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RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 12:08:50 AM

SilentSpark

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/16/2009
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OK... For those of you "true slaves" who doesn't need after care, who think they have to right to determine how much after care other doms should give to his/her sub. who believes dom who give "too much" after care is soft service dom, who think sub drop is just some nonsense we invented to get extra attention, who think subs are not human but really just a piece of toy even cheaper than a dildo, I mean, even a dildo needs to be cleaned afterwards, but you~~~perfect little sub, you don't need that~~~LOL, you don't need anything.

who think their DS is better because they're the perfect sub...

seriously, I'm sick and tired of this... Once in a while, there're people jump out and say:" my way is the best way~ why can't you be like me?! sub drop? what's that? I've never experienced it, so you're definitely faking it! why do you need that much? You're not a true sub if you need this and that~~~ Look at how I serve my Master, look at how perfect i am... blah blah blah"...

Gosh, and I thought we're supposed to keep an open mind here.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 41

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 12:12:36 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SilentSpark

OK... For those of you "true slaves" who doesn't need after care, who think they have to right to determine how much after care other doms should give to his/her sub. who believes dom who give "too much" after care is soft service dom, who think sub drop is just some nonsense we invented to get extra attention, who think subs are not human but really just a piece of toy even cheaper than a dildo, I mean, even a dildo needs to be cleaned afterwards, but you~~~perfect little sub, you don't need that~~~LOL, you don't need anything.

who think their DS is better because they're the perfect sub...

seriously, I'm sick and tired of this... Once in a while, there're people jump out and say:" my way is the best way~ why can't you be like me?! sub drop? what's that? I've never experienced it, so you're definitely faking it! why do you need that much? You're not a true sub if you need this and that~~~ Look at how I serve my Master, look at how perfect i am... blah blah blah"...

Gosh, and I thought we're supposed to keep an open mind here.

Yeah and you are sure showing one

As one of those who said I have never experienced sub drop and don't require hours of loving aftercare, I never said anyone else who did is wrong or not entitled to their own way. I really don't see that others are driving that point home either. Are we a bit sensitive to others' opinions that don't mirror our own here?

I never said I was "pefect" or "truer" than anyone else because I don't need what they appear to. I never said anyone was "making it up" that they experience subdrop. I never said anyone should change anything to be more like me. I haven't read that others have said any of that either. Lighten up. If you want and need aftercare, have at it. Don't get so touchy that not everyone agrees with YOU

..............luci

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(in reply to SilentSpark)

Post #: 42

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 12:15:14 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If someone thinks I am soft, or not soft enough..........it really isn't my worry.

including your partner?

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- D stands for Damian....not dude

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Post #: 43

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 1:09:14 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

This thread comes after reading the "After Care" thread and all the posts from subs who get everything from cookies & hot chocolate to a meal after a 'session'. As I posted there, I was always taught that we are there to provide for the Dom's needs, their desires not to be molly-coddled after doing what we're supposed to do. I know after care is important but I'm thinking cuddling, kept warm and going to sleep, not the dom scurrying around, waiting on the sub hand & foot all in the name of preventing sub drop.

Thoughts?

My thought is that the highlighted bit above is right... for you, and what you were taught. That said, the "I was always taught that we are there to..." bit smacks of one twue way.

You seem to think that subs get aftercare "all in the name of preventing sub drop"... umm, ok. Did it ever occur to you that, for some D-types, taking care of and providing food, drink, whatever for their sub is what they want to do? That doing such is a form of aftercare for the D?

I recently played with an awesome Domme (you know who you are), whose preference when we were done was to take care of me. Spaced as I was, I could have put on my robe, stumbled to a chair, gotten some water, etc all by myself, if I had to... but who was I to deny her when she did those things for me because she wanted to? Does the fact that I enjoyed being taken care of negate the fact that doing so was her pleasure?

As for scurrying around, many Ds know what will be needed, and will instruct the s to have things set up and available before the session even starts. Does reaching for a cookie already set out really count as scurrying?

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Post #: 44

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 1:34:40 AM

SilentSpark

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

I guess I'm just an oddball but "sub drop" is not something I have experienced. Well then, I haven't experienced "sub frenzy" and all kinds of other "sub" nonsense either, so I must be the odd one out. However, having said that, here's my personal thoughts as to your question, Potty:

Sub nonsense? care to explain?

second thought, no need... I have wasted enough time on you already~

< Message edited by SilentSpark -- 9/11/2009 1:35:56 AM >

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 45

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 1:51:17 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Of all the years I have been into this and its been a lot, I would say that things are very similar to what went on years ago. Its just more open now because we have more above ground clubs and boards such as these.
I think the one thing we are seeing which was very different ten years ago is the younger crowd coming through. Maybe inspired by what they see on the internet and the club culture which suits them which didn't exist not that many years ago. Younger people seem less inhibited about trying new things. When we started nearly 25 years ago we had to discover it all for ourselves and we had to rely to a great extent on our natural instincts for inspiration.

After care is something we read about now but its always gone on. Again its a natural instinct to provide aftercare and is part of the modern BDSM culture. There is a time for it and it can range from just tucking the shaking sub into bed to taking them out to dinner if that suits you. On the other hand there is no after care after a punishment

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 9/11/2009 2:02:57 AM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 1:55:52 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I don't know, I've got after care for punishments before......for me it re-enforced that though he was not pleased with my actions etc, he still cared about me, and I wasn't as horrible as I felt I was.

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Post #: 47

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 2:19:46 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

you know with a few keystrokes and some dandy marketing anyone can seem perfect. if you buy into it that's your prerogative. just saying.

porcelaine

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Post #: 48

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 3:54:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If someone thinks I am soft, or not soft enough..........it really isn't my worry.

including your partner?

That is a rediculous question. I don't go and grab any old sub/slave just becasue THEY say they are one. If and when, someone because mine, my property, they will already know me and how I am, BEFORE they expressed the desire to belong to me. It's part of that communication thing I am such a fan of.

If an s-type needs a lot of reassurance and mollycoddling, they have no business belonging to me in the first place. Not saying I am going to beat the hell out of someone then walk away, ignoring them. But I am repulsed by clingy, needy, passive agressiveness, cloaked in the form of submission. I seriously doubt we would get to the point you suggest.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TurboJugend)

Post #: 49

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 5:03:17 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Do you mean...I mean.....you mean that .....

but on the topic then I'm not to judge whether bdsm has become soft or not since everybody defines bdsm in their own way, kinda like the labels. And if a person needs aftercare then fine but it wouldn't be something for me.

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Post #: 50

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 5:34:33 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
As one of those who said I have never experienced sub drop and don't require hours of loving aftercare, I never said anyone else who did is wrong or not entitled to their own way.

I haven't seen anyone who said they require hours of loving aftercare. It takes about ten seconds max to uncap a water bottle and pass it over. And the same to pull up a blanket over the sub.

At the same time, he likes to rest only he does so on top of the blanket, not under.

So where does this snide comment about hours being required come from.

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Post #: 51

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 6:17:59 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

This thread comes after reading the "After Care" thread and all the posts from subs who get everything from cookies & hot chocolate to a meal after a 'session'. As I posted there, I was always taught that we are there to provide for the Dom's needs, their desires not to be molly-coddled after doing what we're supposed to do. I know after care is important but I'm thinking cuddling, kept warm and going to sleep, not the dom scurrying around, waiting on the sub hand & foot all in the name of preventing sub drop.

Thoughts?

My first responsibility as someone's dominant is to see to their safety and well being. If I must "scurry around" to achieve that, so be it. I try to be prepared as much as possible. Having intimate knowledge of diabetes and its dangers I am more inclined to go the extra mile.

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(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 52

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 6:21:06 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Thanks for all the comments on this thread. I'm sorry if my question came across as "My way or the highway", that was not my intention. I simply expressed what I was taught vs. what I'm reading and asked an innocent question. I'm a vegetarian and would never preach to everyone around me the evils of eating meat, I'll sit down to a meal w/a meat eater. Same thing here, we each live the lifestyle our way and I respect everyone's response. Well, almost everyone..............just one question to SilentSpark..................
Weren't you the author of "How to Win Friends & Influence People"?

Again, thanks everyone!

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Post #: 53

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 6:29:12 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

First there is fore play... then there is the hard going at it... and then if we still can be bothered there might be after care

We are mainly self taught and we usually like the lot

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 54

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 6:34:47 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

My Dom and i have an EQUAL responsibility to care for each other and meet each others needs. With me, that includes a slight amount of aftercare...cuddle time, talking, letting me recharge.

If he had an issue with meeting those needs then i can honestly say i am with the wrong person.

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Post #: 55

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 6:43:27 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
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Yes Clumsy I know YOU need aftercare.............after you fall, after you burn yourself, after you get caught in screen doors............and the list goes on...........

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Post #: 56

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 7:11:57 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm wondering though if there's a difference between those of us who play at home versus playing in public. We play in private, so the quilt's at the foot of the bed, the water's just down the hall in the fridge as is the chocolate and fruit. Him getting me something may take 30 seconds and usually he'll want water and chocolate too. It also isn't a big deal for him to close the door while I nap for a bit and he goes online or stands outside cooling off.

I can see that public play is a lot more cumbersome. You have to move from where you slump over hoping to catch your breath. You have to go into another room to talk and eat. Perhaps this is a lot of the difference?

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Post #: 57

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 7:26:43 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

Yes Clumsy I know YOU need aftercare.............after you fall, after you burn yourself, after you get caught in screen doors............and the list goes on...........

please learn the difference between aftercare and health care, ya doof.

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Post #: 58

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 7:33:31 AM

Wolf2Bear

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Joined: 9/6/2009
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There could be a difference, that I can't say for sure. What I do know is it doesn't make much difference for myself as it isn't until several hours or a day or so later when I start feeling the effects of sub drop. It isn't so much a physical reaction but psychological, I do get very introspective and all I want to do is isolate myself for a couple days. That's when I need the dom or top to be there to help sort through what I'm feeling, not only that as it's part of my responsibility to discuss things because the top or dom needs that as well.

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Post #: 59

RE: Has BDSM become "soft"? - 9/11/2009 8:04:36 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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I agree in that there's no mushy lovey dovey let me wait on you let me make sure you're happy type a fter care not like a fun scene or play time, but if I ever had a dynamic where punishment was involved he'd damn well better do some after caring for me after the punishment was over. A hug a kiss, if I am all snotty and stuffed up from crying, some tissue to blow my nose and wipe my face, if I am sobbing un controllably hold me and let me sob till I am done. If I am dead worn out and should have a nap, tuck me in and make sure I am getting to bed,Give me some reassurance that our slate was clean now and I was still cherished by him. And yeah some people think the act of punishing the person would show you were cherished and stuff, because if you were not cherished why would they take the time to punish you, and that's enough and all you need but not me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Of all the years I have been into this and its been a lot, I would say that things are very similar to what went on years ago. Its just more open now because we have more above ground clubs and boards such as these.
I think the one thing we are seeing which was very different ten years ago is the younger crowd coming through. Maybe inspired by what they see on the internet and the club culture which suits them which didn't exist not that many years ago. Younger people seem less inhibited about trying new things. When we started nearly 25 years ago we had to discover it all for ourselves and we had to rely to a great extent on our natural instincts for inspiration.

After care is something we read about now but its always gone on. Again its a natural instinct to provide aftercare and is part of the modern BDSM culture. There is a time for it and it can range from just tucking the shaking sub into bed to taking them out to dinner if that suits you. On the other hand there is no after care after a punishment

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 60

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