Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Own Worst Enemy


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Own Worst Enemy Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:12:34 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i have in the past week been exchanging e-mails with a very nice Man. (Luckily i don't think He reads the forums or He will know i'm speaking of Him and might stop talking to me). He seems very real, kind and hasn't asked 'how long have you been in the lifestyle' (an immediate turn off for me).

Here's the problem. How do i STOP reading His e-mails and wondering to myself, is He real, is He who He says He is, is this just a wanker wanting to trick me? Worse yet, i have caught myself wondering if He is my 'x' trying to find out what i may or may not say about him (the 'x' has done that before). There are other issues that will need to be faced if this goes anywhere at all. my question is, for Tthose that may have gone through the similar thought processes, how did Yyou overcome them? Can they be overcome? Am i being unfair to Him? (lol ok more than one question here).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:16:56 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		First of all, I would be honest with him - tell him that you have been burned many times before, and you are having some paranoia ... that it's nothing personal against him, but it is something he needs to know about.

Second - try to think positive. I know it's not easy, but if things are going well, and you aren't catching any signs of trickery ... perhaps there aren't any there and you can relax a bit on trying to spot them.

I don't know if you are being unfair to him in your thoughts or not, not knowing what has gone on between the two of you so far, but you can't help how you are feeling, so it's not like you are doing it intentionally.
However, bringing it here, and making the comment that you hope he doesn't read it or he might stop talking to you - I feel that is unfair to him. You need to talk to him about it.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:22:33 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

First of all, I would be honest with him - tell him that you have been burned many times before, and you are having some paranoia ... that it's nothing personal against him, but it is something he needs to know about.

Second - try to think positive. I know it's not easy, but if things are going well, and you aren't catching any signs of trickery ... perhaps there aren't any there and you can relax a bit on trying to spot them.

I don't know if you are being unfair to him in your thoughts or not, not knowing what has gone on between the two of you so far, but you can't help how you are feeling, so it's not like you are doing it intentionally.
However, bringing it here, and making the comment that you hope he doesn't read it or he might stop talking to you - I feel that is unfair to him. You need to talk to him about it.


very good point Ma'am... He, so far, deserves better. He is aware of my trust issues as i don't hide them. i brought it here in hopes of hearing how others may have worked through them.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:26:12 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Get on the phone and talk to him. That will answer some of your questions right off the bat.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:28:34 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Get on the phone and talk to him. That will answer some of your questions right off the bat.


Wwe haven't exchanged phone numbers, yet.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:28:47 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Here's the problem. How do i STOP reading His e-mails and wondering to myself, is He real, is He who He says He is, is this just a wanker wanting to trick me? Worse yet, i have caught myself wondering if He is my 'x' trying to find out what i may or may not say about him (the 'x' has done that before). There are other issues that will need to be faced if this goes anywhere at all. my question is, for Tthose that may have gone through the similar thought processes, how did Yyou overcome them? Can they be overcome? Am i being unfair to Him? (lol ok more than one question here).


I emailed, chatted and talked on the phone with my Lord for 6 months before meeting him. During that time, "Is he who he says he is" was a common question that I asked myself and that he asked himself about me. It was only through consistent demonstration of our character and values that we slowly gained the trust in each other to stop asking that question. Did I ever think it unfair? Only if I was judging him based on other people's behavior in my past. If I was just being cautious about being vulnerable with someone I met over the internet then no, it is not unfair at all. You can overcome them with the slow growth of trust in him and the relationship you are building.


Knight's kyra


_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:32:11 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		When you have been burned enough times and badly enough if can be VERY difficult to trust again.

But if you never take that risk how are you ever going to move on and get what you want and deserve. Also, how long will it stay at the back of your mind "What IF he was genuine?"

That is quite a natural question once you have started to get to know someone and get to a certain stage, when you are learning about the other person. If he knows about your trust issues and it is a question you aren't comfortable with yet, why not just tell him that you aren't comfortable with it yet and see how he deals with that.... If he truely understands then he shouldn't have too much of a problem with that.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:34:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How do i STOP reading His e-mails and wondering to myself, is He real, is He who He says He is, is this just a wanker wanting to trick me?


angelic
could you clarify what your GOAL from the e-mail communication is....?

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:39:36 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

How do i STOP reading His e-mails and wondering to myself, is He real, is He who He says He is, is this just a wanker wanting to trick me?


angelic
could you clarify what your GOAL from the e-mail communication is....?



to get to know Him and go from there.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 10:43:40 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Get on the phone and talk to him. That will answer some of your questions right off the bat.


i agree with this. then meeting will quench other worries. its pretty natural tho considering how people treat each other to have those apprehensions. only time and experiencing him will put those demons to bed imo. mean time try to approach him like he is your first date ever, well second maybe, to keep that positive energy flowing between you both.

good luck to you!

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:02:29 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Angelic,

I too was stomped on, broken and emotionally left for dead after my relationship with my husband of 20 years ended VERY badly. It took me a long, long time to heal and an even longer time to start looking again.

When I did, and found him, it took a while longer to explain my trust issues. By this time we were talking all the time on the phone and seeing each other several nights a week. I still have the letter he wrote me. I remember telling him I was broken and didn't know if I could ever trust fully again. He wrote in the letter "If you are broken, then I will pray to God to allow Me to be broken too". I remember sitting there, reading his letter, crying healing tears. My trust began to become mended at that point.

When you find him, you will know it and he will accept you with all of your life experiences. Everything in life has created the Angelic that exists today. It is this Angelic he will fall in love with and demand submission from.

Good luck!

_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:04:19 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

i have in the past week been exchanging e-mails with a very nice Man.


It's only been a week. There's no need to rush. It's really hard to hide your true colors for an extended period of time, so allow him the luxury of proving he's consistant.

Think of it this way.. all those things you're wondering about 'him' he may be wondering the same about you. Hang in there, talk, talk, talk with him and let the relationship develop naturally in it's own good time.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:10:44 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Get on the phone and talk to him. That will answer some of your questions right off the bat.


Wwe haven't exchanged phone numbers, yet.


angelic,

I don't *exchange* phone numbers, I *get* phone numbers when I want to talk to someone for the first time, and my number is blocked when I call. Now, granted, I'm Domme, so "how fair is that" doesn't enter the equation, but knowing your background, and knowing it would give you some peace of mind, your friend might be happy to do the same for you. (I'm sure he's dying to hear your voice anyway. lol)

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:11:03 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		thank Yyou Aall for Yyour input. my trust issues, His size issues (and NO i don't mean it 'that' way... He is much bigger than i and i think that causes Him concern)...

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:20:42 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Get on the phone and talk to him. That will answer some of your questions right off the bat.


Wwe haven't exchanged phone numbers, yet.


angelic,

I don't *exchange* phone numbers, I *get* phone numbers when I want to talk to someone for the first time, and my number is blocked when I call. Now, granted, I'm Domme, so "how fair is that" doesn't enter the equation, but knowing your background, and knowing it would give you some peace of mind, your friend might be happy to do the same for you. (I'm sure he's dying to hear your voice anyway. lol)


It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:23:24 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

quote:



angelic,

I don't *exchange* phone numbers, I *get* phone numbers when I want to talk to someone for the first time, and my number is blocked when I call. Now, granted, I'm Domme, so "how fair is that" doesn't enter the equation, but knowing your background, and knowing it would give you some peace of mind, your friend might be happy to do the same for you. (I'm sure he's dying to hear your voice anyway. lol)


It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL


Why is it not your place to ask?

kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 2/26/2006 11:24:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:27:44 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL


There I disagree, it might be moot for you to ask respectfully if he would mind exchanging phone numbers.

But if it would help you get over your problem of wondering if it was your ex on the other end of the keyboard then I don't know any decent Dom who would say it wasn't your place to ask. He might not be comfortable giving it quite yet if it has only been a short time (I've already exchanged mobile numbers with my young lady, that happened before a full week had passed!)

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:31:14 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL



Stop being a Victim!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:43:11 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL


There I disagree, it might be moot for you to ask respectfully if he would mind exchanging phone numbers.

But if it would help you get over your problem of wondering if it was your ex on the other end of the keyboard then I don't know any decent Dom who would say it wasn't your place to ask. He might not be comfortable giving it quite yet if it has only been a short time (I've already exchanged mobile numbers with my young lady, that happened before a full week had passed!)


that is why, Sir.. if He is not comfortable in giving it out then if i ask, i have then put Him in a position that He will be uncomfortable with.

ok thinking this thru, i suppose i could just give Him my phone number... if He choses to call that is His choice.



_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Own Worst Enemy - 2/26/2006 11:44:44 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

It's not my place to ask Ma'am, so i will not. i love the 'I *get* phone numbers', tho LOL



Stop being a Victim!


Sir, with all due respect! NO SHIT!


_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Own Worst Enemy Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094