RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 6:51:02 PM)

OK, back on topic then.......

Yes, people on this site will tell you things that are not true just to make you believe something that isn't real.  So, all that time you wasted on someone who told you something that was less than you really thought it was, well, suck it up because after all, this is the internet and anything that someone chooses to say is all right.  As long as the husband and wife come along and apologize, you can feel good about moving into their home and whatever they lied to you about doesn't matter because now they recognize that they made a mistake.  You can trust them completely since they say they are sorry that they were dishonest with you.

Do you see the irony in the post now?



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 6:52:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
i probably shouldn't even be missing any college to see them.

No, you shouldn't.  One indication of how serious they are (or aren't) is whether they are willing to visit you, and keep things Platonic when they visit.  They have enough money to remodel their home for months.  A round-trip ticket to Boise from most anywhere in the continental US is less than $300.  Not exactly impossible to swing, for someone with the dough for construction work.  I think you should invest your time with people who can put their money where their mouth is.



they do have enough they just want to be all moved in by the time i come..which i understand. they want to be able to pay attention to me and the house they are currently in i guess is in really  bad shape.

i kinda feel good they want to kinda impress me i guess. shows they care i guess.
until the house closes or w.e he doesn't know how much money he will have to spend on it or something so he is saving up a lot .

i don't really understand all of it but i know he has money.. i know he will use it to get me there no problem when the situation is better.

but, i still just feel like i have to be so weary and cautious. you just are never sure.. and personally?

lets see i'm 18
i'm serious
i'm not horrible looking
i'm normal...
i'm getting well educated

shouldn't a dom be jumping at my feet if i like him? :/ i have so many guys who want me REALLY badly. but i'm so picky and i'm kinda taken aback from him. (this is not to sound snotty at all i'm just confused)



VideoAdminAlpha -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 6:52:58 PM)

Points up to LadyPact.....hush Magic, she's got the right idea...back to topic dear?? Let sleeping dogs lie. [;)]



RedMagic1 -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:00:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
shouldn't a dom be jumping at my feet if i like him? :/ i have so many guys who want me REALLY badly. but i'm so picky and i'm kinda taken aback from him. (this is not to sound snotty at all i'm just confused)

Yes, a man interested in you should pursue you.  On the other hand, perhaps part of the reason you like him is that your youthful sexuality does not control him the way it controls most men.  It's a fine line for a guy.  Act uninterested, and she moves on.  Act too interested, and she loses respect for you.  (Not saying all women are like this, but I know a lot of sub women who are.)

And there's this, for Pete's sake.  I would never move someone into my home unless I knew her already in real life.  No frikkin way.  So if that is his plan, either he has no intention of doing this with you, or he's a major doofus.  You could be the bunny boiler from hell, you know what I mean?  When it gets right down to it, there are some things you can only learn about people by meeting in person.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:10:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
shouldn't a dom be jumping at my feet if i like him? :/ i have so many guys who want me REALLY badly. but i'm so picky and i'm kinda taken aback from him. (this is not to sound snotty at all i'm just confused)

Yes, a man interested in you should pursue you.  On the other hand, perhaps part of the reason you like him is that your youthful sexuality does not control him the way it controls most men.  It's a fine line for a guy.  Act uninterested, and she moves on.  Act too interested, and she loses respect for you.  (Not saying all women are like this, but I know a lot of sub women who are.)

And there's this, for Pete's sake.  I would never move someone into my home unless I knew her already in real life.  No frikkin way.  So if that is his plan, either he has no intention of doing this with you, or he's a major doofus.  You could be the bunny boiler from hell, you know what I mean?  When it gets right down to it, there are some things you can only learn about people by meeting in person.



i do. i like it he has the control...obviously.

well when i go out it'll be a first visit..just get to know eachother.. nothing sexual at all... just ya know..hanging out see if we are compatiable.



RedMagic1 -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:19:01 PM)

Okay, well good luck, whatever you decide.  I will say this: screwing your grades up just to meet somebody is probably not a wise choice.  So don't just think with your pelvis, even though that can be a lot more fun.



DrkJourney -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:19:07 PM)

If you are determined to do this, remember what I said in my first post here.  Where is the wife and why haven't you spoken to her more than once? 

Just check into them as much as possible before you get on a plane to go to strangers to some remote location that doesn't even have phone reception.

You will have loads of opportunites, no big deal if you pass on a few here or there. 

The most important thing is to be safe. 



NihilusZero -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:43:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

I never pretended to be OK. I never pretended to be nice. In fact, not one time in a single post I have EVER made, have I pretended to be any thing. Dislike me for my cruelty or incivilities if it so strikes you. I also never asked to be liked. I have mine, and it is my job to protect it. If the likes of these are repetitively permitted, how can I be assured that this site is a minor free zone? I don't post a lot any more, for I wish to not offend the likes of the Dark and others, whose opine i regard highly, but I do get hostile and mean when I get a topic that risks me and or mine. So for those of you who don't like my methods, your problem.

Block me. I am still me. I am still an unbearable ass. I am still defending mine.

What does any of this mean?



MsD -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 7:48:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Fighting cum sluts from the skies;
fearless cunts;
who post to whine;
those who be;
not what they say;
I live to laugh;
another day..........

Master SSG Barry Sadler


THAT was toooooooooooo funny, Ron!! sang right along with it! hehe military brats know that tune too [;)] LMFAO!! [sm=dancing.gif][sm=dancing.gif][sm=dancing.gif][sm=dancing.gif][sm=dancing.gif]



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:01:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

If you are determined to do this, remember what I said in my first post here.  Where is the wife and why haven't you spoken to her more than once? 

Just check into them as much as possible before you get on a plane to go to strangers to some remote location that doesn't even have phone reception.

You will have loads of opportunites, no big deal if you pass on a few here or there. 

The most important thing is to be safe. 


i've talked to her a lot more than once..
but i haven't talked to her once during this whole house thing..supposidly she is always working on it... but i don't know:/ guess we will see here pretty fast..

and i'd be meeting her at the airport..not him...

i'd be seeing them both on webcam before i go out. i want total proof they really work where they say they do... stuff like that.

i'm not going to just go out..



lizi -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:04:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

I never pretended to be OK. I never pretended to be nice. In fact, not one time in a single post I have EVER made, have I pretended to be any thing. Dislike me for my cruelty or incivilities if it so strikes you. I also never asked to be liked. I have mine, and it is my job to protect it. If the likes of these are repetitively permitted, how can I be assured that this site is a minor free zone? I don't post a lot any more, for I wish to not offend the likes of the Dark and others, whose opine i regard highly, but I do get hostile and mean when I get a topic that risks me and or mine. So for those of you who don't like my methods, your problem.

Block me. I am still me. I am still an unbearable ass. I am still defending mine.

What does any of this mean?



I don't know but I'm glad it stopped. My head was hurting trying to figure it out...



sweetobedience1 -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:04:47 PM)

I hope you're 18 now for sure.

I hope if you meet the couple or anyone else that you are safe.

Please take this from someone who has traveled quite a few places alone...it is dangerous!! Most times it worked out well. However, from bad experiences, I learned a few things. Tell someone reliable where you're going. Leave a note with every detail you can about your flight, the couple, and where you think you'll be in your room at home. Make sure you bring your cell phone and charger! (Find out more about the phone reception issue). Also, I would have a hotel confirmed for myself along with money for transportation. This couple may be trustworthy, but you have no guarantee of this. If you've decided you want the first time to be platonic, that's great. They may be expecting something else or pressure you into more once you arrive. I would have a hotel lined up in my name and go there straight off the plane. I would meet this couple for dinner. Spend the night alone. Then, I would meet them for something in public the next day and then re-evaluate. If I decided to go to their home, I would want to have the address in advance and line up transportation there, especially if you cannot find out about their neighborhood in advance. Leave your name and their address in your hotel room and front desk.

I know all of this probably sounds like too much since (I'm hoping) you are 18 now. But, I will tell you, I have learned this is the way to go.

Make absolute sure if they are buying the flight ticket for you that you have enough money for a return flight in case something happens and you three fall out, and they cancel the flight. Note: Return flights purchased at the ticket counter of the airport are most usually highly inflated. (If original return was 250...I have seen at counter for 700-900).

Another thing to think about before you make this commitment is your future college education. If you move in with this couple or anyone else, will you be able to continue your education? If you break up with them, do you have support to return to your hometown and/or school? If not, do you have a game plan for if they make you leave their home one day? They will have no financial responsibility for you as an adult if they no longer want you in their home. Also, will they give you an allowance while you are there? Will you work? Will you just grab a minimum wage job upon arrival or will you have a better paying job lined up before you move? What about health insurance? Will they take care of you if you get sick, need antibiotics, birth control, or even contacts and a doctor's visit? May sound silly but if you run out of contacts or break your glasses, you need some cash rather quickly if you're blind as a a bat! I'd be pretty disabled without mine.

Ok..I'll quit now! But, please ask me any questions. I've been in your shoes, kind of. (I'm over 18, though!!!)



aphotic -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:06:54 PM)

Are they stringing you along? Question 1) Are they talking to you via string and paper cup. Question 2) Is there, in fact, a string leading from your computer to somewhere far in the distance. Question 3) Say to yourself, "I'm a smart person, and have common sense."

Every liar screws up somewhere. Some people are good, but they mess up. I feel bad because I do know that some people will lie; and lie; and lie; but sooner or later, it always catches up. Everyone I've seen post on here is smart enough to discern it eventually, so the best thing you can do is give someone the benefit of the doubt online until you have reason not to. If you do it the other way, you might miss out on someone really fantastic.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:11:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetobedience1

I hope you're 18 now for sure.

I hope if you meet the couple or anyone else that you are safe.

Please take this from someone who has traveled quite a few places alone...it is dangerous!! Most times it worked out well. However, from bad experiences, I learned a few things. Tell someone reliable where you're going. Leave a note with every detail you can about your flight, the couple, and where you think you'll be in your room at home. Make sure you bring your cell phone and charger! (Find out more about the phone reception issue). Also, I would have a hotel confirmed for myself along with money for transportation. This couple may be trustworthy, but you have no guarantee of this. If you've decided you want the first time to be platonic, that's great. They may be expecting something else or pressure you into more once you arrive. I would have a hotel lined up in my name and go there straight off the plane. I would meet this couple for dinner. Spend the night alone. Then, I would meet them for something in public the next day and then re-evaluate. If I decided to go to their home, I would want to have the address in advance and line up transportation there, especially if you cannot find out about their neighborhood in advance. Leave your name and their address in your hotel room and front desk.

I know all of this probably sounds like too much since (I'm hoping) you are 18 now. But, I will tell you, I have learned this is the way to go.

Make absolute sure if they are buying the flight ticket for you that you have enough money for a return flight in case something happens and you three fall out, and they cancel the flight. Note: Return flights purchased at the ticket counter of the airport are most usually highly inflated. (If original return was 250...I have seen at counter for 700-900).

Another thing to think about before you make this commitment is your future college education. If you move in with this couple or anyone else, will you be able to continue your education? If you break up with them, do you have support to return to your hometown and/or school? If not, do you have a game plan for if they make you leave their home one day? They will have no financial responsibility for you as an adult if they no longer want you in their home. Also, will they give you an allowance while you are there? Will you work? Will you just grab a minimum wage job upon arrival or will you have a better paying job lined up before you move? What about health insurance? Will they take care of you if you get sick, need antibiotics, birth control, or even contacts and a doctor's visit? May sound silly but if you run out of contacts or break your glasses, you need some cash rather quickly if you're blind as a a bat! I'd be pretty disabled without mine.

Ok..I'll quit now! But, please ask me any questions. I've been in your shoes, kind of. (I'm over 18, though!!!)


i am 18, promise.
and i always tell TWO of my friends who i am with...the phone number..the address...they'll expect me to check up on them at a certain time every day..if i don't they will know something bad happened. we also have in a play a secret word...i mean i've thought this through. i also have other things in play .
and of course i'd be going to college there if i moved out there... we've talked about everything you just mentioned..which actually makes me feel really good. and i'm impressed haha.

however, i knew to birng money i was going to bring about 400. i didn't think about the flight inflation though... uggg. i don't know..guess i have more to talk to them about..

of course i'll bring my cell phone and charger.

thank you..you brought up some serious facts.



CougarStud -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 8:22:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: STLDom48

This thread is a perfect example of why these forums are a waste of time. A person asks a question, sincerely seeking feedback and the advice of others who may have the benefit of experience - and the forum police jump all over them to insult, belittle, judge, ridicule, lecture and generally act like rude idiots. I see it over and over again - I don't know why anyone would ever post a sincere question here. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.


That is the truth! Half the regular posters here act like they have nothing better to do that critisize and belittle those who ask legitimate questions.



StormsSlave -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 9:22:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

and to be honest.

with sincere, genuine people ... i really do feel bad. if i put anyone in harms way, like i said it wasn't what i meant to do. i REALLY do feel bad. if i could change it in any way i would...

i was 17 ...confused..and wanted to learn more. i should of waited i see now that would of been my best option...but i didn't take that route.

but you guys being big bullies to me over the net... doesn't exactly make me feel so remourseful in fact it kind of makes me scared that i tell the truth on here in the first if there are such jerks on here.


You could have visited and viewed the site without becoming a member. err...that would have made sense. Sorry. My mistake.



mnottertail -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 9:24:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud
That is the truth! Half the regular posters here act like they have nothing better to do that critisize and belittle those who ask legitimate questions.



and the other half is not listening anyway, and alot of it is constructive critisism.


so, horse apiece.

Ron



LadyPact -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/27/2009 10:55:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud
That is the truth! Half the regular posters here act like they have nothing better to do that critisize and belittle those who ask legitimate questions.


I'm going to disagree with this and I'm going to tell you why.  Please understand that this is My personal experience with this site and these forums.  In no way am I trying to represent anyone else.

There are a lot of topics that these boards can be very useful for.  Subjects like play technique, play parties, dungeons, dungeon monitoring, events, dynamic structure, leather, protocol, poly, BDSM in day to day life, education, personal growth, etc, etc, etc.  That's just a quick list off of the top of My head, but I hope the point is getting there.

There are also a lot of topics that really can't be helped with except to say talk to the person on the other side of the kneel.  Nobody on these boards can tell anyone what the other person in their dynamic is thinking or feeling.  This covers stuff like why doesn't master call anymore, why is my sub behaving like this, what does this mean when he/she does that, and so on.  If the person asking the question can't communicate with the person they are involved with, there's not a thing a message board is going to solve.

To go along with that are a few things that honestly have little to do with BDSM and are more in the areas of basic human relationships and behavior.  When I say that, I'm talking about the things that I taught the people that I brought into this earth.  Stuff that you would think would be pretty simple such as don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal, treat others as you would hope to be (humiliation kink aside) and just about anything else that most know by kindergarden.  Physical disabilities excluded, these are the types of things that a person should have learned by the time they are four feet tall.  Common sense, morality, decentcy, and dignity didn't fly out the window just because kink got involved.

As for the rest, this is a message board.  There are all kinds of different people here with different styles of communication.  The minute someone puts something out there for public opinion, they really are getting exactly what they asked for, even if it wasn't especially what they wanted to hear.



CougarStud -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/28/2009 12:24:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
  The minute someone puts something out there for public opinion, they really are getting exactly what they asked for, even if it wasn't especially what they wanted to hear.


That is what is often said as a rationalization for verbal abuse of many innocent questions. 
So many of you here attack like a crazed pack of Hyenas.  It's quite pitifull.



agirl -> RE: I'm confused - how do you know if someone is just stringing you along? (10/28/2009 3:34:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
i probably shouldn't even be missing any college to see them.

No, you shouldn't.  One indication of how serious they are (or aren't) is whether they are willing to visit you, and keep things Platonic when they visit.  They have enough money to remodel their home for months.  A round-trip ticket to Boise from most anywhere in the continental US is less than $300.  Not exactly impossible to swing, for someone with the dough for construction work.  I think you should invest your time with people who can put their money where their mouth is.



they do have enough they just want to be all moved in by the time i come..which i understand. they want to be able to pay attention to me and the house they are currently in i guess is in really  bad shape.

i kinda feel good they want to kinda impress me i guess. shows they care i guess.
until the house closes or w.e he doesn't know how much money he will have to spend on it or something so he is saving up a lot .

i don't really understand all of it but i know he has money.. i know he will use it to get me there no problem when the situation is better.

but, i still just feel like i have to be so weary and cautious. you just are never sure.. and personally?

lets see i'm 18
i'm serious
i'm not horrible looking
i'm normal...
i'm getting well educated

shouldn't a dom be jumping at my feet if i like him? :/ i have so many guys who want me REALLY badly. but i'm so picky and i'm kinda taken aback from him. (this is not to sound snotty at all i'm just confused)



I think I'd be slightly more impressed if they came to visit YOU on your own ground , so to speak. I'd also be be more impressed if they didn't *allow* you to miss college to visit them, whether you're prepared to or not.

sweetobedience gave a lot of very good advice..but I'd add one more thing.......

If they're flying an 18yr old out to stay with them , I think , if they are responsible and sensible, THEY will buy a return ticket for you. If they have thought in any serious depth about it, they will have considered the possibility that there's the chance that EITHER side might decide it's not quite what's wanted and it'd be less than satisfactory to have a young person stuck there, without the funds to go home.

For what it's worth.

agirl




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