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I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:17:57 PM   
sidney614


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hi. My user name used to be Daddyssidney but I had to change it. My Daddy and I were together a little under two years. We started out in a vanilla relationship but I have always been submissive to the one that holds my heart. We were a great match in most all areas except the bedroom. Our sexual life really hurt me emotionally. When I would talk with him about it he would let up only to return to it later. I tried to make his kinks my own.......but that did not work. When I spoke with him about it he said nothing but took it out on me later. I'm beginning to realize that he only used the D/s dynamic for his own jollies with little to no regard of my well being. My introduction to the lifestyle was an abusive one. If some of you could share with me how you were able to overcome a BAD example of the lifestyle that would be very helpful.
Be Well
sidney
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:22:11 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		sidney, it's not rocket science.  You just need a Dom who will work with you, slowly, to get past your issues, and get you to realize that he cares about you and is worthy of your trust.

The good news is that you will weed out the ones who aren't interested in a relationship, and that you're more alert to the red flags now.

Best of luck!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sidney614)
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RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:25:36 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		sidney,
You might find these links helpful.

http://www.leathernroses.com/abuse/healingabuse.htm

I think you might find the assistance of a therapist as you sort out the traumatic aspect and the reasons those things were triggering to be a helpful addition to your healing process.

There are some kink aware therapists if you think that might be helpful.



_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:25:47 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Yup, I'll second what DS said. A new and credible partner will be just the ticket to overcoming past bad experiences. Not only that, but it's kind of my opinion that all people come to new relationships bearing the battle scars of the past ones. So I don't see that as a particular down side unless it's turned into a victim mentality.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:26:12 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Well, I left an abusive relationship in may.

Abusive enough, the last incident I sent the bastard to jail when he busted my face open for the last time.

You cant really do much, you will either stay a victim of abuse or you will become a survivor of abuse. It all comes down to YOUR personality.

I do suggest counseling for yourself, months if not years of deep personal reflection and good friends who will life you up and support you. stay away from the friends that want to constantly rehash all the gory details of where everything in the relationship went wrong,  how much of an asshole he was, etc. Staying around negative people will only make this harder on you.

In the end, the choice is up to you.


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RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:40:19 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Many of my previous suggestion in your other thread still stand. Most of them bent toward a lot of self examination and working hard to find a compatible and trustworthy man. Like others have said, when the right person is there, trust and healing aren't such big factors as they look right now. No rushing into another relationship right now. This time is yours to work on you and to help you learn what you look like happy and healthy and what such a partner for you would look like as well. Alone is not the worst thing in the world to be, though it's not easy at first. My best sweetie and hang in there!

lovingpet

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:41:47 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

If some of you could share with me how you were able to overcome a BAD example of the lifestyle that would be very helpful.
Be Well
sidney


Sidney,

I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I also just made the decision to leave my own Sir. I've rented an apartment of my own and will be moving 6 days from now. That's the soonest I could arrange to get out of the place I share with him.

I can't advise you on how to deal with your emotions. I wish I could. For me, though, when someone betrays my trust, I get mad. I don't grieve during the period where I'm just plain mad. I just make plans to move on and put the person who betrayed me in my past.

As a couple of other posters have mentioned you can chose to look at yourself as a victim or you can choose to look at yourself as a survivor. I choose survivor. I know it hurts, but you need to protect yourself and with time you'll feel up to trying again. Just use the lessons you learned from this bad experience to identify what you do not want in your next relationship.

Best of luck and hugs!


_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:43:05 PM   
sidney614


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for the great feedback. I did do years of counseling and thought I had worked through that stuff. My ex just really got his jollies of reopening and reliving my past abusive. Whew..... I'm glad that is over!!

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:45:50 PM   
MissCake


Posts: 149
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline 		Awwwwww Honey.  Big hugs to you.  You are getting good suggestions here.  If you are at a place where you feel you don't trust your own judgement (we've all been there), find some other women - maybe even kindly perverted men like Dark Steven - you can run things past until you feel strong enough.  You are already way ahead of the game because you realized you had a relationship that didn't work and you made the choice to move on.  Many women, in and out of this lifestyle, never make that choice.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 4:50:04 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		after getting out of any long term relationship its hard to just jump back into the dating scene, expecially one that was abusive. one thing i would suggest is really starting to focus on yourself, your needs and wants not with a partner just you. get your life in order, focus on yourself, do not be in any kind of serious relationship right now. ask yourself what you want to change, what would make you happy right now, find your own hopes and dreams, find different hobbies you enjoy. next i would suggest just focusing on what happened and how you can prevent it from happening again. how did you meet, when did it turn ugly, what were the signs that made you feel it was falling apart, ask yourself questions and when you find the answers then focus on those (What ever you do do not blame yourself it was not your fault!) find away to move past them and help yourself not have them happen again. then start asking yourself what you're looking for in a relationship, and dont settle just wait until they come around and enjoy being single. 

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:00:35 PM   
sidney614


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline 		One thing that is on my side is I will be starting school next week. I'm taking a full load and will be pretty busy with that.

(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:14:03 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

One thing that is on my side is I will be starting school next week. I'm taking a full load and will be pretty busy with that.


yeah for sure keeping busy is importent.

my X and i were together for 2 1/2 years and after we ended if it wasnt finals week i think i would have had a bit of a break down. i also lost a lot of creativity when i was with him i stopped painting stopped playing the guitar stopped writing songs stopped writing in general. when we broke up i started to get back into it again. (my best friend always says depression is sometimes the best inspiration.) right after the relationship i reflected on the past, while my X jumped right into a relationship with a new girl. my X and i still talk and when he and i talk about our lives it seems im a bit more on the happier side of life. i guess he never took the time to heal.


_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:15:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

One thing that is on my side is I will be starting school next week. I'm taking a full load and will be pretty busy with that.



Really? That's great!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, what do you wanna be when you grow up?

Curiously,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:20:18 PM   
sidney614


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline 		It's painful..... but I'm almost more angry at myself for letting it go on like I did. It's like how did I get so stuck on stupid like I did?

(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:21:52 PM   
sidney614


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline 		I want to be a hospice nurse when i grow up.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:27:29 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

It's painful..... but I'm almost more angry at myself for letting it go on like I did. It's like how did I get so stuck on stupid like I did?


Sweetie,

It's not a matter of being stupid. You had hopes that the relationship would work and you held on to those hopes as long as you could.

The good news is that you finally realized that this person you were involved with was (apparently from your OP) abusing you. It's not your fault that you wanted to hold on. It is to your credit, however, that you found the strength to leave.

Please don't beat yourself up. You have better things to do with your life than live in the past. You have a future and please don't forget that.

Again,
*hugs*


_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:43:09 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

I want to be a hospice nurse when i grow up.



I'm betting you will be the best, kid!!!!!! Go get 'em, tiger!!!!!!!!

Dr. Kildare

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:44:37 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Hell yeah sidney!!! You'd be a great hospice nurse!

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:46:11 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

I want to be a hospice nurse when i grow up.


Please post hawt pics of you in the nurse's outfit. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sidney614)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday - 9/15/2009 5:47:39 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

I want to be a hospice nurse when i grow up.


Please post hawt pics of you in the nurse's outfit. 



I agree, especially if she gets a latex nurse outfit.....


_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 20
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