|
Kooth -> RE: Being called "slut" (8/30/2004 2:15:43 PM)
|
Has anyone here read The Ethical Slut? Although the book does deal primarily with polyamory and not BDSM per se, I think the idea of reclaiming the term "slut" is not that new - the book was written in the mid 90's, and the idea was probably discussed even earlier. One post here described a slut as someone who slept around - that is not necessarily a bad thing, just another variety of kink. The other usage referred to seems to be a Dom describing a sub and what kinky things they are up to by themselves, which is cool, too. The term WAS meant to be degrading at one point (still is, by some), and using it that way, like play rape, can be fun. Breaking bigger taboos in reality or roleplay makes for a bigger turn-on. I'm not going to call you a slut if I don't know you, I would need to know what it meant to you, first. Does it push a good button or bad one?
I gave the book to my last sub, along with Exhibitionism for the Shy, because they both applied to our relationship. She was my slut, and was a slut for others, both at my say so and of her own desire. Both books deal with self-esteem issues, learning to accept your behavior and attitudes as healthy when they radically differ from the (imMoral) majority's views. It's probable that people who either use or object to the use of words like slut mean it in a degrading way, to tear down self-esteem, so, unless it's been predetermined by you and your partner or friends, stay away from or ignore it. Like many people, we tried to come up with a better word for a sexually active woman - hetaera was one of my favorites.
Although combining poly- and D/s is more challenging than either alone, I think, it was also a very powerful experience for both of us. I've done both by themselves, as well, open relationships, and closed Dom/sub. The two together makes for MORE rules and greater awareness, not less - you may have more options of what you can do and with whom, but you have to take greater care, to prioritize relationships, where and when boundaries apply, navigate jealousies, etc. But it is possible to have many parnters AND be committed to a healthy long-term relationship, to be an ethical slut; or, as it seemed to be brought up here, to be an ethical slut for one person, getting very kinky but not breaking any more morals than anyone else in a BDSM relationship does, whatever words they use to describe themselves.
|
|
|
|
