quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Is there really a difference?

Submissive A says "I can't do electroplay, I have a pacemaker."
Submissive B says "I won't do electroplay, it's a complete turnoff."

The end result is no electroplay so why are there so many posts in the vein of "It's okay if s/he can't do it, but if s/he just won't then it's a problem"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Is there really a difference?

Submissive A says "I can't do electroplay, I have a pacemaker."
Submissive B says "I won't do electroplay, it's a complete turnoff."

The end result is no electroplay so why are there so many posts in the vein of "It's okay if s/he can't do it, but if s/he just won't then it's a problem"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Is there really a difference?

Submissive A says "I can't do electroplay, I have a pacemaker."
Submissive B says "I won't do electroplay, it's a complete turnoff."

The end result is no electroplay so why are there so many posts in the vein of "It's okay if s/he can't do it, but if s/he just won't then it's a problem"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

Both options are choices. Unfortunately, too many here seem to think that death is the only valid limit which one can choose to assert.

Surrender is a free choice made with self will from strength. A master who disrespects the exercise of free choice only disrespects themself -- as so unworthy of receiving the gift of surrender that they must forcefully impose their will upon another.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Is there really a difference?

Submissive A says "I can't do electroplay, I have a pacemaker."
Submissive B says "I won't do electroplay, it's a complete turnoff."

The end result is no electroplay so why are there so many posts in the vein of "It's okay if s/he can't do it, but if s/he just won't then it's a problem"?

submissive a has provided a documented medical issue that could prove problematic to the play. she has not overtly expressed an unwillingness to engage without providing a reasonable reason why play should be discouraged.

submissive b has elected to defer to her own interests above the dominant in question without reasonable consideration, save it has no appeal. in this case she has decided that a valiant attempt to adhere to the dominant's preferences will not be undertaken.

in my opinion both statements are inappropriate. the first example should be restated and presented in a manner that is less matter of fact. i would advise submissive a to respond in this fashion:

Sir, i realize you are interested in electroplay. however, i should make you aware that i have a pacemaker.
additional details about the condition should be provided at this point. after this occurs she should follow up by stating:

i understand this is disappointing and know you enjoy this kind of play. what else can i do to please you?
this demeanor is surrendered and takes into account her condition and the fact that style of play will probably be off limits. however, she makes herself available to him in another fashion by offering and demonstrating her desire to please.

the second statement is simply wrong. her tone is inappropriate and matter of fact. it could be viewed as challenging and disrespectful as well. i would probably suggest that submissive b phrase it in this manner:

Sir, i'm aware of your interests in electroplay. may i please share something with you that i believe might be of importance?
she waits for his response then continues on and states:

admittedly i'm a little (scared, nervous, or whatever her problem is) about engaging in this way. i have/have not done this before.
if she's had a bad experience it should be admitted. if her fears are based on other factors such as things she's heard or read she should share those as well and wait for his response. then end the dialogue by saying:

i know this is something that you enjoy. i'm aware that my feelings probably haven't changed at this moment, but i'm willing to make an effort.
then shut the hell up. don't add one more iota.

as you can see it isn't always in what you say, but how the feelings are presented that can make the difference between compassionate discussion and a punishment.

porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

For me, the end result is not the same because it was never about the activity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jane can't climb the tree, as she has no arms nor legs.

Judy won't climb the tree, she's a lazy git.

It's true, the end result is the same, but the way you got there is totaly different.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

It's been a while since I've been moved to shell out triple digits.

100 points.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Sir, i realize you are interested in electroplay. however, i should make you aware that i have a pacemaker. I understand this is disappointing and know you enjoy this kind of play. what else can i do to please you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Sir, i realize you are interested in electroplay. however, i should make you aware that i have a pacemaker. I understand this is disappointing and know you enjoy this kind of play. what else can i do to please you?

OK, this is where NZ is going to accuse me of forgetting that I'm in a 15 year marriage, but here goes anyway. Within my marriage and for Carol & I, we don't mess around with word choice in this way. In fact I specifically commanded her to stop trying to "talk like a slave" and just talk. ESPECIALLY in a life and death situation (which any "no" response would automatically be), I'd have SO little patience for beating around the bush. I wasn't planning on turning into a homicidal maniac any time soon so yeah, the electroplay is right out. No need to mess around. The fact that I may please myself in any other way is already understood. There's no need to point that out either. Nor would I be disappointed that I failed to murder the woman I love. The whole thing is just contrived.