RE: NEVER say this to a cop (Full Version)

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lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 9:49:49 AM)

Stand right there and keep your uniform on. I need the target practice.




MasterMgm -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 11:45:00 AM)

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?



Vendaval -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/15/2009 10:55:38 PM)

Thank God you are here! I've been craving a full body cavity search in the worst way.



SteelofUtah -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/16/2009 12:00:35 AM)

I didn't know they still stacked shit that high.

Steel



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/16/2009 12:01:13 PM)

I'm warning you. Don't make me mad (obviously drunk), cuz when I get mad I make the Incredible Hulk look like Pee Wee Herman.[sm=anger.gif]
 
Officer: [sm=sigh.gif] I'll take my chances.



lovingpet -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/16/2009 1:05:17 PM)

*sits up in the back seat of the car....smeared lipstick and mascara.... hair tossled and clothes half on and fall to one side* What do you mean I can't get paid for this? I LOVE my job!




GoddessImaginos -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/16/2009 1:07:46 PM)

Crap, I forgot My stash in the cooler at work; I'll be right back..



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 7:52:01 PM)

Hey you look like that fat ass cop in Smokey and the Bandit. Lemme hear you say "I'm goonnnaaa baarrbbeeqquuee your ass." say it, say it, pls pls pls.



fadedshadow -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 7:53:23 PM)

wanna go for some donuts?



daintydimples -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 7:56:12 PM)

love the new pic, fadedshadow



Loki45 -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 10:32:45 PM)

I know what my next stop will say:

Me: Afternoon, officer. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Cop: Excuse me?
Me: I said "Do you know why I pulled you over?" You see, I just got this badass car and since I've always been a supporter of the boys in blue, I figured I'd give you the first up-close look at it. Nice, ain't it? [:D]



MMagic -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 10:54:02 PM)

<smacks lips and then taps them, thinking>

Yeah..lemme get a large lemonade, some curly fries and that spicy chicken thing..the one with the dancing chickens on TV...oh and a chocolate cake.
You want me, don't you?

<speeds off just as the officer walks up to the car and yells out the window>
Suckeeerrrr!!



willowspirit -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 10:54:43 PM)

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?  Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.  Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.  Officer: Don't have one?  Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.  Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.  Woman: I can't do that.  Officer: Why not?  Woman: I stole this car.  Officer: Stole it?  Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.  Officer: You what?  Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.  The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for
back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a Senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.  Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!  Woman: Is there a problem Sir?  Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.  Woman: Murdered the owner?  Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.  The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.  Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.  The officer is quite stunned.  Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the
officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks
quite puzzled.  Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner.  Woman: I suppose the fool told you I was speeding, too.  



fadedshadow -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 11:00:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

love the new pic, fadedshadow


thank you very kindly



ElectraGlide -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/17/2009 11:04:55 PM)

Don't tase me bro.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVa6jn4rpE



cuckoldmepls -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/20/2009 8:41:29 AM)

Officer, although I respect your diligence in adhering to the rule of law, as President of the Local University Physics Club, I feel it is my responsibility to point out one hipocritical flaw in your assertion that I was excessively speeding. You failed to take into account the theory of relativity as it relates to the eastward rotation of the planet. It can be safely concluded that this planet is rotating at a much faster speed than I could ever possibly drive. From a universal perspective, everyone on this planet is speeding by thousands of miles per hour including yourself. Furthermore, If you divide the speed limit by the speed rotation of the earth, and my speed by the speed rotation of the earth, you will find that the difference is less than .01%. Writing me a ticket for being over the speed limit by .01% would have to qualify you for the dumbass of the year award for which I will happily nominate you at our next meeting.
 
Can I go now?[8|]



GreedyTop -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/20/2009 8:46:58 AM)

What the fuck? are you KIDDING?   this car won't DO 110 mph!!!!!!!!!!!   Are you on drugs?



MusicalBoredom -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/20/2009 8:56:40 AM)

Okay, true story from yesterday.  I picked of a friend of mine from Penn Station.  She had a backpack and a small suitcase on wheels.  I struggled in the heat to carry both up and down stairs to the stupid trans, on and off of a few platforms.  I was hot and tired.  We got to the ferry terminal to get on the stupid boat.  Well post 9/11 public transportation means there is security all around.  I went into the terminal building and the nice NSA guy with the bomb sniffing dog stops us and has the dog sniff the suitcase I was lugging.  He unzips a pocket so the dog can sniff in there and my friend (a petite girl) says, "Oh, don't open the whole thing because it will explode."  I looked at her, looked at the bomb squad guy and we all just starred at each other for a few seconds then he and I burst out laughing.  It took her another 5 seconds to figure out what she said before she started laughing too.



fadedshadow -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/20/2009 8:57:59 AM)

sing the theme song from cops



Hillwilliam -> RE: NEVER say this to a cop (8/20/2009 10:29:06 AM)

Hey officer!!!!! Where's all the hookers?  This street used to have fuckin HOOKERS



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