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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 5:16:04 PM

theRose4U

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I work for a rather well known food distribution company, when you understand the complexity of purchasing in large volume it makes TOTAL sense why they would specifically want kink minded people in certain positions. Dominants in positions where price matters aren't going to back down easily. Submissives in positions where they support a lot of dominants keeps them from killing their bosses in their sleep

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 81

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 5:52:24 PM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
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Oh also, I went to a Munch last night. It was TNG so maybe they don't know their roles yet ;-) A submissive organized it and if it wasn't for her collar I would have sworn she was a Domme. Also a couple of submissive males seemed the most out going of the group, chattering away with me about whether or not a pillow is still a pillow if it isn't soft. Maybe they though I was a Domme!

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 82

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 6:05:21 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
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Thanks for sharing.
What's TNG?

(in reply to Hierodule)

Post #: 83

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 7:10:45 PM

alittleevil

Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious
OK, so let's take a step back then. Do you not believe that people give off subtle ques that tell you about them at all? Or are you just of the opinion that there could never be any that would tip you off as to their sexual preferences?

Hello,
When i last did the dating thing (*shudder*), i found that men who tended to slightly invade my personal space, sought a lot of direct eye contact and were stereotypically "chivalrous" (door opening, chair pulling, wine pouring) tended to be more dominant in bed (assertive and in control, not necessarily "kinky"). Master is not the slightest bit chivalrous towards me, however, (though i don't know he is with vanilla women) so i don't know what that tells you.

If i'm in the presence of a very strong person, i think i do the human equivalent of baring my belly/throat: i catch myself averting eye contact, tilting my head, smiling a lot, blushing. But i might just be flirting :-).

Peace,
aj

_____________________________

Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack (RHCP)

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 84

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 8:55:15 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

I can normally tell if someone is going to be very Dom in bed. Only been wrong about that one once. and even then.. he still takes the lead.

OFC, I've been in a lot of situations where, like DS, I have a hunch about someone and I'm not sure why. Then there are times I know why. Do you know why you can tell if someone will be dom in bed? What gave it away?

They take the lead, with no awkwardness, are comfortable in that role. But, there's more to it that I haven't yet been able to put into words.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 85

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/4/2009 8:55:54 PM

Hierodule

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Joined: 9/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

Thanks for sharing.
What's TNG?

"The New Generation" its a munch for people under 35.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 86

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 3:50:09 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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I could not read the article as the letters were way too small.

i think generally you have to pay close attention to people and then make a guess... your instinct might be right but of course sometimes you will be wrong.
if you get the opportunity to talk with a person you could ask certain questions that might get you closer to figuring out their nature...
it is all a nice game really... courtship... flirting

if you know what you are and you know what you want you must be able to draw the right types toward you or move yourself in the direction of the type you want. There are no hard and fast rules though, there is no magic formula that will land you Mr Perfect...

I dance... dancing is considered simply lovely by most females while a lot of males seem to think it is a silly un-manly thing to do... Some of the men i dance with are extremely good leading partners... i wonder sometimes what their inclination is in the bedroom... i never ask as i am taken and would not like to venture out in territory like that... i have my ideas about them though... so close up and personal... mmm

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 87

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 5:23:27 AM

OrionTheWolf

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Joined: 10/11/2006
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I saw there were some natural personality traits in her that were receptive to my dominance, and after a while, I developed an interaction model that brought them out more often. She had been involved in a power exchange relationship before, just not to the degree that she is now held.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
That is also how I met my current property, in a vanilla setting, and getting to know her in a relaxed environment that was not BDSM in nature.

That's interersting. Now tell me, please, did you see that she had the potential to be a submissive and then subsequently train her, or had she already been involved in bdsm?

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 88

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 5:30:15 AM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
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Thank You Everybody!

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 89

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 5:36:22 AM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

So I guess my answer is: the way to spot a sub is they always wear red lip stick and no bra ;-)

I like the story of how you guys met! I bought some red lipstick the other day too. LOL. ... but no red lip liner... tried brown liner but it doesn't really compliment my skin tone.

(in reply to Hierodule)

Post #: 90

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 6:11:34 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I work for a rather well known food distribution company, when you understand the complexity of purchasing in large volume it makes TOTAL sense why they would specifically want kink minded people in certain positions. Dominants in positions where price matters aren't going to back down easily. Submissives in positions where they support a lot of dominants keeps them from killing their bosses in their sleep

When I was living where barter and bargaining were de riguer, I was cut throat. I mean, I bargained like a native. They told me so, too! So, I'm not so sure about this particular theory. (Of course, we were all laughing and having a good time while we were bargaining, and I made sure that they were happy when I left... hmmmm Maybe there is something to your theory!)

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 91

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 7:57:28 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

Part of what makes it difficult to spot a Dominant or submissive, is that they come in so many varieties:

Some are Dom/sub only in the bedroom, during sex; their natural personality has no bearing on their orientation;
Some have a natural Dom/sub personality, but are engaged in jobs where they have to act otherwise;
Some are "passive" Dominants, who are quiet and mild mannered; some are "aggressive" submissives, who are brash and forward;
There are service submissives, "do-me" submissives....

And I haven't even touched on switches!

So I don't know if it is possible to really spot, with accuracy, who is a Dominant or submissive without knowing them for a while.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 92

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 8:47:52 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

No, you were right. I suppose if laying on my back would work I would try it. LOL.
I see your point though. No one's going to show me a secret handshake. It's too much to hope that one exists and I get that. Though it would be nice!
I guess maybe, rather then trying extra hard to incorporate some random action that says "I'm submissive" I'm interesting in figuring out how to be more honest about who I am, and learn what it is that I already may be doing that catches a dom's eye. If it's a part of me that I'm hiding, I'll stop.

I'm answering without reading through the entire thread (sorry!). In terms of body language, this works for me in communicating sexual interest and submission. I don't know how well it would work standing up. But if I'm sitting down (usually at a bar) talking to someone and the conversation is flirty, at a certain point the guy will say something vaguely sexual and instead of responding verbally, I'll respond by sitting up very straight with a slight smile and an innocent expression. I'm not much of a sloucher in general, but I don't maintain perfect posture at all times. I find that the combination of making your torso erect and a friendly (faux innocent) expression communicates attentiveness and an openness to being commanded. It also frequently causes a mirrored erection response. lol.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 93

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/5/2009 5:46:28 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
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That's good stuff.... kinda like the bend-and-snap...
(Wait, did I just publicly admit to watching Legally Blond?)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

No, you were right. I suppose if laying on my back would work I would try it. LOL.
I see your point though. No one's going to show me a secret handshake. It's too much to hope that one exists and I get that. Though it would be nice!
I guess maybe, rather then trying extra hard to incorporate some random action that says "I'm submissive" I'm interesting in figuring out how to be more honest about who I am, and learn what it is that I already may be doing that catches a dom's eye. If it's a part of me that I'm hiding, I'll stop.

I'm answering without reading through the entire thread (sorry!). In terms of body language, this works for me in communicating sexual interest and submission. I don't know how well it would work standing up. But if I'm sitting down (usually at a bar) talking to someone and the conversation is flirty, at a certain point the guy will say something vaguely sexual and instead of responding verbally, I'll respond by sitting up very straight with a slight smile and an innocent expression. I'm not much of a sloucher in general, but I don't maintain perfect posture at all times. I find that the combination of making your torso erect and a friendly (faux innocent) expression communicates attentiveness and an openness to being commanded. It also frequently causes a mirrored erection response. lol.

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 94

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/6/2009 6:55:58 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

That's good stuff.... kinda like the bend-and-snap...
(Wait, did I just publicly admit to watching Legally Blond?)

You know, I never thought of it like that until I typed it out in this thread and I thought the same thing about the bend-and-snap. Mine does not require the same degree of balance as the bend and snap. It has a much lower degree of difficulty.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 95

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/12/2009 11:35:33 AM

ColoradoSkies

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

I'm summing up the posts of those who beleive there are ques in life. The others posts don't count much. I'm not focusing on the ones who seemed to answer even though they have not read the last sentence. Yes. In short, I asked can you spot... Then my explaination really moves on more to say that I want to know how do you spot...

If I ask/imply that I want to know how something is done and you say, I don't do that and I don;t believe it can be done, well then I there's not much more for me to focus on.

If you're of the persuation that people can't be read at all, then that's fine for you. If you don't spend your time focusing on things that are plain as day to me, it's because that's what works for you in your life. You see it as a waste of time. That's fine. I'm not trying to convince you. I'm sure you are very smart and you focus on other things that are equally as important. I just can't figure out why any of those people are compelled to read this post and answer... Why not skip it and go on to something else?

What I'm asking about may come down to subtleties; facial expressions, posture, word choice, etc. I know for sure this isn't something you can find on google. I expect this question will be hard to answer. I expect that not everyone will have something to say right off the bat... This is new territory.

No way in hell that you could tell my current sub in public. Men that know her are intimidated, and people who first meet her normally get the first impression she is a ROYAL bitch.... No external clues at all. If she would not have pissed me off enough to tell her to shut the hell up ( and surprised me by obeying ) I would have never met a wonderful person. To me she is completely submissive, to anyone with submissive tendencies they would worship at her feet even though that very act would repulse her.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 96

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/12/2009 7:04:29 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
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That's a good "how we met" story. For some reason I like it just as much as the romantic ones.

(in reply to ColoradoSkies)

Post #: 97

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/14/2009 9:21:16 PM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

hello everyone

yes i can stop a dominant male or a submissive male i do not spot submissive females i do not look for them, but yes i can tell by looking into their eyes. it is true the more dominant the more they are not as dominant in their everyday life . it is so romnantic if a submissve is shy . that is for me .

mons

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 98

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 9:25:12 AM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I wish there was some way to "spot a sub." At one time, I thought there was but I was sadly mistaken. Just because someone dresses in bondage regalia and acts submissive 100% of the time does not make them a sub. Go figure.

Beam me up Scotty!

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 99

RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 2:47:18 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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I can't believe I hadn't responded to this before now! LOL

Yes, he can spot em a mile away. I don't know how he does it, but he does. He sniffed me out in a real hurry, including things that I didn't even know were there to discover. It can really be freaking annoying sometimes. LOL

I have found that, if someone is aware of and looking for said traits, I am a walking poster child for subbiness. If not, then they often miss it altogether. In some cases, however, I have been told there is just something about me. I would think a dominant person who has been around for awhile will be able to get a sense of people fairly quickly. The same holds true for a submissive, however. It is a people skills thing. In some cases though it does seem to cross into a "sixth sense" sort of thing.

What are those cues that he noted pretty immediately? A sense of deference in my words, a tendancy to literally follow or else be very anxious to know he was still behind me, releasing my attempts to enter a conversation, waiting until I was granted attention in some way, and more. He has said it is hard to state precisely, but that my submissiveness is clear in every single thing I do, say, and interact with the world around me.

As for myself, I tend to think I understand. There is a person in my life that I know without any reservation is submissive. It permeates everything. I can't explain it, though I can cite the "minor" examples here and there. I say minor because, on their own, they wouldn't necessarily mean a whole lot. Taken together over the long run, however, and it is a clear picture and something I know without a doubt. This one does not belong to me in that way. It isn't really for me to say, I suppose, but I know it when I see it. I sniffed it and I have no doubt.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to roland23)

Post #: 100

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