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RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 6:23:52 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		I love your sense of humor. TY Harder

I have no clue if he'd feel safe enough to come back because you are so right - it's HIS decision.

Me, myself? I don't count on anything. I loved from a far and felt like a fan and I accepted that. One thing in life I've learned is don't count anything out.

We never do know
how beautiful life can be and how love can tranform quitetly

and i'd write my fear down but the bunk i wrote just sounds too good to sully LOL

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 6:24:44 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

So after five pages of largely anecdotal responses that can only loosely be strung into some coherent consensus... do you feel like you understand the big picture better?



Lol.  Actually, yes, I did get a lot from this.  It's all swimming around in my brain right now trying to find an anchor so that I will hopefully never make the same mistake with someone again (that is, assume they are an emotionless jackass simply because they are male).  I need to go back through here and compile a few of these points into some kind of journal for myself, because it certainly never hurts to reflect on things further. 


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 6:29:49 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FawneTwo

I love your sense of humor. TY Harder

I have no clue if he'd feel safe enough to come back because you are so right - it's HIS decision.

Me, myself? I don't count on anything. I loved from a far and felt like a fan and I accepted that. One thing in life I've learned is don't count anything out.

We never do know
how beautiful life can be and how love can tranform quitetly

and i'd write my fear down but the bunk i wrote just sounds too good to sully LOL


Lol, I love your humor too Fawne!! 

What's your fear, I wanna know 

(in reply to FawneTwo)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 6:39:49 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus
So after five pages of largely anecdotal responses that can only loosely be strung into some coherent consensus... do you feel like you understand the big picture better?

I'd say that was an incredible summary... or, at least, it made me laugh.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 6:59:21 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		Hey I walked away - and i came back LOL ( totally joking)

I fuss over imperfections and torment myself when i don't feel 'worthy'. I fret he'll never like me and we're doomed. How's that for negative???

He isn't harsh, notes progess made. He'll give a girl a chance.
He sees her worth ( he may have to squint) - some traits of a non-assh*le.


I surrender my self - judgement.

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 7:18:32 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

Hey I walked away - and i came back LOL ( totally joking)


yay, you give me hope!!!  lol

quote:

  I fuss over imperfections and torment myself when i don't feel 'worthy'. I fret he'll never like me and we're doomed. How's that for negative???



oh god, i do that too.  it's torture, isn't it?  why must we do it to ourselves  :P

< Message edited by HarderToBreathe2 -- 8/12/2009 7:19:04 PM >

(in reply to FawneTwo)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 7:30:50 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
OK, I need to take a step backwards on this thread. Human mating rituals are about the farthest thing from shallow that it's possibl to find.

It's been pointed out to me by my ever-so-diligently respectful yet stubbornly persistent slave girl that I'm an idiot. Saying that men like youth & beauty and women like the ability to provide materially is a gross over-simplification of what is actuallly a terribly complicated selection process. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if a single behavior like that can be shallow. I think you'd need to evaluate the totality of the situation then declare that either shallow or not. Which would again point to the fact that whether or not men, in part, determine relative hierarchy based upon the woman on their arm, says nothing about the entirety of however men figure these things out. Again, I'm hard pressed to name any single thing that is either shallow or not.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/12/2009 11:55:37 PM   
VanityFix


Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2

quote:

what i find important for men to do is embrace feeling emotion, allow to be weak. Same as if a woman wants to be a housewife she can still be a femminist, a male should be able to step outside a dominant social role(manly man type) and still be considered a "real man".


I agree with this wholeheartedly.  I think, though, that perhaps it's other men that keep a man from feeling free to express emotion... maybe?  I think the majority of women, myself included, would tell you that we highly respect and appreciate it when a man says how he feels.  It eliminates so much of the guesswork that can lead to problems in relationships.



for sure, a few women might view the idea of sensativity in men as weak but its defianatly predominatly a male agression kinda thing brought on by guys interacting with other guys, its far more socially acseptable to show emotion to women as a man than other men.

"I want a man who is kind and understanding and patient.  I still like certain "manly" qualities, but the tough-guy thing has lost it's appeal."

i am very weak kneed myself around men who can get past the "be a man" bullshit and still have strong mascalin qualities with maybe a mix of sensative flamboyance.. oh say maybe a drag queen on a harley..

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 12:00:42 AM   
VanityFix


Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack

quote:

ORIGINAL: VanityFix

Same as if a woman wants to be a housewife she can still be a femminist, a male should be able to step outside a dominant social role(manly man type) and still be considered a "real man".



Hey! C'mon here! I must be a "real man"! I don't eat quiche!


yup, as a representative of the fake man club we must reject your application on account of being able to grow a beard, sorry bud. maybe the fake domme club might have you

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 12:10:36 AM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		I find that so many people have so bloody many definitions of what a real "man" is that I just say screw em.  A man is a human being with a penis or whatever the chromosomes are.  After that, it's just different types of people.

Possible definitions of man I've heard over the years:

One who is confident in expressing his feelings.
One who doesn't take shit from anyone.
One who works hard for a living, takes his woman, and drinks beer.
One that has plenty of body hair.
One that is calm, in control, and can defuse any situation without needing violence.
One that isn't controlled by his penis.
One that does not hit women.
One that is a chivalrous knight in shining armor.
One that doesn't take lip from his woman.
One that can protect himself and whatever (whoever) belongs to him.

I could go on and on.  I'm certainly not going to be able to please everyone, so nuts to the ones whose idea of "man" I do not fulfill.  I've my qualities, my flaws, my personality traits, and physical attributes.  I am who I am, and while I will never cease to try to improve myself either physically, mentally, or spiritually, no amount of adapting or learning will make me acceptable to every human being on earth.  So I shall make myself acceptable to me. :)


_____________________________

Apologies for what you feel might be a spelling error. I'm Canadian.

(in reply to VanityFix)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 6:02:33 AM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2

me
quote:

  I fuss over imperfections and torment myself

you
quote:

oh god, i do that too. 



If I was perfect I'd be A BOT !

you
quote:

it's torture, isn't it?  why must we do it to ourselves  :P


With all the hungry sadists in the world , could we be more selfish?

sigh...

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 8:52:08 AM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

I'm certainly not going to be able to please everyone, so nuts to the ones whose idea of "man" I do not fulfill. I've my qualities, my flaws, my personality traits, and physical attributes. I am who I am, and while I will never cease to try to improve myself either physically, mentally, or spiritually, no amount of adapting or learning will make me acceptable to every human being on earth. So I shall make myself acceptable to me. :)


I really LOVE what you said here.  :) 

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 8:55:12 AM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

you

quote:

it's torture, isn't it? why must we do it to ourselves :P



With all the hungry sadists in the world , could we be more selfish?

sigh...


Hahaha, you're awesome

(in reply to FawneTwo)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 10:19:47 AM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline 		Most of my relationships have lasted over 2 years. In most of my relationships the breakup has been initiated by her. For me (and I would imagine most men) I shared my deepest emotions with my partners, but when they broke up with me I cut them off. For me that level of sharing is reserved for mates. If we are breaking up I no longer share that part of me. I'm not going to let them know how much it hurts, and if I can pull it off.. that I even hurt at all. Why should I? The access to my emotions obviously wasn't valuable to her so why I allow it to continue.

(in reply to VanityFix)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 10:37:12 AM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

Most of my relationships have lasted over 2 years. In most of my relationships the breakup has been initiated by her. For me (and I would imagine most men) I shared my deepest emotions with my partners, but when they broke up with me I cut them off. For me that level of sharing is reserved for mates. If we are breaking up I no longer share that part of me. I'm not going to let them know how much it hurts, and if I can pull it off.. that I even hurt at all. Why should I? The access to my emotions obviously wasn't valuable to her so why I allow it to continue.


Thanks for this, it helps to know what a guy is thinking, and it makes total sense. 

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 10:50:47 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2

quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

Most of my relationships have lasted over 2 years. In most of my relationships the breakup has been initiated by her. For me (and I would imagine most men) I shared my deepest emotions with my partners, but when they broke up with me I cut them off. For me that level of sharing is reserved for mates. If we are breaking up I no longer share that part of me. I'm not going to let them know how much it hurts, and if I can pull it off.. that I even hurt at all. Why should I? The access to my emotions obviously wasn't valuable to her so why I allow it to continue.


Thanks for this, it helps to know what a guy is thinking, and it makes total sense. 



but it only helps you to know and makes sense with regards to what that particular guy is thinking...not A guy.  guys aren't all the same just like women aren't all the same.
 
your original question seems to this slave like an exercise in futility---for example, not all women handle break-ups and feel their emotions the same as you do, so why would you think guys all feel their emotions and handle break-ups the same?

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 11:10:59 AM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
but it only helps you to know and makes sense with regards to what that particular guy is thinking...not A guy.  guys aren't all the same just like women aren't all the same.
 
your original question seems to this slave like an exercise in futility---for example, not all women handle break-ups and feel their emotions the same as you do, so why would you think guys all feel their emotions and handle break-ups the same?


Sure I may not be the same as every guy, I might not even be average. Just because every one doesn't act exactly the same doesn't mean that there aren't things in common. Knowing my reasons for the way I act might lend some insight into the way other men behave. Unless you are suggesting that I am a freak of nature completely dissimilar to every other man on the plant, how can understanding me a little better be harmful to her worldview? After all, she didn't say, "thanks, I now completely understand the human male."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 11:31:54 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		dont ya just love sheep types i mean come on just be you there are a ton of people out there who would love you for you I think we get wrapped up into bad circles and can not see beyond the hole we are in at times but I will tell you there are truely great people

It takes time
it takes work
you have to listen understand not everyone is 100 percent what you want or need
but every i mean every relationship you encounter diserves 100 percent attention to detail if not it will fail

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 11:34:11 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Just because every one doesn't act exactly the same doesn't mean that there aren't things in common...


indeed there are things in common with everyone...not just ALL males or ALL females...like everyone cries, or everyone loves.  this slave doesn't see the point in trying to establish male/female common denominators as they pertain to emotions, feelings or how one deals with a break-up.
 
people are individuals, men are individuals...even if their chromosomes line up the same way as the next man.  it has been this slave's experience that it doesn't necessarily predispose them to distinctive male/female differences in dealing with break-ups or emotions.  that's all this slave is saying.

quote:

...Unless you are suggesting that I am a freak of nature completely dissimilar to every other man on the plant, how can understanding me a little better be harmful to her worldview?...


like yours, this slave's comments might lend some insight, as well.  in this slave's opinion, you are just as much a freak of nature as the next human being...and although you might share similarities at a chromosome level, this slave wouldn't assume that how you handle your emotions or a break-up is going to be the same as other men just because you carry around a dick in your pants and shave your face every day...and so do they. 

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/13/2009 11:35:20 AM >

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Men and Emotions? - 8/13/2009 12:24:06 PM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
quote:

...Just because every one doesn't act exactly the same doesn't mean that there aren't things in common...

indeed there are things in common with everyone...not just ALL males or ALL females...like everyone cries, or everyone loves.  this slave doesn't see the point in trying to establish male/female common denominators as they pertain to emotions, feelings or how one deals with a break-up.
 
people are individuals, men are individuals...even if their chromosomes line up the same way as the next man.  it has been this slave's experience that it doesn't necessarily predispose them to distinctive male/female differences in dealing with break-ups or emotions.  that's all this slave is saying.
quote:

...Unless you are suggesting that I am a freak of nature completely dissimilar to every other man on the plant, how can understanding me a little better be harmful to her worldview?...

like yours, this slave's comments might lend some insight, as well.  in this slave's opinion, you are just as much a freak of nature as the next human being...and although you might share similarities at a chromosome level, this slave wouldn't assume that how you handle your emotions or a break-up is going to be the same as other men just because you carry around a dick in your pants and shave your face every day...and so do they. 


So while being male or female doesn't necessitate a predisposition, nonetheless significant predispositions among the population exists. In my experience assuming certain predispositions or characteristics as a starting point while keeping an open mind and readily accepting difference is far better than ignoring our commonality and assuming I couldn't understand how some one feels simply because I've never met them. Yes everyone is different, but in my experience most women feel differently than I do about certain things, and about those same things I find most men I know have similar feeling to me. Yes there are exceptions, but I have an open mind and readily accept those differences when they occur, but this does not mean I disregard all of the other experience that demonstrates common emotional responses that are characteristic to each gender respectively.

< Message edited by interlocutor -- 8/13/2009 12:26:32 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 140
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