quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

It is no surprise at all to me that you should disagree with me Des... and i have no clue what you are driving at with the assume line.

I stick to my opinion; hormones or erections aside... people can change their sexdrive... people can surpress it or encourage it... people can block themselves or open up to play... and some people can even do this without therapy!

of course i am not talking about men who accidentally lost their willie somewhere or women who had their clit stolen, obviously these people have bigger problems.

The op said that his wife had enough help from him and both sets of parents to help her with the children... he massages her for HOURS on end... she is selfish!!

like level said: fuck pussy footing

quote:

ORIGINAL: defeated

I 'm actively trying to encourage my Wife's sexual dominance, and hope to find others to discuss this with.

As in many marriages, my Wife calls the shots about the frequency of sex in our bedroom. Most of the time She only wants to have sex with me three or four times a month. We're both very busy with our own separate businesses, our kids, our farm, sport and hobby commitments which often leave her tired, irritable and far from 'in the mood' at the end of the day.

We've been married over 5 years and the lack of sexual contact didn't previously worry me much even though I have a very high sex drive because I was using porn and masturbating frequently. I'm into D/S and BDSM porn and prior to marriage, have had much real time experience in this area (mostly as a dominant). Over time however, I noticed a need to find more and more extreme porn, until eventually I couldn't find anything extreme enough on the net for my tastes, and became bored and desensitised to it. But still I needed sexual thoughts and contact and even considered going outside my marriage to get it, but couldn't bring myself to do it in the end because I really love my Wife. So it was then I started to explore and experiment with ways to have more sexual contact with my Wife.

I've now managed to do this with some success by encouraging Her sexual dominance and control in the bedroom. So the following are some examples of things that are becoming frequent in our bedroom which deprive me, fulfill her sexually or just pleasurably and that I am increasingly craving to do for Her to achieve some kind of sexual contact for myself.

1. Waking Her with rubs and an orgasm. Around the time She is normally waking up, I have taken to gently rubbing my Wife's back and bum, while She slowly wakes up. I know She enjoys this but She normally doesn't even acknowledge that I'm doing it unless I stop and then She sleepily says "Where did the rubbing go?". She NEVER reciprocates this, and I often move the rubbing down to Her clitoris, and work it for 5-10 minutes until She orgasms. She NEVER thanks me, acknowledges me or reciprocates this.

2. Hours of full body massage. When the kids are asleep or away, I like to give my Wife a full massage. The thing about this is that She doesn't let me massage Her front, so I have to be creative enough to keep a massage going on Her neck, back, arse, legs and feet for periods of up to two hours. I lay a towel out on our bed, and She lies front down and naked. Sometimes She rests with her eyes closed but lately has taken to reading. Either way She doesn't like to interact with me, and it's very unusual that we speak while I massage unless it's Her telling me that I'm doing it wrong. I rub oil all over Her to start and simply start rubbing and kneading at the shoulders and work my way slowly down the body repeatedly over time. I absolutely ADORE my Wife's bum, and find it hard to take my eyes off it while I work. Her behavior during massages is becoming more dominant. Yesterday afternoon with the kid's at the in-laws, I was massaging Her for several hours while She read and ate chocolate. Half way through Her mobile phone rang and it was a girlfriend of Hers. She talked to her with good natured happy humour, joking and giggling while I worked. My Wife has just turned 30 and Her friend is in her 20's and HOT. I was massaging Wife's feet at the time, and made the mistake of believing I had finished with Her left foot (after maybe 10 minutes working on it) and She reminded me that I hadn't by tapping my head with Her foot and then gesturing with Her foot for attention while She continued to chat on the phone. I returned my attention to the foot and all was well. This drives me wild because I have a massive foot fetish. After what seemed like forever, She announced that we were going to dress and go out to the in-laws, and that She was going to shower. Needless to say my balls felt like they weighed about two tonne at this stage and my Wife eyed my aching cock which by now was purple, coated in clear sticky juice and rock hard. She suggested that if I cleaned the bed up quickly I'd have time to masturbate alone while She showered, and with that She went into our ensuite and closed the door behind Her. When I touched myself I came in less than 10 seconds.

3. I've started to offer her oral sex. I expect and receive nothing in return from Her.

I'm interested in chatting with others who find, have found, or want to find themselves in similar situations, and open a topic for suggestions and tips for other submissive bedroom type husbands

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

if i were him i would be inclined to respond to the "where did the rubbing go?" comment with a sarcastic... "oh i thought you were dead, i am rubbing myself now..."

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I disagree ranja, some people do have lower libidos than others. If you assume things will change after whatever event you are looking forward to, then you know what they say about assume - makes an ass of U and ME.

However if someone, like the op's wife used to have a sex drive, and hasn't since the birth of the second child, then if they have any health insurance there is no excuse not to go find out what changed. It may just  be that she's run ragged, that she works full time and does the lion's share of the housework and the childcare, that she's the one up in the middle nightly etc. But it could also be a physical change brought on by childbirth and nursing.

He doesn't mention if she's still nursing, because frequently nursing mothers have no libido. Also their breasts are tender and if their husbands still grab at them, he will teach her that his touch is unwelcomed pain. If nipple stimulation was always part of her arousal pattern and that isn't being done to avoid milk let down, that could be part of it. But she could also have hormonal imbalances that need to be addressed. Which is why a doctor's visit should be first.

When my kids were this age, the thing that was most likely to help me be aroused later was him taking them out of the house for an hour while I got a nap.

The op is talking about massaging her. He isn't talking about going to the grocery store, cooking meals, cleaning house, or doing child care. And those things matter. What he's doing is clearly for the purpose of having sex, it's selfish. The other things demonstrate love.

Plus his whole convoluted thinking about submissive women are clearly sluts who he can't have a relationship with may well have translated itself to her as if she's a sexual being, he will be contemptuous of her. If so, then he needs to fix his thinking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

if i were him i would be inclined to respond to the "where did the rubbing go?" comment with a sarcastic... "oh i thought you were dead, i am rubbing myself now..."

(Couldn't have said it better).

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Des, in his first post he says this:
"Around the time She is normally waking up, I have taken to gently rubbing my Wife's back and bum, while She slowly wakes up. I know She enjoys this but She normally doesn't even acknowledge that I'm doing it unless I stop and then She sleepily says "Where did the rubbing go?". She NEVER reciprocates this, and I often move the rubbing down to Her clitoris, and work it for 5-10 minutes until She orgasms. She NEVER thanks me, acknowledges me or reciprocates this"

he has also said a few times during this thread that they have sex when she 'allows' it, always her chosen moments... he says he does not dare to force himself on her and she would not stand for that either.

so she sets the pace, she takes the rubbing and leisurly enjoys it, when he rubs her clit she cums within 10 minutes... i don't think there is anything at all wrong with her libido...

i think she is lazy and selfish... she might have good reasons to be like that, but i definitely think that that is what she is, lazy and selfish
and he has now in desperations translated that into thinking that she might be dominant... and maybe she is... but i just think she is lazy and selfish and that does not make for a good sex partner, dom or sub or switch or boring old vanilla or whatever... she might be a good partner the rest of the time, but in bed she seems to be a good looking waste of time.

if i were him i would be inclined to respond to the "where did the rubbing go?" comment with a sarcastic... oh i thought you were dead, i am rubbing myself now...

quote:

ORIGINAL: defeated

Cry me a fucking river... some more facts for you, simply inserted now to stop this ridiculous specualtion.

1. She isn't nursing, and hasn't for 18 months.
2. On average, she sleeps 4-5 hours more than me each day, including an afternoon nap when the kids do
3. I cook nearly every meal
4. Our groceries are home delivered
5. It's hard for me to do child care when I work 60+ hours a week, and often drive a couple of hundred miles per day
6. She isn't on the pill, but was when she constantly fucked
7. I don't think I ever said that submissive women are clearly sluts
8. I'm talking about massaging her, because she obviously enjoys it and I'm trying to find something in the bedroom we can both enjoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: defeated

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

if i were him i would be inclined to respond to the "where did the rubbing go?" comment with a sarcastic... "oh i thought you were dead, i am rubbing myself now..."

(Couldn't have said it better).

I actually do go through stages of giving such responses, and also periods of not even bothering to initiate anything. After all, the outcome is often the same whether I attempt to initiate anything or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defeated

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

if i were him i would be inclined to respond to the "where did the rubbing go?" comment with a sarcastic... "oh i thought you were dead, i am rubbing myself now..."

I actually do go through stages of giving such responses, and also periods of not even bothering to initiate anything. After all, the outcome is often the same whether I attempt to initiate anything or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Angelmort i feel your answer is quite typical of the kind of women who i do mention in my posting. Firstly you dismiss any attempt by OP is to get things working. Then you proceed to assume that he acted like a selfish jackass. No time did you ever stop and ask your self about the woman involved could have as much as 1 % of the blame. I then did look up your profile. It really amusing. You in it lists all what you want. Not a single solitary word about what your prey might gain from having a relationship with you. It is selfish, egoistic in the extreme.
Please do carry a siren if you should ever come near my home so i can get filled the moat and hoisted the drawbridge. Maybe even bought half a dozen of vicious dobermans.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

She hides herself away from you, and you keep a part of you hidden away from her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider
Maybe even bought half a dozen of vicious dobermans.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
So Angeldmort... if you see someone twisting themselves about and jumping through hoops to get your attention and you think they are only doing that for their own bit of fun and you do not like that because you want them only if they behave differently... and you are supposed to be the Dominant partner, don't you think it is a bit helpful if you would be so kind as to tell them what they are doing wrong? and how they should behave instead? so that you will get properly turned on? or are you saying that indeed subs should be mindreaders?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy


I see a lot that needs to change, but since your wife isn't here to tell us what she thinks, I'm not going to pass judgement