subtoFemDommes
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slavekoko
i am curious what trust and faith mean to both Dominants and submissives. Sometimes i have trouble being the trustworthy person i wish to be.
In order for me to trust in the truest sense (within an intimate relationship or otherwise) i have to hear a rational expression of heartfelt ethics, not just towards myself, but in opinions and experiences confided with me regarding others. I've always been amazed at the human propensity to share devious behavior as if in doing so, one is establishing a bond with the party to whom it's being disclosed.
How someone tells me they regard others is a start; after all, they know others better than they know me at the beginning of our relationship. Then there's consistency: Watch what humans do, not what they say. It really doesn't matter if it's a D/s relationship or otherwise, that rule is one to live by. When a history of the doing and the saying begin to add up, then, and only then, is trust warranted.
So what do I additionally look for in a Dominant? (Nothing anymore, Thank You; i've found it  ) OK; what did I look for? Intelligence; i can't trust you if i don't think you understand certain things; i may trust ethics, but i can't trust judgment, which when you're chained and gagged, is not something you want to realize isn't there in abundance!
Empathy and observation; do i have a sense that there is a need for a true connection with me, a sense of me as a whole person and the ability to observe my reactions accurately? Do i feel the connection, the deepening closeness that experience with me brings, the true need to "feel my pain" and my pleasures?
And here's a big one: Do i feel They trust me? Because if not, then i don't know how fear, guilt, anxiety, may cause them to react, or reject. Let me repeat my mantra: "The Dominant is every bit (and in some cases more) as vulnerable as the submissive!"
So the trust i sought in a Dominant is both the trust i'd seek in anyone with whom i'd cast my fortunes, but it will always be unique in the sense that i know i will inspire Her, She will inspire me and W/we will share things together that are unique to U/us; no one else will ever know all that is shared ... but it feels like they could read by the glow.
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Also when do we stop beating our heads against the wall? Accept that things aren't what we want and may never be?
i agree with Mistress; if we buy into "there," the target of happiness achieved when the checklist is completed, happiness will make sure to stay a moving target, a mirage just out of reach, shifting positions with each desperate leap in it's direction.
Sadly, we live in a society that makes materialism a religion; and in order to sustain that worship, tells us that that the perfection of our souls, our very right to be loved, is obtainable only if we buy this year's new, improved model. If you listen to the message of modern advertising, it's essentially "You'd be more loveable if you drove this car, wore these clothes, looked this way..." and i believe that has infiltrated our consciousness in a way that can alienate one from our essential being, into a commodity of some sort, a goal to be reached, a product to be obtained, whether that product is the "perfection" of ourselves or the perfect "someone."
In the words of Morrie Schwartz "The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves and you have to be strong enough to say if it doesn't work don't buy it." ("Tuesdays With Morrie" - Mitch Albom)
Happiness is here, it's an attitude, not a destination. Stop ... listen ... breathe and feel your own sweet love, the thing that distinguishes your existence, your most powerful gift to give, as it fills you, right here, right now.
That wall you've been hitting your head against ... now it's become the mirage, and you can run .... right through it!
< Message edited by subtoFemDommes -- 3/3/2006 6:56:12 PM >
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