RE: NEVER say this to a cop (Full Version)

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mnottertail -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 10:43:17 AM)

When's the last time you shit your pants, 'cause this is gonna get kinda scarey. 



NightTigress -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 11:41:40 AM)

As they are cuffing you. "I bet you can't find all the handcuff keys I have on me." Saddly I am almost getting to that point (always having 2 on me.)



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 1:30:49 PM)

I'm a black Harvard law professor headed to Washington D.C., I have numerous family members working for the ACLU, and I have Jessee Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton on retainer as my public spokesmen. What's that? Yes, I would be happy to receive your commendation for safe driving.



lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 1:59:20 PM)

Yes, officer. There is a perfectly logical explanation for why I have a goat, a watermelon, and a blowtorch in my passenger seat.




Hillwilliam -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 2:04:22 PM)

Oh WOW, where's the rest of the Vollage People?



Hillwilliam -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 2:05:51 PM)

VILLAGE I meant.  cant type



GentM -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 5:57:38 PM)

Oh officer what a strong man you are OOOHHHH Handcuff goody can we try them, your nice 



lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 6:01:30 PM)

I shoved a huge weapon into my pussy. It's way up there so you might have to dig around for awhile......



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 8:41:25 PM)

Now wait a second. The sign said "speed zone ahead." So why am I getting a ticket?



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 8:48:53 PM)

Boss Hogg told me to tell you that this shipment is really going to the Duke boys.



lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 8:56:18 PM)

If a tree falls in that forest right over there, will it land on the dead body I just hid there?



SteelofUtah -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 10:56:18 PM)

Fuck Off Douche Bag.

I figure we make it obvious not all police officers are smart enough to understand some of the joke on here right now.

Steel



Vendaval -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 11:29:54 PM)

Is that a baton in your pants or are you just happy to see me?



SteelofUtah -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/14/2009 11:52:55 PM)

The above works even better if you are a Guy and the Cop is a Homophobe or a Woman cause it usually makes the women laugh..... and yes I am speaking from experience.

but I am positive it isn't what you are thinking it is.

Steel



GreedyTop -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 12:14:21 AM)

Wanna race?



Ialdabaoth -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 12:42:50 AM)

"Oh God, please, I didn't do anything, please don't beat me... please don't hurt me, please oh God just tell me what you want and I'll do it... I'm sorry, whatever I did I'm sorry oh God please don't shoot me or tase me oh God oh Jesus fuck oh please oh please"



sirsholly -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 1:50:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CNYsubbie

"What's the disqualifying IQ level for your position?"
then suggest he really slipped under the wire.



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 8:14:04 AM)

Officer, did you realize that only 10% of fatal accidents are caused by drunk drivers? That means 90% are caused by sober drivers and you're hauling my ass off to jail???



lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 8:28:23 AM)

Well if this street was one way, then why on earth was the arrow pointing the other way?



lameduck13 -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 8:54:44 AM)

Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Me: "Do you know how fast you were going to catch me?"
---

Officer: "Is there anything in your car I should know about before we search it?"

Me: "Theres two containers of 100 milliliters of a bio toxin in the trunk, next to the two dirty bombs and 20 pounds of C4, those are under the bloody tarp and bloody axe I used to kill my neighbor."
----

Officer: "You do know why I pulled you over right?"

Me: "To get my autograph?"
---

Officer: "How old is your passenger?"

Me: "She's your daughter, you oughta know."
---

Officer: "Where ya headed t'night?"

Me: "The Leeve, I got a drug dealer to meet. Gunna drop a few K on some crack and guns and then have a party."



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