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Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 2:26:17 AM

kasumi

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Joined: 9/11/2009
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Several months ago, I first read about the concept of orgasm control while Master was discussing buying a collar for me. The idea that he could have control over when I cum and how intense my orgasms are is really appealing to both of us. I've been looking everywhere in order to obtain more information. Unfortunately, most of what I've found was either a general definition or erotic stories displaying a Dom's control of his sub. I should say that I'm not speaking about "orgasm denial" particularly, but the overall-control over my orgasms.

I haven't found much on the 'how to' aspect (so-to-speak) and I'm hoping I'd be able to collect some tips and/or a link or two from the wonderful people on the forums.

His voice has always held a certain power over me and when he has me (trying to) hold back from orgasm, when he finally tells me he wants me to, it is always intense and usually immediate! This leads me to believe that he will be able to obtain further control of it.

The main trouble is that I'm one of the women who find it exceptionally difficult to reach orgasm. I've had it happen on occasion where I wasn't able to orgasm at all - even though he wanted me to. This left us both feeling pretty bad. In the original story I read, the lady's Dom was able to obtain such control over her arousal that he could state just how "big" of an orgasm she could have as well as make her orgasm without any genital stimulation at all!

Of course, the author said she was always a highly orgasmic female. Being the opposite, I'm just hoping to reach a level where my orgasms are more under control so that there isn't much room for the surprise "no-go" I get now on occasion. I'm also sure that Master having that power would make us both feel more secure in our own little ways.

Has anyone else had a similar problem?

Anyone have any advice?

Post #: 1

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 5:43:06 AM

WarKirby

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I can't say much about females, but from a male point of view it's relatively easy to control your orgasm by simply thinking about non sexual things. Think about your mother's hairy legs, or your local train times, or multiplication tables. Essentially just mentally distract yourself with things that are entirely unrelated to sex.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 2

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 5:43:52 AM

sunshinemiss

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Here's my advice kasumi:

Anticipation.
"You can't cum tonight, but you can tomorrow No touching." And then tomorrow you get to cum.

Build that up.
"You will masturbate and take yourself to the brink tonight, but you can't cum until tomorrow." And then do that.

Add things to be done while you masturbate "You will call me while you masturbate" or "you will go to the bathroom and pinch your nipples every other hour today."

Then add time, add number of visits to the "brink", add things to be done, being permitted to touch or not touch.

The idea is to keep the gal (in this case) humming, at that low level sexual awareness / arousal for certain periods of time so the explosion has been "massaged".

sunshine, who can turn ANYTHING into an equation or flow chart.

*YMMV

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 11/14/2009 5:44:58 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 7:26:20 AM

windchymes

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I do know that if you get into the mindset of "if I don't cum, he's going to be so disappointed in me!", then you're almost guaranteeing yourself more problems down the road due to the pressure you're going to start feeling to cum. And then if it doesn't happen, feeling more pressure, and then more disappointment, and it's a vicious circle.

It's better, even if he has to pretend, to treat orgasm as if it doesn't matter so much, that if it doesn't happen, he (and you) had a good time anyway and it will probably happen next time. Less pressure=more relaxation for you, which IS conducive to cumming.

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Post #: 4

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 7:47:11 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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You can try sunshine's suggestion but basically you are who you are. And if the pressure to do so when he finally gives permission is such that you can't, then you're one of those women who can't play with this. It isn't in the least uncommon that by stressing control, you won't cum at all. If so, then go find something new to do instead.

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Post #: 5

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 8:37:25 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

In the original story I read, the lady's Dom was able to obtain such control over her arousal that he could state just how "big" of an orgasm she could have as well as make her orgasm without any genital stimulation at all!

Imho, this is plain crap, an urban myth that keeps being perpetuated. And of course those "s" types who can't reach this plateau of "s" type greatness, must not be "in tune" enough with our "D" types, or surrendered enough...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 6

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 4:56:00 PM

Falkenstein

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Why dont you try just the opposite, as in you getting as much orgasm as you can, of course as ordered by your master?

First create the bloom, then consider pruning the flowers.

and have fun!

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 7

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 5:05:31 PM

MaamJay

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Sometimes control occurs in ways unexpected. From the start Master had me ask permission to pee, and this was the one bit of micromanagement that we have continued. Now, my middle-aged and temperamental bladder responds better to His commands than to my own! When i get the urge to pee it can be almost impossible for me to control, even though i say to myself all the things He says! i always end up cross-leggedly hopping to the nearest toilet! But when HE says it ... the urge just vanishes and i can walk perfectly normally and sedately to the toilet, sit and even count to 5 or whatever number He commands, before letting loose! It's amazing! We didn't set out to train me this way, it just happened, but now it's very handy (though He does feel a bit obligated now).

So how has this occurred? Daily doing it. Now that might not be possible with cumming, and I do agree that not getting stressed out about it is the way to go. However, if everytime you and He are being sexual, you have to ask for permission to cum and He tells you what intensity etc He wants and when ... it will build into a pattern. It's really important for BOTH sides not to be disappointed with any non-performances especially in the early days. Look upon it as a training process, you can't be expected to start off being perfectly trained as otherwise where you can go from there? Look upon it as a fun thing that will be joyous for you both the closer you get to your goal.

As to the urban myth of cumming without stimulation ... well, i've done so. Even before Master i came once in a cocktail lounge with a boyfriend just rubbing a sensitive spot on my arm through fabric! And with Master, it might only take a fingernail down my back and the right words in my ear and i'm off. However, it doesn't happen all the time, neither would we want it to! But it CAN happen. Master has joked that He should train me to cum when i hear the word "Master" (given the success of the pee training i have no doubt He could do that) ... but decided since we both use a "Mastercard" that could prove a tad embarrassing!

Good luck OP!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 8

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 7:26:45 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

Master has joked that He should train me to cum when i hear the word "Master" (given the success of the pee training i have no doubt He could do that) ... but decided since we both use a "Mastercard" that could prove a tad embarrassing!

Thats TOO funny!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 9

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/14/2009 9:37:54 PM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

In the original story I read, the lady's Dom was able to obtain such control over her arousal that he could state just how "big" of an orgasm she could have as well as make her orgasm without any genital stimulation at all!

Imho, this is plain crap, an urban myth that keeps being perpetuated.

I've had a sub who could orgasm on command, another example of orgasm without genital stimulation would be sleep orgasms and yet another would be orgasms from spanking.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 10

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 10:06:32 AM

sunshinemiss

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Joined: 11/26/2007
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I'm just jumping out on a limb here Steel, but I'm thinking.... (hide anything flammable)

I am very reluctant to believe the whole "orgasm on command" thing - too many gals I know tell me after the break up that they were faking so they wouldn't disappoint. It's generally the MEN who like to tout their domliness to get their gals to come on command. There's a lot of pressure there for the woman to appease him... I don't think you can do that also because there are lots of layers to orgasm. Maybe you can jump a couple of layers, but zero to one hundred? Can it happen? I spose so, but does it happen as often as people seem to think it does? Not buying it.

Sleep orgasms are not without stimulation. The rubbing on the mattress, pillow, linens comes to mind (pardon the pun).

And as for orgasms from spanking... I would venture to say somebody's happy place is getting some stimulation based on the thud of the instrument.

Just my thoughts.
Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 11

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 10:11:28 AM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm just jumping out on a limb here Steel, but I'm thinking.... (hide anything flammable)

I am very reluctant to believe the whole "orgasm on command" thing - too many gals I know tell me after the break up that they were faking so they wouldn't disappoint. It's generally the MEN who like to tout their domliness to get their gals to come on command. There's a lot of pressure there for the woman to appease him... I don't think you can do that also because there are lots of layers to orgasm. Maybe you can jump a couple of layers, but zero to one hundred? Can it happen? I spose so, but does it happen as often as people seem to think it does? Not buying it.

Sleep orgasms are not without stimulation. The rubbing on the mattress, pillow, linens comes to mind (pardon the pun).

And as for orgasms from spanking... I would venture to say somebody's happy place is getting some stimulation based on the thud of the instrument.

Just my thoughts.
Best,
sunshine

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!! This is EXACTLY what i believe too. MANY "s" types have told me they have faked it so thier "D" types wouldn't be disappointed. It puts those that are honest in quiet a bad spot.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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candy posts in pink font

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 12

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 4:42:24 PM

SirRussellP

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Joined: 1/10/2006
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Well I am sure you just say I am one of those Doms but I have trained subs to cum on command. It ain't easy or quick but it can be done.

First your Master must tease you often and with the instructions that you have to have permission to cum. This also helps you to learn to beg.

Now a key to this is after you have cum with his permission enough that he also uses a phrase to tell you not to cum. I use "Don't you dare cum yet" then I continue to tease and torment her till her begging has reach a fevered pitch and I know she will cum soon. Then I use a set of phrases so that at first she has time to respond and later to build to a long greater cum. I say "Cum for me slave, cum now, cum hard, cum long" and I repeat it till she has and often has several times.

After a period of time she will have a hard time cumming without permission. And later it will be hard for the trigger phrases not to have her cum or at the very least get very flushed.

Now for faking it I won't put up with that type of deceit. She is told from the beginning if she can't she can't that won't stop me from loving her, teasing and tormenting her. She knows that she will cum when she is properly handled.

Again takes time and patience but it is a lot of fun for us both. Now I do this in the flesh but in the few online relationship I have had it did work.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 13

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 5:20:02 PM

MaamJay

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Joined: 9/2/2005
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Dammit I wrote a full reply then lost it. GRRR!

As I and Sir Russell said, the key is in expecting failure, esp in the early stages, so a sub isn't tempted to fake it. Master and i would be the first to say it didn't work all the time but we always just laughed it off. His cock doesn't work every time either! No big deal. Even now the orgasm without sexual stimulation doesn't work every time, but it does way more times than not. Master has always checked for the physiological signs of orgasm which aren't fakable - the wetness, internal contractions, that moment of rigidity, the skin flush, pupil dilation - so He would know if i tried to fake it! This is a fun article on how to tell an O from a faux - not written by a medical person but pretty accurate nonetheless.

http://media.www.jhunewsletter.com/media/storage/paper932/news/2006/03/09/Features/Discover.How.To.Tell.The.True.o.From.The.Faux-2242315.shtml

Not sure if that's an active link ... if not, copy and paste it!

Master says i am unusually erogenous though the zones shift around a bit - my back usually works, but the arm ones move from the outside of the upper arm to the inside of my elbow. To me it feels almost like tickling but the sensation seems to travel in a V shape down my body to focus in on my pussy. It's more intense than if He actually fingers my clit. Hard to describe but very real to me and very effective. Master calls me "Eccentrica Gallumbits"

The down side is that it HAS made it much harder to cum by myself, even when He has given me permission (eg when one of us is away). It takes a long workout with a trusty vibe and heavy duty fantasising to make it happen! i can ride the edge for AGES but getting over the finish line without His voice in my ear can be difficult. i've been known to phone Him up LOL! Interestingly though, as Jay and when interacting with a sub (and having been given permission from Master) it's much easier to let go and cum if the play is sufficiently intimate. Odd that!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]
Edited to fix a typo!

< Message edited by MaamJay -- 11/15/2009 5:22:14 PM >

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RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 5:49:54 PM

MagiksSlave

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

I can't say much about females, but from a male point of view it's relatively easy to control your orgasm by simply thinking about non sexual things. Think about your mother's hairy legs, or your local train times, or multiplication tables. Essentially just mentally distract yourself with things that are entirely unrelated to sex.

I for one happen to find my local train times very sexy.... LOL

Op, I cant give much advice here except, don't listen to what the erotic stories say, they are all fantasy and mostly comepltley dramatised and not based at all in reality.

Magik

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 11/15/2009 5:50:17 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 15

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 5:55:43 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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I don't cum on command. However he has got my body trained to have one orgasm the moment he pushes a finger inside. In the beginning he wouldn't put anything in me until I was on the verge. I'm not sure he meant this to happen. We've never discussed it.

It doesn't work every time but it does most. But no multiples. And I have to be relaxed and feeling good. I don't have to be aroused, but I can't be ill or stressed out.

_____________________________

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Post #: 16

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 5:56:49 PM

chiaThePet

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Stapling an 8 X 10 of Sandra Bernhard to my penis generally does the trick.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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Post #: 17

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 9:34:10 PM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

The main trouble is that I'm one of the women who find it exceptionally difficult to reach orgasm. I've had it happen on occasion where I wasn't able to orgasm at all - even though he wanted me to. This left us both feeling pretty bad. In the original story I read, the lady's Dom was able to obtain such control over her arousal that he could state just how "big" of an orgasm she could have as well as make her orgasm without any genital stimulation at all!

Hell Darlin, at my age there are times when i can't pee when i want to no matter how many times the Pavlovian bell is rung. Advice? Sure. Tell your Dom to learn some empathy and to cherish the lovely lady he has. If he can't do that he's not much of a man. We are not all cookie cutter submissives. We are people with faults. Compassion and love go further than trying to force someone into the template of an erotic fantasy.

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 18

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/15/2009 9:38:17 PM

vincentML

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Joined: 10/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It doesn't work every time but it does most. But no multiples. And I have to be relaxed and feeling good. I don't have to be aroused, but I can't be ill or stressed out.

No Multiples? Shocking! Des, has the 15 day return policy expired at BestBuy?

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Orgasm Control - how to? - 11/16/2009 2:50:54 PM

Llyren

Posts: 637
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From: Illinois
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I'm joining Breatheasone and Sunshine's camp. While there may be a rare girl out there who can do it, it's like the myth that you're not really climaxing unless you squirt every time. I suspect most of them are faking as to get the praise for being special.

I'm not saying it's not possible, but how much stimulation takes place right before that command?

Is this sour grapes on my part because I have problems climaxing, no, not really. As it was mentioned, you hear about this in stories. When someone posts a general how-to guide, or is willing to demonstrate that they can make a totally unaroused woman climax on command, I will admit I'm wrong. And probably offer him my neck. ;)

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to vincentML)

Post #: 20

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