RE: Can you spot a sub?

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 5:18:38 PM

PainfullyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

What are those cues that he noted pretty immediately? A sense of deference in my words, a tendancy to literally follow or else be very anxious to know he was still behind me, releasing my attempts to enter a conversation, waiting until I was granted attention in some way, and more. He has said it is hard to state precisely, but that my submissiveness is clear in every single thing I do, say, and interact with the world around me.

That's so funny that you bring that up! In high school my friends literally nick-named me "far-behind" because I would always walk behind everyone else. The rest of the group was always in front of me and it still makes me very anxious to this day to have people walking behind me.

I was once screened for social anxiety disorder as part of a study and they asked me if I get nervous when I need to count out change at the grocery store and when I explained that I thought that was stressful for everyone, given that there are people in line waiting on you, I got a very curious glance from the psychologist. Then I started wondering what else other people don't worry about.... Like perhaps they don't think about whether or not they are walking in front of- or behind- the person they are with.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 7:24:11 PM

lovingpet

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It drives me a little batty to have him behind me. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure he is still right there and that he is close enough I could hear him if he said something. I don't like the idea I would go a certain way and it not be his preference. It sounds perfectly ridiculous as I sit here and type it, but that is the way it is. I think he has come to realize just how much I don't like it. I can't remember the last time he has gone behind me. He usually takes my hand and guides me through the crowds so that I am right with him. I like that so much better.

lovingpet

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 11:02:54 PM

Rhodes85

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Generally I try to avoid making snap judgements about people I don't know. Although I am quite good at making educated guesses based on body language and the way a person talks. You'd be suprised.

Oddly enough I can peg a sociopath/psychopath almost immediately. I'm not sure why but i've rarely been wrong about that particular trait.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/16/2009 11:41:24 PM

fadedshadow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious
Have you even been able to spot a sub when going about your normal, everyday activities?

if you mean just randomly, then no.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/17/2009 12:10:29 AM

kasumi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I usually spot them by following the trail of lettuce, tomatoes, onions and oil and vinegar that they drop as they walk along.

You made my Master laugh. Thank you. :)

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/18/2009 12:21:08 PM

maugseros

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You might be able to pick up on subtle hints... But at best, all you will ever have is a hunch.

People's souls are like the moon. Sometimes they are in full view, but often the are hidden altogether, or at best all you can see is a little sliver.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/21/2009 1:44:11 AM

hiddentreasures

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I have a friend with a remarkable talent for picking out subs at the local pub...lol I don't think they know half the time.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/24/2009 7:55:02 AM

rockspider

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Well it is certainly my experience that the most woman prefer an assertive man in the bedroom. To spot those who wanted it more than just that, I have found very difficult over the years. Apart from my 2 marriages I have had quite a bit of luck in turning a vanilla relationship at first in to a kinky in the bedroom with me as a dominant. On the other hand, to meet someone who was up front interested in that, I can honestly say the woman has been much better in spotting me. I do talk here about the 20 years I did live in a very puritanical society with none of those means of communication which we have today. I don't really know about it just was the way I behaved or more the fact that I was known as coming from the most liberal society in the world, and really had no calms about saying how I felt about sexual freedom. Maybe a mix. I did meet up with a girl from those early years before my marriage and talking about the dynamics of that very large and loose group I moved in for my first 3 years there, she did tell me that as far as she had seen me then, she described me as clearly an adventurous man in the bedroom. A view, which was shared among most of the women, and that I was one of the most desirable men then. But then I certainly also was quite an adrenalin junkie back then. Hell why didn't they tell me then, as I certainly felt I had a hard time scoring them. But then if they had, I probably had a swollen head. I never really liked women who knew and showed they looked good, but men who had that kind of attitude really turned me off.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/24/2009 8:57:19 AM

imber

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For some reason, i can spot Dom's. For whatever that is worth.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/24/2009 7:11:06 PM

PainfullyCurious

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Since you're a sub, it must be worth a lot for you.

Is it a gut-check kind-of thing or are there specific things you notice about that say "Dom" to you?

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/24/2009 9:23:58 PM

BrokenSaint

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I tend not to spot them. Mostly because I just ignore most of the people I pass by on a daily basis. If I'm actually engaged with them in some form of communication, then I probably could, given enough behavioral observation. The thought generally doesn't cross my mind though. Anyone I'm actually interested enough in to talk to, holds my interest on other levels, and I'm too busy actually conversing with them to bother to even consider whether they're a dom or sub. I also could pretty much care less unless they're dating material.

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RE: Can you spot a sub? - 11/26/2009 1:22:05 PM

leadership527

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In my own head, one of the ways I slice the pie on subs is that there are two groups... subs are submit only in their primary relationship and subs who submit generally throughout life.

The first group would be impossible to detect unless they tell me. Afterall, in all the interactions I would have with them, they would in fact be dominant. So I would see them as dominant generally. In fact, it would take A LOT of convincing for such a person to get me to believe that they were submissive in other contexts -- submissive by my definition. I'd have to be really sure that I wasn't doing square pegs & round holes and a lot of subs seem to me to be more caught up in the idea of submission than actually wanting to submit.

The second group is obvious. They submit. Submission, plain and simple, is being flexible and bending to the will of another. It comes up
ALL the time in vanilla life. Where do you want to go to lunch? Were you to ask my wife that question, it's almost certain her answer would be, "Where do you want to go?" If she actually did answer and then you offered up some other choice, she'd immediately change her mind. Spotting the subs like her is a cakewalk.

I'm not a big one for subtleties. I prefer people who can communicate openly and honestly. However, I don't go out looking for subs, doms, or women in general. I get to know people that happen to be in my life. Typically I get to know people over a long period of time before they are invited into my life/bedroom. LONG before me and some sub were actually in a relationship there would already be sufficient comfort level to discuss intimate details. So I'd assume that she'd bring it up at some opportune moment.

Overall, my general assumption is that the vast majority of humans are more on the submissive side of things than the dominant side. If I was looking for a new partner, I'd assume ALL women I met were possible subs until proven otherwise. The trick, in my mind, is not in finding a submissive woman, it's in finding a slave.

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