people would think in terms of preferences rather than worst or best......? If that were the reality, then this discussion would have no practical significance. E/everyone could post a photo here, without fear of repercussions, and that would be that....... Jeez Louise, that sounds so "pollyanna" and "rose-colored glasses world-ish".....[:'(].....John Phillip Souza march playing in the background......flags flying...... i have a bad headache today......[:(]...... maybe that's where all this mawkishness is coming from.........Oh well....... With Thought, stonefemmmie... With all respect, would you characterize a profile that read "Sorry, i will NOT respond to any contacts by men, bi-sexuals or switches." as judgmental? Or prejudicial? Doesn't it feel more than just a preference? In a different vein, I feel a twinge of discomfort when a profile reads white only or black only. When is it a prejudice and when is it a preference?

Real0ne -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 5:55:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stonefemmie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* quote: ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor But that would be the worst assumption so far as you were concerned. If I had a preference for extremely large women, then the worst assumption for me might be a woman that other people might find stunning. Well, Prunesquallor, i guess that's about an honest an answer as it can get..........i guess if You wish to be judgemental, it's Your gawd-given right to be so. But why does one type of person have to be the best and another type of person have to be the worst? Can't it simply be a matter of preferences? As in i prefer this type and not that one? Keep in mind that there are people in O/our society who think that those of U/us in this lifestyle are absolutely the worst people. Do You think that? Wouldn't it be better if people would think in terms of preferences rather than worst or best......? If that were the reality, then this discussion would have no practical significance. E/everyone could post a photo here, without fear of repercussions, and that would be that....... Jeez Louise, that sounds so "pollyanna" and "rose-colored glasses world-ish".....[:'(].....John Phillip Souza march playing in the background......flags flying...... i have a bad headache today......[:(]...... maybe that's where all this mawkishness is coming from.........Oh well....... With Thought, stonefemmmie... . i think there is a case for both. in some instances both at the same time. its all good

Prunesquallor -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 6:07:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stonefemmie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* i guess if You wish to be judgemental, it's Your gawd-given right to be so. I would like to know why you think it is 'judgemental' - which means condemning another person. If I am offered three envelopes containing one dollar, five dollars and ten dollars, and I choose the one dollar envelope, it means I have got the worst possibility. But it still means I have gained a dollar. You can discriminate without being judgemental, and the word 'worst' doesn't mean that you are judging - just ordering.

MDJour -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 7:54:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you quote: [size=]ORIGINAL: MDJour And those who claim to want anonymity due to their vanilla job, perhaps should rethink their priorities. quote: i would say anyone who thinks posting a pic on collarme is more important than their job, needs to rethink their priorities....unless of course you plan on supporting them. I Believe that having a Job is Important, Yes... If it gets in Your way, then Maybe You shouldn't be involved in this LifeStyle? Nothing wrong in keeping this a Secret, as long as it Doesn't Hurt anyone? Sincerely, Ant[;)] Sorry, Ant, but I've been in a position where being 'out' about this lifestyle has cost Me dearly with regard to business opportunities and professional perception. If you ever lose a job or a dream that meant a great deal to you because of this lifestlye, come back here and post about this topic again. You'll see things differently. We all can't ALL work in Chop shops or XXX rated video stores. Some of us want to make a better living or pursue dreams or personal goals that simply aren't condusive to BDSM flambouyancy! I keep a very low BDSM profile. I won't allow my BDSM activities to jeopardize My financial and social future. I also have no intention of giving up the lifestyle. What goes on behind My closed doors is My business, and no one else's. That doesn't make me "less of a lifestyler" or "chicken", that makes Me just plain smart. Texas Maam Ant, I wish we didn't have to keep this a secret. Texas Ma'am, the motivation behind my harsh comment stems from those who travel that one way street. Those who seek to establish a personal relationship, while hiding something. And typically that's when they use that excuse for not showing a photo. There's usually something else going on. And I understand your comment about losing a valued job because of the lifestyle. I've outted myself more than I should have over the years. I did not mean to imply that having a secure job and for that matter a quality family life should ever take the back seat. Best regards, Mistress V.

ownedgirlie -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 10:06:48 PM)
i understand the sentiment about those who have something to hide, but would caution people to not lump the rest of us in that same boat. Not everyone without a picture is as you have experienced.

Real0ne -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 10:49:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie i understand the sentiment about those who have something to hide, but would caution people to not lump the rest of us in that same boat. Not everyone without a picture is as you have experienced. hear hear! and i will add profile to that as well

stonefemmie -> RE: No picture is this a Warning for Some? (2/26/2006 11:15:08 PM)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* quote: ORIGINAL: Petruchio With all respect, would you characterize a profile that read "Sorry, i will NOT respond to any contacts by men, bi-sexuals or switches." as judgmental? Or prejudicial? Doesn't it feel more than just a preference? In a different vein, I feel a twinge of discomfort when a profile reads white only or black only. When is it a prejudice and when is it a preference? No, i don't see my statements as being judgemental...... i am a lesbian, therefore i don't do men. i see that as a preference. i don't hate men or have any negative feelings about them. i simply prefer a womyn for a partner......those womyn who prefer men over womyn are not making any more of a judgement call than i am. And i hold no ill-will towards those womyn who prefer men; they are not better nor worse. i do not wish to be with a bi-sexual because should i get into a relationship with a female bi-sexual and she should feel the need to be with a man while W/we are together, this would mean that there would be a third party in O/our relationship. i am strictly a monogamous person, emotionally, sexually and in Play. This is a preference, not a judgement. Womyn who are bi-sexual are not making a judgement call towards straight and/or lesbian womyn anymore than i am. It's their preference, and i hold no ill-will towards those who are bi-sexual. They are not better nor worse. i do not wish to be with a switch because i am not a switch. i have absolutely no Top energy in me whatsoever. So, should i get into a relationship with a switch, and S/she should want to bottom to someone, this would mean there would be another person in O/our relationship. See the above answer. i am strictly monogamous, emotionally, sexually and in Play. This is a preference, not a judgement call. i have no ill-will towards those who are switches. Matter of fact, gawd bless them....their dating pool is a lot bigger than mine.......and they are not better nor worse. As for when is it a preference and not prejudicial, that sounds like another thread topic...... However, for me, the difference between preference and prejudicial is when a person thinks that one type/concept/criterion becomes the "best" and another type/concept/criterion becomes the "worse". With Thought, stonefemmie... .

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